Throwback Thursday #TBT

Many moons ago…

This photo was probably the last photo taken with any of my cousins. It was 1987, the year my Papa passed away. He was my paternal grandfather.

I was pregnant with my first child, second from the left. Yeah, that’s me. Young. Thin. The last time I would ever be thin in my life! Even pregnant, I had only gained 27 lbs. total and still looked good. I just wish I would have known that then.

What strikes me about this photo is the fact that everyone is smiling except for me and my sisters…well, maybe there’s a tiny smile there, but not really. I don’t recall, and most likely have blocked it out for good, but I’m sure our lack of enthusiasm had something to do with my mother. Granted, funeral services aren’t supposed to be fun but it was usually my mother who sucked the wind out of our sails, made games UNfun, and mountains out of molehills.

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Image Copyright Being Aunt Debbie

So, That Was Christmas

I haven’t put up a tree in many years. Christmas had turned into a depressing time of the year for me. This year, I was determined to get into and stay in the Spirit of Christmas and not let past events and disappointments get the best of me.

I have a lot of holiday decor in storage, including a beautiful white tree with purple ornaments but aside from not having room for any of it, I’m just not physically able to decorate like I used to. So, I decided to go with a little table-top tree and very little decor.

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The entire week before Christmas I was busy baking cookies. I made double batches but I baked only one kind of cookie per day so my pain wouldn’t get the best of me. I made my famous “not-so-famous” popcorn cake the day before Christmas Eve. That was one less thing I’d have to do the next day! One of the most important (and fun) of my family traditions – the making of pizza balls – was saved for Christmas Eve. My son came over early to help. I rolled the pizza balls and he fried them up!

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I was taking short breaks to rest so my pain – again – couldn’t get the best of me. I had maybe 12 pizza balls left to roll when I decided to sit down in the old office chair I have sitting in the kitchen. After my brief rest, I started to get up…when all of a sudden the chair started to tip sideways…and down…I went. Hard. I landed on my left hip and thigh; the bad side…or more appropriately the worst side.

Once I hit the floor I rolled to my tummy and started making a mental assessment of my aches and pains. The pain was just shooting through my lower body like I had been hit by a bus. When I realized I hadn’t injured myself, I rolled over and sat up. Thankfully, my son was here to scoop me up off the floor! I tried to get up on my own but I couldn’t. If Dad had been the only one home, he would have had to call for help. There’s no way he could have helped me to my feet alone.

When I knew I would be ok to finish those last few pizza balls, my son left to go pick up his wife and my grandbaby. I knew that I wasn’t seriously injured but at the same time, I knew…I felt it in my bones quite literally…that I would be feeling pain the next day.

The evening went very nicely. We had laughs, the exchange of gifts, a Christmas movie, and a lot of good eats! My grandson was full of smiles and near-laughs most of the night. He had his cranky moments, of course. He had been out of his normal element all day and it was taking its toll on baby’s usual easy-going demeanor. He was happy to get home, I’m sure.

The next morning, I was hurting so bad from the fall that I was walking with 2 canes and even slower than normal. The “massive” bruise I had on my left hip was ridiculous! It was literally the size of a nickel. WTF? After such a hard landing and all the pain I was experiencing (not to mention the pain all night long) I expected a much larger bruise! I mean seriously. That’s all I get? A tiny bruise?

Anyway, I knew I still had a ham dinner to cook so I asked my son if he could come help. He had planned on coming by anyway, but he came by a bit earlier to help. We had (store-bought) cinnamon rolls and then we started thinking about what time to start the ham. Unfortunately, he had to leave before he could even help me get that started, so I had to rely on Dad to help me if I needed it. (I don’t like to rely on him too much because he’s nearly 82 now and sometimes a bit unsteady on his feet himself.) I managed to get the ham done BUT I forgot to add the glaze at the last 30 minutes of cooking. Oh well. It was still good.

Here it is Friday, the last Friday of 2018, and I’m still using 2 canes off and on. I’m still feeling the “after-shock” of that stupid fall. I guess the pain will subside eventually, but for a few days longer I’ll take it easy.

I hope your holiday was a fantastic one, with no injuries, fights, falls, or any other mishaps to put a damper on things. Here’s to a wonderful 2019 to us all!

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Friday’s Funnies – My Faves This Week

I’ve been away from the computer for most of the last week. It was a surprise to receive a few emails from other bloggers wondering if I was ok! Yes, I’m ok, and thank you for worrying about me. I’m just emotionally drained. Aside from my own aches and pains, doctor visits, and other “shtuff” I have just been overwhelmed with thoughts of sadness for those who have suffered terrible losses from the fires in California, some are friends of mine. The death toll is now a state-wide 66, with 631 missing persons. 52,000 people have been displaced. In Butte County alone, 142,000 acres have been burned, with just under 12,000 structures totally destroyed by the blaze. I read that some people were burned alive in their cars while trying to escape. Injured pets have been found and have been in shelters waiting to be reunited with their families. It has been weighing on me so heavily this week because there’s nothing I can do. Nothing except pray…and that I keep doing. 

So, in trying to lift myself back up instead of letting the sadness totally drag me under, I’ll try my damnedest to get back on track. That starts with this week’s Friday’s Funnies. Thanks for missing me (even if you didn’t, lol) and thanks for reading my blog. I do appreciate it. 

Enjoy!

Poor Dave…
They just had no idea, did they?
I love the 3 Stooges!
I just want to go up to them and pull their pants up!
Yummy!
Or a film about killer tomatoes!
Don’t be like Bob.
I play this game nearly every morning.
Who finds this stuff?
Best animal photo bomb ever!
Oopsie!
Evil child, lol.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend! I will do my best to blog more regularly, and I’ll keep praying for everyone affected by the California fires.

Emotions

I have been trying to write all week. I just can’t seem to focus. I’m feeling overwhelmed with grief, sadness, depression, worry, gratefulness, and so many other emotions lately. It’s hard to concentrate when so many things are going through your mind, constantly.

Depression is probably my biggest enemy this week. Since my pain level has been so high, I’ve had a hard time getting around. It seems that it won’t be long and I won’t be able to walk at all. Then what happens? I try not to think about it. It doesn’t seem to matter to the doctors I’ve seen. They just don’t seem to understand the gravity of my situation. They see my situation on paper, Xrays, MRI’s, etc., but they don’t see ME.

I am still grieving the life I once had. The life that I should have had after my kids were grown has changed into a life of chronic pain, depression, and mobility issues. Not too long ago, I started seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I thought I was finally going to get some help. That idea was shattered like always.

I do have things in my life to be happy about and wonderful things to be grateful for. It’s hard to see those things sometimes because when you’re in constant pain, it over-rides everything. Your world seems to be THE PAIN. Everything you do revolves around THE PAIN. Getting groceries, going out with friends, hanging out with family, spending time with the grandkids….all revolve around the pain level of the day.

I’m very grateful to my friends and family who are praying for me. My circle is small but at least I know who my real friends are. Some of those friends are people I have never met but I trust them more than most people. They are not just friends; they are family and very close to my heart.

Only my friends and family who have chronic illnesses truly understand how difficult life can be. They understand how sadness can overcome you. They understand how much you want to do something and they know why you can’t. Those who do not suffer from a chronic illness have no idea how hard it is to stay positive — but yet they tell me to “Stay positive” all the time. Maybe it’s because they don’t know what else to say, but I wish they wouldn’t say anything at all. I know they mean well, so I don’t hold it against them.

All I can do at the moment is hope that next week is better.

Throwback Thursday

I was thinking about my mother last night and again this morning. Then I remembered writing about how stubborn she was. In 2011, I wrote about her fatal car accident and it still elicits such sadness, anger, and horror when I think about it. I still wonder what she must have been thinking the moment of the crash.

Click here to read Reliving A Nightmare