Tag Archives: mobility

Update or Yes, I’m Still Alive But Not Well!

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Holy cow! I haven’t posted here since February!! That was when our well pump went out and had to be replaced. It got done, thank goodness. I will try to update you all the best I can.

Firstly, Dad is doing well, although feeling a little sickly today. He’s had Home Health nurses and physical therapists come to the house all this time, and I’m glad. I need some kind of support while taking care of him. Having extra eyes on him really helps me know that we are doing ok. It also helps when the nurse or therapist tells Dad the same thing I’ve been trying to tell him, but he won’t listen to me. He listens to them!

In February, I started to get this ‘extra’ pain in my left leg. Thinking it was because I had been doing some lifting and moving boxes around, I thought I had just worked my muscles that I forgot I had. The pain went away, but then it came back again. It started coming and staying longer and hurting worse…so I was worried. Just about a week ago, I was massaging my leg and found a mass behind my knee. My first thought: BLOOD CLOT. It didn’t present like a blood clot exactly, so I thought I had to be wrong. Well, I made an appointment to see my Nurse Practitioner. I just knew she would send me to the ER, and I can’t do that. Not with Dad. He can’t sit in a waiting room for hours and hours, and I can’t leave him home alone. So, I worried about that a lot. To my relief, it is not a blood clot. It’s a LIPOMA. Mina, my NP, said that many people have lipomas and don’t even know it, or they know, but it’s not causing concern. It’s a genetic thing; my Dad has had a couple of them. I also have at least 2 more that I’ve had for most of my life. A lipoma is just a fatty deposit that looks like chicken fat – her words. It’s a noncancerous fatty growth that develops just below the skin. The problem with a lipoma is when it interferes with nerves and muscles. That’s when it causes pain. I asked Mina how sure she was that this mass is not a blood clot, and she said, “I am 99.9% positive!” She wants me to have an ultrasound next week to see how deep this little bastard is. Mina said I was doing everything right: Compression garments, blue ice packs, elevation, and rest. She gave me some lidocaine patches to try, too.

Our new house is coming along. Slower than I’d like, but it takes time. When the guys you’ve hired have other jobs going, too, we have to wait our turn. Contractor #3 installed the pressure tank for the well in the laundry room. Now, to get Contractor #2 to come finish up a bunch of little things, so we know how much money we have for kitchen cabinets!! Hopefully, Contractor #2 can get those installed for us, too. Then, I think…fingers crossed…we can think about moving! 😬

Life will be so much easier in the new house. I will be able to move through the house in my wheelchair more freely, and stand only when necessary. Yes, it’s that bad. I will have to find help, either through my insurance or some other way.

Anyway, that’s about what’s been going on. Just trying to get through each day. I look forward to bedtime every night, and even though I get around 7 or 8 hours of sleep, it feels like it’s just not enough. 😴

Take care, my friends. I hope life is treating you well. Until next time,

This and That

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The house is coming along slowly. I wish it were going faster because I am missing or have missed some good sales on appliances, cabinets, and many other things. I can’t get anything until the drywall is up and the flooring is down. Then I can measure and decide what to get and actually have a place to put it. I have nowhere to store anything!! Ugh! I know. I’m trying to be patient. Really, I am.

Last night, I was working a jigsaw puzzle in the kitchen and listening to an audiobook when all of a sudden, there was a huge crash in the living room. All 3 cats shot out of the living room and went into hiding! Scared the living shit out of everyone. It was Dad. Poor thing fell down. He’s ok but it sure sounded like he landed hard. He took my fan down with him and spilled his meds all over the room. I had a hell of a time getting him off the floor. I told him if he would stop being stubborn and use his cane, he could avoid falling, at least cut the number of falls down. The next time he got up he was using his cane. Today, not so much. Still stubborn. I guess that’s where I get it.

I decided to take my chances and purchase a LegXercise machine. I know it won’t help my pain or mobility issues. Please don’t insist that it will, like so many people do, because I know more about my issues than anyone else. Anyway, I primarily bought the LegXercise machine to help the circulation in my legs. It’s not painful to use, but I am feeling a bit of added pain after using it for 2 days. I started at twice a day for 15 minutes each time. Today, I did it once for 15 minutes.

I’m going to try my hand this week sometime at making homemade enchilada sauce and salsa. I’ve made salsa before but it’s been a long, long time. The enchilada sauce will be a new experience. Thanks to a dear friend, I have a tried and true recipe to try! Wish me luck!

It appears that Old Man Winter isn’t finished with us just yet. Snow in the forecast this week will slow work on the house again. Thankfully, we have propane and we don’t have to go anywhere.

That’s it for today, friends. Be good, be safe, and try not to strangle your MAGA neighbors for they know not what they have done!

Not So Much…

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Daily writing prompt
How often do you walk or run?
View all responses

I used to walk a mile or more almost every single day. When I started having problems with my legs my doctor was no help. I still tried to walk. It seemed like it made my legs worse and since I didn’t know what was wrong, I thought walking might be making it worse so I stopped walking altogether.

Fast forward about 5 years I finally got a diagnosis of severe arthritis and bone-on-bone damage in my knees. If I had found out sooner I could have delayed this condition I’m in at the moment. For the last 13 years, I’ve been dealing with mobility issues and pain.

I wish I could walk…without crutches…without pain.

Emotions

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I have been trying to write all week. I just can’t seem to focus. I’m feeling overwhelmed with grief, sadness, depression, worry, gratefulness, and so many other emotions lately. It’s hard to concentrate when so many things are going through your mind, constantly.

Depression is probably my biggest enemy this week. Since my pain level has been so high, I’ve had a hard time getting around. It seems that it won’t be long and I won’t be able to walk at all. Then what happens? I try not to think about it. It doesn’t seem to matter to the doctors I’ve seen. They just don’t seem to understand the gravity of my situation. They see my situation on paper, Xrays, MRI’s, etc., but they don’t see ME.

I am still grieving the life I once had. The life that I should have had after my kids were grown has changed into a life of chronic pain, depression, and mobility issues. Not too long ago, I started seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I thought I was finally going to get some help. That idea was shattered like always.

I do have things in my life to be happy about and wonderful things to be grateful for. It’s hard to see those things sometimes because when you’re in constant pain, it over-rides everything. Your world seems to be THE PAIN. Everything you do revolves around THE PAIN. Getting groceries, going out with friends, hanging out with family, spending time with the grandkids….all revolve around the pain level of the day.

I’m very grateful to my friends and family who are praying for me. My circle is small but at least I know who my real friends are. Some of those friends are people I have never met but I trust them more than most people. They are not just friends; they are family and very close to my heart.

Only my friends and family who have chronic illnesses truly understand how difficult life can be. They understand how sadness can overcome you. They understand how much you want to do something and they know why you can’t. Those who do not suffer from a chronic illness have no idea how hard it is to stay positive — but yet they tell me to “Stay positive” all the time. Maybe it’s because they don’t know what else to say, but I wish they wouldn’t say anything at all. I know they mean well, so I don’t hold it against them.

All I can do at the moment is hope that next week is better.

Some Will Never Understand….

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Something has been on my mind lately. (Well, something is always on my mind! I can’t help that.) I’ve been mulling this certain thing around in my head for nearly a week now. I have to write about it to get it out of my brain!!

A friend of mine, read something I had posted on Facebook about chronic pain issues. She messaged me about it. She said she had read several things I had posted about chronic pain and chronic illnesses, and even some personal things about my own situation. She said she couldn’t help but notice how focused I was on my pain. Immediately, I felt defensive.

HER: Why are you always focused on your pain?

ME: Because my pain is a huge part of my life. Everything I do or don’t do is based on my pain level.

HER: If you just forget about it you’d be happier.

ME: How do you know I’m not happy?

HER: Because you always seem to complaining about your pain.

ME: You ain’t even heard complaining yet!! I save that for my therapist.

HER: You see a therapist and you still focus on your pain?

ME: Yes, I see a therapist. She has been very helpful in teaching me how to deal with my pain and other issues.

HER: What other issues?

ME: That’s none of your business.

HER: Ok. I still think if you’d just stop focusing on your pain, you could live a better life.

ME: You have no idea, and you never will until you are faced with a chronic illness, how hard it is to even get out of bed on some days. You will never understand that just taking a shower sometimes takes all the energy you have for that day. You don’t realize how much time it takes to do any given task because of your pain. You have no clue how depressing it is to not be able to just go and do the things you have always enjoyed, such as hiking, site-seeing, playing at the park or going to the zoo with the kids/grand kids, making bath products, fishing, shopping for hours on end at the Mall, planting a garden every Spring, rearranging the furniture, volunteering, washing the car, holiday celebrations, birthdays, cooking, going to the movies…. You don’t have a clue! When you have a chronic illness, your entire life changes! Everything is different. You approach things differently. You do everything differently. I hope to God, you never have to know what it’s like to have chronic pain!

HER: Isn’t it just arthritis?

ME: (Seriously wanting to punch her in the face!) It’s not JUST arthritis! It’s arthritis in my entire lower body, from my hips all the way down to the joints in my toes. It’s a degenerative disk in my spine and arthritis working it’s way up. It’s arthritis in my fingers, that gets bad when it’s extremely cold and even worse if I don’t crochet every day. It’s arthritis, that has resulted in knee bone damage with severe pain! I walk with a cane because sometimes I am very unsteady on my feet. I can’t sit, stand, or walk for more than 20-30 minutes at a time. I am in pain 24/7. I get NO relief! I don’t even sleep well due to the pain!!

I hit send on the messenger….but I wasn’t done. I had to stop this conversation.

ME: Don’t say anything. You are seriously coming close to ending this friendship. I’m done with this conversation.

That was the end of it…. I haven’t heard squat from her since. That’s ok because I don’t need the drama. I have enough to deal with. 

Honestly, if you don’t have a chronic illness, then you will never understand completely. You can try. You can also try to be more understanding of those who DO have a chronic illness. They really could use your support.

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