RIP Korn, My Bubbers

My heart is breaking, yet again. On Wednesday, I said goodbye to my 15-1/2-year-old, Korn. He had kidney disease and arthritis in his back legs. He was not the happy cat he once was. His health had been declining since they were all sick last February. I knew it was just a matter of time before he would be suffering, so I made the difficult decision to let him go. I had been agonizing over it for weeks.

This is an older pic of him when he was younger and happy. I hope he knows how much I love him and will miss him. I hope Korn and his bud, Fuzzy have met up and are swapping stories about how they chased rabbits together or how they drove me nuts wanting out and coming in again, over and over.

 

 

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RIP Korn January 10, 2018

 

 

Ringing In The New Year

While most people were out celebrating at parties with friends and/or family, I was home with my Dad getting shit-faced drunk! Yep. You read that right.

We were in a bit of a predicament over the weekend. We were running very low on propane and that is our primary source of heat. The weather was bitingly cold and we were having to conserve as much propane as possible while waiting for the propane delivery guy. It’s the busy season and they are hauling ass trying to get to everyone — but as I write this, our propane has still not been delivered!

The temperature ranged from a high of 25 degrees down to a low of -10! I can’t recall ever having -10 degree temps in the 25 years I have lived here! It was a LONG weekend. We were bundled up, wearing the thickest, most winterized clothing we could find. We used the propane heat to warm up the house first thing in the mornings and then later in the evenings. In between, we used electric heaters which didn’t really cut the mustard. We were cold but we weren’t freezing.

Anyway, on a biting 9 degree New Year’s Eve, Dad and I decided to ring in the new year with a bottle of champagne and strawberry daiquiris! The alcohol lifted our spirits, warmed our innards, and made for some good story-telling and laughter!

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Ba Hum Bug or Why I Hate The Holidays

I used to love this time of year! When my kids were little, Christmas was a blast! We always decorated the house and put up a tree. We had certain traditions that we carried on through the years; new traditions and old traditions from when I was a child. We made cookies and popcorn cake. We made handmade pizza on Christmas Eve and watched Christmas movies like Chevy Chase in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and the original Grinch That Stole Christmas and others. We always had a little talk about what Christmas was all about and we watched a little movie about Jesus. Seeing the excitement on the kids’ faces as Christmas approached was amazing which made up for the work and stress of preparing for this special day!

As the years went by, the holidays became more stressful and less fun because the kids were older and you know how hard it is to shop for teenagers! They are very hard to please at times and it was so stressful trying to make things special for them. They were never, EVER, ungrateful but things just weren’t the same as when they were small.

After the kids left home and started giving me grandchildren, I started getting excited again about the holidays. But things went sour after only a couple Christmases and well, I won’t go into that because it’s still very raw. I got 2 Christmases with grandson #1 and now I rarely see him. I don’t even have a relationship with him. I’m not treated as family but more of an outsider. I got a few Christmases with granddaughter, but now she is being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, which means no more holidays with her. (For the record, I don’t have a problem with JW specifically.) I do have a relationship with my granddaughter, though. She’s my sweetheart and we are very close. Grandson #3 is out of state with his mother. I can understand no holidays with him because kids and their parents move out of state all the time. I have to say I feel robbed not being able to celebrate holidays with the other 2 grandkids since they are both just 30 minutes away.

I haven’t put up a tree in probably 6 years. What’s the point? It’s just my dad and I and maybe my son for a short time. I always buy a few gifts but it’s just not the same without the kids and grandkids. It’s depressing and I just want to crawl in a hole until it’s all over and the new year starts. You may be thinking I should put up a tree anyway because it might make me feel better. Well, maybe. But maybe it will make the depression worse. I don’t know. Besides, I am disabled and I just can’t be doing that kind of thing anymore.

Anyway, I just grin and bear it and wait for it to pass….with a little help from my therapist and Captain Morgan.

Ba-Hum-Bug and cheers!

 

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Photo Courtesy of Captain Morgan

 

What A Crappy Day!

Dad and I went out this morning. We did a little shopping and had lunch at one of our favorite places. The air was cold but the wind was biting.

We stopped at a Dollar Tree, not because we’re cheap, but because they have some good stuff in there for just $1! I mean, why pay $3 or $4 for a damn greeting card when the Dollar Tree has a large assortment for just $1? Oh and some of them are 2 for $1. So there. Anyway, we had to park what seemed like a mile away and that’s always rough on me since I walk with a cane – and slowly. So, Dad gets to the door first and he’s waiting for me so he can open the door. He’s a gentleman still, even at age 80. So he’s standing there waiting for me and this woman comes barreling out of the store, pushing the door open like she was going to push someone off a cliff! I mean WHAM! She nearly hit Dad in the face with the door and she’s damn lucky she didn’t. He managed to jump back just in time. There could have been a small child there, or someone disabled like me standing in the line of fire. She could have seriously injured someone! She never even looked to see if someone was coming in nor did she even realize what she did – no apologies, no nothing. Ugh.

We stopped at the restaurant next. The food was good, as always. Service was a little slow but they were pretty busy, no big deal. When we left, I started feeling a rumbling in my stomach. I didn’t think much of it as I had a surgery some time ago for a herniated stomach, which means that I am not able to belch efficiently. So I get gassy quicker and more often than most people. On top of that, I eat way too fast (because I hate cold food) and swallow too much air, making me even gassier. Ha! I know, TMI. Anyway, nothing out of the ordinary really. The drive to get home is about 50 minutes. We weren’t 10 minutes out of town and I realized…. Uh oh. I may have a problem. 

The gas is building so I asked Dad to fish out my gas relief tablets from my purse. He did and I took 3 with hopes that it would settle things a bit.

Nope. No such luck. The drive was the most uncomfortable drive! My stomach was cramping up and I hoped that what I thought would happen, wouldn’t.

A few minutes later, still no relief. I must have eaten something that didn’t agree with me. The drive seemed to go from 50 minutes long to 150 minutes! I didn’t think we’d ever get home. Would I make it? I sure hoped so.

10 miles to go. My stomach is still cramping and I’m afraid I’m not going to make it!

6 more miles to go. Not gonna make it, I thought.

4 miles more….. OMG! Not gonna make it! 

We turned onto our road and it started to happen.

OMG! I told Dad to hurry and get the front door unlocked because I had to make a mad dash for the toilet…..but remember I’m walking with a cane, and very slowly so the mad dash was more of a turtle’s walk.

OMG. Didn’t make it.

Hence the title of this post.

 

 

Excitement, Obstacles & Why Can’t Anything Be Easy?

I haven’t been writing much lately, for a few reasons. Just bummed mostly but excited for family to come. I had to get the house ready as best I could and get groceries so I’d have food to feed everyone. It was a good visit but not long enough. I lost a few hours with them too, because someone couldn’t bend a little. They’re gone now and I miss them tremendously!

I had to cancel my last appointment with my therapist because it was scheduled the day family would arrive. I emailed her later to explain why since I didn’t get to speak to her personally when I rescheduled the appointment. I told her about a few things that have happened in the last three weeks and when she responded she said, “Nothing is ever easy for you, is it?” She nailed it! I’ve been saying that for years! Here’s a rundown of the things that have happened in the past three weeks:

  1. My insurance covered the last round of injections I received but changed their policies since then. They won’t cover them anymore, so now I have to struggle not knowing if they would have helped with my pain.
  2. Ortho doc won’t reconsider knee replacement surgery because my weight/BMI isn’t where they want it to be and my legs are still weak. I think by the time she decides to move forward with surgery, my insurance will no longer cover it. That’s just my luck.
  3. My new doc (since January ’17) that I searched for over the last 10 years, has left the clinic and they won’t tell me where she went! Figures. I finally find a good doctor; one who listens and actually tries to help, and she’s gone. Now I have to find a new doctor or see another in that clinic.
  4. I tried to include my first-born grandson, (who was adopted by his other grandparents) in our little family get-together even though I knew what the outcome would be. The other grandmother wouldn’t hear of it, even though she too, was invited. Instead, she went behind my back and made other arrangements for D.M. to see my daughter (his mother) and his little brother. This took several hours away from us. I’m glad my daughter was able to see D.M. but it’s a shame that other grandmother couldn’t bend a little and come to our house so we could all spend time with D.M.
  5. D.M.’s birthday was Oct. 23. I made arrangements to meet after school to give him his gift in person. This is what we’ve been doing the last few years for Christmas and birthdays. I didn’t think this year would be any different. The night before we were supposed to meet, I find out D.M. is sick. Ok, so I mailed him his gift. It has now been 2 weeks and I’ve not heard one word about whether he liked his gift from me and his great-grandpa. Nice. What a way to teach a kid manners, right?

Anyway, nothing is ever easy for me. It seems that I run into an obstacle at every turn. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t expect life to be easy but sometimes it seems the universe hates me! Every month, there’s something new staring me down…as if to say, “Don’t get too comfy!” I wonder what’s in store for me in November…..