What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

Well, let me tell you. PAIN.

Last week, I called in my prescription medications. I was waiting for my NP to approve one script that had no more refills and then I was going to call Walmart and have them ship my meds as I normally do.

Stupid me didn’t realize I was nearly out of my pain medication! That was late Friday. I started to panic because we were expecting snow on Saturday. I couldn’t go out and pick up my meds in person because I didn’t know how much snow we would actually get. I called Walmart yesterday to have them ship; they will go out today.

I had 2 pain pills left, one to be taken every 12 hours. So, I’ve had to ration. I took one Saturday night and my pain level wasn’t too bad. I saved my last one for tonight. I only took Tylenol Arthritis last night and my pain level is UP. With any luck, FedEx will come tomorrow! Usually, they’re pretty quick.

Then, I began to panic again because my daughter mentioned MLK Day and wondered if FedEx would even run today! I googled it and apparently, FedEx and UPS both will run, while the USPS observes the holiday.

The sun is out, trying to melt the snow and the road looks pretty good, but I’d probably get stuck in the yard if I tried to get the car out. (We don’t have a traditional driveway.) It’s 44 degrees at the moment but it seems much colder when there’s snow on the ground.

Wish me luck. I can’t function well with no pain meds to dull the pain.

P.S. Don’t think that I am an addict because I am not. There’s a difference between addiction and dependency. I am dependent on pain meds to be able to function. There is no euphoria involved. I have to make that clarification because “a friend” had accused me of being a drug addict some time ago. That person is no longer in my circle.

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve sat down to write. It’s difficult with lack of sleep and when things aren’t going so well. I haven’t been on social media much lately because the bullshit infuriates me. Between the misinformation and the hypocrisy, I don’t know whether to shit or go blind, as my Granny used to say. 

I’ve been watching my Dad’s health decline over the last few months and it’s ripping my heart out. Inevitably, I will lose him so I am making the best of the time I have left to love and appreciate him. His memory is failing him and he’s been having some health issues. He’s finding it more difficult to understand simple things. Thankfully, he hasn’t had a fall since July…knock on wood. He’s a bit unstable at times when walking but manages to keep himself upright with the aid of a cane. I’m finding myself watching him like a hawk, trying to do so without making it obvious. It’s been a rough couple of months because as you know, I have my own health issues; chronic pain and mobility issues always make things more difficult for me. Dad’s not able to help me with little things around the house like he used to and I have no other help. I just take things one day at a time.

Someone asked me the other day, “What will you do when you have to live alone?” “I’m not afraid to live alone,” I explained. “I’m afraid of being forgotten. Forgotten by family and friends. Left behind. Most of my family is in Tennessee and I’m in Missouri. My son is less than 15 miles away and I don’t hear from him very often.” I don’t relish the thought of living here without my Dad but I don’t have a problem living alone. The memories will haunt me, I’m sure.

I’m really trying to hold things together here, and I know I need to write more. I try. I think about something I’d like to write about and then…I just don’t do it. I just don’t have the motivation but I’m trying to get it back. I keep saying that and maybe it will snap back into place sooner than later!

I am enjoying the cooler weather, now that Fall is here. Sweater weather is my favorite weather of all! I just pray that the winter we have coming won’t be like the last! 

Until next time, 

Aunt Debbie

Got My Fauci Ouchie

Go ahead. Call me a sheep. If I’m a sheep because I listen to SCIENTISTS rather than Fox News, then so be it. 

I heard the Covid Vaccine being referred to as the “Fauci Ouchie” the other day and I thought that was quite clever! I got my “Fauci Ouchie” this afternoon. I wish it had been a drive through vaccine clinic like when Dad got both of his but it was a walk-in and sit clinic instead. Ugh. It was at the health department and being a small community, the building and parking facilities were also small. I had to park too far away considering how high my pain level was today. Then there wasn’t enough room inside the building so they gave a me a fold up chair and sat me outside with a couple other people. It was hard to get down on and to get back off of but I managed. I got my vaccine quickly but had to wait 15 minutes so they could keep an eye on me. The only thing wrong with me is that I had to pee. Damn medications!

Next month, I’ll get vaccine #2. When the waiting period is over, the first thing I’m going to do is get a haircut!! It has been over a year since I last had it cut (other than me butchering my bangs) and I’m sick of this long, stringy crap! For most of my life I kept my hair long but in the last few years I went shorter and shorter. By the time Covid hit, I had been used to wearing a short style. Now, I’m wearing a pony tail and it drives me absolutely bonkers! 

After my haircut, we will be making plans to go out and enjoy a nice meal in a nice comfy restaurant. I told Dad today, “What if we’ve forgotten how to behave in a restaurant?” We just laughed and laughed!

 

Still Kickin’

Happy Monday!

What’s that? Yes, I’m still kickin’…and sometimes screaming. I’m trying to get back on track but this past couple of months have sucked and quite frankly, my desire to do anything has diminished.

We finally got propane, which is our primary source of heat. It took an entire month to get that no-good, mofo company out here to fill our tank! We went through that zero degree weather with 2 little space heaters in the living room, which didn’t even begin to keep us warm. I ended up buying a couple of electric shawls that were a Godsend, holy crap. They really helped – but now it’s warming up and I have packed them away for next winter.

We thought we were in the home stretch when our water pipes froze. We always take precautions and this time was no different but it was so much colder than it normally is that what we did wasn’t good enough. When it started to warm up and the pipes started to thaw, we realized we had busted pipes and we had to shut the water completely off. My son came and replaced pipes and repaired leaks and we thought we had it made but then for some reason we only had hot water in the bathtub and cold water in the toilet but no water anywhere else! My son checked and double-checked but could find nothing wrong! Nearly 2 weeks later, we finally found a plumber and $500+ later, we had water everywhere we were supposed to have water! The faucets were clogged; the kitchen faucet even had to be replaced. Boy, was it nice to be able to take a shower and wash dishes like “normal folk”.

I’ve been having health issues again. You may recall I was in the ER in December with swollen legs and numbness. I’ve been taking meds for that but last week I was in the doctor’s office with “leakage” in my legs. Technically, it’s lymphedema and I need a specific treatment which my insurance won’t pay for. That doesn’t surprise me at all, as it’s not the first time I’ve not been able to have the treatment/procedure/medication that I need to improve and protect my health. Anyway, the medical center has sent me forms to apply to a local charity that sometimes pays for things that folks can’t afford. I won’t get my hopes up because if I do, the rug will get pulled out from under me as it always does.

On the bright side, my daughter has given birth to a bouncing baby girl! My baby girl now has her own baby girl and that makes me so happy! On that note, I will leave you with a photo of Miss Angelina Rose!

angelina rose

Numbness

It began the Monday before Christmas. I woke up and my feet and ankles were swollen. I figured my sodium intake had been too high lately, because it has happened before, and decided to cut back on the sodium and drink more water than normal. It helped a little but 2 days later, the swelling hadn’t gone down much more and I started to feel some numbness in my ankles. There was no way I could get in to see my NP before Christmas so I waited.

After another day, the numbness had worked its way up my left leg, and the next day (Christmas Day) I was feeling numbness in my right leg, although not as bad. My legs were weaker than normal and I was sleepy as hell for the last couple of days. I knew what I was facing. There’s no way I was going to go to the ER on a major holiday, so I waited again. I have to tell you, I WAS WORRIED.

On Sunday, I did an online symptom checker. I was a CNA/CMT for several years so I knew what it would say: blood clots/DVT, PAD, among a few other things. That’s exactly what the checker told me, plus “GO TO THE NEAREST EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT.”

I did. It’s not something I was looking forward to: a possible hospital stay with tons of tests, not to mention Covid-19 and a long ass wait with a bunch of dumb ass people who weren’t wearing masks. I was pleasantly surprised. There were no others in the waiting room when we arrived. (Dad insisted he go with me. He absolutely refused to stay home. Everyone was wearing a mask!) I was checked in and called back in less than 10 minutes. The doctor on call came in relatively quickly and ordered 60mg IV Lasix to get the swelling down. A technician came in and did an ultrasound on both of my legs. Blood work followed.

While we waited, I peed 6 times; the effects of the Lasix. I was getting impatient, although we hadn’t really been there for too long. I think we were there for 3 hours, give or take a few minutes. After a while the doctor came in and told me my blood work looked good, and there were no blood clots, signs of DVT, and I had blood flow to my extremities, indicating no PAD (Peripheral Artery Disease) so that was a major relief! Oh, you just don’t know the relief I felt! He gave me a script for 20mg Lasix, orders to check in with my NP for a follow-up, and he sent me on my way.

Now 2 days later, my legs aren’t as weak as they were but I still have a little swelling and numbness which comes and goes. I couldn’t get an appointment with my NP until Monday due to the New Year’s holiday, but I will get in. She will most likely raise my Lasix dosage but we’ll see.

I’m worried because I can’t even tell you how many times my concerns and health issues have been swept under the rug over the years. Not by the NP I am currently seeing but by actual doctors/specialists! I have pretty much given up trying to find a doctor who gives a shit. The ONE doctor who actually tried to help me, got sick of the bureaucratic bullshit she had to endure at that particular clinic, and she left for a better job. Can’t say that I blame her.

Anyway, I’m doing alright. Taking it day by day; doing what I can, resting often, watching my sodium, drinking more water, and taking that little pill that makes me pee my brains out all day long!