I was thinking about my mother last night and again this morning. Then I remembered writing about how stubborn she was. In 2011, I wrote about her fatal car accident and it still elicits such sadness, anger, and horror when I think about it. I still wonder what she must have been thinking the moment of the crash.
Last night, I dreamed of my mom who was killed in a car accident in August 1992. She had been drinking and popping prescription pain relievers. She was not wearing a seat belt and was thrown from the vehicle. In my dream, she was alive and I had the opportunity to stop her from not wearing her seat belt. Did she listen? No. She didn’t like anyone telling her what to do or what not to do. I woke up feeling that same pain and sadness as I did almost 19 years ago.
When my parents were still married, many times she called my Dad a “know-it-all.” She resented the fact that my father was a college graduate and she barely finished the 9th grade. Many times, I was also a “know-it-all.” There was aways a conflict brewing in our household. She always took the opposite stance on any subject, regardless.
I understand completely not liking being told what to do; I don’t like it either. But common sense steps in and takes over. Common sense tells me to wear a seat belt. I hope common sense tells my grown children to wear a seat belt. I raised them to be responsible, self-reliant human beings. I hope they understand that wearing a seat belt can not only save their lives but also ensure that their children have a mother/father in their lives.
Although my mother and I butted heads and were often at odds, I still wish she were here. If she had just worn that seat belt she would be enjoying her many grandchildren and her 2 beautiful great-grandchildren today. She was 50 years old the year she died and would now be nearing 70. It would be wonderful to have a mom to talk to about personal things or just to have a little girl talk. Of course, that would be in a perfect world because mom was so argumentative that our girl talk would have turned into a cat fight!
I still wish she were here…..