Update or Yes, I’m Still Alive But Not Well!

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Holy cow! I haven’t posted here since February!! That was when our well pump went out and had to be replaced. It got done, thank goodness. I will try to update you all the best I can.

Firstly, Dad is doing well, although feeling a little sickly today. He’s had Home Health nurses and physical therapists come to the house all this time, and I’m glad. I need some kind of support while taking care of him. Having extra eyes on him really helps me know that we are doing ok. It also helps when the nurse or therapist tells Dad the same thing I’ve been trying to tell him, but he won’t listen to me. He listens to them!

In February, I started to get this ‘extra’ pain in my left leg. Thinking it was because I had been doing some lifting and moving boxes around, I thought I had just worked my muscles that I forgot I had. The pain went away, but then it came back again. It started coming and staying longer and hurting worse…so I was worried. Just about a week ago, I was massaging my leg and found a mass behind my knee. My first thought: BLOOD CLOT. It didn’t present like a blood clot exactly, so I thought I had to be wrong. Well, I made an appointment to see my Nurse Practitioner. I just knew she would send me to the ER, and I can’t do that. Not with Dad. He can’t sit in a waiting room for hours and hours, and I can’t leave him home alone. So, I worried about that a lot. To my relief, it is not a blood clot. It’s a LIPOMA. Mina, my NP, said that many people have lipomas and don’t even know it, or they know, but it’s not causing concern. It’s a genetic thing; my Dad has had a couple of them. I also have at least 2 more that I’ve had for most of my life. A lipoma is just a fatty deposit that looks like chicken fat – her words. It’s a noncancerous fatty growth that develops just below the skin. The problem with a lipoma is when it interferes with nerves and muscles. That’s when it causes pain. I asked Mina how sure she was that this mass is not a blood clot, and she said, “I am 99.9% positive!” She wants me to have an ultrasound next week to see how deep this little bastard is. Mina said I was doing everything right: Compression garments, blue ice packs, elevation, and rest. She gave me some lidocaine patches to try, too.

Our new house is coming along. Slower than I’d like, but it takes time. When the guys you’ve hired have other jobs going, too, we have to wait our turn. Contractor #3 installed the pressure tank for the well in the laundry room. Now, to get Contractor #2 to come finish up a bunch of little things, so we know how much money we have for kitchen cabinets!! Hopefully, Contractor #2 can get those installed for us, too. Then, I think…fingers crossed…we can think about moving! 😬

Life will be so much easier in the new house. I will be able to move through the house in my wheelchair more freely, and stand only when necessary. Yes, it’s that bad. I will have to find help, either through my insurance or some other way.

Anyway, that’s about what’s been going on. Just trying to get through each day. I look forward to bedtime every night, and even though I get around 7 or 8 hours of sleep, it feels like it’s just not enough. 😴

Take care, my friends. I hope life is treating you well. Until next time,

If It Ain’t One Thing, It’s Something Else…

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My old Granny used to say, “If it ain’t one thing, it’s something else” every time something broke or quit working. I say it a lot these days!

In case you don’t know, I live in SW Missouri, and we’ve had a little snow and very cold temperatures recently. (This week it’s a bit warmer, thank goodness.) There’s still snow on the ground, and I’m almost certain our car is going to be stuck in the mud as the snow melts. I should have parked it elsewhere before the cold snap. (Shit. I can’t do everything.)

We have a private well, and the pressure tank is outside (in a wellhouse that used to be insulated). There are also exposed PVC pipes under the house, so there’s always a chance our pipes will freeze. This is a real pain in the ass every winter! We always have to run the water a bit to prevent the pipes from freezing, and there’s a heater in the wellhouse to keep things from freezing in there. Anyway, when it’s going to be below freezing, I turn on the cold water a bit in each sink and in the tub. If it’s going to be in the low teens and single digits, I turn on the hot water a little, too. I also turn on the heater in the wellhouse. I check everything multiple times during the night. I was doing so well…

Monday morning, the temp was 39 degrees. The sun was shining bright and warm. The high was in the 40s that day. I turned off the water and the heater in the wellhouse to give everything (pump, water heater, heater) a break. About an hour or so later, I went to use the water, and nothing happened. No water! Not a drop. No water in the kitchen or bathroom. I thought, Ok, I doubt the pipes have frozen, but maybe there’s a chunk of ice blocking one of the main pipes. So, I put my little heater on the pipes going into the water heater. (That has worked before when the pipes froze, but hadn’t been frozen for long.) The heater went for hours. Still, no water. Fuck. 

I texted our well guy. He said he would send one of his guys out the next day (Tuesday). That was yesterday, and just as our well guy promised, one of his guys came out to check our well. We were so hoping the problem was the control box on the pressure tank, or maybe a bad switch. It turned out to be the freaking pump!! That’s going to run about $4,000+ and counting labor, closer to $5,000. That will come out of our new house money. There goes the money for our kitchen cabinets. If it ain’t one thing, it’s something else.  

We are currently waiting for the well service crew. We have called on them before, so they are familiar with everything. They are quick to get things done when people don’t have water! This morning, they are picking up the new pump in Springfield. If all goes well, they will be here today to pull the pump and replace it. If not today, then tomorrow, but they really do their best to get to us asap.

Maybe one of these days, our luck will change. I’m so tired of fighting this house and all of the problems it throws at us. It’s depressing, and I don’t know how much more I can take.

Short and Sweet

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I thought I was doing well by posting every day. That lasted 3 whole days, and then I forgot. I need to get my shit together!

On Wednesday, a Home Health nurse came to check on Dad to get the ball rolling for weekly nurse and physical therapy visits. A nurse is supposed to come today and then weekly afterward. I’ve yet to hear from a physical therapist. I am confident that Dad will get stronger and be back to doing things on his own soon.

Also on Wednesday, our HVAC guy was finally able to come install our unit. I was hopeful that he would get done without problems, but apparently, Contractor #1 got a unit too big for our house and didn’t install enough vents for that size unit. UGH. HVAC guy mentioned the wrong size wire for something…something…something…that I didn’t understand, lol. Anyway, parts need to be ordered, including vent covers that Contractor #1 neglected to get. HVAC guy will be back next week to finish, fingers crossed.

I need to cut this even shorter than I had planned because the Home Health nurse just called and is on her way. Dad hates having to be checked on like this, but it helps me know that he is doing well and I’m doing things right.

Until next time,

Realization

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It just occurred to me last night that the reason I am so exhausted and in more pain is that I’m doing everything. I mean, I knew I was doing everything, but I hadn’t really thought about all the little things (and bigger things) Dad used to do to help. Have you considered that I’m just an idiot? I guess I just didn’t realize how much he really helped.

Before Dad’s bout with pneumonia, he was helping. (And helping even more before his fall and heat stroke.) Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect him to help. I’m just saying that he isn’t helping like he used to. Maybe he can in the future, but not now. He used to wash dishes at least once a day. He would transfer laundry from the washer to the dryer, and then put most everything away. He used to scoop the litter box when he got up in the morning and again when he went to bed. (I’d do it about 1,500 times in between.) He also gave the cats fresh water daily, knowing that since I walk with crutches, I can’t carry the water bowls. He swept the bathroom floor every time one of the cats (mostly BobCat!) kicked litter all over the place. Dad did a lot of things to help, some little, some big. Now he’s not helping at all. It’s all on me now. 

I have to pace myself and do a little, then take a break. Meals have become a major pain in my ass. Oftentimes before, Dad would just make himself a sandwich for dinner, and he was fine with that. He got his own snacks and breakfast. I would prepare lunch, sometimes something quick, and other times, I’d actually cook. Now, I wait on Dad hand and foot. I don’t mind that so much because he is my Dad and my best friend. I’m taking care of him the best I can. Anyone who thinks otherwise can kiss my ever-lovin’ ass.

Until next time,

Good Days Are Few And Far Between

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Yesterday was rough. I hadn’t slept well the night before, so my legs didn’t benefit from restorative sleep. That’s important because without restorative sleep, my pain level never goes down, and I’m unable to function properly the next day.

Most days, with or without restorative sleep, I don’t even brush my damn hair. I just use my fingers to pull up my hair into a ponytail. I need to take care of myself as well as Dad, but sometimes I just don’t have the energy.

Taking care of Dad is very important to me, and I need to be able to do what needs to be done. He is doing better now that he’s walking a little. He’s using his walker to get around and doesn’t need me to be right there by his side, as I was for the first week or so after he came home from the hospital. Even though he’s doing better, I still need to be able to fix meals, do dishes, laundry, etc. I’m hoping that soon, I will be able to get him in the shower. I’ve not been too confident about that because I can’t do much to prevent him from falling in the shower! God forbid anyone offer to help.

Yesterday, I was exhausted when I got up, and my pain level was sky high. Performing even the simplest tasks was a painful experience. I was in tears at one point, and Dad felt bad that he was putting me through this. I reassured him that none of this was his fault. It must be difficult for him not to be self-reliant like he used to be. It sucks to get old. He will be 89 next month.

When Dad was in bed for the night, I watched a little TV and got ready for bed. I hoped for a good night’s sleep, and that’s what I got! Almost 8 hours of sleep did my legs some good! I feel much better this morning, and I even made breakfast quesadillas. I hope tonight is a good one, too.

Wish me luck. I need all I can get!