Happy 4th, and PTSD

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I’m sitting here this morning, thankful that Dad got some sleep. He woke up at 9am, wondering if I had slept late. Nope. I was awake at 7am. Who the hell can sleep when the temperature is still in the 70s, and any movement causes droplets of sweat to form on your forehead?

Last July 4th, Dad fell and had a heat stroke. A heat stroke that wouldn’t have happened if the ambulance had been here sooner. My heart thumps hard and fast just thinking about it. Tears start to come. I thought I was going to lose him.

The first few days in the hospital were iffy. When they took him off the vent, he began to improve. I was more hopeful. Poor Dad didn’t know what was going on. When he spoke, no one could understand him. It was hard to see him in this state. I’m so thankful for family and friends who came to the hospital to see him, and to sit with me. Some cried with me, some shared memories with me, and some brought me food when I hadn’t eaten all day. The support was amazing.

A few weeks later, unnecessary family drama followed. Why someone would kick another person when they are at their very lowest point, I don’t know. I guess it says a lot more about them than it does about me. I was worried about how I was going to take care of Dad by myself, how I would be able to help my sister take care of him, and also how the hell I was going to get the new house done. I was consumed by thoughts and feelings that I can’t even share with you because it hurts to go back there. This is where the coping tools my therapist taught me years ago come in handy.

I’m glad Dad is here with me a year later. He’s 89 years young now, and I pray every year that he will reach his next birthday in February.

Happy Independence Day, my friends! Stay safe and, for goodness sake, watch your children so they don’t get hurt!

Thanks for reading!

It’s Getting Closer!!

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We don’t have a move-in date as of yet, but it’s certainly getting closer! I’m more hopeful now as well. I think Dad is worrying a bit less, too.

The miscellaneous things that were left to do in the new house have been taken care of, thanks to Contractor #3. He and his crew worked their asses off for a few days, not only on small fixes or installs, but also on cleaning up the construction debris in the yard. It was a mess! There was drywall on one side, lumber scraps on another. Plus, we had things stored in the house at one time, and we just didn’t want them anymore. Contractor #1 said he would toss out the back door whatever we didn’t want and get a trailer to haul it away. He never did that, the flakey SOB. Contractor #3 and his crew got it done.

Now, we hunt for kitchen cabinets and a new oven range. I hate that we will most likely have to buy the cheap cabinets from Lowe’s, but Contractor #3 said that when we decide what we want to let him know because he may be able to find a lower price for better quality. Fingers crossed that this process won’t take long. We need to get out of this house! If you only knew…

The last load of trash and a cleaned-up yard.

More updates to follow. I hope you all enjoy the weekend! Stay safe and cool! And for God’s sake, please don’t forget your baby in the car!!

Update. Holy Hell. Where To Start?

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Since I can’t get in touch with Contractor #2, I have reached out to Contractor #3. He has given us a reasonable bid on the little things that still need to be done in the new house. I think he feels sorry for us because of what happened last Wednesday night. Let me tell you the story:

It was around 11:45 pm and I was thinking about getting settled in my lift chair for the night. Alice was sleeping in Dad’s chair as she does most nights after Dad goes to bed. I just happened to look up and notice she was staring at the wall. She decided to jump down, and as soon as her front paws hit the floor, the ceiling just above the chair fell in! Yes, you read that right. The ceiling FELL IN, and all I could do was scream. There was dust from the old insulation everywhere. I couldn’t breathe. I had to get out of there! Old, decaying wood pieces and ceiling paint all over the place. My cats are all fine. They skidaddled out of there so fast, you’d have never known they were even there! I’m just thankful that Dad had already gone to bed.

Dad didn’t sleep a wink that night. I had nowhere else to sleep but my chair. I wore a mask to keep from breathing in any ick while I slept. I never saw Jack or Alice until the next day. BobCat slept in my lap. Every time he woke up, I woke up. He was always looking at the wide open HOLE in our ceiling. There was a small rat or a big mouse that kept running back and forth on the wall edge of the hole. BobCat and I watched him several times during the night. I kept the TV and my lamp on, thinking it would keep the critter movement at a minimum. I sure didn’t want any rat-mice falling through the hole!

The next morning, Thursday, I texted Contractor #3 and sent him a photo. I asked him if he could help us. He said he’d be there that day, and he was here in an hour. He brought his crew, and they hauled off all the debris. They even vacuumed! Before they left, they covered the hole with plywood. Bless his heart, he didn’t charge us a dime!

Here’s what it looked like after it caved in. The wall has been cracking and shifting for quite some time, so it was just a matter of time before this happened. Dad would be in the hospital or worse if he had been sitting there.

Here’s the after photo:

Don’t mind Dad. He’s bent over, putting all of his “stuff” back into the disarray it was before. I swear, all he could worry about was his “stuff,” and I told him that his “stuff” should be the least of his worries.

Contractor #3 is coming this Thursday or Friday to work on our new house. It’s good to be able to count on someone to help us when we need help.

As soon as the little things in the new house are finished, we’ll know how much we have to spend on kitchen cabinets, sink, and countertop. I know it won’t be a complete kitchen right away, and that’s ok because I have been through hell in this old house, so I know I can survive without a completed kitchen!

Until next time,

Update or Yes, I’m Still Alive But Not Well!

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Holy cow! I haven’t posted here since February!! That was when our well pump went out and had to be replaced. It got done, thank goodness. I will try to update you all the best I can.

Firstly, Dad is doing well, although feeling a little sickly today. He’s had Home Health nurses and physical therapists come to the house all this time, and I’m glad. I need some kind of support while taking care of him. Having extra eyes on him really helps me know that we are doing ok. It also helps when the nurse or therapist tells Dad the same thing I’ve been trying to tell him, but he won’t listen to me. He listens to them!

In February, I started to get this ‘extra’ pain in my left leg. Thinking it was because I had been doing some lifting and moving boxes around, I thought I had just worked my muscles that I forgot I had. The pain went away, but then it came back again. It started coming and staying longer and hurting worse…so I was worried. Just about a week ago, I was massaging my leg and found a mass behind my knee. My first thought: BLOOD CLOT. It didn’t present like a blood clot exactly, so I thought I had to be wrong. Well, I made an appointment to see my Nurse Practitioner. I just knew she would send me to the ER, and I can’t do that. Not with Dad. He can’t sit in a waiting room for hours and hours, and I can’t leave him home alone. So, I worried about that a lot. To my relief, it is not a blood clot. It’s a LIPOMA. Mina, my NP, said that many people have lipomas and don’t even know it, or they know, but it’s not causing concern. It’s a genetic thing; my Dad has had a couple of them. I also have at least 2 more that I’ve had for most of my life. A lipoma is just a fatty deposit that looks like chicken fat – her words. It’s a noncancerous fatty growth that develops just below the skin. The problem with a lipoma is when it interferes with nerves and muscles. That’s when it causes pain. I asked Mina how sure she was that this mass is not a blood clot, and she said, “I am 99.9% positive!” She wants me to have an ultrasound next week to see how deep this little bastard is. Mina said I was doing everything right: Compression garments, blue ice packs, elevation, and rest. She gave me some lidocaine patches to try, too.

Our new house is coming along. Slower than I’d like, but it takes time. When the guys you’ve hired have other jobs going, too, we have to wait our turn. Contractor #3 installed the pressure tank for the well in the laundry room. Now, to get Contractor #2 to come finish up a bunch of little things, so we know how much money we have for kitchen cabinets!! Hopefully, Contractor #2 can get those installed for us, too. Then, I think…fingers crossed…we can think about moving! 😬

Life will be so much easier in the new house. I will be able to move through the house in my wheelchair more freely, and stand only when necessary. Yes, it’s that bad. I will have to find help, either through my insurance or some other way.

Anyway, that’s about what’s been going on. Just trying to get through each day. I look forward to bedtime every night, and even though I get around 7 or 8 hours of sleep, it feels like it’s just not enough. 😴

Take care, my friends. I hope life is treating you well. Until next time,

If It Ain’t One Thing, It’s Something Else…

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My old Granny used to say, “If it ain’t one thing, it’s something else” every time something broke or quit working. I say it a lot these days!

In case you don’t know, I live in SW Missouri, and we’ve had a little snow and very cold temperatures recently. (This week it’s a bit warmer, thank goodness.) There’s still snow on the ground, and I’m almost certain our car is going to be stuck in the mud as the snow melts. I should have parked it elsewhere before the cold snap. (Shit. I can’t do everything.)

We have a private well, and the pressure tank is outside (in a wellhouse that used to be insulated). There are also exposed PVC pipes under the house, so there’s always a chance our pipes will freeze. This is a real pain in the ass every winter! We always have to run the water a bit to prevent the pipes from freezing, and there’s a heater in the wellhouse to keep things from freezing in there. Anyway, when it’s going to be below freezing, I turn on the cold water a bit in each sink and in the tub. If it’s going to be in the low teens and single digits, I turn on the hot water a little, too. I also turn on the heater in the wellhouse. I check everything multiple times during the night. I was doing so well…

Monday morning, the temp was 39 degrees. The sun was shining bright and warm. The high was in the 40s that day. I turned off the water and the heater in the wellhouse to give everything (pump, water heater, heater) a break. About an hour or so later, I went to use the water, and nothing happened. No water! Not a drop. No water in the kitchen or bathroom. I thought, Ok, I doubt the pipes have frozen, but maybe there’s a chunk of ice blocking one of the main pipes. So, I put my little heater on the pipes going into the water heater. (That has worked before when the pipes froze, but hadn’t been frozen for long.) The heater went for hours. Still, no water. Fuck. 

I texted our well guy. He said he would send one of his guys out the next day (Tuesday). That was yesterday, and just as our well guy promised, one of his guys came out to check our well. We were so hoping the problem was the control box on the pressure tank, or maybe a bad switch. It turned out to be the freaking pump!! That’s going to run about $4,000+ and counting labor, closer to $5,000. That will come out of our new house money. There goes the money for our kitchen cabinets. If it ain’t one thing, it’s something else.  

We are currently waiting for the well service crew. We have called on them before, so they are familiar with everything. They are quick to get things done when people don’t have water! This morning, they are picking up the new pump in Springfield. If all goes well, they will be here today to pull the pump and replace it. If not today, then tomorrow, but they really do their best to get to us asap.

Maybe one of these days, our luck will change. I’m so tired of fighting this house and all of the problems it throws at us. It’s depressing, and I don’t know how much more I can take.