Ba Hum Bug or Why I Hate The Holidays

I used to love this time of year! When my kids were little, Christmas was a blast! We always decorated the house and put up a tree. We had certain traditions that we carried on through the years; new traditions and old traditions from when I was a child. We made cookies and popcorn cake. We made handmade pizza on Christmas Eve and watched Christmas movies like Chevy Chase in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and the original Grinch That Stole Christmas and others. We always had a little talk about what Christmas was all about and we watched a little movie about Jesus. Seeing the excitement on the kids’ faces as Christmas approached was amazing which made up for the work and stress of preparing for this special day!

As the years went by, the holidays became more stressful and less fun because the kids were older and you know how hard it is to shop for teenagers! They are very hard to please at times and it was so stressful trying to make things special for them. They were never, EVER, ungrateful but things just weren’t the same as when they were small.

After the kids left home and started giving me grandchildren, I started getting excited again about the holidays. But things went sour after only a couple Christmases and well, I won’t go into that because it’s still very raw. I got 2 Christmases with grandson #1 and now I rarely see him. I don’t even have a relationship with him. I’m not treated as family but more of an outsider. I got a few Christmases with granddaughter, but now she is being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, which means no more holidays with her. (For the record, I don’t have a problem with JW specifically.) I do have a relationship with my granddaughter, though. She’s my sweetheart and we are very close. Grandson #3 is out of state with his mother. I can understand no holidays with him because kids and their parents move out of state all the time. I have to say I feel robbed not being able to celebrate holidays with the other 2 grandkids since they are both just 30 minutes away.

I haven’t put up a tree in probably 6 years. What’s the point? It’s just my dad and I and maybe my son for a short time. I always buy a few gifts but it’s just not the same without the kids and grandkids. It’s depressing and I just want to crawl in a hole until it’s all over and the new year starts. You may be thinking I should put up a tree anyway because it might make me feel better. Well, maybe. But maybe it will make the depression worse. I don’t know. Besides, I am disabled and I just can’t be doing that kind of thing anymore.

Anyway, I just grin and bear it and wait for it to pass….with a little help from my therapist and Captain Morgan.

Ba-Hum-Bug and cheers!


                           Photo Courtesy of Captain Morgan


Biting My Tongue…..

Tick, tick, tick. A.B. sits and texts 24/7 on her cell phone, all the while Doodle Bug is fussing on the floor. She needs some attention. Tick, tick, tick some more. Doodle Bug is getting tired of the same ol’ thing all day long. 10 months is not old enough to keep herself occupied all day long. She gets bored. She gets tired. She sometimes just needs some lovin’.

I’m thinkin’ “Get off your ass and do something with your child. She needs some attention.”

“No. No. No.” S.R. constantly repeating to D.M. All the while she sits on her ass watching the tv. D.M. continues to get into whatever it is she’s yelling at him for. She gets mad and puts him in timeout. Ok, fine. Time out is great but all the kid needs is some attention. 15 months is not old enough to keep himself occupied all day long. He gets bored. He gets tired. He sometimes just needs some lovin’.

I’m thinkin’ “Get off your ass and do something with your child. He needs some attention.”

I am finding it more and more difficult to keep my mouth shut as the days go by. It’s especially difficult knowing that when I have the grandkids by myself, with no interferance by their parents, I have absolutely NO problems at all.