What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

Well, I’m back after sporadic posts over the past few months – I’ve just not been motivated to do much in the line of writing. I don’t know why. I have a lot to say but when it comes right down to it, I always wonder, “Who really cares what I have to say?” I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling that way.

Anyway, here I sit…the keyboard beckoning me to write and my fingers, which seem to have dyslexia these days, refusing to cooperate! What can I say, to start out 2022?

First, I’ll just say I hope everyone reading this has had a great start to the new year. If you’ve made a New Year’s Resolution, don’t be too hard on yourself. I learned a long time ago to make small changes as I go. If you want to make changes in your life, you don’t have to make huge changes all at once. Take it one day at a time because life just gets in the way sometimes. As they say, shit happens. If things don’t work out one day, then start again the next day.

The holidays are always an emotional time for me. I was able to spend Thanksgiving with my bestie and my son and his family. It was a nice day but it took me 2 1/2 weeks to recover. I tried not to overdo it; almost everything we had that day was pre-made or semi-homemade. Still, it was too much for my legs to handle. Christmas was nice, with my son and his family, lots of laughs, and my grandson is beginning to warm up to us. We made pizza (semi-homemade) and my grandson was happy to help! He made his very own personal pizza!

Another thing on my mind, besides the same ol’ crap with Covid, is the absolute rudeness of some folks. Online, all you seem to see are comments that are not only unnecessary but mean and/or rude as hell. Most people wouldn’t say those things to a person’s face but online, I guess they think it’s just fine. I do not.

Yesterday, I was at my bestie’s place and I had parked in one of the front spots reserved for the handicapped. I have my handicap placard displayed as required for parking there. I was there for maybe an hour, if that, and when I came out there was someone parked behind me, blocking me in. I was pissed. How can anyone think that it was ok to do this? I can see if you had to run something in real quick but that was not the case. My bestie came out to find out who the owner of the car was and it was the apartment manager’s car for Pete’s sake! She pulled out so I could leave and as I left I saw her pull back into the same space. Clearly, she was not just running in real quick nor was she disabled. Who would think it’s was ok to block someone in like that? Apartment manager or not, it’s just plain rude. So sick of rude people.

I’ve been feeding a stray cat, since last year. His name is BobCat because he has a bobbed tail. He’s very sweet and I wish I could bring him in the house but it just won’t work with Jack. Jack is very aggressive and has slipped out the door a few times. Each time, the first thing he does is attack BobCat. Aside from the fighting, BobCat is an intact male and would probably pee all over the house which would lead to Jack peeing all over the house so NO, that’s not going to happen. I’d like to get BobCat neutered but I just don’t have the extra funds for that. Anyway, with the weather getting colder and colder now, poor BobCat is outside with minimal shelter and warmth. He has a small doghouse with a soft bed as padding and lots of straw but I’m sure it still gets cold in there. I just can’t help but feel bad. I wish I could afford to buy a better system for him. I pray he can stay warm enough through the winter.

There are other things on my mind, always, but that’s enough for now. I’m just trying to get back to writing, even if it’s just a little each day.

Now, tell me… What’s Eating You?

The Ex-Files – “It Hurts Me Too Much”

When the kids and I left CP behind in California, we had no idea what was ahead of us but we were hopeful. I was hopeful in a new beginning for me and the kids were hopeful that their “Pop” would be coming soon behind us. I knew that wasn’t going to happen but I let them hope. They were excited about the plane trip, the 3 week stay at my sister’s house, and our new house when it was ready for us to move in.

We moved into our new home (which was built in the 50’s but had been remodeled) in early September and the kids loved that they had a huge yard (many acres) to run and play in. The house was small and they had to share a room, but they were little yet. They didn’t care.

I had written CP a letter while we were staying at my sister’s house in August to say a few things that I needed to get off of my chest. I made it perfectly clear that it was over and if he chose to come out here, he would not be living with us. I encouraged him to call, send cards, gifts, etc., to the kids because after all he was still their father. I offered to send him newspapers from the area with truck driving job offers in case he did move out here to be close to the kids. I would never try to keep a man from his children unless he was a sexual predator or a murderer, or something equally as sinister. CP wasn’t a bad person; he was just a dumb ass who never learned how to be a parent, or an adult either for that matter.

Our first Christmas in Missouri, CP sent the kids bicycles. I was surprised, as you can imagine, and hoped that this would be the start of him actually trying to be a parent. I wasn’t working yet so I was broke but I made sure the kids made their “Pop” Christmas cards and other artwork as gifts. He managed to call and wish them a Merry Christmas, which made me happy for the kids. They were excited to hear from him. When we had our first snow that year I sent photos of the kids and their very first snowman! We didn’t have snow where we lived in California, so the kids were excited. They were equally excited to share the photos with their “Pop.”

Each holiday that rolled around, I made sure the kids took the time to make cards and other artwork for CP. It didn’t matter what the holiday was; they sent him a card on Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, 4th of July, etc. I sent him school photos, photos I had taken, and copies of their report cards and notes from teachers, etc. We even picked out little gifts for his birthday. He sent a card or two and called a couple of times but the times we heard from him was few and far between.

SR’s first birthday here in Missouri was a fun one. We went to the Animal Paradise, which is a drive-thru zoo! My daughter had chicken pox and I didn’t realize it until late in the day. I always wondered how many kids she gave it to! My son, CF, had it within the next couple of days so they were completely covered with pox and calamine lotion! CP called them during that week, and they were so excited to tell him about their “spots all over” and the trip to the zoo! After they finished talking to him it was my turn. I knew he would have questions because they were talking so fast he probably couldn’t catch half of it!

I answered his questions and told him how much the kids missed him and that he really should try and call more often because they really enjoyed talking to him. His response: “It hurts me too much.” I about came unglued. I responded back in a not-so-nice tone of voice, “YOU? It hurts YOU too much to call and talk to them? How the fuck do you think THEY feel when they don’t hear from you? Do you think it makes them feel good that their Pop doesn’t call or send them cards anymore?” He started to speak but I cut him off because I knew what was coming. “Don’t you dare put the blame on me! Yes, I took the kids and left you. That’s no excuse for you to not stay in touch with your own children!” The conversation, as you can imagine, didn’t last long after that.

I continued to encourage the kids to draw pictures and make cards. I continued sending CP photos and report cards from school. We were here about 2 years when I finally stopped. As I mentioned before, he never acknowledged anything we sent. If the kids came up with the idea on their own to make “Pop” something, then I helped them in doing so but I stopped dropping the idea in their path. He never acknowledged any of the gifts, artwork, or cards anyway. Not once. Not one thank you. I didn’t expect him to thank ME but it would have been nice for the kids to hear those words!

We never heard from him again until he called regarding his court ordered child support 10 years after we had been here. You can read about that here. Now the kids are grown with children of their own, and he hasn’t made any effort to get in touch with them. He most likely never will.

Makin’ A List

The holidays are not what they used to be…at least for me. I used to enjoy the holidays when my kids were small. The joy and wonder, the anticipation was worth all the hassle of decorating, shopping, wrapping gifts and hiding them, etc. It was fun to help the kids make gifts and goodies for Santa! We had our traditions; the cookie baking, the homemade pizzas, popcorn cake, and pizza balls. That was all on Christmas Eve! The kids got to open a gift that night and leave cookies for Santa. We watched Christmas movies and had lots of laughs! I always made a big ham dinner on Christmas Day, along with tons and tons of appetizers that we got full of before we even had dinner! The kids enjoyed all of it and so did I.

The kids got older, became harder to shop for, harder to please. You know, pre-teens and teenagers. They no longer believed in Santa Claus. Ok, so before someone decides to educate me on the true meaning of Christmas, don’t. I’m quite aware. I’m not a religious person but I always taught my kids “the reason for the season.” But that’s not what this post is about.

About 11 years ago, certain events changed the way I thought things would be in our family. On top of that, chronic pain has invaded my every move, my every thought and…my everything. It’s rough. I was able to spend a little time with my son, his wife and the littlest grandson on Christmas Eve and I enjoyed every minute of it but I thought my house would be full of kids’ laughter and play, during the holidays. Depression, loneliness, and sadness always sets in.

I try not to succumb to the depression but it’s hard. I eat too much, don’t sleep enough, and I cry a lot when I’m alone. During the holidays, I try so very hard to hide my sadness and put a smile on my face. I’m not able to do the cooking I used to do. My son made the popcorn cake for Christmas Eve this year but he didn’t have time to make the pizza balls. That’s ok though, we still had pizza; it was frozen pizza but it was still good. I threw a ham in the oven on Christmas Day and opened a can of baked beans, which was fine because it was just me and Dad. Still, not what this post is about.

I bet you’re thinking, “Damn, I wish she’d get to the point!” I’m getting there, I promise.

Every year I try to make myself feel more festive and happy by giving gifts to others. GIVING TO OTHERS makes me feel good about who I am and I love to make gifts. This year, I crocheted over a dozen gifts for family. I carefully chose the yarn color and pattern/design I thought was perfect for each person. I worked my ass off, sometimes ripping out a design that just didn’t look good and starting over. I put my heart and soul into everything I made. It felt good to do it and I’m not sorry I did, but I’ll tell you what…

I’m makin’ a list…

woman s hand using a pen noting on notepad

Photo by Kaboompics .com on Pexels.com

I’m making a list for next year and if anyone wonders why they didn’t get anything from me then maybe they should think about Christmas 2019 when they didn’t even have the common decency to send me a simple text to thank me for their gift. It takes just seconds!! What a bunch of ungrateful shits in my family. And this does not apply to young children. It applies to adults; young adults and older adults.

I didn’t make the gifts for the thanks, just to be clear. But it would be nice to be recognized and appreciated. I busted my ass to get everything finished and shipped in time for Christmas. It really hurts my feelings that only 3 people thought to thank me for their gift. Next year, I’ll be sending my handmade crocheted items to people who might actually appreciate it…perhaps the Nursing Home, a homeless shelter, or the children’s hospital. Maybe I’ll just make scarves for all the homeless dogs and cats in the area!

dog wearing crochet scarf with fringe while sitting on snow selective focus photography

Photo by Benjamin Lehman on Pexels.com

Friday’s Funnies – Christmas Edition #3 – A Tribute To Alcohol

Yep, you read that right! This week’s funnies are entirely dedicated to alcohol and the holidays! What would we do without it? Some of us would strangle our own mothers, kill our co-workers at the office party, cold-cock the husband with a cast-iron skillet, or ram the neighbors’ giant lighted Santa up their asses because it feels like Clark Griswold’s family just moved in next door….without the aid of our long-time friend, alcohol.

ae844a30-87f4-0133-b2dc-0e438b3b98d1

Alcohol can’t solve our problems, but it sure can make parties more fun, relatives more tolerable, and well, you know! Alcohol can even make a headache go away…ahem. If you drink enough of it, that is! But be sure to stay home or have a designated driver! Please drink responsibly!

3400

Ok, now on to this week’s funnies. Enjoy!

~~~

wine-wankers-christmas-images-liquor-cabinet

 

 

mom-says-funny-drinking-memes

 

images (3)

 

images

 

im-ho-ho-hammered-funny-christmas-drinking-memes-8-king-tumblr-54156876

 

images (2)

 

images (1)

 

glass

 

ec1b204f-5a9d-41d5-aa5f-9adc94b99ec9-screen-shot-2017-12-01-at-45131-pm

 

Drinking-Memes-Funny-400x237

 

anchorman

 

alcohol-does-funny-drinking-memes

 

avoid-drinking-too-much-at-the-office-christmas-party-by-53225273.png

 

Cabernet-on-Everything

 

4634443af65117760fdd4b4d6673bd34

 

15f9c602504cf28b7e58808c8f209844

 

1g0l9u

 

Think about poor Santa! How much alcohol do you think he needs to get through the holidays?!

looks-like-santa-will-be-drinking-more-than-egg-nog-this-year-73329

~~~

Bottom’s up, my friends! Have a wonderful weekend and an even better Christmas! Don’t forget to spread that wonderful holiday cheer around! *Snort*

holiday-cheer-spread-itaround-18328650

 

Merry Christmas!

Aunt Debbie