What the Literal F*ck Just Happened?

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It has been a long and grueling week and I’m done with it. Turns out that the family I thought I had for moral support, just took a huge dump on me. I’m a strong person otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now, but even strong people need someone to talk to on occasion. I have been accused of several things but the one thing that hurt me the most was being accused of bullying Dad. I will never forgive them for that. It was uncalled for and came from a place of not knowing what the fuck they were talking about. 

Seems that certain family members have forgotten about all of the help and moral support they received from me over the years. When I need nothing from them except a little understanding and support in return, I get shit on and told that all I do is whine and complain. Let me see them go through what I go through without complaining or even occasionally whining. I always thought that with family, I’d have a safe place to vent; to express my concerns, my anger, my fears, and to complain without being shit on, regardless. Boy, was I wrong.

Apparently, I am refusing help because I won’t move to another state and start all over. Like I’m supposed to do what they say?? Dad doesn’t want to move. I sure as hell am not going to leave him behind! Shitting on me is sure not going to convince me to move – as if they’d be there for me even then. Ha!

More shit hit the fan than I care to share, because God Forbid, I might be whining! Insert eye roll here.  

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

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So many things, so little time. Actually, I have time but I don’t have the motivation.

Dad’s been having issues. Constipation, for one. I tell him to drink more water, eat fruit, eat some veggies, take a laxative of some kind every night, take a stool softener….ugh. It takes a specialist in gastroenterology to tell him the same things before he gets it. I feel like it’s my fault that he’s having digestive issues because I just can’t stand in the kitchen and cook like I used to. I have to rely on frozen meals and quick Instant Pot or Crock Pot recipes; things that go together quickly. I don’t buy much fresh produce because I can’t eat it all myself. He won’t touch it. If I’m making myself a salad, he doesn’t want one. If he’s not very hungry at dinner time, I offer him an apple. He declines. He has cookies instead. You get the idea.

I picked up a curbside order on Friday and was beat afterward. I just can’t believe how exhausted I am from doing something so simple. I’m sorry I didn’t post Friday’s Funnies but I was just too tired. I am determined to make sure Dad gets the fiber he needs, whether he likes it or not, so I made sure to get lots of fresh fruit and veggies. I also bought some chops and cheap steaks, chicken breasts, potatoes, and some canned and dried fruit. I spent the entire day Saturday washing produce, vacuum sealing meats and corn on the cob. I blanched the corn first, vacuum-sealed it, and tossed it in the freezer. Very simple things but I was exhausted. I took lots of breaks. My knees were killing me! Since we went out for pizza after picking up our curbside order, I only had enough energy to pop the leftovers in the microwave for lunch. I ate mine cold. Yummo.

Saturday night was hell. I was in so much pain, all I could do was lay in my reclining lift chair. My back hurt so bad I couldn’t even think straight. Sunday, wasn’t as bad but I had aches and pains in places that I forgot I had. I’m still in a bit of pain this morning but my pain is almost down to the level it usually is.

Anyway, about Dad’s issues. His memory is failing. He stumbles quite often, thankfully though he hasn’t hit the floor in quite some time. He’s not helping as much around the house like he used to. For example, every night he would get the coffee maker ready for morning but lately, he has just completely forgotten about it. I don’t mind doing it but this is happening a lot with other things and I just can’t do it all myself. He used to sweep the floor when he saw it needed to be swept. He used to swish the toilet when he saw it was dirty. He used to get stuff out of the washing machine automatically and put clothes in the dryer. Now I have to ask him to do it. I’m too short and the washing machine drum is too deep. I just can’t reach! It’s getting worse and worse and my own pain and mobility issues are quite enough for me to handle. I just don’t know what I’m going to do when Dad needs more care than I can provide.

My family’s (sisters and daughter) solution is that we move to Tennessee so they can help us. Dad won’t move but even if he wanted to, how in the hell am I supposed to pack shit up and get ready to move when I can’t even wash produce without it killing me? Dad can’t help much. How am I supposed to drive 5 hours in a car that I can barely get in and out of? Too many loose ends to deal with. What would I do with my furbabies? What about my son? If I moved away, then he wouldn’t have any of his family near him. At least my sisters and my daughter all have each other in Tennessee. Where would we live? I’m not living with my daughter or my sisters. They already have their hands full with who knows how many dogs and cats! Too crowded for me. Also, our property and everything on it is paid for. Why the hell would I want to start all over? No, thank you. I guess since I can’t get family to step up, I’ll have to kill myself trying to take care of Dad. Ugh.

I have put my own health on the back burner for the past 6 years or so. I have not pursued knee replacement surgery since the last orthopedic doc told me I had to lose more weight first. Since then, Dad has become more frail and I can’t leave him home alone. How the hell am I supposed to have surgery when I can’t leave him alone? I never thought I’d be in this predicament. There’s no one to help – I’m in this alone. And I’m tired…oh so tired.

I started this blog many years ago. I think it was around 2008 and I started it to have a place to vent, to get things off my chest. I’m really glad I still have it because it helps to vent. I thank you for reading – whether you’ve been following me since the beginning or have just started, I thank you very much.

Peace, my friends.

aunt-debbie

Campfire Memories

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Back when my kids were young, we used to pack up hot dogs and marshmallows and go down to our pond to build a big fire and make some memories. We talked and laughed. Dad would tell my kids some stories about when he was a kid; some of the same stories he told me as I was growing up. It’s always funny to hear about the shenanigans of your parents’ and grandparents’ youth, don’t you think?

This particular summer, I had my sister’s kids for a visit. It was after dark. We were roasting hot dogs and marshmallows, telling stories…you know, typical campfire stuff minus the singing. My niece, who was probably only 6 or 7 at the time, had to go to the bathroom and she wouldn’t go in the woods, not even if I went with her. I don’t blame her. It was scary out there in the dark! So, I walked her back to the house so she could go potty.

We didn’t even make it back to the pond. The boys were now back at the house. I don’t remember where my dad was; seems like he was back at the house. My oldest nephew, JC, had to….poop. It came on him all of a sudden. He didn’t have the sense God gave a goose back then and he dropped his pants right next to the campfire!!! I mean, right next to it! He was so close to the fire, I’m surprised he didn’t burn his butt.

The kid made such a nasty mess! He stunk to high hell and had poop all over him and his clothes. We kept asking him, why the heck didn’t you at least move out into the weeds a bit instead of going right next to the fire where we were sitting and eating? He said, “I didn’t have time!”

I have many campfire memories; including those of when I was a youngster backpacking with Dad. So, maybe I’ll have to write a series of Campfire Memories. In the meantime, here’s a post you may have missed: That Tangled Line

The Saga of Jack and BobCat Continues

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Poor Jack. He just hasn’t been the same since “The Imposter” BobCat has come into the house. He has been the most jealous cat I have ever seen! (BobCat has many nicknames but I call him “The Imposter” because there is a real BobCat hanging about at night that has all 4 of my furbabies a bit rattled. Don’t worry, kitties are in an enclosure, safe from outside influences trouble.

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BobCat looks like he’s taking a selfie for a dating website!

“The Imposter” was brought inside in October, after being neutered, vaccinated, and dewormed. It has been very stressful watching Jack continuously so he doesn’t kill BobCat. I mean, continuously! Finally, in the last couple of months, Jack has learned to “be nice” and they actually touch noses almost every night at snack time. He hasn’t beaten him up in a few days. (Trust me, he goes days without incident now instead of several fights per day!)

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Jack looks like he’s pissed!

Anyway, Jack is very jealous and acts out like a child would if he/she were to suddenly have a baby brother that always has mom’s attention. BobCat got used to sleeping on me at night because he felt safe and that used to be Jack’s spot. I can’t get him to come share with BobCat so Jack goes somewhere else. BobCat likes to sleep in my chair when I’m not in it and Jack will jump up and steal my chair before BobCat can get it. Jack has been peeing on things off and on. It makes me so mad! I have numerous bottles of My Pet Peed spray to combat the odor but it would be nice to not have that extra work because I am in so much pain daily.

Jack is still lovable as hell, but not exactly like he was before. I’m trying to pay more attention to him so that he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is still my “nubby wubby” (lovey dovey) and I hope to get him back to normal soon.

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Here’s a pic of Jack and BobCat being nice friendly!

It was actually quite funny. They were sharing my chair and when Jack looked at BobCat, BobCat would turn away. When BobCat turned to look at Jack, Jack would turn away. This went on for several minutes!

To be continued…..

Just. WHY?

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I have spent the last week getting my new laptop set up exactly the way I want it. I hate when they put all the extra fluff that is of no importance to me. I hate all the extra gadgets and programs that start when you first turn on the laptop, the Edge browser, the fact that every time I walk away I have to sign back in, etc. All those things I had to delete and/or change settings. I had to make Google my primary search engine and Chrome my primary browser. It took the entire week to find all the settings I was familiar with on my old laptop. Piece of cake, that one was…until it started to slow down like a dead woman.

So now I sit trying to think of something to write about. The only thing I can think of at the moment is the fact that Donald Trump has been indicted and he is still up to the same ol’ bullshit. When things don’t go his way and he points fingers and calls people names like a damn 10-year-old. He says he’s going to stay in the race. Yay. Lucky us. I can hardly wait to go through another freaking 4 years of his childish behavior and grandiose personality. I just want to scream! Why would anyone want this criminal to be POTUS again? He breaks the law and his supporters don’t give a shit. Yes, he broke the law! Those documents were classified and belonged to the US Government. He put the entire country at risk; who knows what he sold or gave to Russia or China.

So, what’s going to happen if he’s elected again? I hate to even think about it. He needs to be confined to a prison cell!! Hopefully, he won’t even get the nomination but if he does and he wins…. We are in deep shit. Our future; our children’s and grandchildren’s futures are all at risk, because of what Trump has done and will do.

PS To those of you from other countries who are reading this, please know we are not all idiots. Most of us did not vote for Trump before, and will not ever vote for that toad in the future.

See you on the flip side…

aunt-debbie