Back when I was in high school, I must’ve been a Junior or Senior at the time, I had a most hilarious experience! I was walking in front of the student parking lot and a girl I knew from Elementary school was walking beside me. I could see that she was stoned out of her gourd but had no idea how stoned until this happened.
I won’t mention any names for obvious reasons but she and I were talking, about nothing in particular really. It was probably the same ol’ same ol’ of the average high school student. School sucks, I hate homework, that asshole boy, yadda yadda… She pulls a pack of cigarettes out of her sweater pocket, pulls out her lighter, and proceeds to try to light a cigarette. I was watching her because I was amused at the fumbling of this stoned-as-hell girl, but looking where I was going at the same time. I looked over at her just as she walked smack-dab into a telephone pole! She bounced right off that pole! I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die from laughter! My eyes watered and my belly hurt from laughing so hard. Even funnier was the fact that her cigarette was bent – not broken – and she was still trying to get it lit.
I feel bad now because I should have stopped her to check her damn face! I’m sure she must’ve had a mark from hitting that damn pole! She must’ve had a headache or a concussion, who knows.
Shame on me for laughing…but you have to admit, you’d probably laugh too!
When I was pregnant with my first child, an elderly woman walked up to me and said, “You look radiant, dear! I wish you all the luck in the world.” It was the only time in my life when I actually felt beautiful. I felt good about myself. I felt that for once in my life I was doing something special, worthwhile. I’m bringing new life into the world. Soon I’d have a child that I would love unconditionally, and she would love me back.
That compliment came back to me when I was carrying my second child, my son. A friend of mine told me that I looked beautiful but I didn’t feel the same about myself as I did the first time around, mostly because the ex and I were having issues and I was very stressed. I remembered the elderly woman who told me I looked radiant 3 years prior. Instantly, I felt better about myself, and my situation. Unfortunately, my little family was minus one (my ex) a few years later.
I was thinking about my childhood the other day and I began to remember many things I had long forgotten. I then tried to think back as far as I could and I recalled two memories from when I was very small.
I was around 4 years old and in nursery school. I remember having apple juice and graham crackers for snacks. I remember crying a lot because I felt lost. I also wanted to ride one of the tricycles that the other children got to ride, but for some reason, I was not allowed. I feel like something significant happened there because to this day, the smell of apple juice brings me back to that nursery school and makes me want to hurl. I wish I could remember more. Maybe I shouldn’t…
I think I must’ve been around 5 or 6 when my mom and dad and I went to Missouri to visit one of my mom’s relatives. I remember a teenage girl nicknamed “Butter” and she had bright red hair. She was always looking at herself in the mirror and fixing her hair. I looked up to her at the time. She seemed so sophisticated! I wanted to be just like her! I remember an older woman, whom I adored because she was so kind and loving. She was always cooking something delicious! She reminded me of Hazel, The Witch, a book that I had read myself or had someone else read to me. I can’t remember which. I’m pretty sure we were on a farm but the only animals I remember are pigs. I laugh now but back then I stood on a hill and threw rocks down below at the pigs in a pen. Poor little pigs. I wonder where everyone else was when I was doing this? Were they not watching me? I could have wandered off and got lost or hurt myself, being a little girl not used to country life.
How far back can you remember?
It’s been quite a long time since I’ve sat down to write. It’s difficult with lack of sleep and when things aren’t going so well. I haven’t been on social media much lately because the bullshit infuriates me. Between the misinformation and the hypocrisy, I don’t know whether to shit or go blind, as my Granny used to say.
I’ve been watching my Dad’s health decline over the last few months and it’s ripping my heart out. Inevitably, I will lose him so I am making the best of the time I have left to love and appreciate him. His memory is failing him and he’s been having some health issues. He’s finding it more difficult to understand simple things. Thankfully, he hasn’t had a fall since July…knock on wood. He’s a bit unstable at times when walking but manages to keep himself upright with the aid of a cane. I’m finding myself watching him like a hawk, trying to do so without making it obvious. It’s been a rough couple of months because as you know, I have my own health issues; chronic pain and mobility issues always make things more difficult for me. Dad’s not able to help me with little things around the house like he used to and I have no other help. I just take things one day at a time.
Someone asked me the other day, “What will you do when you have to live alone?” “I’m not afraid to live alone,” I explained. “I’m afraid of being forgotten. Forgotten by family and friends. Left behind. Most of my family is in Tennessee and I’m in Missouri. My son is less than 15 miles away and I don’t hear from him very often.” I don’t relish the thought of living here without my Dad but I don’t have a problem living alone. The memories will haunt me, I’m sure.
I’m really trying to hold things together here, and I know I need to write more. I try. I think about something I’d like to write about and then…I just don’t do it. I just don’t have the motivation but I’m trying to get it back. I keep saying that and maybe it will snap back into place sooner than later!
I am enjoying the cooler weather, now that Fall is here. Sweater weather is my favorite weather of all! I just pray that the winter we have coming won’t be like the last!
Until next time,
I’ve been trying to think of something to write about today. But then it happened. My son came over to mow and do some much needed yard work because Goddess knows I am unable to do it and Dad shouldn’t be out in the heat.
When my favorite son was finished he was famished and I just happened to have made some homemade burritos the day before. (The last time I called him my favorite son, I was reamed a new one for playing favorites! Hello, he is my ONLY son!) While he ate I got to thinking about him as a kid, growing up and becoming a man.
He wouldn’t like his photos being seen by everyone so I decided to just share one of my chubby little one year old boy literally shoved in that little tub, and one of the two of us at his graduation!
Of course, he’s in his 30’s now, married to a lovely young lady and they have a little boy together. I’m very proud to be his mom. He just about gave me a few heart attacks growing up, but that’s normal, right?