10 Things I Haven’t Done In Six Months

Like so many people, Dad and I have made staying at home our new normal. Since mid-March, we’ve been keeping a low profile, and it really wasn’t much different than our pre-pandemic lifestyle. We’ve always been homebodies, so we weren’t too concerned about staying home for a few weeks. We spent March 12th -15th getting appointments out of the way, getting medications refilled, picking up groceries and supplies, etc. We had lunch and drinks at our favorite Mexican restaurant. We didn’t think this would be our last time sitting in a restaurant or that this pandemic would still be going on 6 months later!

It’s been lonely, depressing, and boring. I can’t imagine another 6 months of this! Although we don’t live exciting and adventurous lives, we still miss those little things like going to the grocery store or Walmart when we need something, having lunch out, or seeing friends and family on occasion. It’s funny (not-so-funny) the things you miss when you no longer have them.

The following is a list of things I’ve not done since March.

  1. I’ve not been in a grocery store. We always kept our freezers and cupboards stocked even prior to the pandemic, so we didn’t have a lot to get the last time we were out. Mostly all we needed was a few canned goods and we were set for at least 2 months. Thankfully, we’ve been able to get just about everything we’ve needed online since then.
  2. I’ve not been to Walmart. It was always nice to be able to pop in and pick up my medications, try on a few pair of shoes or sweaters, etc., plus the occasional kitchen or bath item. Now, we either do without or find it online.
  3. I’ve not been inside any public establishment. We’ve only been to liquor store, bank, and pharmacy drive-thru windows. We’ve used only curb-side service at out favorite Mexican restaurant, twice. Oh, and we got gas twice in the car and once for the mower.
  4. I’ve not had a haircut. OMG! I need a haircut. I cut my bangs once myself and I’m about to do it again. My hair hasn’t been this long in years. I prefer it short.
  5. I’ve not been out with a friend. I used to meet up with this friend or that friend for lunch and/or a little shopping. Now, I see only one friend periodically while social distancing outside.
  6. I’ve not worn any make up. I never wore much make up before, but now I wear absolutely none! I stopped wearing eye make up several years ago because I can’t see well enough to put it on anymore. But I still wore a little foundation or BB Cream, and maybe some concealer when I planned on going out. If I was feeling exceptionally brave, I might attempt a little mascara with the use of my 10x magnification mirror, but that was rare!
  7. I’ve not had a doctor’s appointment. I saw my Nurse Practitioner on March 12 to have my medications renewed for another year, and had them transferred to a different pharmacy with a drive-thru window. Thankfully, I’ve not had any issues that need a doctor’s attention. Fingers crossed that neither one of us will have to worry about that for a while.
  8. We’ve not taken the car for a check up. Taking Ol’ Blue in for a check up, tune up, or other ‘procedure’ has been postponed indefinitely. We will be needing new tires very soon though, so I need to be thinking about that!
  9. I’ve not taken my furbabies to the vet. My furbabies were due for their vaccinations in May and I’ve put it off. I don’t think I should put it off much longer. I’m feeling very guilty about not doing it. It’s just so stressful thinking about coming into contact with COVID-19 and bringing it home to Dad.
  10. I’ve not been in anyone else’s home. Ugh. I hate not being able to stop in to see someone if I wanted to. I didn’t do a lot of that before for a few reasons: I can’t walk up/down stairs, I always feel like a bother, and with chronic pain being an issue, I just don’t have the energy. It was still nice to have that choice.

Since the above things are not part of my normal life – at least not for a while – I have to occupy my mind with other things. I try to keep my brain sharp (hahaha, if that’s possible!) by doing word puzzles, brain games, and the like. I’ve started another jigsaw puzzle. I’ve been writing more offline – as in personal self-exploration type, and legacy journaling. I’m considering another online class…just can’t decide which one yet! One thing I really need to do more of, is exercise. That’s a hard one for me because of the pain I’m in. It’s so easy to just say, “Not today, maybe tomorrow.” So, on that note, I will leave to go do some exercise on my Air Walker. I just hope I can walk afterwards.

Have a relaxing, SAFE, and fun Labor Day, my friends!

aunt-debbie

Wednesday? Right?

It has been a while since I have written anything. I can’t get motivated and nothing inspires me these days. I’ve been in a great deal of pain, so that doesn’t help. Along with the pain comes depression. It’s depressing to be disabled but add to that the fact that we are staying home and each day is the same as the next. Every day I ask, “What freakin’ day is it?”

I missed last Friday’s Funnies post. I looked in my file and found 3 whole funny memes and I didn’t have it in me to look for more. Nothing seems funny lately. Maybe this week will be better but I doubt it. I still have only 3 memes.

I miss my life, such as it was, prior to the pandemic. I didn’t do much then but it was more than I’m able to do now. At least then I had nothing stopping me from going to the grocery store, Walmart, or wherever I wanted to go. Dad and I miss our Saturday outings for lunch. Who would have thought that one day a week in a Mexican restaurant would mean so much?

I made my famous-not-so-famous Stuffed Bell Peppers yesterday. I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. It was rough but my peppers turned out delicious and were made possible by a great friend who went to the store for me. She picked up bananas, too so that I can make my Granny’s Banana Bread. It’s actually more like cake because it’s heavy and sweet. The items my friend picked up were things I can’t get online. Since I live out in the middle of nowhere, stores won’t deliver and our local Walmart doesn’t do curbside pickup. Thankfully, we can survive without the items I can’t get online! 

Well, for now I have nothing else to write and the hummingbirds are waiting for their sweet water for the day. They drink it almost as fast as I can make it! 

Have a great day!

Thoughts & Revelations

Today is the 67th day Dad and I have stayed home. Other than hitting the liquor store, the bank, and the pharmacy drive-thru windows, that is. I’ve had many thoughts over the past couple of months and I thought maybe I should put them in writing. It’s been difficult to get back to writing in my blog and it has taken me 3 weeks to finish this post. There have been days of anger, days of sadness, and days where I have been completely drained and discouraged, but I have finally completed the task! I just hope it’s coherent. Hahaha.

Just to be clear, these are MY thoughts and MY opinions and no one else’s. If you don’t agree then fine, don’t agree. Just move on…

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1. We are a nation of spoiled brats. That’s right, I said it. People are up in arms about being asked to stay home, and now, after states opening up again people are being absolutely hateful for being required to wear a mask before entering an establishment. That proves nothing except how spoiled they are. The me, me, me mentality rears its ugly head. Wearing a mask or staying home to save lives or at least to slow the advancement of a deadly virus is just an inconvenience! Nothing more. AN INCONVENIENCE, TEMPORARY. I am sickened by the headlines of violence taking place because of a mere inconvenience. And don’t give me your cockamamy bullshit about your rights being violated. It’s your right to go out and contract COVID-19 but it’s not your right to put others in danger in any way, shape, or form. It won’t kill you to wear a mask because you may be asymptomatic and not know it, therefore spreading the virus.

2. I have learned that I don’t need as much as I thought I did. In order to avoid stores, I managed to buy most things online and if I couldn’t find a certain item, then I’d just go without. Even toilet paper. Yep. Even toilet paper. I purchased UNpaper toilet paper and UNpaper paper towels from an Etsy shop. UNpaper products are made from cloth, in case you’ve not heard of this before. Use, wash, reuse. Simple as that. No stress about finding paper products online or in the stores.

3. I’ve learned that I’m perfectly fine with fewer friends. I’ve recently cut ties with people I’ve known much of my life because I’ve had it with their attitudes. I can handle differences of opinions. I don’t mind a discussion over different views, however, when I state my opinion on a subject and someone decides that I must not know “x, y, or z” and they make it a point to say “you may not know this but…” or “but what you don’t understand is…” it really pisses me the fuck off. I mean, just because my opinion is different does NOT mean that I don’t know something, or that I don’t have all the facts! Of course, I don’t know everything and I may not have all the facts, but just because my opinion is different than someone else’s doesn’t mean that a person (who claimed to be a friend) has the right to invalidate my opinion by assuming that I mustn’t know “x, y, or z.” I don’t have time for such nonsense.

4. Regarding doing research… It cracks me up when people read an article put out by the CDC and then start telling people to do their own research. Wtf is up with that?  Do they really think that ANY research that I (or they) do can beat the research put forth by the CDC? By scientists? Ridiculous! The CDC has been in existence for nearly 75 years and its sole purpose has been to research communicable diseases and protect public health. I think they know a little more than some idiot who spent 2 hours watching YouTube videos!

5. I’ve seen some very inspirational stories of people lending a helping hand; donations, delivering groceries to the elderly, kids using their own saved money to purchase items for the needy, people handing out toilet paper from the trunk of their vehicles, and the list goes on. Why can’t everyone be so selfless? Instead, they purchase items that they may already have at home, leaving shelves empty and someone else to go without. Shameful.

6. Over the years you’ve heard people complain about store clerks and fast-food employees wanting higher wages; living wages. And during the stay-at-home time those essential workers have put themselves and their families’ lives at risk so we could have the groceries, paper products, etc., that we need. Don’t you think they would have liked to stay home to prevent illness? They weren’t afforded that luxury if they wanted to keep their jobs. Don’t you think they would have liked to protect their families? So, let’s just give them a higher damn wage because they deserve it!

7. That brings me to the fact that nurses, doctors, CNAs, cleaning crew, lab personnel, technicians, EMTs, police, firemen, etc., have all put their lives on hold and in danger to take care of us. They have families, too. Many of them stayed away from their families and probably still are staying away, so as not to expose their spouses and children to COVID-19. I am very much in awe of each and every one of them because quite honestly, I’m not sure that I would have been that selfless. They are the heroes. We all owe them a huge THANK YOU.

8. Most of us like to think that we are self-sufficient and for many things we are. But during a pandemic like the one we are experiencing, we are realizing how much we really do depend on others. It’s hard handling things alone. We need each other. We are in this together.

9. I can’t even begin to imagine how women and children in abusive relationships have felt being locked down with their abusers. Kids, whose only respite was to go to school, who have been suddenly stuck at home, are suffering at the hands of some abusive narcissist.

10. I have anxiety and depression to deal with but I can’t imagine having those issues or worse with no one to lean on. Can you imagine living alone and being quarantined with no one for support? Mental Health is always very important but during this time it is especially important so if you know someone who has issues, please reach out to them. You could be their only lifeline.

11. This pandemic is enough to cause panic, anxiety, depression, etc. People panic when they feel they no longer have control of their own lives. This is why hoarding was so out of control, and still may be in some places. Anxieties build up, depression swallows. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Be helpful.

12. Teachers and schools have stepped up during this time and delivered food to their students, provided lessons online, and I’ll bet you’ve seen stories of teachers going the extra mile to help their students with their studies while stuck at home. They’re so amazing!

13. And one final thought: Those who are spreading conspiracy theories need to STOP! We have enough on our plates already. Stop making things worse!

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I’m not sure that Dad and I will feel safe to go out for a few more months, but who knows. Maybe that second wave won’t happen. Maybe things will go back to a somewhat normal way of life. We can only hope…

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Hypervigilance Rears Its Ugly Head

Oh, boy. I had a rough night. My anxiety is at full throttle. I don’t mind staying at home because it’s pretty normal for me anyway, however, I miss the option of going out IF I so choose. That’s not what’s causing my anxiety. My anxiety is coming from the deep, dark crevices of my feeble brain…and my brain wants to know “will this nightmare ever end?” It’s worrisome. It’s frightening. Not knowing what’s going to happen, how it will all play out is what’s causing my anxiety. My therapist once told me that I most likely had PTSD from some rather nasty personal experiences in my life and I’m sure this pandemic has added to it. Anxiety and I had an agreement; I will chill if anxiety would chill. We were doing well until last night.

I went to bed at 2am and I wasn’t even sleepy. It took about an hour to drift off. I slept for about 2 hours before waking up. As I lay there, trying to fight through my pain so I could go back to sleep, I became very aware of every sound known to man. That’s an exaggeration…I think. I heard the clock in the kitchen ticking…tick, tock, tick, tock. I heard one of the cats walk across the kitchen floor. I usually hear them when they run through the house but walking? I’m pretty sure it was Alice.

A few minutes later, I hear this horrible rumbling and I had to get up to see what it was. The water heater. I never hear the water heater! Then, coyotes in the distance. It sounded like they had pups. Then gnawing… Damn critters in the walls. Gnaw, gnaw. I pound my fist on the wall above my head. I’ve spooked them and now I hear the little footsteps running. A few minutes later, more gnawing. Good grief! The refrigerator is making some gawd-awful noises now!

Getting close to daybreak and I hear an owl at a fair distance so it wasn’t too loud. Now, a fucking woodpecker is in the tree outside of my bedroom. Knock, knock, knock. I hope he knocks himself cuckoo. Crunching. Crunching? What the hell is that? One of the cats is eating dry kibble. Drip, drip. Kitchen faucet dripping. Honey Bear is snoring at the foot of my bed. I hear a whistle and realize it’s my damn nose. My stomach growls and at first, I think it’s another critter. Nope. But now something is in the crawl space above my closet. I can hear it moving around. I hope it’s big enough to fucking kill me and eat me, I thought. I hear a cat scratching on the scratching post now. Ssshhh….I thought I heard a door open. I got up to check it out. I never figured out what it was. Maybe that critter in the crawlspace found his way in and is going to kill me now.

I turned on the a/c in my room just to drown out the noises. I should have used my earplugs. Earplugs are a wonderful invention! With my earplugs, the only sounds I hear are the sound of my heart beating and my own breaths. It’s very relaxing; I wish I’d have thought to use them. It’s 7:30am by this time. I wasn’t having any luck going back to sleep so I just got up.

After chores and lunch, I crashed in my lift chair and took a nice 2 hour nap. I slept hard. I wish I could sleep like that at night and in my bed. Ugh.

Sunday Morning / Day 35

It seems like I’ve been in this house for 135 days, not 35. The days are long and boring. They have been boring prior to this pandemic, but at least then I looked forward to going out on occasion. Right now, I don’t even dare go to the grocery store for fear of bringing the virus home to Dad. Besides, the way they have the stores set up right now, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Only allowing so many people in the store at once means that I would have to wait in line and I doubt my legs would let me get any further. Inside the store, IF I were able to make it that far, some stores have one-way aisles and most have 6-foot markers. I don’t have time to stand there waiting for the person in front of me to move another 6 feet. I mean, I have all the time in the world BUT with my pain level and mobility issues, I have to get in and get out quickly, which would be next to impossible right now.

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I’m ordering most things online, but thankfully, we don’t need a lot because we had our freezers and cabinets full (as we always do) before the stay at home orders. We’ve run a bit low on meat, but we have some shelf-stable meals to help. I’ve also ordered a few things from Schwan’s so that will help with the meat situation, as well. My son is going to the store for me; just a few staples like bread, butter, potatoes, bottled water. I will need to order more canned cat food soon as The Pack has informed me that we only have 22 cans left. Hahaha!

I think Dad is a bit more stir crazy than I am. He wants to go out and have lunch but I’ve told him the only way we will do that is if we fetch food via curbside or use the drive-up window. Unfortunately, we live too far away to take advantage of delivery services. I was informed that prices have been jacked up sky-high by some places; like McD’s, 3 simple meals for $50. Ridiculous and this ol’ broad would have to be starving to eat at McD’s in the first place let alone at that price!!

I’m trying not to be negative at this point but I really don’t see things ending well for this country. We need competent leadership to unite us during this most challenging time. I’ll stop there before I say what I really think about our current leadership or lack thereof.

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I hope you all are staying safe and making the most of your situation. That’s about all we can do right now. I am asking one favor of you all. If you read this, please comment where you’re from and how you’re doing. What are you doing at home to pass the time? I’d really love to hear!!

I just can’t seem to focus on my blog these days but I will try to write more in the coming days. until then, take care of yourselves, my friends!

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