Crossed Wires

The other night, Dad and I were outside walking towards the house. I heard him say something and turned to ask him what he said. He repeated it.

“Do you want me to scrape the house for the pancakes?” He asked.

“What?” I replied because I didn’t understand what he just said.

He repeated himself with more emphasis. “Do you want me to scrape the house for the pancakes?”

Again, I replied but with a little unbelief in my voice, “WHAT? Dad that doesn’t make any sense.”

He was getting angry now. “Oh, Goddammit,” he said with a raised voice.

“Sorry, Dad. I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” I replied. I was thinking our wires must be crossed, as they say.

telephone-1822040_960_720

He repeated the same thing again, except this time he used hand motions to convey his message. “Do you want me to scrape (hands motioning like a window cleaner cleaning a window with a squeegee) the house for the pancakes (motioning his hands as if he was bouncing a ball)?

Now I was thinking does he have full-blown Alzheimer’s or is it me? Do I have dementia? Good grief!

About that time I woke up and thought to myself, thank the heavens it was just a dream!

Friday’s Funnies – My Faves This Week

It has been a nutty week in my neck of the woods! Of course, that’s what makes life interesting, don’t you think?

This first little funny is one from my own house…. In fact, it just missed being in my last post Shit My Dad Says, by one day! Here we go!

~~~

Dad came in the house after being outside working. He said, “There’s a walkin’ stick outside on the front door. His name is Christopher.” I guess I looked at him funny, so he added, “Christopher Walken.”

42260121_10156689634919299_7416357666248720384_n

~~~

10532355_583622328409371_3327792194774571167_n
Ah, a peaceful night’s sleep!

11214325_1141694039192372_4913287221432469261_n

12011397_1141560875872355_4427561216526206371_n

14333784_1114601791938521_4325908304119185717_n

 

40241042_731775500532268_1908195837230448640_n

40685409_2113861105339335_7159657070218706944_n
Mother Nature has a wicked sense of humor!

41502748_1436832553119315_5823691957901197312_n

41715277_2324651050895873_2394950502430277632_n

41752336_1904197209645638_6039602493606854656_n

41940945_2092965544365899_1307568519428177920_n
So, that’s how it happened?!

 

41820785_1904199132978779_1229631291255685120_n
I think I’d petition for a street name change!

42058561_2090555817671262_8492154352926982144_n

~~~

I hope you enjoyed this week’s funnies! I hope your “First Day of Fall” weekend is full of lots of laughs. Laughter is good medicine! Thanks for reading my blog! I do appreciate every one of you!

Aunt Debbie

Shit My Dad Says, Round #2

It’s been quite a while since Round #1 of #ShitMyDadSays, so I figured I’d see if I have enough notes for Round #2!

It’s always been quite interesting having my Dad for a dad but as he has grown older (almost 82) it’s been even more shocking and hilarious! Dad has pretty much always been the ‘comedy relief’ in our family and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

So, without further ado, here are Dad’s antics of the past several months! Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dad: “These envelopes don’t ever stay sealed.”

Me: “Do you not lick them good enough?”

Dad: “No.”

Me: “Do you lick them too much?”

Dad: “No. I have been licking envelopes all my life and I never had any trouble with them until I moved to f***ing Missouri!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dad was watching TV one night and started to get irritated with the commercials. I come into the room and he says, “Sure got a lot of cows on TV these days.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hear a thump in the kitchen…. Dad was throwing something in the garbage.

Me: “What are you doing?”

Dad: “Oh just falling down.” (He sounded rather disgusted with himself.)

Me: “You fell down?”

Dad: “Yeah.”

Me: “Are you ok?”

Dad: “Yeah.”

Me: “How’d you manage that?”

Dad: “I guess I just bent over too far!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day, on the way to Walmart, Dad passes gas in the car. I tell him, “Don’t do that in the car!” He says, “Where am I suppose to do it?” I said, “In Walmart like you usually do!” We both crack up because it’s oh-so-true!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just before dark one night, Dad goes to the front door to call Jack inside. (Jack has a curfew.) He’s calling Jack and I hear him say, “Is that Jack? Looks awful big to be Jack. Must be Jack. Who else would it be? Hey, come back here, Jack!” I go to the living room and Jack’s behind Dad, looking confused. Dad turns around and I say, “Jack’s right here, Dad. In the house.” He’s a bit puzzled and says, “What the hell was THAT then?” I went out and looked and saw no other critter. He said it was pretty big. To this day, we have no idea what he saw!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dad says “I think my shorts are more like a skirt now.” I looked at him waving the front of his shorts back and forth. Then he realized he had them on wrong. He had both legs in one leg hole and they were on sideways!! (Actual shorts, not underwear, in case you were wondering.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dad says about Tyra Banks: “She looks like a call girl; an overused one. And she walks like she has a stick up her ass.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In regards to replacing John McCain after his death, Dad says, “I’d take the job but I don’t want to move.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our power was out, mid-July. It was too warm to not have the power to run the a/c or even a fan so we were sitting outside on the catio. Dad was drinking wine, as he always does but this particular night he had one or two too many glasses. He says, “What the hell kind of noise was that? Did you hear that other bird laugh?” And then, “That bird is saying the same thing, over and over!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m always saying I’ll do ‘xyz’ when I get around to it. Dad said I can get a “round to it” at Menard’s. (Menard’s is a Home Improvement Center.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were eating at a Mexican Cafe one day. We had been there many times before but I never noticed a side door entrance before. I pointed it out to Dad. He said, “Yeah, it’s been there for a long time. I saw real people, not actors, go through it!” (This is referencing a car commercial where they are sure to tell us ‘these are real people, not actors.’ We always wonder, aren’t actors real people, too?)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, there ya have it! My life with Dad is always comedic in one way or another. I always expect him to say silly things, I just don’t know when!!! Do you have someone in your family, perhaps an older parent, who makes you laugh or scratch your head? I’d love to hear about it!

Be sure to look for Round #3 of #ShitMyDadSays in a few months! Thanks for reading, y’all!

Throwback Thursday

While scrolling through my old posts, this one caught my eye because it’s a never-ending thing at my house. I am currently gathering a new set of #ShitMyDadSays quotes to post later on, but these are still hilarious! The man never stops! Anyway, I hope you get a good laugh. Happy Thursday!

Shit My Dad Says

 

 

“I’m Just Ugly”

I told this story on my Facebook page tonight. I can’t believe how little things turn into something so hilarious!

Dad and I went to Chili’s for lunch today. We had only been seated for about 10 minutes before a few ladies came in and sat behind us. The thing is, one of the ladies peered down at me as she passed as if I had my clothes on backward or something. I had to do a quick check!

Anyway, the same lady got up to use the restroom and on her way back she did the same thing! I looked down at my shirt, thinking maybe I had salsa dripped down the front of me or something. Nothing there. Dad noticed too. I thought maybe she thought she knew me….

Shortly after, I got up to use the restroom. When I came back, there she was with that peering look again! I asked Dad, “Geez. Do I have slop all over my face? Are my clothes wonky? Do I stink?” He said, “No, you’re just ugly.” “Thanks, Dad,” I said. Then we just laughed our butts off. I hope the snotty lady was bothered by our laughter.

Lol. Filing this under #ShitMyDadSays