Throwback Thursday

When I was just a teenager but out of high school, I was working at an elementary school as an Instructional Aide. I worked in a Resource Classroom where kids would come in from their regular classrooms for specialized help in certain subjects. If they were behind their grade level in a subject, they would come to us to help them get caught up with their classmates. It was a very rewarding job and I had planned to go to college and eventually choose a career in either Speech Therapy or Special Education. That didn’t exactly go as planned…but I digress.

I didn’t have a car of my own at that point in my life so I had to either walk, get a ride, or borrow my mom’s car. She was never fond of the idea of being without wheels and I guess I don’t blame her. I don’t like being without wheels either! Anyway, normally she would pick me up in lieu of letting me take the car.

One day she actually let me borrow her car, an ugly green station wagon. I sure wish they still made them! It wasn’t a cool car by a long shot, but I’d love to have one now! I wasn’t used to her letting me take the car, so I forgot I had it! I waited and waited…and waited and waited…for her to come get me and she never showed up! I figured she forgot or something came up.

After a good 45 minutes, I called her on the phone. When she picked up I asked, “Where are you? Are you still coming to get me or should I just walk?” She said, “You have the car, you dingbat!” I was instantly embarrassed!! Some of my co-workers (teachers, office management, and other aides) were in the office at the time and they all knew I was waiting for my ride. I could feel the heat on my face as it turned beet-red. When I got off the phone, I laughed at myself.. even though I was dreadfully embarrassed! One of my co-workers asked me what was going on. I explained what happened and felt so ridiculously stupid! That ugly green station wagon was out in the parking lot the entire time! Silly me.

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Thankfully, I don’t have too many really embarrassing moments anymore. What are some of your most embarrassing moments? Do share…

Shit My Dad Says, Round #2

It’s been quite a while since Round #1 of #ShitMyDadSays, so I figured I’d see if I have enough notes for Round #2!

It’s always been quite interesting having my Dad for a dad but as he has grown older (almost 82) it’s been even more shocking and hilarious! Dad has pretty much always been the ‘comedy relief’ in our family and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

So, without further ado, here are Dad’s antics of the past several months! Enjoy!

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Dad: “These envelopes don’t ever stay sealed.”

Me: “Do you not lick them good enough?”

Dad: “No.”

Me: “Do you lick them too much?”

Dad: “No. I have been licking envelopes all my life and I never had any trouble with them until I moved to f***ing Missouri!”

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Dad was watching TV one night and started to get irritated with the commercials. I come into the room and he says, “Sure got a lot of cows on TV these days.”

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I hear a thump in the kitchen…. Dad was throwing something in the garbage.

Me: “What are you doing?”

Dad: “Oh just falling down.” (He sounded rather disgusted with himself.)

Me: “You fell down?”

Dad: “Yeah.”

Me: “Are you ok?”

Dad: “Yeah.”

Me: “How’d you manage that?”

Dad: “I guess I just bent over too far!”

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One day, on the way to Walmart, Dad passes gas in the car. I tell him, “Don’t do that in the car!” He says, “Where am I suppose to do it?” I said, “In Walmart like you usually do!” We both crack up because it’s oh-so-true!

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Just before dark one night, Dad goes to the front door to call Jack inside. (Jack has a curfew.) He’s calling Jack and I hear him say, “Is that Jack? Looks awful big to be Jack. Must be Jack. Who else would it be? Hey, come back here, Jack!” I go to the living room and Jack’s behind Dad, looking confused. Dad turns around and I say, “Jack’s right here, Dad. In the house.” He’s a bit puzzled and says, “What the hell was THAT then?” I went out and looked and saw no other critter. He said it was pretty big. To this day, we have no idea what he saw!

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Dad says “I think my shorts are more like a skirt now.” I looked at him waving the front of his shorts back and forth. Then he realized he had them on wrong. He had both legs in one leg hole and they were on sideways!! (Actual shorts, not underwear, in case you were wondering.)

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Dad says about Tyra Banks: “She looks like a call girl; an overused one. And she walks like she has a stick up her ass.”

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In regards to replacing John McCain after his death, Dad says, “I’d take the job but I don’t want to move.”

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Our power was out, mid-July. It was too warm to not have the power to run the a/c or even a fan so we were sitting outside on the catio. Dad was drinking wine, as he always does but this particular night he had one or two too many glasses. He says, “What the hell kind of noise was that? Did you hear that other bird laugh?” And then, “That bird is saying the same thing, over and over!”

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I’m always saying I’ll do ‘xyz’ when I get around to it. Dad said I can get a “round to it” at Menard’s. (Menard’s is a Home Improvement Center.)

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We were eating at a Mexican Cafe one day. We had been there many times before but I never noticed a side door entrance before. I pointed it out to Dad. He said, “Yeah, it’s been there for a long time. I saw real people, not actors, go through it!” (This is referencing a car commercial where they are sure to tell us ‘these are real people, not actors.’ We always wonder, aren’t actors real people, too?)

 

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So, there ya have it! My life with Dad is always comedic in one way or another. I always expect him to say silly things, I just don’t know when!!! Do you have someone in your family, perhaps an older parent, who makes you laugh or scratch your head? I’d love to hear about it!

Be sure to look for Round #3 of #ShitMyDadSays in a few months! Thanks for reading, y’all!

Friday’s Funnies – My Faves This Week

Wow, seems to be later and later in the evening before I get to posting Friday’s Funnies! I try, I really do. But you know how it is; Life just gets in the way sometimes. I hope this week has been kind to you and I definitely hope this post of funnies will make you laugh! Be sure to let me know in the comments which ones are your favorites!

Enjoy!

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bubba with the two assholes

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary.

The three men had always done everything together!!!!!

Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”

The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.

Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”

The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”

Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes.”

“What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.

Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two assholes!”

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Have a fantastic weekend everyone! I plan on doing absolutely nothing. Of course, plans to “do nothing” rarely work out that way, do they?

Aunt Debbie

Friday’s Funnies – My Faves This Week

Happy Friday! I hope this week has been good to you! My plate has been full all week and I’m trying to wind down now and get my funny on! Here’s a small collection of funnies for you to enjoy…at least, I hope you enjoy them!

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Well, there ya go! I hope you have a great Labor Day weekend! My plans? Ask the frog!

Aunt Debbie

Throwback Thursday

While scrolling through my old posts, this one caught my eye because it’s a never-ending thing at my house. I am currently gathering a new set of #ShitMyDadSays quotes to post later on, but these are still hilarious! The man never stops! Anyway, I hope you get a good laugh. Happy Thursday!

Shit My Dad Says