It’s been quite a while since Round #1 of #ShitMyDadSays, so I figured I’d see if I have enough notes for Round #2!
It’s always been quite interesting having my Dad for a dad but as he has grown older (almost 82) it’s been even more shocking and hilarious! Dad has pretty much always been the ‘comedy relief’ in our family and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
So, without further ado, here are Dad’s antics of the past several months! Enjoy!
Dad: “These envelopes don’t ever stay sealed.”
Me: “Do you not lick them good enough?”
Me: “Do you lick them too much?”
Dad: “No. I have been licking envelopes all my life and I never had any trouble with them until I moved to f***ing Missouri!”
Dad was watching TV one night and started to get irritated with the commercials. I come into the room and he says, “Sure got a lot of cows on TV these days.”
I hear a thump in the kitchen…. Dad was throwing something in the garbage.
Me: “What are you doing?”
Dad: “Oh just falling down.” (He sounded rather disgusted with himself.)
Me: “You fell down?”
Me: “Are you ok?”
Me: “How’d you manage that?”
Dad: “I guess I just bent over too far!”
One day, on the way to Walmart, Dad passes gas in the car. I tell him, “Don’t do that in the car!” He says, “Where am I suppose to do it?” I said, “In Walmart like you usually do!” We both crack up because it’s oh-so-true!
Just before dark one night, Dad goes to the front door to call Jack inside. (Jack has a curfew.) He’s calling Jack and I hear him say, “Is that Jack? Looks awful big to be Jack. Must be Jack. Who else would it be? Hey, come back here, Jack!” I go to the living room and Jack’s behind Dad, looking confused. Dad turns around and I say, “Jack’s right here, Dad. In the house.” He’s a bit puzzled and says, “What the hell was THAT then?” I went out and looked and saw no other critter. He said it was pretty big. To this day, we have no idea what he saw!
Dad says “I think my shorts are more like a skirt now.” I looked at him waving the front of his shorts back and forth. Then he realized he had them on wrong. He had both legs in one leg hole and they were on sideways!! (Actual shorts, not underwear, in case you were wondering.)
Dad says about Tyra Banks: “She looks like a call girl; an overused one. And she walks like she has a stick up her ass.”
In regards to replacing John McCain after his death, Dad says, “I’d take the job but I don’t want to move.”
Our power was out, mid-July. It was too warm to not have the power to run the a/c or even a fan so we were sitting outside on the catio. Dad was drinking wine, as he always does but this particular night he had one or two too many glasses. He says, “What the hell kind of noise was that? Did you hear that other bird laugh?” And then, “That bird is saying the same thing, over and over!”
I’m always saying I’ll do ‘xyz’ when I get around to it. Dad said I can get a “round to it” at Menard’s. (Menard’s is a Home Improvement Center.)
We were eating at a Mexican Cafe one day. We had been there many times before but I never noticed a side door entrance before. I pointed it out to Dad. He said, “Yeah, it’s been there for a long time. I saw real people, not actors, go through it!” (This is referencing a car commercial where they are sure to tell us ‘these are real people, not actors.’ We always wonder, aren’t actors real people, too?)
So, there ya have it! My life with Dad is always comedic in one way or another. I always expect him to say silly things, I just don’t know when!!! Do you have someone in your family, perhaps an older parent, who makes you laugh or scratch your head? I’d love to hear about it!
Be sure to look for Round #3 of #ShitMyDadSays in a few months! Thanks for reading, y’all!