Shit My Dad Says, Round #2

It’s been quite a while since Round #1 of #ShitMyDadSays, so I figured I’d see if I have enough notes for Round #2!

It’s always been quite interesting having my Dad for a dad but as he has grown older (almost 82) it’s been even more shocking and hilarious! Dad has pretty much always been the ‘comedy relief’ in our family and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

So, without further ado, here are Dad’s antics of the past several months! Enjoy!


Dad: “These envelopes don’t ever stay sealed.”

Me: “Do you not lick them good enough?”

Dad: “No.”

Me: “Do you lick them too much?”

Dad: “No. I have been licking envelopes all my life and I never had any trouble with them until I moved to f***ing Missouri!”


Dad was watching TV one night and started to get irritated with the commercials. I come into the room and he says, “Sure got a lot of cows on TV these days.”


I hear a thump in the kitchen…. Dad was throwing something in the garbage.

Me: “What are you doing?”

Dad: “Oh just falling down.” (He sounded rather disgusted with himself.)

Me: “You fell down?”

Dad: “Yeah.”

Me: “Are you ok?”

Dad: “Yeah.”

Me: “How’d you manage that?”

Dad: “I guess I just bent over too far!”


One day, on the way to Walmart, Dad passes gas in the car. I tell him, “Don’t do that in the car!” He says, “Where am I suppose to do it?” I said, “In Walmart like you usually do!” We both crack up because it’s oh-so-true!


Just before dark one night, Dad goes to the front door to call Jack inside. (Jack has a curfew.) He’s calling Jack and I hear him say, “Is that Jack? Looks awful big to be Jack. Must be Jack. Who else would it be? Hey, come back here, Jack!” I go to the living room and Jack’s behind Dad, looking confused. Dad turns around and I say, “Jack’s right here, Dad. In the house.” He’s a bit puzzled and says, “What the hell was THAT then?” I went out and looked and saw no other critter. He said it was pretty big. To this day, we have no idea what he saw!


Dad says “I think my shorts are more like a skirt now.” I looked at him waving the front of his shorts back and forth. Then he realized he had them on wrong. He had both legs in one leg hole and they were on sideways!! (Actual shorts, not underwear, in case you were wondering.)


Dad says about Tyra Banks: “She looks like a call girl; an overused one. And she walks like she has a stick up her ass.”


In regards to replacing John McCain after his death, Dad says, “I’d take the job but I don’t want to move.”


Our power was out, mid-July. It was too warm to not have the power to run the a/c or even a fan so we were sitting outside on the catio. Dad was drinking wine, as he always does but this particular night he had one or two too many glasses. He says, “What the hell kind of noise was that? Did you hear that other bird laugh?” And then, “That bird is saying the same thing, over and over!”


I’m always saying I’ll do ‘xyz’ when I get around to it. Dad said I can get a “round to it” at Menard’s. (Menard’s is a Home Improvement Center.)


We were eating at a Mexican Cafe one day. We had been there many times before but I never noticed a side door entrance before. I pointed it out to Dad. He said, “Yeah, it’s been there for a long time. I saw real people, not actors, go through it!” (This is referencing a car commercial where they are sure to tell us ‘these are real people, not actors.’ We always wonder, aren’t actors real people, too?)



So, there ya have it! My life with Dad is always comedic in one way or another. I always expect him to say silly things, I just don’t know when!!! Do you have someone in your family, perhaps an older parent, who makes you laugh or scratch your head? I’d love to hear about it!

Be sure to look for Round #3 of #ShitMyDadSays in a few months! Thanks for reading, y’all!

15 thoughts on “Shit My Dad Says, Round #2

  1. My dad. King of puns. Remembers jokes so well that I can’t remember what he shared!

    When I was a kid, we were in Walmart. My mom was looking for a bedspread made by a company called Charlene. She said, “I’m looking for Charlene.” My dad kept shouting as we walked through the store, “Charlene! Oh, Charlene! Where are you, Charlene?” Needless to say, Mom was not amused.

    My great-uncle Bud, who has since passed, lived in California and came to visit us in Ohio one time (with his wife). He put the kettle on the stove (getting it out of the cupboard) and turned on the burner without putting water in it. My mom wondered what was burning. She asked him why he put the kettle on without water in it. His response? “In California, we always keep water in ours.” He also asked if they moved the airport when they landed (it wasn’t moved) and claimed there used to be two airports, right next to each other, in Cleveland (not so).

    Liked by 1 person

    • πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ OMGoodness! What a riot! It would have been a bit awkward had there been a Charlene in the store doing her shopping, minding her own business! Lmao! I’m California originally and we always kept water in our kettle too, and on the stove come to think of it. We never put it in the cupboard. Great stories! Thanks for sharing! πŸ˜€


  2. The only elderly people left in my family is my mom, and she’s never really been a funny person, more on the serious side. If she was ever funny, it wasn’t around me. lol Now, one of her sisters (deceased since the eighties), who was my godmother, was really fun and funny person. She was my favorite aunt. Rod and his side of the family are the fun people. I always told Rod that he and his nephew (his sister’s son) should have tried out to be writers for Saturday Night Live. Their ideas were that good.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s awesome! I don’t like sour pusses so being around people who never laugh would stress me out big time! SNL really need some good writers AND comedians these days! It’s not funny like it was back in the days of John Belushi, Chevy Chase and Gilda Radner, etc. Good times! Loved watching! πŸ˜€


  3. Pingback: Friday’s Funnies – My Faves This Week – Being Aunt Debbie

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