The Fourth

An amazing thing has happened! My son and his wife have had their first child! We are so blessed and so very happy to have this little guy in our lives. I cannot even wait until he’s bigger!

Something occurred to me today, as we were sitting with this precious little fellow. Not only is he my 4th grandchild, but he is Dad’s 4th great-grandchild! Imagine that! We are elated!

I wonder what toys he will like, or what his favorite animal might be. I wonder what things he will find hilarious or what things might frighten him. His hair is brown now, and his eyes dark blue but I wonder if they will change. I wonder if he will be short or tall, thin or not-so-thin. I wonder if he will love books and which ones will be his favorites. I wonder what his favorite foods will be and if he’ll try zucchini or mushrooms.

I wonder if he will love us….because I know already we sure do love him!

Blog pics

A Ray, A Sparkle & Perfectness

Amidst all of the political BS and devastation due to hurricanes and fires, I have to set my mind to a more positive channel. I HAVE to. The awful things that happen to people consume me. The political shit storm of opinions and uninformed comments consume me. By consume I mean that I am overwhelmed with a multitude of feelings such as a profound sadness and helplessness for people who are experiencing such losses and an intense desire to put my fist through the face of an idiot who hasn’t taken the time to research anything before forming an opinion. 

Sometimes I am so overloaded with sadness, rage, empathy, concern, sorrow….that I need to unplug from the world. I have decreased the amount of time I’m spending on social media and doing other things like reading, writing, doing word puzzles to keep my brain sharp, making a holiday shopping list, crafting, crocheting, doing a few extra chores, and making lists of things I need to do, recipes I want to try, ingredients I need to buy, and the like. I wish I could do more, but chronic pain and mobility issues play a big part in deciding what I do each day. 

I think I watch less television, but when the other person in the household has to watch all day long (and sometimes the same exact news repeated numerous times throughout the day) it’s rather hard to get away from. I do retreat to my room for large chunks of the day to unwind, nap or just write.

There have been a few things this week that have made me smile and forget about the YUCK of life. There’s one particular thing that stands out from this past week.

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My grand daughter called me the other day. It was nice to hear her little 8-year-old voice. I have missed her a LOT! It’s been 2 months since her last visit. We have made some plans for a visit week after next, but nothing is set in stone as yet. I look forward to seeing her. She makes me laugh and I love her hugs! She’s got to be the most considerate and helpful child on the planet; another reason she’s so easy to love! Her overnight stays are the best! We have a little bedtime rhyme we have shared since she was just a little bitty thing and it goes like this:

“I love you little,

I love you big,

I love you like a little pig.”

We always get a little chuckle out of it and I cherish these special moments. Another special moment I get to witness is when she and her (Great) Grampa are watching SpongeBob SquarePants together. All I can do is grin from ear to ear when they’re laughing their heads off! Too bad the other 2 grandkids don’t get to enjoy these special times with him too. 

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So, there’s a little bright sparkle of goodness, a ray of sunshine, a pocketful of perfectness that is my little Doodle Bug coming for a visit soon!!  Boy, do I need that visit!

Ugh…..

Here I sit, sick with a dreadful head cold. I haven’t been sick since December. Ugh. I know that no one likes to be sick. I despise being sick. I am of no use to anyone when I’m sick. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there until the sickness passes…..or I die from boredom, whichever comes first.

Instead of laying in bed all day, I decided to transfer my Blogger Blog to WordPress. So far, so good. It’s here. I figured an update would be in order since it’s been so long since I blogged. (That is, if the fog in my brain will let me complete sentences and actually make sense.)

What has happened over the last 6 months?

*My 3rd grand baby was born in February! Oh my! He is so precious. He has hair like his mother when she was a baby. S.R. had the wildest hair, but I could put clips and ribbons in her hair to keep it ‘tamed’. The first comment people make when they see photos of K.A. is, “Look at that hair!” Dad and I have been trying to go see “the little hairy one” at least once a month. I can’t wait to go see him again.

*My daughter and her boyfriend (A NEW AND IMPROVED BOYFRIEND, since I last posted on the subject!!) have a nice little apartment in Branson, both are working, and they have a competent babysitter for “the little hairy one”. I am very pleased that S.R. is back on track and equally pleased with Z.G., who has proved to be a great daddy and a really good guy. I am very happy to welcome him into our crazy family!

*My pain level continues to rise. If it’s not the ice cold winter, it’s the humidity making my pain worse. Some days I can barely walk. My cane gets lots of use these days. I’m looking into finding a new doctor.

*My son and his girlfriend have found a place of their own and I have an extra room now for my supplies. It’s still a bit on the unorganized side, but I’m working on what works best for me. Time to get the business back on track!

*I have been taking my therapist’s advice and taking care of me. I have spent nearly my entire adulthood taking care of others’ needs and putting my own needs on the back burner. I don’t mind helping others. I actually like helping people. However, I have never set boundaries or limitations. I have had to cut ties with a couple friends because they just didn’t understand. I guess they figured I should be there for them at any given moment.

*I won’t give any details here about this, but let me just say that I am DONE trying to jump through hoops that I just can’t jump through! When one party refuses to take into consideration my physical pain and limitations and STILL expects me to jump….well let’s just say the truth will come out eventually and they will be seen for the hypocritical, judgmental, self-righteous people they truly are. Karma’s a real bitch, baby!

*We finally upgraded to faster internet!! I am finally able to do a lot of things more easily, that I put off all the time before because it was just too much trouble. So, I wonder what I might be getting into next! More blogging for one…..

*Dad is doing great, aside from his forgetfulness. Of course, brain fog makes me forget too, so who am I to talk, huh? What he forgets, I remember. What I forget, he remembers. We help each other out, see?!

So, that’s about it…. Of course, the fog in my head prevents me from remembering a lot of what has been going on lately. I’ll remember more when I’m feeling better and when I come back to read this, I’ll feel like a complete imbecile!

Back to bed….

Reliving A Nightmare

Last night, I dreamed of my mom who was killed in a car accident in August 1992. She had been drinking and popping prescription pain relievers. She was not wearing a seat belt and was thrown from the vehicle. In my dream, she was alive and I had the opportunity to stop her from not wearing her seat belt. Did she listen? No. She didn’t like anyone telling her what to do or what not to do. I woke up feeling that same pain and sadness as I did almost 19 years ago.

When my parents were still married, many times she called my Dad a “know-it-all.” She resented the fact that my father was a college graduate and she barely finished the 9th grade. Many times, I was also a “know-it-all.” There was aways a conflict brewing in our household. She always took the opposite stance on any subject, regardless.

I understand completely not liking being told what to do; I don’t like it either. But common sense steps in and takes over. Common sense tells me to wear a seat belt. I hope common sense tells my grown children to wear a seat belt. I raised them to be responsible, self-reliant human beings. I hope they understand that wearing a seat belt can not only save their lives but also ensure that their children have a mother/father in their lives.

Although my mother and I butted heads and were often at odds, I still wish she were here. If she had just worn that seat belt she would be enjoying her many grandchildren and her 2 beautiful great-grandchildren today. She was 50 years old the year she died and would now be nearing 70. It would be wonderful to have a mom to talk to about personal things or just to have a little girl talk. Of course, that would be in a perfect world because mom was so argumentative that our girl talk would have turned into a cat fight!

I still wish she were here…..