Category Archives: Health

Never Again…

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It’s been a rough week. Physically and mentally. Draining. Not that busy mind you, but for my pain-laden body it’s been a bit too much.

On Tuesday, I had a curbside order to pick up and they must’ve had troubles that day because after I checked in, I had to wait for 20 minutes before they even acknowledged I was there. Then it was another 10 minutes before my groceries came out. No big deal really. I know shit happens. It’s just the waiting. I’ve never been good at waiting. On the way home I must have got behind every slow driver in the county! Good grief. I’m sure most of those people think it’s safer to drive slow – FOR THEM maybe, but not for other drivers. Other drivers, like me, will sometimes get impatient and pass in the wrong places. I have passed where it is not advisable but I only pass if can see far enough ahead that there is no oncoming traffic. I just hate getting behind someone doing 25-30 in a 55!! Anyway, I finally made it home only to have to unload the groceries I just picked up. Now my knees were killing me.

Wednesday began with me trying to figure out how I was going to get Alice to the vet for her yearly check-up and vaccinations without her hiding from me. Last month, she knew something was up because the carrier was out and she saw that I was getting ready to go somewhere. She hid under my bed so I took Jack to the vet instead. No big deal, but she had to go eventually. So, in order to trick her, I wore my sweatpants and I didn’t style my hair. Boy, did I feel like a slob! The carrier has been sitting out since last month so she was used to seeing it. She didn’t have a clue what was going on and she came right to me and I picked her up and put her in the carrier. Of course, she put up a little bit of a fight but I got her in there! She weighs 16 lbs. now and Dr. Missy gave her the dewormer I brought because I could never get pills down her throat. She would always gag them back up. Too expensive to waste them! I was able to deworm Jack and BobCat with no trouble. Anyway, that was the end of that but by the time I got home, I was exhausted.

Thursday was by far, the MOST aggravating day of the week! Dad and I had our appointment at the Health Department for the newest COVID-19 vaccine. That went pretty smoothly but then Dad saw the sign that read “Get Your Shingles Vaccine Today” and we both needed to get the shingles vaccine so I inquired at the window and a nurse took our insurance cards so we could set up an appointment, but my insurance won’t cover it and they are out of the state-provided vaccine (that would be free for me) so I have to go somewhere else. Dad has an appointment next month because his insurance covers the vaccine. After an hour of waiting and being informed of this and that, we were finally done and left. That’s when the fun started. Ha. I decided I wanted to pop into Walmart to pick up ONE thing and get some cash back. I haven’t been to Walmart in a couple of years! And maybe only twice since COVID-19 began. Luckily they had scooters available and I grabbed one with 100% power, if you can believe that! But the POS kept stopping as I was moving along. Do you know how irritating that is? Then as I was headed to the front of the store, some guy walked out in front of me as if I wasn’t even there! He didn’t even acknowledge what he did. I should have just ran into him instead of being the “nice guy” and stopping abruptly. After picking up more things than I really wanted, I was ready to check out and Dad was tired as hell. Check-out went smoothly. Afterward, we headed out the door but the fucking scooter decided to STOP again just as I was going through the doors. I had people behind me wanting out the door but the scooter wouldn’t budge. I was furious! And then to make me nearly come unhinged, a Walmart employee yells at me very loudly, “You have to use the controls!” I just about lost my shit! I yelled back, “I AM using the controls! How the hell do you think I got to this point? You moron!” I know. It was rude of me but geez, do these people think that disabled people are stupid or something? He could have assisted me since he was aware that I was having a problem but no, he just yelled at me. I was so painfully aware of people behind me wanting out the door and I was extremely frustrated. I told Dad to give me a push to see if the damn scooter would move and it still wouldn’t budge. Somehow, I did get out of the door and to the edge of the parking lot. I knew that if I tried to cross the lot to get to the car it was just going to stop again and I didn’t want to be stranded in the middle of the parking lot waiting to be run over! I asked Dad to grab the shopping basket that someone abandoned parked to my right. I got off of the scooter, loaded my stuff into the shopping basket, and Dad pushed the cart while I hobbled on my crutches to the car. I hope to never HAVE to go inside a Walmart again as long as I live!

I am so worn out today and in pain, too. My arm is sore as hell from the COVID-19 vaccine. I can barely walk and I still had to fix lunch. I also have laundry and other chores to do but you know what? It can all just sit and wait until I feel like doing it. On the bright side, I managed to finish my latest grandbaby’s baby blanket so I can send it home with my son today when he’s done working on the new house. I actually finished the blanket last night but I had to wash and dry it before giving it away! I’m adding a couple photos to this post. I don’t know how good they are since the lighting is shit in my house. The colors are Light Sage, Blue Spruce, Gray Mist, and Antique White, and are much brighter than the photos show! The lower left-hand corner looks a bit wonky but I just didn’t have it spread out properly.

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Sick of Being Sick!

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This will be short and sweet… Well, maybe not so short and surely not sweet.

Earlier this week, I mentioned being sick. It never occurred to me that Dad and I might have Covid. Ugh. After a friend of mine told me she had it I figured I’d better pull out the home tests. Sure enough, we both tested positive.

Trust me, you don’t want to get this. Dad and I are vaccinated and get boosted every 6 months. We still got Covid. We rarely go anywhere, except maybe Walmart curbside service and occasionally out to eat. This is NOT like the flu. I don’t care what anyone tells you.

The worst part has been the sore throat. It feels like someone forced me to drink gravel or asphalt. I’m sure the coughing for 24 hours straight didn’t help. My ears are plugged up. I had a fever of 103.4 for about 6 hours, then it went down to normal. I get the chills off and on and the next thing I know, I feel like someone has put electric blankets on me at the highest setting when all I had on was a hoodie. I can’t concentrate for very long. My voice went out yesterday and I still can’t talk worth a crap. I can’t even sing to my furbabies all the made-up songs I always sing! If I can’t talk how the heck would I call the doctor? I have heard people say to stay hydrated but I can’t drink much of anything without choking. I even choke on soup so I haven’t eaten in 3 days. I drink coffee in the morning to stave off the caffeine withdrawal headache but it’s not easy. Small, slow sips…and I still choke. Same thing with hot tea. It soothes the throat IF I can manage to swallow without choking. I’ve gone through 3 boxes of tissues just since Tuesday. That isn’t counting what Dad has used. My nose looks redder than Rudolph’s! I’m achy from head to foot, but my back aches more than anything else. I literally have no energy and I am exhausted not long after waking up. I’m so damn weak! I’ve been trying to manage the symptoms of this crud with OTC meds like Mucinex, Nyquil, Mucinex pain relieving cough drops, honey-lemon cough drops, and a few other things that didn’t seem to do anything at all. I’ve had to make sure nothing interacts with my pain meds. Musinex is what’s working the best so far.

The good news is that I have just drank a whole cup of coffee while writing this and only choked twice, so maybe I’m on the mend. Dad is doing much better than I am, most likely because he got sick first. He said his symptoms weren’t nearly as bad as mine so that’s a big plus!

Hopefully, this won’t last much longer! I hate being sick but I’ve never been a big baby about it. This crud they call Covid will knock you on your ass IF you’ve been lucky enough to not end up in the hospital.

Until next time,

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What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

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So many things, so little time. Actually, I have time but I don’t have the motivation.

Dad’s been having issues. Constipation, for one. I tell him to drink more water, eat fruit, eat some veggies, take a laxative of some kind every night, take a stool softener….ugh. It takes a specialist in gastroenterology to tell him the same things before he gets it. I feel like it’s my fault that he’s having digestive issues because I just can’t stand in the kitchen and cook like I used to. I have to rely on frozen meals and quick Instant Pot or Crock Pot recipes; things that go together quickly. I don’t buy much fresh produce because I can’t eat it all myself. He won’t touch it. If I’m making myself a salad, he doesn’t want one. If he’s not very hungry at dinner time, I offer him an apple. He declines. He has cookies instead. You get the idea.

I picked up a curbside order on Friday and was beat afterward. I just can’t believe how exhausted I am from doing something so simple. I’m sorry I didn’t post Friday’s Funnies but I was just too tired. I am determined to make sure Dad gets the fiber he needs, whether he likes it or not, so I made sure to get lots of fresh fruit and veggies. I also bought some chops and cheap steaks, chicken breasts, potatoes, and some canned and dried fruit. I spent the entire day Saturday washing produce, vacuum sealing meats and corn on the cob. I blanched the corn first, vacuum-sealed it, and tossed it in the freezer. Very simple things but I was exhausted. I took lots of breaks. My knees were killing me! Since we went out for pizza after picking up our curbside order, I only had enough energy to pop the leftovers in the microwave for lunch. I ate mine cold. Yummo.

Saturday night was hell. I was in so much pain, all I could do was lay in my reclining lift chair. My back hurt so bad I couldn’t even think straight. Sunday, wasn’t as bad but I had aches and pains in places that I forgot I had. I’m still in a bit of pain this morning but my pain is almost down to the level it usually is.

Anyway, about Dad’s issues. His memory is failing. He stumbles quite often, thankfully though he hasn’t hit the floor in quite some time. He’s not helping as much around the house like he used to. For example, every night he would get the coffee maker ready for morning but lately, he has just completely forgotten about it. I don’t mind doing it but this is happening a lot with other things and I just can’t do it all myself. He used to sweep the floor when he saw it needed to be swept. He used to swish the toilet when he saw it was dirty. He used to get stuff out of the washing machine automatically and put clothes in the dryer. Now I have to ask him to do it. I’m too short and the washing machine drum is too deep. I just can’t reach! It’s getting worse and worse and my own pain and mobility issues are quite enough for me to handle. I just don’t know what I’m going to do when Dad needs more care than I can provide.

My family’s (sisters and daughter) solution is that we move to Tennessee so they can help us. Dad won’t move but even if he wanted to, how in the hell am I supposed to pack shit up and get ready to move when I can’t even wash produce without it killing me? Dad can’t help much. How am I supposed to drive 5 hours in a car that I can barely get in and out of? Too many loose ends to deal with. What would I do with my furbabies? What about my son? If I moved away, then he wouldn’t have any of his family near him. At least my sisters and my daughter all have each other in Tennessee. Where would we live? I’m not living with my daughter or my sisters. They already have their hands full with who knows how many dogs and cats! Too crowded for me. Also, our property and everything on it is paid for. Why the hell would I want to start all over? No, thank you. I guess since I can’t get family to step up, I’ll have to kill myself trying to take care of Dad. Ugh.

I have put my own health on the back burner for the past 6 years or so. I have not pursued knee replacement surgery since the last orthopedic doc told me I had to lose more weight first. Since then, Dad has become more frail and I can’t leave him home alone. How the hell am I supposed to have surgery when I can’t leave him alone? I never thought I’d be in this predicament. There’s no one to help – I’m in this alone. And I’m tired…oh so tired.

I started this blog many years ago. I think it was around 2008 and I started it to have a place to vent, to get things off my chest. I’m really glad I still have it because it helps to vent. I thank you for reading – whether you’ve been following me since the beginning or have just started, I thank you very much.

Peace, my friends.

aunt-debbie

Misery

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my current situation. There’s one word to accurately describe how I feel. Miserable.

I have never been so miserable in all of my life. I’ve been through some rough times: emotionally, mentally, and physically rough. From childhood to adulthood, and beyond, I have had some serious situations arise. I have dealt with some traumatic issues and come through them all. I suppose I’ll come through this, too. But when? I don’t see much improvement until the new house is finished.

The issues at the moment are dealing with an elderly father 24/7 and my own pain and mobility issues. Dad is 86 years old and sometimes reminds me of a toddler. One day he likes something and the next day, he doesn’t. Or the other way around. He has to have his chocolate drink at lunchtime and if I give him prune juice instead (because he’s bitching about being constipated) he gets his briefs in a knot. He sometimes wants something and when I order it, he loses it or never uses it because he doesn’t remember why he would want that. He watches the news all day long so I sit in the kitchen at my laptop. I can’t stand to hear the news all damn day! When he lets me find something else to watch, he bitches and moans at my choice, and rolls his eyes repeatedly. His usual bedtime is 10pm. However, recently he has been staying up until sometimes midnight! That’s about the time I start getting ready for bed so I have no time to destress, unwind and watch tv without hearing him bitch the entire time. I need that time, even though it’s just 2 hours, to clear my head and not be completely focused on what he’s doing and where he’s at (because he tends to fall). At least when he goes to bed, I know where he is and that he’s not going to fall down! So, when he stays up late, I’m agitated. I go to bed agitated and wake up agitated. I sleep in my power chair in the living room (if I can sleep at all) because I can’t sleep in my bed. I am trying to save money to get an adjustable bed so that I can at least be in my room and semi-comfortable.

On top of all of the agitation of dealing with an aging father, and pain and mobility issues that make everything difficult for me to do, the house is literally falling apart. A couple of weeks ago, the ceiling in the bathroom fell in. It just got so wet from all the leaks in there that it couldn’t take the weight.  It was just yesterday that my son was able to come over and cover the roof and hopefully, it will be ok until he can do more work. The house is crumbling. It’s very stressful and need I say uncomfortable?

It’s very easy to slip into depression and never come out of it. I am miserably uncomfortable. I’ve always been a pretty positive person. I used humor to get through the rough shit in my life but it’s hard to find humor in the situation at hand. I get tired of people telling me to be more positive as if that’s going to improve the situation. Sorry, but even if I were the most positive person in the world, it wouldn’t change anything. I am as positive as anyone would be in this situation! In fact, I think I’m more positive than someone else would be if they had to deal with the same issues, so forgive me if I sound like a bitch when I snap…and I will snap sooner or later.

Signing off for now before I have an aneurysm…

aunt-debbie

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

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Well, let me tell you. PAIN.

Last week, I called in my prescription medications. I was waiting for my NP to approve one script that had no more refills and then I was going to call Walmart and have them ship my meds as I normally do.

Stupid me didn’t realize I was nearly out of my pain medication! That was late Friday. I started to panic because we were expecting snow on Saturday. I couldn’t go out and pick up my meds in person because I didn’t know how much snow we would actually get. I called Walmart yesterday to have them ship; they will go out today.

I had 2 pain pills left, one to be taken every 12 hours. So, I’ve had to ration. I took one Saturday night and my pain level wasn’t too bad. I saved my last one for tonight. I only took Tylenol Arthritis last night and my pain level is UP. With any luck, FedEx will come tomorrow! Usually, they’re pretty quick.

Then, I began to panic again because my daughter mentioned MLK Day and wondered if FedEx would even run today! I googled it and apparently, FedEx and UPS both will run, while the USPS observes the holiday.

The sun is out, trying to melt the snow and the road looks pretty good, but I’d probably get stuck in the yard if I tried to get the car out. (We don’t have a traditional driveway.) It’s 44 degrees at the moment but it seems much colder when there’s snow on the ground.

Wish me luck. I can’t function well with no pain meds to dull the pain.

P.S. Don’t think that I am an addict because I am not. There’s a difference between addiction and dependency. I am dependent on pain meds to be able to function. There is no euphoria involved. I have to make that clarification because “a friend” had accused me of being a drug addict some time ago. That person is no longer in my circle.