I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my current situation. There’s one word to accurately describe how I feel. Miserable.

I have never been so miserable in all of my life. I’ve been through some rough times: emotionally, mentally, and physically rough. From childhood to adulthood, and beyond, I have had some serious situations arise. I have dealt with some traumatic issues and come through them all. I suppose I’ll come through this, too. But when? I don’t see much improvement until the new house is finished.

The issues at the moment are dealing with an elderly father 24/7 and my own pain and mobility issues. Dad is 86 years old and sometimes reminds me of a toddler. One day he likes something and the next day, he doesn’t. Or the other way around. He has to have his chocolate drink at lunchtime and if I give him prune juice instead (because he’s bitching about being constipated) he gets his briefs in a knot. He sometimes wants something and when I order it, he loses it or never uses it because he doesn’t remember why he would want that. He watches the news all day long so I sit in the kitchen at my laptop. I can’t stand to hear the news all damn day! When he lets me find something else to watch, he bitches and moans at my choice, and rolls his eyes repeatedly. His usual bedtime is 10pm. However, recently he has been staying up until sometimes midnight! That’s about the time I start getting ready for bed so I have no time to destress, unwind and watch tv without hearing him bitch the entire time. I need that time, even though it’s just 2 hours, to clear my head and not be completely focused on what he’s doing and where he’s at (because he tends to fall). At least when he goes to bed, I know where he is and that he’s not going to fall down! So, when he stays up late, I’m agitated. I go to bed agitated and wake up agitated. I sleep in my power chair in the living room (if I can sleep at all) because I can’t sleep in my bed. I am trying to save money to get an adjustable bed so that I can at least be in my room and semi-comfortable.

On top of all of the agitation of dealing with an aging father, and pain and mobility issues that make everything difficult for me to do, the house is literally falling apart. A couple of weeks ago, the ceiling in the bathroom fell in. It just got so wet from all the leaks in there that it couldn’t take the weight.  It was just yesterday that my son was able to come over and cover the roof and hopefully, it will be ok until he can do more work. The house is crumbling. It’s very stressful and need I say uncomfortable?

It’s very easy to slip into depression and never come out of it. I am miserably uncomfortable. I’ve always been a pretty positive person. I used humor to get through the rough shit in my life but it’s hard to find humor in the situation at hand. I get tired of people telling me to be more positive as if that’s going to improve the situation. Sorry, but even if I were the most positive person in the world, it wouldn’t change anything. I am as positive as anyone would be in this situation! In fact, I think I’m more positive than someone else would be if they had to deal with the same issues, so forgive me if I sound like a bitch when I snap…and I will snap sooner or later.

Signing off for now before I have an aneurysm…


The Saga of Jack and BobCat

These little shits are driving me insane.

In October, we took BobCat (above, right) to the vet and had him neutered, vaccinated, dewormed, and had his ears treated for earmites. We just wanted to give BobCat a better life than being outside and exposed to the weather, the road, and wild animals. When we brought BobCat into the house, to my surprise, Jack (above, left) and BobCat didn’t fight as I expected. But, that only lasted about a week. Then, all hell broke loose. Every chance he got, Jack would attack BobCat. It was so stressful. We had to be on the lookout all the time. Jack finally settled a bit, but we still had to watch. At night, we locked BobCat up in the small bedroom we refer to as the cat room. All was peaceful at night with the exception of BobCat playing with his toys or kicking cat litter all over the place. But that changed…

Fast forward about a week ago, BobCat started going berserk at night in the cat room. I mean, literally tearing the room up! It sounded like he was climbing the walls and throwing himself against the door! He made so much racket, I couldn’t sleep. (I sleep in my power chair which is right next to the cat room!) I didn’t sleep for 2 nights because of this so the 3rd night, I threw BobCat outside. It was finally quiet. But that didn’t last either.

After a few hours BobCat was throwing himself against the front door wanting in. I tried to ignore the noise. When he didn’t get any response, he went around to the window, then the next window, and so on. Then he was back at the front door. Holy crap.

The next night, I just let BobCat run loose in the house. I told him, “If Jack kicks your ass, it’s your own damn fault.” Things were peaceful with a few exceptions. As long as BobCat stayed in my chair (on me) or in Dad’s chair, then Jack ignored him. But as soon as BobCat decided to get up and play, eat, or use the litter box, Jack decided to give him a hard time. So, I’m losing sleep every night.

Oh my gosh, I am so exhausted! I can’t function without sleep. Having chronic pain and mobility issues is bad enough! I just can’t take much more. I’m at the point where I’m ready to find BobCat a new home and that makes me sad.

Last night, I guess I was so exhausted I fell asleep fast and slept hard. I didn’t wake up until almost 9am this morning. I feel so much better! With body and mind rested, I can function somewhat…and that’s still not much considering my pain and mobility issues never go away.

I don’t know how many times Jack (above, left) kicked BobCat’s (above, right) ass last night, if at all, but they are both still alive and well. I would ask them, but I’m sure they won’t answer.

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

There’s so much on my mind lately. My brain gets so bogged down with thoughts and ideas, problems and solutions, and then there’s my pain and mobility issues…I barely get anything constructive done.

I’ve been working on my cookbook. My German Grandmother’s recipes are giving me a headache! Some of them list only the ingredients but not the process. Some are just simply confusing because what she calls one thing, upon research I found are called something else! I haven’t made all of her recipes myself; I will include only the ones I have made before. I’m giving myself until the end of July to get them all typed out. Maybe halfway through I can get my volunteers to start testing recipes. I’m starting some of the testing myself this month. I’m hoping by Christmas I can have it done but no promises because these things take time.

I’m disgusted and full of so much anger towards Putin. He needs to be taken out, if you know what I mean. Surely, they have some Special Ops team that can get that job done. And thanks to the aid of Tucker (the fucker) Carlson, the misinformation about the war on Ukraine has flowed into the US. It makes me sick. Just sick. As if we need more misinformation in this country! What Putin is doing is WRONG. He is a murderous war criminal. The pointless death and destruction…brings tears to my eyes.

I’ve missed blogging – but I just haven’t had the time to sit down and write or when I have the time to write, nothing comes to me. What the hell do you write when you can’t think of anything to write? So, here I sit. Just typing whatever comes to me. Is that stupid?

Thankfully, Winter is about ready to leave us behind. I’m truly tired of having to wash my hands in the bathtub. Hmmm…I bet you’re wondering about that statement, yes? Well, the plumbing in this old house is about as stupid as the electrical wiring. I’ll have to tell you about that in another post! The plumbing…well, during the winter it takes about 40 seconds for the water at the kitchen sink to get warm. It’s about 5 feet from the water heater, which makes no sense at all. The bathroom sink takes about 50-55 seconds to get warm. That sink is about 30 feet from the water heater. I try to remember to turn on the water before I do my business, so I don’t have to stand there waiting for the water to warm up before I can wash my hands but sometimes I forget. Most of the time I forget. So I wash my hands in the bathtub, which is about 6 feet from the sink and about the same distance as the sink from the water heater. Do you want to take a guess at how long it takes the water to warm up in the bathtub? It takes a whole 15 seconds, which is why I end up washing my hands in the bathtub. I have no patience and I’m sure as hell not going to wash my hands in ice cold water! Snort!

I’m looking forward to the Spring but I’m always disappointed. It seems to always rain and then we’re left with about 2 weeks of exceptionally beautiful Spring weather before it gets too damn hot to live! Ugh. Summer comes too fast.

Well, back to work I go. Or a nap. Ha! Take care of yourselves!

Signing off!

Busy, Busy, Busy

Well, really not that busy. Just busy not getting anything done, if that makes sense. Lack of sleep coupled with pain and mobility issues seem to keep the wheels spinning but I get nowhere.

Dad had his 85th birthday yesterday. I took him out for lunch since he says he doesn’t need anything. We had a fried shrimp basket with fries at one of our favorite places. I finally figured out the best time of the day to go there. It’s always so busy and being a small space, it’s just too damn loud to enjoy a meal when it’s crowded. Around 2pm is perfect except for one thing. Employees are cleaning during the slower hours and normally that doesn’t bother me but yesterday, one of the workers was cleaning the legs of the tables and chairs. It seemed like he was pissed because everytime he grabbed a chair he turned it upside down with a great loud bang on the table top. Then when he finished wiping down the legs of that chair, he’d pull it down onto the floor with another great loud crash. Then he’d move on to the next chair. The restaurant is very small and so we were right there within 10 feet of what he was doing. It was hard to even have a conversation! I wanted to drop kick the little shit but I behaved my damn self. When the guy finally finished Dad and I had a nice lunch and conversation. I still can’t believe Dad is 85 years old! Shit, that makes me…well, too damn old.

I’ve been trying to get my “book” ready for printing. Remember my series of posts called The Ex Files? When my ex passed away in December of 2020, I decided to stop the blog series and compile them all into a book of sorts for my children all about their father. It’s been over a year now that I’ve been editing and proofreading…and perfecting every paragraph. I want my adult children to know about my relationship with their father and why I had to leave him; why I had to get them away from him. At the same time, I want them to know that he did have good qualities.

Anyway, I do a little work in the mornings on the book and then try and catch up on sleep. By the time I wake up, it’s lunch time and then I have chores to do around the house. Chores aren’t easy for me. The house looks like ass. That’s something I picked up from my sister. Snort.

As soon as my book is finished for my kids, I’ll be moving on to my cookbook. I will probably try to recruit a few people to test recipes and take photos. There might be a free cookbook in it for those who choose to assist! Who knows how long it will take me to finish that project!

Next week, I hope to get back to writing in this blog. Writing steadily is hard for me. I always think I’ll write a bunch of posts ahead of time and schedule them but then I just never get to it. Sorry if you miss Friday’s Funnies. I miss doing those posts, too! Maybe next week I’ll have the time and energy to put into it.

Also, I’m so far behind on reading the blogs I follow that I will never catch up. I do miss reading them!

Nap time now.


Ahhh, Coffee!

I woke up a bit on the groggy side this morning. I actually slept until 9 am. That doesn’t happen often. It was difficult to stand and walk, but no different than most days. As per the norm, I headed to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee and take my morning meds.

I went about my morning business. Cleaning up after furbabies when you can barely walk is not fun and no easy task. When that was finished I walked to the front door and looked out. There were 5 little squirrels scampering in the yard! I stood there watching for a few minutes before I realized I had a big smile on my face. I was grateful to start my morning with this comical view! I wished I had my phone to record these silly squirrels but I left it in my room. Too much trouble to walk back and get it. I stood there and enjoyed the show for a few more minutes before I decided to go get my cup of much-needed coffee.

I guess I was groggier than I thought. I grabbed a mug and poured my coffee. The cup seemed a bit weird feeling in my hand. I didn’t think much of it in that moment. I added my sweetener and creamer. When I stuck the spoon in to stir, it felt odd. The spoon seemed longer than it usually is. I checked the spoon. Same small spoon as always. Hmmmm…. Took a sip of coffee. The cup felt strange on my lips. “What the heck is going on?” I wondered.

When I sat the cup down, I started to focus on the reality of the moment. It dawned on me I had the WRONG mug! I had grabbed a smaller, 11 oz. mug instead of my normal 15 oz. mug! Transferred coffee from small mug to bigger mug. Now the spoon fit as normal and everything was right with the world once again!



Pictured on mug: My oldest grandson. Image Copyright Being Aunt Debbie