It’s been quite a long time since I’ve sat down to write. It’s difficult with lack of sleep and when things aren’t going so well. I haven’t been on social media much lately because the bullshit infuriates me. Between the misinformation and the hypocrisy, I don’t know whether to shit or go blind, as my Granny used to say.
I’ve been watching my Dad’s health decline over the last few months and it’s ripping my heart out. Inevitably, I will lose him so I am making the best of the time I have left to love and appreciate him. His memory is failing him and he’s been having some health issues. He’s finding it more difficult to understand simple things. Thankfully, he hasn’t had a fall since July…knock on wood. He’s a bit unstable at times when walking but manages to keep himself upright with the aid of a cane. I’m finding myself watching him like a hawk, trying to do so without making it obvious. It’s been a rough couple of months because as you know, I have my own health issues; chronic pain and mobility issues always make things more difficult for me. Dad’s not able to help me with little things around the house like he used to and I have no other help. I just take things one day at a time.
Someone asked me the other day, “What will you do when you have to live alone?” “I’m not afraid to live alone,” I explained. “I’m afraid of being forgotten. Forgotten by family and friends. Left behind. Most of my family is in Tennessee and I’m in Missouri. My son is less than 15 miles away and I don’t hear from him very often.” I don’t relish the thought of living here without my Dad but I don’t have a problem living alone. The memories will haunt me, I’m sure.
I’m really trying to hold things together here, and I know I need to write more. I try. I think about something I’d like to write about and then…I just don’t do it. I just don’t have the motivation but I’m trying to get it back. I keep saying that and maybe it will snap back into place sooner than later!
I am enjoying the cooler weather, now that Fall is here. Sweater weather is my favorite weather of all! I just pray that the winter we have coming won’t be like the last!
Until next time,
Being Aunt Debbie 
Oh my dear friend, there isn’t anything I can say to make you feel better about dad. Because what can one say? I was hoping to find that you were both getting better and that you would enjoy the cooler weather. I don’t live with my parents because they still are able to be on their own, well with my brother living with them that it. But, you are following your instinct about treasuring the time you have with him, and talk to him all you can. Write down all of his memories, I began doing that with my dad….but all he talks about are his baseball playing days. You’d think that man would have “some” memories of his children, lol.
I wish I lived closer, because I’d love to visit you and travel sometime out south to where I’ve never been. Keep the faith my friend, God is watching out for both of you, sending you love, blessings and warm hugs.
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Thanks! ❤ Things have improved since Dad's trip to the ER I told you about but I still watch him closely. Writing down his memories is a great idea. I will try and do that with him, if he'll stay awake long enough. Lol. I swear he can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Wish I could do that!
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So sorry to hear of your father’s declining health. It is so hard being a caregiver to an ageing parent. Cherish every laugh and smile he still gives you, even embrace the sad moments because every little piece you can hold onto will help to try and ease your heartache later. And I have recently become an home alone person and I do have those moments of memories playing with my heart and head but I never fear them as they help keep my parents closer to me. (((HUGS)))
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Thanks for the advice. I’m embracing every moment. He’s doing better this past few weeks. Almost his old self. 💜 Take care of yourself!
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