Tag Archives: health issues

Taking Care of Others

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I’m not feeling it this morning, but I promised myself I’d try harder to write every day. So, here I sit trying to think of what to write about. Ok, I think I’ve got it.

I’ve been taking care of other people since I was around 13 years old. I watched my little sisters first. I didn’t mind so much because my mother (as selfish as she could be) never took advantage of having a built-in babysitter.

When I was a little older, I started watching other people’s children. I watched so many kids over the years. I even went into Early Childhood Development and got my first “real” job as an Instructional Aide before I finished high school. I was working mostly with kids who were nearly at grade level in some subjects but needed help getting caught up with the rest of their class. I loved it but I resigned to start my own family.

When I had my kids, I still watched other kids. In fact, I started my own in-home Day Care. I had to do something to pay the rent and put food on the table because my ex couldn’t be bothered going out to find a job. He said he wouldn’t take just any job… Of course not. He’d rather me do all the work or for us to starve and be evicted. Geez.

Then we moved to Missouri and I got a part-time job at the Elementary school, mostly subbing for other aides who were out for one reason or another. There I was taking care of others again.

I’ve taken care of my nieces and nephews off and on throughout the years. I loved seeing them often but they are all grown now and I never see any of them.

Back in the 90s, I landed a job at the local nursing home, taking care of the elderly. I was CNA (Certified Nurses Aide), not very glamorous I know. I took classes to become a Medication Technician and was certified after a few months of intense study. That led to more responsibility and worked my tail off taking care of the residents of the facility. I worked for several years and I enjoyed the job for the most part but I felt I had to quit because the administration kept jerking us around; they’d change our shifts from days to nights or evenings to days, with no consideration whatsoever. They’d tell us xyz is our responsibility and then change it to something else without even telling us. I had enough and told them I was done.

For the past 10 years, I have been looking after my dad, which was the plan when we first came out here. It’s rough. I have my own health issues but still have to look after Dad and I don’t mind because I signed up for this. His health is declining and I don’t have a clue as to how I’m supposed to keep this up alone, with no help. My family says I should get someone to come in and help but neither Dad nor I want a stranger coming in. I’ve heard stories about older people getting help and then having the help go to Social Services and report that “Those people shouldn’t be living in that place. It’s not safe for them.” They have good intentions but what happens is that the people are forced out of their home. Truth is, maybe we shouldn’t be living in this dump but the new house is not finished and we have nowhere else to go.

Anyway, here I am barely able to care for myself and I’m still taking care of someone else. I look forward to the day I won’t have to take care of anyone but myself, but at the same time I don’t like the idea of losing my dad. But by then I probably won’t be able to care for myself, landing my ass in that nursing home with someone else taking care of me. Ugh.

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

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It’s been quite a long time since I’ve sat down to write. It’s difficult with lack of sleep and when things aren’t going so well. I haven’t been on social media much lately because the bullshit infuriates me. Between the misinformation and the hypocrisy, I don’t know whether to shit or go blind, as my Granny used to say. 

I’ve been watching my Dad’s health decline over the last few months and it’s ripping my heart out. Inevitably, I will lose him so I am making the best of the time I have left to love and appreciate him. His memory is failing him and he’s been having some health issues. He’s finding it more difficult to understand simple things. Thankfully, he hasn’t had a fall since July…knock on wood. He’s a bit unstable at times when walking but manages to keep himself upright with the aid of a cane. I’m finding myself watching him like a hawk, trying to do so without making it obvious. It’s been a rough couple of months because as you know, I have my own health issues; chronic pain and mobility issues always make things more difficult for me. Dad’s not able to help me with little things around the house like he used to and I have no other help. I just take things one day at a time.

Someone asked me the other day, “What will you do when you have to live alone?” “I’m not afraid to live alone,” I explained. “I’m afraid of being forgotten. Forgotten by family and friends. Left behind. Most of my family is in Tennessee and I’m in Missouri. My son is less than 15 miles away and I don’t hear from him very often.” I don’t relish the thought of living here without my Dad but I don’t have a problem living alone. The memories will haunt me, I’m sure.

I’m really trying to hold things together here, and I know I need to write more. I try. I think about something I’d like to write about and then…I just don’t do it. I just don’t have the motivation but I’m trying to get it back. I keep saying that and maybe it will snap back into place sooner than later!

I am enjoying the cooler weather, now that Fall is here. Sweater weather is my favorite weather of all! I just pray that the winter we have coming won’t be like the last! 

Until next time, 

Aunt Debbie

Still Kickin’

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Happy Monday!

What’s that? Yes, I’m still kickin’…and sometimes screaming. I’m trying to get back on track but this past couple of months have sucked and quite frankly, my desire to do anything has diminished.

We finally got propane, which is our primary source of heat. It took an entire month to get that no-good, mofo company out here to fill our tank! We went through that zero degree weather with 2 little space heaters in the living room, which didn’t even begin to keep us warm. I ended up buying a couple of electric shawls that were a Godsend, holy crap. They really helped – but now it’s warming up and I have packed them away for next winter.

We thought we were in the home stretch when our water pipes froze. We always take precautions and this time was no different but it was so much colder than it normally is that what we did wasn’t good enough. When it started to warm up and the pipes started to thaw, we realized we had busted pipes and we had to shut the water completely off. My son came and replaced pipes and repaired leaks and we thought we had it made but then for some reason we only had hot water in the bathtub and cold water in the toilet but no water anywhere else! My son checked and double-checked but could find nothing wrong! Nearly 2 weeks later, we finally found a plumber and $500+ later, we had water everywhere we were supposed to have water! The faucets were clogged; the kitchen faucet even had to be replaced. Boy, was it nice to be able to take a shower and wash dishes like “normal folk”.

I’ve been having health issues again. You may recall I was in the ER in December with swollen legs and numbness. I’ve been taking meds for that but last week I was in the doctor’s office with “leakage” in my legs. Technically, it’s lymphedema and I need a specific treatment which my insurance won’t pay for. That doesn’t surprise me at all, as it’s not the first time I’ve not been able to have the treatment/procedure/medication that I need to improve and protect my health. Anyway, the medical center has sent me forms to apply to a local charity that sometimes pays for things that folks can’t afford. I won’t get my hopes up because if I do, the rug will get pulled out from under me as it always does.

On the bright side, my daughter has given birth to a bouncing baby girl! My baby girl now has her own baby girl and that makes me so happy! On that note, I will leave you with a photo of Miss Angelina Rose!

angelina rose