Oh boy, I’ve been a mess these past few weeks! I haven’t remembered Friday’s Funnies in at least 2 weeks! Well, in my defense, I remembered on Saturday one week and the next week it was Sunday before I remembered. Way to go, Deb.
I’ve got a bunch of funnies saved for you. I’ll have to split them into two posts so consider this Part One! Part Two will be posted later today! Enjoy!
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Part Two coming your way later today! Stay tuned!
I have a (possibly irrational) fear of spiders. Any kind of spider. ALL spiders! They give me the heebie-jeebies. My son used to tease me by touching them, knowing it would not only make my skin crawl but it would also make me feel nauseated. Just the sight of the above photo makes me shiver! Weird, right?
I check my bed every night before I go to bed. I check the sides of the bed. I check the walls and the floor in my bedroom. I shake my clothes and bang my shoes on the floor before I put them on. If I feel a tickle on my skin, the first thing that comes to mind is that a spider is crawling on me. IF a spider really is crawling on me, you would see me doing the “OMFG get it off me” dance and I would be freaked out for the rest of the day!
If I see a spider right before going to bed at night, all I can think about as I lay in the dark is that there’s a spider coming down the wall, or there’s one crawling up the side of my bed. I know it sounds absolutely nuts, but I can’t help it!
I was bitten by a Brown Recluse several years ago, not once. Not twice, but 3 damn times! I made the mistake of not checking my sweater before I put it on and it took 3 times before I realized I was being bitten. It felt like a “nerve tickle” and didn’t hurt. I was freaked out for weeks after that! Thankfully, I didn’t suffer any adverse effects from the bites. They say some folks are immune to the venom of the Brown Recluse. (Yes, I went to the doctor!)
I was up until 3 am one time a few years ago, just trying to get a spider. I saw him in the kitchen on my way through. He scampered across the floor and went right into my bedroom, and under my dresser! That fucker had to go! No way could I go to bed with him in there. Now, just so you know this was NOT a small spider! This creepy bastard was the size of the palm of my hand. If I let him get away, there’s no telling where he might turn up! I grabbed my broom and my handy spider spray. I had to move the dresser and I managed to spray him, which slowed him down considerably. It took hours, but I finally got him and still didn’t get any sleep that night!
When I was working as a Medication Technician at a nursing home in the 90’s, a huge spider came running out from under the snack machine in the hall. Someone had placed a plastic cup over it and called the charge nurse to get rid of it. Since this was late at night, the maintenance crew was gone. They normally took care of the icky stuff for us. The charge nurse picked up the plastic cup, thinking she was going to smash it or something but that spider took off running so fast she couldn’t get it. What did it do? It came right towards me! I let out a blood-curdling scream that woke several residents from their slumber and I ran like hell!
I know, I’m such a baby!
When I wonder why I’m so terrified of spiders, my mind always goes to the story my mother told me many years ago. She said that one day when I was small, I was playing outside on our driveway, just outside the kitchen. Mom told me that she caught me trying to pull a black widow spider out of a crack in the cement and she hollered at me to stop. She said I had been afraid of spiders ever since. I don’t remember the incident so I don’t know what she yelled, but I often wonder what she actually said to get me to leave the spider alone? Could that be the reason I’m ready to crawl out of my skin upon seeing a spider?
Give me snakes, cicadas, grasshoppers, beetles, rats, mice….cockroaches even! Just keep the damn spiders away from me!
What are you afraid of? Do you feel that it’s irrational? Do people laugh at you? I know a guy who is afraid of butterflies and moths. Go figure. Too bad I couldn’t trade fears with him.
Last week, I totally forgot about Friday’s Funnies! I didn’t remember until Sunday morning and then I had to check my posts thinking I had done it but forgot. Ha. No such luck! I’m a bit late this time but better late than never, right?
Here we go….
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I hope you enjoyed this week’s Funnies! Let me know which are your faves! Have a great weekend, everybody! Don’t forget to laugh!
I headed out to Walmart today but I had three strikes against me that never even occurred to me until I pulled into the parking lot. 1) It’s always busy on Friday, 2) It’s the 1st of the month/payday, and 3) there’s a storm coming in. Luckily, I thought, I just need my prescriptions and a few grocery items.
Now, let me give you a little perspective here. I live in a very rural town – actually Wikipedia describes it as an unincorporated community – of less than 200 residents. Our nearest grocery store is 16 miles away, in a town with a little more than 700 residents. Our nearest Walmart is 28 miles away, in a bit larger town of just under 3,000 residents. That town also has a grocery store, a few small eateries, auto parts store, several small locally owned businesses, a few gas stations, several banks, and many churches. It’s insignificant in comparison to towns with a much, much larger population. So, you can imagine our lovely Walmart to be rather pleasant and not too ridiculously stressful…..
…..Unless it’s a Friday, the 1st of the month, and there’s a storm coming in! I didn’t realize what I got myself into until I got there. I was lucky to find a disabled parking spot. I was equally lucky there was a scooter available inside. It was the last one, so I was very lucky! There were people everywhere. I think everyone in the county was in that store!
I went to the pharmacy first, to pick up my meds. I was annoyed right away because after I paid, the pharmacy technician told me I had to step to the side window so the pharmacist could bag my purchase. Umm….I don’t know what the point of this is really, because the pharmacist didn’t tell me anything about the medications, nor did he look at the labels to see what they were. He looked at the receipt to see that I had paid for them, tossed them in a bag, stapled it shut and handed them to me. The pharmacy tech could have done that!!
Like I mentioned before, I had very little to pick up. On my list were vitamins, Dramamine, cat food, wine, rock salt, small ziplock bags, and a 6 pack of half-sodas. I figured it wouldn’t take long for me to gather those things and get the hell out of there!
Boy, was I wrong! Every stinkin’ aisle I wanted to go down had people blocking the entire path. I mean, literally standing in the center, not off to one side or another. There were some blocking one end or the other, having conversations with others. I almost ran over a few people, who saw me coming towards them but still stopped and blocked the path. I had to back-track a few times, thinking the path would be clear when I came back but that was a fruitless effort. I was in Walmart for an hour longer than I needed to be!
I know everyone has things they need to get done. People have jobs they can’t be late for, kids to get home to and meals to cook, someone to pick up from somewhere, errands to run, appointments to get to. I get it. I have things to do, too. Why can’t people be more aware of others around them? Why can’t they just be more courteous?
When I went to check out, all the lines were several people long. So, I just picked one. There was a man with 3 items who looked about as exasperated as I was and I told him he could go in front of me. I really didn’t mind but I swear, this guy was someone’s Cousin Eddie! You know, the cousin of Clark Griswold in The National Lampoon movies!
He talked my ear off until it was his turn to check out and he was gone. When I got out to the parking lot, he was still putting things in his trunk and talking to himself. I tried to look inconspicuous so as not to draw attention. I swear, I must have a weirdo magnet attached to my hip or something! Seems to be every time I go somewhere, the weirdos all find me. Today just happened to be someone’s Cousin Eddie!
I almost didn’t make it this week! I spent the majority of the day scrubbing kitchen counters, the stove top, cabinets, etc., with lots of breaks. I’m beat! Things will get done, slowly but surely….
And in the words of Leslie Nielsen….. “Don’t call me Shirley.”
If you didn’t catch that little funny, then you’re either too young, haven’t seen enough stupid movies, or maybe your funny bone is broken. Ha!
On with this week’s funnies!
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I’m pretty sure my fellow cat-loving friends might be the only ones who truly appreciate the last meme. Cats. Gotta know ’em.
That’s it for this week, folks! I hope you enjoy your weekend!
Being Aunt Debbie 