Getting My Groove Back

im-currently-in-the-process-of-getting-my-groove-back-20395966I’m not much of a people person. I never have been. I enjoy my alone time. Solitude. It’s what makes me tick. I enjoy being by myself. I accomplish so much when I am left to my own devices. When there are others around, I tend to get caught up in never-ending conversations, and other things that distract me from being productive.

The internet has caused me to be very unproductive. I’ve spent too much time on Facebook as of late, and the negativity has pulled me down into a black hole. I normally just let it roll off me like water off a duck’s back, but eventually, the accumulation of negative bullshit starts eating away at me and I react. Sometimes I over-react. That’s just how I’m wired. I can’t seem to control it.

This time, I took some time away from the negative posts and the people that post them. Back to solitude, the joy of being alone. The internet and the connection with others is grand, however, it becomes too crowded at times. Too many opinions, too much division, hatred, and misinformation. If you spend any time at all on Facebook, then you know what I’m talking about. You’ve got the conspiracy theories, the anti-government and anti-everything else posts. There are the animal abuse photos, and photos of battered and bruised women or children. Let’s not forget about the political crap. I don’t need to know nor do I give a crap what others believe about the current POTUS. And trust me, you really don’t want to know what I think either. Religion, in my opinion, should be kept private. It is none of my business what anyone else’s religious beliefs are, and my beliefs are my business. I am so tired of the assumption that if you “do this” or “don’t do that” then you’re going to hell.

Anyway, you get it I’m sure. The negativity eats away at your soul and slowly devours you….unless you stop it dead in its tracks.

My time away has been peaceful. Yes, I am still posting to my blog page and responding to messages and comments. On my personal page, I am still checking in on occasion. Since going low-key I have become more productive. I’m writing more. I’m reading more. I am nearly finished with a crochet baby blanket for my newest grandbaby when he arrives in September. I have made gift tags for my soap party favors for the baby shower next month. I’ll be making the soap sometime this week. I’m finding my groove again!

It feels good to step back. The connection Facebook provides can be a wonderful thing. I LOVE that I can check in on my friends and family without making a call, waiting for a letter in the mail, or driving several miles for a visit. But enough is enough. I’m feeling more balanced these past few days. I’m getting my groove back, as they say.

The Hag

Wow. I am finding some of my old writings and it’s a sorrowful glimpse into the past. My sisters, my Dad, and I had been through all kinds of hell with my mother and this particular piece I found really brought those memories to the surface. I wrote this about the time my parents finally got divorced andMom had left the state; she actually left when my youngest sister was still in high school. My poor Dad had been put through the wringer for so many years! I remember being fearful that I was going to be just like my mother and I didn’t want my kids to know that person.

~~~

The Hag

I can’t think of a hug or a kiss that I care to remember from my dear, ‘sweet’ mother.

I remember the pain of feeling about one inch high because I didn’t do something exactly right.

I remember the pain when my mother left, but I never felt better when she had finally gone.

We all found peace of some kind, especially Dad, who is finally free.

I don’t think I can ever be free because I fear that I am her and she is me.

I want my kids to remember a loving mother, and not the hag I will turn out to be.

~~~

Mom passed away after an auto accident about a year or so after she left. She was the type of person who defied anyone who told her what she could or couldn’t do and that included laws. She refused to wear a seatbelt because she said she shouldn’t have to if she didn’t want to. She said it was no one else’s business.

Tragically, she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt when she fell asleep at the wheel. (Mixing alcohol and medication will do that to a person, as well as impair your ability to make sound decisions…she wasn’t good at that in the first place.) She was thrown from her truck and died instantly.

Such a very sad time, but in my heart, I knew something was going to happen because of the way she had chosen to live her life.

The Good Guys

Earlier today I was going through some old papers of mine. I ran across a folder of what contained my writings of many years ago. (Most of which I’d probably never share here because I cringed reading them!) I did, however, find a story my daughter made up when she was very small. I say ‘made up’ because I actually took pen to paper for her as she told me her story. I believe she was just 5 or 6 years old at the time.

It brought a tear to my eye as I read it, but not because it was a sad story. In fact, it wasn’t the story at all. It was the memory of hearing her tell me the story. I absolutely loved being a mom and I did my very best to be a better mom to my kids than my mom was to my sisters and me. She wasn’t a horrid person or anything, but I really have no fond memories of bedtime stories, games, playtime, etc., with her. Most of my memories of those things (and more) were with my Dad. I just think some people were not meant to be parents and I think Mom may have been one of those people.

My mom’s mother was a single mom and she worked in a bar/restaurant. She spent much of her free time at that bar instead of spending time with her children. My mom didn’t have a good role model to teach her how to be a mom. Simple as that. I, on the other hand, had aunts, moms of my friends, and teachers who were great role models. I watched them as they played their roles and I wanted to be like them. I’d like to think they played a huge roll in the kind of parent I turned out to be.

I miss the days when my kids and I had our fun times together. Alas, kids grow up and moms grow older. I’m glad I have my memories! On to my daughter’s story….. I wonder if she remembers this!

The Good Guys

Once upon a time, there was an alligator and an elephant. The alligator’s name was Princess and the elephant’s name was Big El. Princess and Big El have a friend called Mingro Fish. Mingro Fish is the shark’s best friend. The shark’s name is Tiger and he is 7 years old. The momma shark’s name is Three. There is a baby seal and her name is Four. All these animals are good friends and they are nice to each other.

The Cowboys and Indians must be nice because they don’t have guns. The Cowboys and Indians ride horses and they are friends with Princess, Big El, Tiger, Three, and Four. The friends eat sandwiches with meat and cheese and bread with no mayonnaise when it’s dinner time and they stay out of the kitchen. They have to stay out of the kitchen until Three says it’s time to eat.

After dinner, they brush their teeth and their hair. Then they put their pajamas on and they change their panties. They put their dirty clothes in the hamper because that’s where they belong. And then they go off to bed. They don’t cry and they don’t argue because they’re not supposed to.

The End

A New Year, A New Start

I’ve not been writing much as of late. I’ve had much to say but no desire to write it down. Maybe that’s for the better. I sometimes feel like that’s all I do is write about my shitty problems. On the other hand, that’s part of why I started this blog. I wanted an outlet to write about the things I love, the things I despise, and things that make me laugh. Writing, or keeping a journal helps a lot of folks, not just me. It’s been therapeutic. It’s been a positive in my life so I’m not about to quit! I must, however, get back to it!

So, here I sit. So many things that have plagued my life over the last few months now seem less bothersome. Except for one thing: My pain issues. I have over the years tried many things to alleviate the pain, from OTC meds, creams, lotions, and patches to natural herbs and essential oils. I have purchased several items for exercise that I have either not been able to use or they just didn’t help. Last year, I purchased a recumbent bike because I was at the beginning of a weight loss journey that resulted in a 60 lb. loss, but even after the weight loss was still not able to use the bike! I was disillusioned and just plain pissed off! I couldn’t even use the floor peddler I had had for several years. I use to use it every day but when my knees got worse, it became more difficult and the pain would be increased by using it.

In December, I stumbled across a fantastic machine called an Air Walker. I watched a video of it being used and I realized that since I wouldn’t have to bend at the knee to use this machine, I’d have to purchase it and give it a try. I’m so very glad I did! I feel like my leg muscles are getting stronger just since I started using it at the beginning of the month. It has helped me kick-start my diet again and I’m back to losing more weight while making my legs stronger.

With any luck at all, this will be the year I get my knee surgery that I so desperately need to live a productive and quality life. I feel like the last 11 years of my life have just been wasted. Going from doctor to doctor, trying to get help, ANY help has been some of the most wasted time I have ever spent! I know that I need to do the work, that’s a no-brainer. No one can lose the weight for me. No one can exercise for me. It’s on me, I know. It would have been nice, though, to find a doctor who was willing to provide guidance and information, rather than the normal “fat-shaming” that does nothing but tear a person down!

So, I am creating a new me. I finally see a little light at the end of the tunnel. A real light, my own light! Not the fake light I thought I was seeing mid-2017.

Here’s to the new me! Here’s to 2018! Wish me luck!! 

 

Blogger Recognition Award!

Thank you, Novus Lectio, for the nod! I apologize for taking so long to accept this award! Novus Lectio’s blog can be found here: https://novuslectio.wordpress.com – please stop by and give it a read!

Here are the rules for accepting this award

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Write a post to show your award.
  • Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  • Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  • Select 10 other bloggers you want to give this award to.

 

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How my blog got started:

I was entering a new phase of my life. I was about to become a grandmother. Starting a blog seemed like the perfect way to share my life and my loves, although it turned out to be more of a therapeutic project. It remains very therapeutic for me. I have just recently made my blog more public (through Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/BeingAuntDebbie/) and have tried to write more than I use to. There were times that other things got in the way of my creativity and if you have read my past posts you may know exactly what I’m talking about. This blog is about making my way through this life, down whatever road it takes me.

My advice to new bloggers:

  1. Write what you know and about your passions. Just write!
  2. Don’t let anyone belittle you for your writing, opinions, passions or anything else. Just be you and write what you like!

 

It was difficult for me to pick 10 bloggers — there are so many great blogs out there! Most of the blogs I follow are on other blog formats, like Blogger, but I figured I should nominate those who are on wordpress like I am. I don’t always get to read every blog every day and that makes me sad! Here goes!

I nominate:

Karen @ https://icedteawithlemon.wordpress.com/

mainepaperpusher  @ https://mainepaperpusher.wordpress.com/

Jamie @  https://simplesoapariesoap.wordpress.com/

DGGYST @ http://damngirlgetyourshittogether.com/

megclift @  http://megspot.com/

Chelsea @ https://chelseaunfiltered.wordpress.com/

Sugar ‘nd Spice @ https://dattaragurl.wordpress.com/

Ganesh @ https://lifeonplanetearth2017.wordpress.com/

superwifeandmummy @ https://babieslifefamilygoodfood.wordpress.com

Kira @ https://bloggymcblogface446.wordpress.com/