Kill Me Now…..

Well I now know how those parents feel who’s children are missing.

My dear son, C.F., decided to take off on his dirt bike today. He didn’t tell anyone where he was going or how long he would be gone. It has been the understanding that since the bike is new and not yet registered, insured nor does he have a permit to drive it, that he was to drive it only on our property to practice. I told him when he gets a permit, insurance and registration then he could drive it to work.

Today he was scheduled to work at 3:30 pm and it was creeping up on 3 o’clock. We were wondering where he was because he likes to go to work early so he can eat first. (He works in a restaurant.) He was nowhere to be found. I was worried. Dad and I searched the property, not only with the car but on foot in order to cover some ground non-accessible with the car. The longer I was calling for him, searching high and low, the more scared I became. I was in a panic. I was crying, shaking and thinking the worst. I was having trouble catching my breath. I was on the verge of having a panic attack.

I know that C.F. is not a child. He’s 18. Legally an adult. BUT he’s immature for his age, in my opinion, and he very easily does the “wrong thing.” I’ve tried. Goddess knows I have tried. He is his own person and he just doesn’t give a crap what the ‘rules’ are. There is no difference to him who puts those rules in place; me or the government. In his mind, the rules are stupid. He is so much like his father I want to slap him silly. I say silly because it seems to me (by his actions) that he is already stupid. (Not really. He’s just a young adult male.)

After looking frantically for 45 minutes, I came in the house in a state of panic that I cannot describe. I asked my daughter, S.R., to call up at work and see if her brother was there. I was still shaking and having a hard time breathing. When she got off the phone she said he was there. I was so glad that he was ok but at the same time he is the luckiest person to be walking on this Earth at this very moment because I swear, if he were right in front of me his ass would be hurting. I am so angry with him right now. And he has the nerve to tell me that he’s more considerate than his sister!

Finally, after I settled down a bit, S.R. came in and told me that she was going to go up to Rockbridge with J., her boyfriend, for a bit. I asked her if she was going on his motorcycle and she replied, “No, I’m going to walk.” This was a sarcastic answer, of course. She was going to go on that freakin’ motorcycle! I couldn’t believe it. We have gone round and round about this for months. I thought we were finally on the same page. The baby should come first, period. Isn’t she thinking about that baby? I don’t care if J. drives safely or not. I know he doesn’t because he has had accidents in the past few months. If S.R. had been with him, she could be dead….and that precious baby too. What is going on with her? Doesn’t she care? Is she so hung up on this creep that she will risk her unborn child? I just don’t get it. I was so upset. I still am, but frankly I am sick and tired of being in tears from worry about my kids. I wish they would just move out, get on with their lives and leave me out of their BS. (If I don’t know, it won’t hurt me!) I will still worry but it’s about time they both grow up and be responsible for their own lives and deal with their own mistakes without me being there to help them. Sick and tired, I tell you.

Author: Deb / Being Aunt Debbie

Single, mother of 2 adult children and grandmother to 3 beautiful grandchildren! I crochet, make jewelry, hand-poured soaps, and what ever else I can get into! I love Medieval History, castles, all things Celtic. I love animals, rock music, Mexican food, writing, learning, and good movies.

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