When Will People Learn?

My son’s best friend, A.S. got busted for possession of marijuana and if that isn’t enough, possession of an illegal firearm too. After all the trouble my daughter got into last year, you’d think he would’ve been smarter. Now he has a couple felony charges hanging over his head and his life will be ‘on hold’ until he gets everything resolved. He may end up with jail time, drug court or probation and maybe all 3.

When I talked to him, I told him that every choice we make will effect the rest of our lives. One wrong choice can ruin our lives! He says he’s done with all this; that he has learned his lesson. I hope so.

It really hurts my heart when the people I care about make such bad mistakes. If they would only listen! I managed to make it through high school without succumbing to peer pressure. I never tried drugs and even now would never try drugs. Why can’t people see what drugs can do to a person? Is a high so important that they will risk their health, their lives and even the lives of those around them?

I just don’t get it. I probably never will. When will people learn?

Empty Spaces….

I’ve been thinking about my son, my “other daughter” and my grand daughter tonight. They have moved out and although they’re close, I will still worry about them. They’ve been living here since last July due to some very unfavorable circumstances. I have enjoyed having Doodle Bug here, no doubt, but I love my son and I feel closer to A.B. now. I’ve always loved her like a daughter but now that we have shared some maternal moments and lived under the same roof, it’s a much closer relationship and I am thankful for it.

My son, C.F., came by and packed up a few things tonight, things they left behind on Wednesday. He seemed in good spirits, perhaps excited about having his own place. It’s an exciting time for them. I pray he and A.B. will work together and be the best parents they can be to Doodle Bug. They can do it, I know they can. They’re young and inexperienced in this sort of thing but I’m confident they’ll figure it out. And I know that they will come to me if need be.

My house is slowly morphing back into the home it was before both of my children moved back home. There are a few empty spaces in my house now, but not for long. S.R. will move into some of those spaces that C.F. and A.B. left behind. With any luck, her stay here won’t be any longer than necessary. Don’t get me wrong, I love S.R. and I definitely love my grand son, D.M., but it would be nice to have my house and my life back to normal. I want her to have a place of her own. It’s just too bad that when she does move out, J. will be part of that equation.

Nothing good can come out of that. But, I don’t know anything, according to S.R. I have to step back and let her find out for herself that J. is very bad news. I don’t know that’s possible though, since he already turned her life upside down, and she still doesn’t see it. Perhaps someday she will see it and realize that sometimes I do know what I’m talking about.

A Nice Surprise

A few weeks ago, I was thinking of a woman I was friends with back when I was pregnant with my daughter. This woman was my neighbor, my best friend and someone I could count on at any time. In fact, I did count on her for many things. She was there for me all the times my ex was being a real jackass. She was there for me throughout my pregnancy. She drove me to the doctor all the times my daughter was sick, when I was without a car and living out in the country. She brought me a real Christmas tree on Christmas Eve one year when we couldn’t afford one. She watched the baby for me when my ex wouldn’t make time, so I could shower. She took my kids to the park one evening when my ex and I were fighting. Gosh, there were so many things she did for me. I hope I was as good a friend to her as she was to me. I hope she knows how much her friendship meant to me.

I had been hoping to reconnect with her after all these years. It’s been 15 years or so since I last saw her or heard from her. I spent the better part of a day, searching Facebook and MySpace, Twitter and the Yellow Pages – problem was I knew she had remarried and I didn’t know her last name. I tried searching for her boys. They were all small when we knew each other. There were three of them; the oldest was only 7 when we first met, the youngest was about 8 months older than my daughter and the middle child was about 4 or 5. They use to call me Aunt Debbie! I tried to find them. I searched Facebook and MySpace, Twitter and the Yellow Pages looking for them. It was difficult because the names were so common and I really didn’t know what they looked like any more. I was discouraged after many hours. Would I ever connect with any of them again?

This morning, I was catching up on some sleep. I’ve been sick and hadn’t been sleeping well. My daughter woke me up and told me I had a phone call.

It was my good friend’s oldest son. I was really happy to hear from him! He took the time to look me up! He found me on MySpace. (Thank the heavens for the age of MySpace and other social networking sites on the internet! Thank the heavens for the internet!)

He still called me Aunt Debbie! It was a great conversation. We talked for half an hour or more. He told me about his brothers, his mom and his own children. He’s in Iraq right now, working as a medic in the Army.  He’s been in the Army for 11 years! I pray he comes home safe, to his family and friends. He may come visit me when he comes home. It will be totally awesome to see him again. We have connected on Facebook and MySpace and will definitely keep in touch. He has put me in touch with his brothers and his mother. I can’t wait to talk to them all!

I like surprises, nice ones that is, and this was most definitely one of the nicest.

The Loves of My Life

I know I’ve told all the people in my life how much they mean to me. I hope they heard me. I’d hate to leave this world without them understanding the love and laughter they have brought to my life. I’d hate for them to leave this world and not know how truly loved and appreciated they are by me.

My Dad, who is also my best friend, taught me many things in my life. He taught me to never be late, to always have a sense of humor and to just be myself. He is very special to me. He’s always been there for me and helped me raise my children when their father opted to drop off the radar. He’s a good man, a bit on the silly side, but he’s MY Daddy and I love him.

S.R., my daughter and my oldest child, is a very complex person. She has a sensitive side but she hides it and she hides it well. I raised her to be strong and make her own decisions. I raised her to be kind and generous. I also raised her not to take any crap from anyone. And she doesn’t. I love her unconditionally even though we haven’t always seen eye to eye. She has made some bad choices in her life as we all have but that’s how we learn. I’m proud to call her my daughter, and I will always love her with every inch of my being.

My son, C.F., is a kick in the pants! He has a strange sense of humor and can be very warped at times. He is my baby and he doesn’t like it much when I call him that. After all he’s 20 years old. He is very sensitive, like his sister, but rarely shows it. I can see it in him, when others may not. He tries very hard to be a tough guy – he wears his hair long, has tattoos and piercings and people see him as a tough guy. Some of his co-workers are even afraid of him! I know him differently than they do. I raised him to be kind to animals and learn from them. I raised him to treat people with respect, unless of course they don’t respect him. I raised him to be strong and independent. I’m proud to be his mom. I love him with all of my heart and soul.

My grand children will always have a special place in my heart — forever. No question. They light up my days and make me feel young again, although at the end of the day I can really feel my age! They make me laugh, they make me cry and they can really get on my nerves! I love them dearly and wouldn’t trade my time with them for anything else in this world.

My younger sisters, who were royal pains in my ass when we were growing up, have become my dearest friends and I couldn’t have gotten through the last year without their love and support. They helped me to deal with things that no mother would ever want to have to deal with. They were my shoulder to cry on; although far away. They made me laugh when things were gray. They told me things will get better and they reassured me that I am a good mother, a good friend, sister and person. I cherish my sisters and I hope they know how much I love them.

A.B., who is not my child, but I think of her as my own. I’ve been calling her my “other daughter” for many years now. I love her and wish for her the very best things in life. I hope she knows that I am here for her when her family stabs her in the back again. She deserves better than that. No matter what the relationship between A.B. and my son, I will always think of her as my “other daughter,” and I’m proud to be part of her life.

These are the people who are the closest to my heart. Of course there are those who have passed on, like Mom, Granny, Nana and Papa, Aunt Helen, Cousins John M. and John D. and my great-great grandmother…..all of whom I think about often. There are close friends like Becky, Fawn, Terri, Teri, Andrew and more; I hope they realize how important they are to me. There are also the people who were my in-laws at one time. I doubt that I will ever have anything good to say about my ex ever again, but his family was my family. I’ve missed them a lot since we moved away.

So many people, so little time on this earth. I don’t think my job is done here.

Sick & Tired

No, really. I’m sick and I’m tired. I have a bad head cold. I wish I could cut my head off. I thought I was succeeding at fighting it off, but apparently not. Here I sit. Hard to think. My head feels like it’s in a fog.

I’ve got my hot tea, lemon drops, vitamin c, echinacea, tissues and some chicken soup brewing on the stove. I’m hoping tomorrow my throat won’t be as hot and scratchy, my head won’t be as foggy and I won’t be as tired. Maybe I’ll get some chores done and take care of some business.