A few days ago, I wrote One Day At A Time and how difficult it’s been for me to write consistently. Well, I guess it was harder than I thought, because I completely forgot about Friday’s Funnies last week! This week, I did not forget!
It’s hotter than balls here. At least that’s what my son says. I guess he ought to know. My grandmother used to say, “It’s hotter than a popcorn fart” and I always wondered how hot that was! I hope the weather isn’t too unbearable for you!
This week, your vote elects the top billing on next week’s edition of Friday’s Funnies! Each meme/photo has a title. Remember that title and vote for your fave in the comments! Here’s this week’s funnies!
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VOTE: Peek-a-Boo
VOTE: Aunt Clara
VOTE: Beware of Dog
VOTE: Pinatas
VOTE: Udder Surprise
VOTE: Vacation
VOTE: Family Photo
VOTE: PIG-DOG
NOW! Flip that pic upside down
and UN-confuse your brain!!
VOTE: 10th Life
VOTE: Sense of Humor
VOTE: Alien Cats
VOTE: Darryl
VOTE: Quack
VOTE: Asshole Snakes
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I hope you got a few good laughs! Now, vote for your faves! Let’s see which meme wins and gets top billing on next week’s edition of Friday’s Funnies! My vote is for Asshole Snakes!
This week has been slow and boring, and we have to start all over again in a couple of days. Ugh. The only excitement was on Wednesday, when I sliced my damn finger open! Other than that? Same shit, different day… as they say.
Today marks our 124th day of staying home. I’m officially sick and tired of it. All I can do to keep from going completely nuts is to try to find the humor in everything; like when I dripped blood all over the kitchen floor because I didn’t realize I split my finger open for the 3rd time. The furkids were all sitting there watching me and looking at the bright red drops all over the floor. I wonder what they were thinking?
I’ll be starting something new in August. Each week, your vote for your favorite funny will go up against the previous week’s favorite, and at the end of the month I’ll post the winner. If that makes sense…hahaha. I’m not sure how I’ll work it out quite yet so be patient…and forgiving if it doesn’t work out!
I hope this week’s funnies will make you laugh or at least smile. I think we all need something to laugh about! I know I sure do! Enjoy, my friends!
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Well, which one was your favorite this week? I like ‘Ostrich’ because we have a board on our catio that has a face on it and it always makes me laugh. I’ll have to share it with you sometime. I also like ‘Auto-correct’ because “it’s never duck.” I despise auto-correct and turned it off on my phone!
I hope you enjoyed this week’s funnies! I also hope next week is a good one for you. This past few months have been hard on all of us. Let’s keep moving forward and be there for one another. We’re all in this together!
When I talk to my cats, but mostly when Dad talks to them, I use a different voice for each cat and answer for them. Sounds weird, but it sure makes us laugh!
I got to thinking about the celebrity voices that might fit my cats’ personalities. This is what I came up with:
Kitty, our senior cat.
Kitty, our senior cat, would definitely have the voice of Katharine Hepburn. Kitty has that head-tremor thing going on, sort of. Her head is always bopping around, like a bobble head you’d put in the rear window of your car. And she’s old, like Hepburn in On Golden Pond.
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Honey Bear, Southern Belle
Honey Bear would definitely have a Southern accent. I don’t know why but it just seems right for her. She’d be a little bit of a ding bat and have a lot to say. She would definitely sound like Charlene (Jean Smart) from Designing Women.
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Alice, silent but knowledgeable.
Alice would have the voice of Marisa Tomei from the movie, My Cousin Vinny. Why? Because Alice knows a lot and if she could talk she’d have a lot of important information to pass along. I think she’d be a bit of a tattle-tale, to tell you the truth!
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Jack, tough guy and coward.
Jack was the hardest to figure out. He’s a tough guy, picking fights with the ladies of the house but he’s a big freakin’ coward if someone comes over or just knocks on the door. I chose James Cagney for Jack’s voice. I think it fits. Cagney was a tough guy. If you’ve seen any of his movies you know what I mean.
But then a scene from my favorite Cagney movie fit with Jack’s cowardly side. In this scene of Angels With Dirty Faces, Rocky Sullivan heads to the electric chair but previously his childhood friend, now Priest, begs Rocky for one last favor. You see, there are a group of punk kids who admire Rocky but Father Connolly doesn’t want the boys to follow Rocky’s same path. He doesn’t want the boys to see Rocky as a hero but instead, as a coward.
So, those are the voices my cats would have if they had human voices. What voices would you tag your pets with, if they had human voices?
Happy Birthday to me! Yesterday I turned…nevermind. I’m still under 60, let’s leave it at that. I’m old enough to have experienced some major bullshit that no woman should ever have to go through but I’m still kicking! That blasted menopause and all that comes with her and old age can kiss my ever lovin’ ass.
Yay me, another birthday.
It’s not bad enough I have arthritis but I also have bone and joint damage in my knees so that makes exercise nearly impossible. I can barely walk, or stand upright for fuck’s sake. Thanks to my doctor at the time, I didn’t get any help early on to slow the progression, so it just got worse and worse. When I finally found a good doctor, the damage was done.
Groaning and creaking is now the language of my people.
Then menopause marches into my life. That bitch. I was happy to no longer have a monthly cycle but I can do without the continued hot flashes, chills, night sweats, weight gain, moodiness (Who? Me? Moody?), not to mention the weight gain and sleep problems. I’ve already had enough of that but why not add more? While you’re at it, Ms. Menopause Bitch, you might as well slow my energy and metabolism down even more than it was already. I just have one question: When will you be finished with me?
If menopause had a face…
Getting older has its perks; discounts, grand kids, wisdom, more empathy, clearer priorities, less drama, knowing our worth, and not putting up with less than we deserve, etc. But I don’t think I deserve all the crap splattered on me as I’ve grown older.
Perks include drinking all the damn alcohol you want!
I’m even starting to look like an old lady. My youth is gone. I’m a grandmother. Thanks, kids. YOU made me old. Just kidding. But seriously, I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person looking back at me. All those wrinkles and the sagging jowls make me look like someone else! The gray hair I can cover – that is, I used to cover. I haven’t been to the hairdresser since early March. I don’t see myself going anytime soon, either. Stupid 2020.
I swear, I have looked in the mirror and acted this very same way!
My bladder is a royal pain in the… bladder. I have to get up every 2 hours at night and it’s pretty much the same during the day. Before coronavirus, every time I left the house, the trip was planned around where the damn bathrooms were located! I think I know of every stinkin’ handicap accessible bathroom for 100 miles in all directions!
Doesn’t work that way!
It’s hard enough having to rely on a cane or crutch to get around but using them leaves me with only one available hand for carrying things or doing a quick task. On top of that, my hands are clumsy. I knock shit over, drop things on the floor, spill every stinkin’ time, and I swear if I drop one more thing today, I’ll scream! I can’t open packaging of any kind without scissors. I miss the trash can every damn time. I’m shocked that I can still crochet!
This isn’t far from the truth!
I have age spots and calcium deposits starting to pop up. My skin is drier than the Mojave Desert, regardless of the brand or type of moisturizer I use. It doesn’t even matter how much I slather on or how often! Ugh!
I swear, if my skin gets any drier, you’ll be seeing particles swooshing on the surface like in the desert wind.
I have CRS (Can’t Remember Shit). My brain can’t seem to stay focused because it’s focused on my pain and getting me from point A to point B without falling, so by the time I get to point B, I’ve forgotten what I was going to do. I shit you not. I try to remember everything in one trip but it never fails, I forget something. I’ve been told to write things down, make a list. You think I haven’t thought of that? I have lists all over the damn house!
I swear, I write down everything and still forget!
My eyes are going kaput. I need new glasses but I’m not going to the eye doctor until this virus is gone or we have vaccinations. I remind myself of the old-time glasses for people who couldn’t see their hand in front of their faces. Remember how thick the lenses were? I see myself wearing those eventually.
I might be able to see again someday!
I’m sick of crazy hair growing in the weirdest places. Like one solitary hair growing out of the middle of my forehead…or the one that grows out from under my chin. Wtf is up with that? I’m constantly looking for them but I seem to only find them when they’re an inch long. Then there are the ingrown and course hairs that grow above my lip. It’s like Mother Nature thinks I’m a man and that I need a mustache to keep my lip warm.
Good thing my ‘mustache’ isn’t this dark!
I’m shrinking. I was never very tall in the first place. Well, in Elementary school I was one of the tallest kids in school at 5’3″. The problem is, I never got any taller than I was in the 6th freakin’ grade! I have lost a little over an inch. I can’t reach, even on my tippy-toes some things that were never that big of a deal before. I can’t even get the laundry out of the washing machine because the drum is too deep. I just can’t reach!
I’m not quite this short!
On the bright side, I still have my own teeth, and my hearing is still somewhat okay; unless of course, you try to tell me something from the other room facing the opposite direction, while the tv is turned up, the water is running because I’m washing dishes, and the washing machine and dryer are also running. Then I can’t hear for shit. Just ask Dad.
Are you talking?
I write this with much exaggeration and cynicism but I know it’s just the way it is and there’s nothing I can do about getting older. As much as I despise my body for turning on me so soon, I still like the person I have become. I’m strong, and I’m smart. I know how to do a lot of things; I just can’t do many of them. I’m honest. I’m grateful. I’m a loyal friend but I’m not afraid to let go of friendships that harm my mental health. I’m a good person. I’m still not going to act my age, no matter how old I feel. I’m still going to laugh at inappropriate times at inappropriate things. (Like farts. Farts are funny.) I like my sense of humor. I might be old but I still have a lot to offer. I’m still fucking awesome!
I can only hope to be as cool as Betty White!
A good friend told me the other day, “Embrace your battle scars. You’re a survivor.” She also told me to not dwell on the bad stuff. Good thing she doesn’t live close or she’d kick my ass after reading this post! In all seriousness though, I am a survivor; I don’t feel like one most days but I still manage to pick myself up and give another day a good run for its money…
So, Happy Birthday to me! Maybe I’ll make it to 102 years old and still be laughing like this old gal!
Happy Friday, everyone! I hope this week has been good to you! It’s been a rough one for me. With pain levels on the rise, I need all the laughter I can get. I’ve always kept my sense of humor through tough times but it helps! I know I’m not the only one going through a rough patch. Even if you’re not experiencing a chronic illness like I am, I’m sure you’re still experiencing a lot of unrest and concern over current affairs these days. So let’s all just breathe and have a few laughs, shall we? Here are a few funnies I hope will help make your Friday a good one.
In all seriousness, folks…please be cautious when dealing with fireworks! Things can go wrong without warning so please be careful!
I think I liked the ‘gramma got laid’ and ‘old man walking’ the most! Do you have a favorite?
Please be safe this 4th of July weekend! I plan on staying inside, under the a/c, and working on my crochet project! Don’t forget to laugh, friends!
Being Aunt Debbie 