The Ex-Files – Installment #5

My last installment of the Ex-Files was after we started a family. If you missed it you can find it here:

CP’s first wife cheated on him and I guess he expected me to do the same. He always seemed to have questions about where I was or what I was doing. I could tell he was suspicious many times but I kept my mouth shut.

Now, let me just say that I have never nor would I ever, cheat on a guy. If I have a problem with a guy or just don’t want to see him anymore, then I would most definitely be honest about it. I wouldn’t go behind his back and cheat. What the hell is the point in that?

This incident happened in the first 5 years of our relationship before we started having kids. So, on with this story….

While I was busting my ass working a part-time job, plus cleaning houses, and babysitting, CP was running his own automotive repair shop, which was a joke. He never did any of the work. I had even lent a helping hand and worked in the office answering the phone on days I didn’t have any other jobs to do. That got old quick.

CP decided to hire a guy he knew from school to help out at the shop. He felt bad for the guy. His name was Ken. He was a nice guy I suppose. He had split from his wife and he needed a job to help support his 2-year-old daughter. He also needed a place to stay. So, what did CP do? He told Ken he could stay with us. He didn’t even run it by me first. I should have cold-cocked him with a frying pan a long time ago.

Well, my peaceful little sanctuary of an apartment became an uncomfortable and awkward place to be. Ken slept on the couch, just within earshot of the bedroom. He rarely bathed so my couch eventually started to smell like ass. Literally. He got on my nerves because he was always there. We had no privacy. He was always helping himself to whatever we had in the refrigerator. He never stopped talking. He was a pain in the ass to have around all the time. He stayed with us for weeks…and weeks….

One day, I was leaving CP’s shop and Ken needed to go change his clothes or something so he could go somewhere. I don’t recall those details. I was going home anyway, so I offered him a ride. CP knew Ken was leaving with me. He never said anything or even showed any disapproval. I never thought anything of it. I was just being me.

So, we got to the apartment and I grabbed something for lunch while Ken did whatever…. I finished my lunch and then I left. What went on after that, I have no clue. When I got home just an hour or so later, CP was sitting on the living room floor feeling the carpet.

I just stopped and thought for a moment, “What the fuck is he doing?” He was the only one home. Ken was gone, thank goodness. CP said there was a wet spot on the floor. Then it dawned on me. He thinks…no, he couldn’t think that. Why would he think that I could…. I couldn’t even go there in my mind let alone say it aloud. He thought that I cheated on him with Ken, on the floor. OMG. Ewww. The guy who smelled like ass. The guy who stunk up my couch. Holy crap. How could he think such a thing when he knows that I was sick of looking at that guy every damn day?

I thought to myself, this is going to stop right now. I confronted him and said, “I know what you’re thinking and you’d better not even go there! I am not going to be accused of cheating AGAIN!”

This was NOT the first time he had accused me of cheating. The first time was a couple of years earlier when he found a pair of my undies under the couch cushion. He jumped to the conclusion that I had hid them there. He figured the only reason for me to hide them was that I had cheated and needed to hide the evidence. Dumb shit. Why wouldn’t I have just put them in the laundry hamper? Anyway, I had to remind him of the laundry I had dumped on the end of the couch the week prior that sat there for days and days because I was too lazy to pick them up and put them away. A pair of undies probably just got pushed down between the cushions and I didn’t realize it when I finally put the laundry away. Geez.

Anyway, that accusation was put to rest, as was the “wet spot” incident. CP apologized both times. I tried several times over the years to make him understand that I am not like his ex and that if I didn’t want to be with him then I would have left him. I would not have cheated. That’s just not who I am.

Now, I know not all men are assholes but my ex was, and most likely still is. I don’t know if he became someone else’s problem or not but I hope she didn’t forget he was an asshole like I always did!








The Ex-Files – Installment #4

I was 8 months pregnant with my son. I was running a Day Care in our home to make money to keep food on the table and the electricity on. Oh and then there was the rent. We were always behind but I had to do what I could to keep the landlord from evicting us. He was very understanding, more than he should have been.

CP was in one of his ruts where he was laid off from a job and not getting off his ass to find another. He seemed to think the food was going to magically appear and that the electricity fairies were going to keep the power on. He always said something stupid like, “We don’t need electricity.” WHAT?! Seriously, you may be wondering? Yes. I’m serious. What did he think was keeping his damn beer cold and making his coffee every day? What did he think I was going to do with the 7 kids I had in my house every day with no power? That meant no Sesame Street, no cooking meals, no lights, no freezer and refrigerator to keep our food, no cold milk for cereal, and many other things. I wish I knew what the hell was wrong with him!

So, anyway… I was busy with kids all day long and he was sitting around in my way. I was preparing meals for my Day Care kids, doing laundry, cleaning up messes, and doing activities with the kids. We had outside playtime, preschool activities, and I also had a few learning centers set up. I was busy so when the dryer buzzer went off this particular day, I ran to the dryer, threw the clothes in a basket and took the basket to my bedroom. I was thinking I’d get to it asap and just tossed the basket on my bed. It just happened to be on CP’s side of the bed. Big mistake.

He came home after a few hours of “shootin’ the shit” as he called it, with his cousins. I guess it was around 7:30 pm. He was tired and as per the norm, he went to bed with no dinner. Even though I cooked, from scratch, because anything less than that would have pissed him off. But I digress. He went to bed before 8:00 pm.

He never thought about ME. I still had our daughter to bathe and get to bed, bedtime stories to read, a kitchen to clean up, toys to put away….and my own shower and relaxation – HA. He was in bed because HE was tired, from NOT working, but from visiting with family. By 11:00 pm I was finally finished with MY chores, exhausted and went to bed.

Let’s not forget the very first line of this post. Go back and look. I’ll wait.

I got ready for bed and quietly entered my bedroom. I couldn’t turn on the light because CP was sleeping so when I got to my side of the bed I tripped. What did I trip over? The fucking laundry basket I sat on the bed earlier in the day. I nearly fell on my stomach (all 8 months of my son there) but thankfully I was able to catch my fall on the nightstand with my right arm, spraining my wrist in the process. I was so pissed off when I found out what it was I tripped over, I went to the living room with my pillow and slept on the couch.

In the morning I said angrily to CP, “Thanks for putting the laundry basket on the floor in the dark of the bedroom for me to trip over last night. I almost landed on my belly.” He replied, “Sorry, but you put the laundry basket on my side of the bed so I thought you did it for spite.” So apparently, since he thought I did it out of spite then it was ok for him to almost cause me and our unborn child serious injury???

I think that’s when I really started to hate him.

The Problem is, women think


The Ex-Files – Third Installment

This is the third installment of a series. If you missed the first two, you can find them here:  and here:

So, there I was, living in my own apartment with CP and thinking what the heck have I done? It was sure a sign of what was yet to come because things never really got much better.

CP always talked about what a good mechanic he was; all I ever heard was “shop talk” when he and the cousins got together. Boring. He had fixed my car a time or two, and I really didn’t think much of it. He was really interested in opening his own auto shop. How the heck could he possibly open his own shop with no money? Did he think he could just start moving cars into a shop and start working on them? He must have. I don’t know how he did it but he conned the owner of a shop into renting it to him. I think it was because his cousin also rented from him so the owner thought it was safe. Haha.

So, I tried to be as supportive as I possibly could. I showed interest and excitement. I helped him paint the shop office. I don’t know why that was so important. It had a decent paint job already. When I got off work every afternoon, I went to the shop and sat in the office answering the phone. It didn’t ring much. Hahaha. It cost too much to put ads in the paper, in the phone book, etc. Word of mouth is how he got jobs. The thing is when you get a job to do you actually have to work on it. At one point he had 6 vehicles on the shop floor. Those vehicles were there until the owners got tired of waiting for him to get the work done. One VW Bug sat there for a year before the owner came and got it. I felt so bad for these people!!

Eventually, I washed my hands of the entire operation. I got tired of calls from irate car owners day after day. They would be angrier every day because CP would never call them back! He didn’t call them back because he wasn’t doing the work. He wasn’t doing the work because he was always “shootin’ the shit” with his cousins. I mean, geesh. If you want to take a break now and then is one thing but to spend entire days just talking?! You don’t make any money if you don’t do the work!

This whole time CP had the shop, the financial burden fell on me. He wasn’t making any money and we were eating bologna sandwiches and ramen noodles, day in and day out. It’s pretty bad when all your paycheck goes to paying rent, utilities, other bills and gas for the car and you only have about $50 for food for the entire month! Boy, does that get old fast! I was ready to strangle CP because he wasn’t pulling his weight! I was so very happy when he finally got kicked out of that shop!!

Fast forward, years later…1992. When my kids and I left him — he made sure to tell people (I had eyes and ears back home) that the reason his shop failed was that “Deb stole all my money!” What freakin’ money?? He’s damn lucky I was in MO because I would have cold-cocked him upside the head if I were still there!

To be continued…..    


The Ex-Files – Second Installment

This is the second installment of a series. If you missed the first installment it can be found here: 

So, I was dating CP and my mother seemed to like him, especially since he got me out of the house. I really don’t think she liked me being around. I don’t know why. I wasn’t a pain in the ass. That was NOT sarcasm. I kept to myself and didn’t bother her. She taught me well. I truly was not a pain in the ass. 

Anyway, CP rarely had any money…..probably due to the fact that he couldn’t hold down a steady job for one reason or another. He once had a job at the newspaper office delivering papers and after just a few short weeks, he crashed one of their vehicles. He said it wasn’t his fault; that it was raining and the vehicle slid into a parked car. He was most likely driving too fast when this happened but to hear him talk, he wasn’t doing anything wrong at all. I heard several different versions of the same story from him and needless to say, he got fired.

When we went out we rarely did anything fun. We usually went to his uncle’s house or hung out with the cousins. This could be fun, don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the family! We occasionally went out to eat. Places like McDonald’s or Burger King, Subway or mooching at the uncle’s house were common eating spots. We went miniature golfing once for my birthday. It was fun I suppose, but I would have rather gone to the movies or something. We went to the drag races a few times, which I grew to enjoy. There was just something empowering about watching “The First Lady of Drag Racing” Ms. Shirley Muldowney, race that dragster for a quarter mile!

Eventually, after saving money from my job and cashing in a life insurance policy, I moved out on my own at the ripe old age of 20. Of course, my mother was all too happy to help! She helped me screen neighborhoods and apartments, and went with me to meet with landlords and check out potential apartments. When I decided which place I liked and signed the contract, Mom took me shopping to help me pick out the things I would need; things like cleaning supplies, soap, towels, washcloths, paper towels, toilet tissue, dishes, etc. She helped me get my phone (pre-cell phone era), electric and gas turned on. She helped me move my bedroom furniture into my new place, which was the only room in my new apartment that wasn’t already furnished.

Finally! A place of my own! I was now free to eat when I wanted, cook when I wanted, clean when I wanted. I could go out and not have to explain myself to anyone. I could go to bed at 3 in the freakin’ morning if I liked. Time for me to be an adult and I was all too happy to take on that responsibility!

My mom called me one day after I got home from work and told me CP was hanging out across the street from her house, in the park and barefooted. What the heck? He was moping she said, head hung low, looking like he had lost his best friend. Turns out he was jealous that I had a place of my own – still not sure why he was at the park across the street from her house. He had been living with his uncle up until then. Turns out the uncle kicked his ass out.

So, what did I do? I let him move in with me. I felt sorry for him, not having a place to stay. In retrospect, it was the dumbest thing I could have ever done. I’m pretty sure that’s what he had planned all along. He didn’t have a job, so the burden fell on me. He said, “I’ll get a job!” Well, he got a job with his uncle. They painted the exteriors of new homes and while he brought in some good cash for each job completed, the jobs were not steady, especially in the winter.

Relationships are equal parts

To Be Continued……

The Ex-Files

I’ve decided to begin a series of installments entitled “The Ex-Files” which will be all about my ex. From this point on, he will be addressed as CP.

I met CP when I was dating his cousin LM. I should have listened to all the negative talk about CP during that time but I didn’t. He was married with a kid, he was a deadbeat dad, he always took the credit for things he didn’t do, he exaggerated the truth all the time, he was lazy, he was nit-picky worse than any woman….so many things that I didn’t listen to.

My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.

After my break up with LM, I was devastated. He was my first love and I was just 17-18 years old. I was heartbroken! My mother was tired of me moping around the house (I was off work for the summer) so she sent me on a Greyhound bus to stay with my grandmother for a couple of weeks. It helped because I met a few new people and I realized it wasn’t the end of the world.

When I returned home, I was still sad but I realized I was more upset about the Italian family that treated me as their family and I loved that. I never felt like I was a part of anything and they made me feel like I belonged. I loved them. I still love them. It was just sad to me that because I was no longer dating LM that I had also lost his family; his aunts and uncles, cousins, sisters, brother….

Fast forward a few weeks and almost time for me to go back to work. (I worked for the school district at that time.) I was trying to figure out how I was going to spend the rest of my summer when LM’s cousin CP called me. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers were going to be at the State Fair and he wanted me to go with him. I thought, “Heck, why not?” Of course, I was still living at home and out of respect had to seek permission from my parents. Mom was eager for me to go out again but I think she was thinking more along the lines of getting rid of me, lol. Not murder, but just getting me out of the house.

The State Fair was great, Tom Petty was awesome, and to top it off Stevie Nicks pulled up behind the stage in a long white limo! She got out of the limo in one of her beautiful gypsy-style dresses and came onto the stage! I always loved her style! She sang the duet, Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around with Tom and it was magical! It was a great show and I honestly don’t recall anything other than the concert.

We started seeing each other after that and I freakin’ knew better! In retrospect, I think I was excited to get the family back! It was awkward at first, going to see them all. I’m pretty sure they thought there must be something wrong with me to be dating CP!

I was really happy to have the family back but now I realize that what I really wanted (what I really, truly needed) was to be accepted for who I was and to not be treated as though I was stupid or couldn’t think for myself. My mother was sweet when other people were around, but when it was just her and us kids she wasn’t the same. It was rough living under the same roof as someone who acted like they were disappointed in me and seemed to never accept me for who I was. So, when I had the chance to move out I DID….

To Be Continued in the next installment of The Ex-Files…