Last week was hectic. After losing my Honey Bear to a tumor, BobCat decided to get sick. He had a fever, and the sniffles, snorts, and sneezes. Our vet can’t see him until Wednesday BUT BobCat is feeling much better. He’s eating and drinking, using the litter box, and the sniffles, snorts, and sneezes are down to a minimum. So, my stress level is slowly coming down.

Last week, in the midst of trying to give Honey Bear a few days of feeling better, I made a run to Walmart for a curbside pickup. I was getting mostly canned cat foods with gravy, and pouches of broth and gravy, to entice Honey Bear into eating. On the way, MODOT (Missouri Dept. of Transportation) was working alongside the highway, on the left side. They were spraying weeds and unwanteds on the right of way and on the fence line. There was a State Trooper parked keeping an eye on things. I thought to myself, remember to watch yourself on the way back. Simple enough, right?

Well, I have a disabled placard for parking hanging in my car. I have a bad habit of just leaving it hang from my rearview mirror, which is against MO law. So, I took it down, having a feeling that the patrolman would pull me over, sure as shit. Thinking ahead, you know?

On the way back, I saw the patrolman first and I slowed down. MODOT was just ahead of him, still spraying. I didn’t want to get in the way of the sprayers so I moved over to the left, which took me over the center line just a little. Next thing I knew, the patrolman’s lights were on and coming up behind me. I thought, surely he’s not coming for me. I pulled over to let him pass…and he pulled over right behind me. Shit Fuck Shit, I said out loud to myself. What the hell did I do?

The patrolman was pleasant and asked for my license and proof of insurance. I handed those items to him and I asked, “Did I do something wrong?” He replied, “You’re not aware of what you did?” I said, “No, sir.” He told me that I went over the center line of the highway and asked why I did that. I said, “Because I didn’t want to get in the way of MODOT.” He very nicely informed me that MO law requires that a vehicle slow or stop when there are oncoming vehicles before moving over the centerline. In doing what I did, I caused oncoming traffic to have to move onto the shoulder. I’m thinking to myself that it wasn’t my fault the oncoming traffic moved over. They were far enough ahead that they didn’t have to do that. I didn’t say that, because I’m not going to argue with a patrolman! I told him, “I should have known better. When people are testing for a driver’s license, anytime you cause another driver to do something he wasn’t going to do in the first place, they flunk you automatically.” He nodded in agreement, and said, “Hang tight, I’ll be right back.” He walked back to his patrol car and after several minutes passed I thought, “Shit. He’s writing me a ticket.” I wanted to make fun of his Dudley Do-Right hat and his sissy boots but I didn’t want to get shot. Haha!

He came back to the car, handed my license and proof of insurance back to me, and explained to me that MODOT had reported that people were doing exactly what I had done and were afraid there would be an accident. They asked that the highway patrol send someone to keep an eye out. He was very nice about the whole thing. He sent me on my way with a warning. Boy, was I relieved! I thanked him and told him it wouldn’t happen again.

I think it helped that I have never had a ticket in my entire life, not even a parking ticket! I had only been pulled over twice prior to this, once in California and once 30 years ago here in Missouri. Having proper insurance and driving a car with updated plates with no red flags helped as well. That’s probably why it took him so long! He was running my license, insurance, plates, the whole nine yards.

I drove away wiping the sweat off my brow. Thankfully, I have a funny story to tell about how I fucked up instead of a ticket to have to pay. I’d never hear the end of that!