Tag Archives: knee replacement surgery

Back On Track!

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If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, then you know I have pain and mobility issues. You also know that I am in dire need of knee replacement surgery. First, a not-real-quick recap:

My journey started around 11 years ago, with a doctor that didn’t do anything from the very beginning. Now, let me just say that I knew I needed to lose weight and I KNEW I had to do this myself, but from the get-go my doctor did absolutely nothing to help me with anything. I had trouble since my first child was born, trying to lose weight. She said, “You just need to count calories” and offered absolutely NO assistance or guidance. She gave me a script for pain meds and that was the end of that.

When I FINALLY got my doctor to refer me to a specialist in 2016, I was thrilled. I thought I was finally getting somewhere. Well, the specialist was an asshole with a God complex and shamed and belittled me for 40 minutes. (It’s not like I weighed 600 pounds…not even half of that at my heaviest!) It was something I will never forget. Anyway, shortly after that happened I signed up for Nutrisystem.

Nutrisystem was what I had needed years ago but never had the money to spend on it. It works but it’s quite costly. I did the program faithfully and religiously for almost a year until I was so sick of the food I had to take a break. I had lost 60 pounds, and with high hopes went to see my new doctor, who set me up with a new specialist.

The new specialist was impressed that I had lost 60 pounds in less than a year. However, this was not enough of a loss to consider surgery yet, plus I needed to strengthen my leg muscles.

Fast forward, to last summer. I was so sick of Nutrisystem foods that I stayed off the plan for a bit. We had company off and on and we went out to eat a LOT. Then, Thanksgiving rolled around….and Christmas….and well, I GAINED 25 pounds back!

Uh oh. I need to do something, right? So, in January I purchased an exercise machine called an Air Walker. It’s an elliptical, but not a traditional elliptical. It’s more like a glider instead of a stepper. I purchased this scary contraption because the video showed the woman was NOT having to bend her knees. Perfect for me! I started with 5 minutes a day and worked up to 5 minutes, 3 times a day. Not a lot, I know, but it was more than I was doing before! I worked up to 10 minutes twice a day and now, I’m doing 15 minutes twice a day! Yay! That’s 30 minutes a day and just a little over 1700 ‘steps’ per day. I feel my legs getting stronger. I’m not using the wheelchair as much, but still using my cane.

Also in January, I restarted Nutrisystem. Then I f***ed up. So, I started again…. I restarted the program 4 times since then! The food was just too much for me to hack anymore. Not that it’s bad; most of it is decent and some quite good. It was just the same ol’ same ol’ over and over again. Blah.

That’s when my daughter, SR, texted me and told me that she was doing Weight Watchers. She told me a little about it and the cost wasn’t too bad; less than $20 month for online only. So, I signed up! (Apparently, WW has changed quite a bit since the last time I looked into it.)

I started last Sunday and caught on very quickly. It’s not hard to do at all. No meetings or humiliating weigh-ins. You track the food you eat and stay within your point budget, determined by WW. One week later, I have lost 8.4 pounds.

I lost 8.4 pounds in one week!

(I know some was probably water weight but I’ll take it!)

I’m back on track, finally. I will keep on until I have my weight down (and my BMI) to what the specialist wants and I’ll get my legs stronger so recovery will go smoother. I can’t wait to go back to the specialist and say, “Hey, enough waiting. Let’s get the show on the road! I have an exciting life left to live!”

 

 

A Faint Light at the End of the Tunnel

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I have been teetering on the edge of depression and hopelessness for weeks, if not months. My pain level continually increasing, my mobility continually decreasing. I went from using a cane to get around to needing a walker at various times, to needing the walker even more! By the end of July, I had to buy a wheelchair because I was having some seriously rough days where I could barely walk at all. I wasn’t seeing an end to this blasted pain and depression coming anytime soon.

Today was the day I was to see my orthopedic doctor regarding future knee replacement surgery and possibly other treatments. I was nervous and anxious. I was already having a seriously shitty day. I had such severe pain in my left knee, that I cried when I walked. Sit down, you say? I had things to do that don’t get done unless I do them. I had my routine pet chores to do: feeding and watering, cleaning litter boxes. I had to do them before my appointment and I couldn’t just sit down and wait for the pain to pass. (At least I hoped it would pass!) It did pass, hours later while at the doctor’s office.

For the last 10 years, I had been struggling to find the help I need. I hit roadblocks and doctors with a God Complex continually. My new primary care doctor hooked me up with this orthopedic doctor and I have been slowly gaining hope. I’ve been optimistic but cautious. I don’t want to get my hopes up like I had so many times before. I’ve seen this doc a couple of times before. She gave me information and guidance, which I never got before in the 10 years dealing with Cox doctors. I was still worried that she would tell me the same things she had told me before.

She did, but she didn’t. My primary doc had ordered an MRI when she found out I had been using a walker. She said, “You’re too young to be using a walker!” The ortho doc looked at the written report on the MRI. She told me that while it’s very bad, it’s just not a good idea to do knee replacement surgery in my present condition. This time, it wasn’t so imperative that I lose more weight. I was encouraged to do so, however. “Even if it’s just 20 more pounds,” she said. (I have actually gained 6 lbs. since I last saw her. Oops.) The problem is more that my leg muscles are too weak. And since my insurance won’t pay for physical therapy, I would be in for a long, hard fight to recover from surgery. I understand that completely. I don’t want to have a long, hard recovery either, but I told her that I’m not too worried about that because I’m the kind of person who will fight with all I’ve got IF I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I told her, “Right now, all I see is darkness.”

We discussed another round of injections, this time with the second choice since the first choice didn’t help in April. I can get the injections in October. I hope they will help. Maybe by then I will have lost more weight and gained more strength in my legs. Her in-office PT guy gave me more exercises to try since the last batch caused me so much pain.

I’m going to try. That’s all I can do. I just hope I can lose more weight and strengthen my leg muscles before I am permanently dependent on the wheelchair. (I’m pretty stubborn though, so if I can walk even just a little, I WILL.) 

So there IS a faint light at the end of the tunnel! Small steps. Ok, tiny steps. But I’ll get there. I’m hoping that by mid-2018 I will have that surgery scheduled!light_at_the_end_of_the_tunnel_by_oehr-d66j9gy

 

10 Years Coming….

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It’s been months (and months and months) since I’ve updated my blog! The last time was just after being fat-shamed by a so-called specialist last year that my doctor finally sent me to. At that point I was pretty much done with doctors, especially the one I had been seeing since 2005. I had tried numerous times to find a new doctor….one was just as bad or worse than the one I was seeing so I just gave up. Tired of being knocked down time and time again.

Instead I focused on losing weight. I had tried for years to lose weight, never getting any help from my doctor, naturally. I tried every diet in existence, so it seemed….except for the diets you have to pay for. I couldn’t afford to to do that. I still can’t but I had to do something. I was at the heaviest I had ever been and it wasn’t getting any better. With doctors saying things like, “eat less calories,” and “you’re not getting enough exercise,” and “eat smaller portions,” and not even asking any questions about my diet or exercise, it became blatantly clear that I was not going to get anywhere with them! So, I signed up with Nutrisystem.

I started Nutrisystem on April 24, 2016. I lost 8 lbs. the first month. I am currently teetering between a 50 – 60 lb loss. I’m quite proud of myself! Nutrisystem does work but you have to stick to it. I followed the plan exactly as they instructed and by Thanksgiving I felt that I could relax a little. After the holidays I got back to it and I will continue to stay on it until I am at a weight that I’m happy with. I digress here, this post is not about my weight loss….but it WAS the start of a new, more confident me.

After the holidays were over, I realized that as much as I despise doctors, I still need one. I realized that it must be a new doctor because my current doctor was not acceptable. Tired of her constantly sweeping my concerns under the rug and giving me stupid answers. For 6 years I heard, “You’re too young for knee replacement surgery.” She never once sent me to a specialist to make that assessment. Last March, when she finally did send me to a specialist, the specialist said, “You’re not too young for knee replacement surgery. You’re just too fat.” So, if my doctor would have sent me to him 6 years and 60 lbs ago, then maybe I would have had some kind of treatment or the surgery and regained my life by now! Thanks a lot, Doc.

So, in Jan. 2017. I started researching doctors in neighboring counties/towns. Of course, I had done this before a few times and ended up not making any progress towards finding a new doctor. This time was different. It had to be different! I made an appointment with a local doctor. I was prepared to get knocked down yet again, because that’s what always happens. This time was different. This new doctor spent an entire hour with me! She sent me for xrays and she lined up an appointment with a specialist in March. She told me that she didn’t think my current weight would be an issue with knee replacement surgery. I was so relieved to have found this woman! She was kind and sympathetic, informative and thorough. This was the first time in 10 years I had felt hopeful. 10 freakin’ years I had been trying to get help. In the very beginning it wasn’t even pain, but I knew something was wrong. Year after year, no special blood tests, no imaging, no help, no information. Now I finally had some hope!

When I saw the specialist, she was also very nice, sympathetic, informative and thorough. Instead of telling me I was too young for knee replacement surgery, she explained to me WHY age was a factor. Instead of telling me I was too fat, she explained to me WHY weight/BMI is an important factor. She even offered a referral to a weight loss specialist. Instead of telling me to do squats to strengthen my leg muscles, she sent her in-office Physical Therapist in to talk to me and he gave me specific exercises to do at home. (My insurance won’t pay for pre-surgery PT.)

This doctor, asked me many questions about what I have tried and offered injections (other than the normal cortisone shots that didn’t help me at all) and told me it was entirely my decision as to which injections I wanted to try and she gave me informational pamphlets to help me decide. In April, I went back to her with a decision. I decided on Synvisc-One injections. This injection was suppose to create cushion in my knees where I was bone on bone. I was very nervous. I’m already in tremendous pain so I was apprehensive about the pain of a needle being jabbed into my knees! It really turned out to be ok. It wasn’t that bad. Afterward, I was walking with little pain and faster than I had in years! Of course, it didn’t last long. A few short hours later it was right back to the way it was before. My knees are just too far gone.

In an effort to help with pain management, my primary doctor prescribed a medication that helps nerve pain and nerve pain caused from inflammation. It can cause depression so I have to be careful. It has helped with some of the odd pains I was having…..and therefore helping me sleep at night. Not perfect sleep, but better sleep. I’ll take it.

So, it’s June now and I am still working on my weight and building the muscles in my legs to support my knees. I can’t get the injections again for 6 months, but they won’t help anyway. I just have to keep trying different things to manage my pain.

Slowly but surely, I am moving forward. I had been stuck for 10 years trying to get help with no success. I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression and hopelessness. I am finally getting help and guidance, information and treatment!

Mistrust, Disgust & Humiliation, Part Two

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Well, my appointment with the orthopedic specialist came and I’m glad it’s over! What started out as a consultation about my knees, turned into a fat-shaming session — in less than 5 minutes!

First, he asked me what he could do for me and I told him that my doctor had been telling me for years that I’m too young for knee replacement surgery but that I’m in severe pain and having mobility issues. I told him I need help.

He said, “Well, Debbie. You’re not too young for knee replacement surgery.” I felt good for a split second that I was finally going to get some help. Ha. Short lived. He added, “However, you’re not a good candidate for knee replacement because you’re too heavy.” See, less than 5 minutes.

If I’m such a risk why did I just have surgery last year? 

He continued to tell me how I needed to count calories and eat smaller portions. I sat there in total disbelief because this man has the balls to think he knows me?? I tried to explain to him that I have been struggling with my weight since my first child was born and I’ve not had much success in losing weight. He interrupted me to tell me I needed to eat less calories. I said, “If it were that simple I wouldn’t be fat right now, now would I?” He said, “Let me tell you a story and see if it makes sense to you, Debbie.” He proceeded to tell me about his sister, who was overweight and was suffering from knee pain. She was a widow and she ate out all the time. She didn’t cook for just herself. He said one day he went to visit her and she had lost a lot of weight. He asked her how she did it and she told him that she would get her food at restaurants, eat half and save the rest for lunch the next day. Of course it makes sense but….

I tried to tell him that I’ve been trying to get help losing weight multiple times because I just can’t seem to lose. I told him I think there’s something else going on. “Eat less calories,” he said. Seeing red! I told him that I can’t even exercise like I need to! “You don’t need to exercise to lose weight, Debbie!” I was getting angrier by the minute. I mean, sure you can lose weight without exercising but if you have too much extra weight and you don’t exercise you’re going to end up with loose skin hanging all over your body! Exercise and diet go hand in hand. Both are important – says every fitness and nutrition expert in the world! They can’t all be wrong!! Besides, it wasn’t just exercise that I couldn’t do. I was having trouble with daily activities! My knees are severely damaged! You just don’t realize how important your knees are until you can’t even pivot, or get up out of a chair!

I tried to tell this man, who has the bedside manner of Donald Trump, that I don’t eat the way he thinks I eat! He says, “I don’t think anything about you, Debbie.” I said, “Obviously you have this preconceived notion that I eat more than I should and that I eat a lot of calories!” He interrupted me, yet again. “Eat less calories, Debbie. Calories are the key.” I interrupted him this time and said, “Let me tell you what I eat!” I tried to explain to him that I drink lots of water, watch my sugar consumption, watch my portion sizes. I don’t eat fast food. I don’t eat a lot of processed crap. I don’t drink soda. I don’t eat dessert. I eat healthy foods and lots of veggies, especially salads, a lot of them. One day a week I go out and eat.” He still insists that I need to eat less calories. How many calories does a freakin’ vegetable salad have? GEEZ! 

I could feel that I was about to shut down. Nearly in tears I said, “Based on what you have told me here today, if my doctor would have sent me to see a specialist 6 years and 50 pounds ago, then I would have had the surgery and be on my feet walking again like I use to.” I said, “I use to be a cross-country backpacker and now I can’t even take a short walk to the mailbox!” He said, “Well, things are different now.”

I shut down before I could tell him that I ate veggie salads, grilled chicken, tuna and soups for the better part of 3 years – between gall bladder issues and my hiatal hernia repair surgery last year – because I couldn’t eat anything else without feeling bloated or having a phantom gallbladder attack. Do you want to know how much weight I lost doing that for nearly 3 years? 15 whole freakin’ pounds. 15!! Tell me there’s not something else going on…..

I stood my ground with this doctor for a lot longer than I thought possible. My therapist advised me beforehand not to shut down. I have a tendency to do that when I feel I am not being heard. What’s the point if you’re not being heard, right? Anyway, I found myself raising my voice numerous times, talking over this so-called doctor because he kept interrupting me. I could not believe how rude and insensitive he was. I had had enough.

When he got up to leave the room, he stuck his hand out to shake my hand. Not going there, doc. I told him to just get out so I could get dressed and leave.

Afterward, which was nearly 3pm, Dad and I went out to eat. We hadn’t eaten ALL DAY but I felt so ashamed and guilty for even thinking about eating! How dare someone make another human being feel that way! I used the restroom when we got to the restaurant and I felt like I was going to throw up. This man made me feel ashamed of myself, ashamed of what I look like, ashamed of who I am. He doesn’t know me, my struggles, or anything about me.

Doctors seem to only see black and white, or what they know and what they think they know. The only doctor I have ever had that actually helped me with my weight problem was the first one who actually looked a little deeper into what might be going on. He checked my thyroid, found it extremely low, put me on meds and I lost 35 pounds fairly quickly but then I hit a plateau and I moved away and now I’m stuck with donkey doctors.

I’m done with them all. I decided in a last ditch effort, I will try NutriSystem. I’ve tried just about every other diet on the planet except for the ones you have to pay for. Couldn’t afford it, still can’t, but I have to try. I start tomorrow.