Am I Dead Yet?

That’s only funny because I used to work in a Nursing Home as a Med Tech and one of the elderly residents used to ask, “Am I dead yet?” And then she would laugh hysterically. The next second she’d box your ears. Literally. I digress.

I feel like I’m half dead. Not really. Where am I going with this? Pfftt… Don’t ask me. I’ve been sick for the past week and my head is in a fog. I don’t know if I’m coming or going, as they say. I am feeling a little better today, Day 5 of this blasted cold or flu or whatever the hell it is. The first 4 days were miserable. I’m coughing my brains out as if I can spare any of that. I’ve been neglecting my Facebook pages and the only reason you’ve seen blog posts from me over the last 4 days is that I wrote them ahead of time!

I’m going to be resting a few more days and then hopefully be back to my old self. Actually, I’d rather be “a new self” but that apparently is not in the cards. I guess I’ll have to settle for the old creaky me that can barely walk and chew gum at the same time. Haha!

I just wanted to toss a reminder out there to you wonderful bloggers and readers, that our Facebook group Weigh To Be Healthy, is eagerly waiting for your request to join! You don’t have to be on a weight loss journey to join this private group. If you’re just looking to make lifestyle changes and become a little healthier in 2020, then you’re welcome to join! You will be required only to answer a few simple questions to be approved. (This is only to weed out spammers and bots!) Our group is for support and camaraderie, sharing of information and a few (ok, LOTS) of laughs along the way. So, please come join us!

I will return when I’m feeling a little less like a zombie and a little more like a human being! Thanks for following my blog, my friends!

Weigh to Be Healthy

I’ve been a bit absent as of late; suffering from quite the “writer’s block” and at the same time, my friend and fellow blogger, Linda, writes about her own ‘slump’ in Why Weight? She writes of her own struggles with getting healthy and losing weight, and how difficult it is to change old habits. When Linda asked if anyone would be interested in getting together to support each other in our weight loss and healthy lifestyle journeys, I jumped at the chance! You see, I’ve been struggling with my weight ever since my first child was born!

If you’ve been following my blog then you know a little of my struggles. I’ve been trying to lose weight for quite some time and when I finally found something that worked for me (Nutrisystem) I lost 60 pounds! The problem was that I couldn’t afford to stay on the full program indefinitely and I started gaining my weight back, slowly.

I keep trying to get back on track… I mean, I keep getting back on the track and then I get run over by the stinkin’ train! It’s hard to change habits. I think it’s difficult for a lot of people and without support, where are we? It’s always nice to hear a “Yay! It’s great that you lost 2 lbs. this week!” or maybe “You look great!” now and again. Heck, even when we fall down it’s nice when someone says, “It’s ok, I’ll help you get back up!”

So, I offered to help Linda work on some ideas of getting together and supporting each other, which led to the opening of a Facebook group. Lisa, from Lismore Paper, wanted to be a part of the adventure as well, so now we’re well on our way to being the greatest weight loss and healthy lifestyle support groups ever!! With YOU along for the ride, we will succeed!

If you’d like to join the group, “Weigh to be Healthy!” you can find it here. This group is all inclusive, meaning that no matter what your weight and health struggles are, we are here to support you! Linda, Lisa, and I are looking forward to this new adventure!

If you’d like to meet the other two wonderful bloggers who will be there every step of the way, you can find links to their blogs below.

Linda at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles 

Lisa at Lismore Paper

Signing off for now, with the hope of seeing others join us in support for the health of it!

Aunt Debbie

Back On Track!

If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, then you know I have pain and mobility issues. You also know that I am in dire need of knee replacement surgery. First, a not-real-quick recap:

My journey started around 11 years ago, with a doctor that didn’t do anything from the very beginning. Now, let me just say that I knew I needed to lose weight and I KNEW I had to do this myself, but from the get-go my doctor did absolutely nothing to help me with anything. I had trouble since my first child was born, trying to lose weight. She said, “You just need to count calories” and offered absolutely NO assistance or guidance. She gave me a script for pain meds and that was the end of that.

When I FINALLY got my doctor to refer me to a specialist in 2016, I was thrilled. I thought I was finally getting somewhere. Well, the specialist was an asshole with a God complex and shamed and belittled me for 40 minutes. (It’s not like I weighed 600 pounds…not even half of that at my heaviest!) It was something I will never forget. Anyway, shortly after that happened I signed up for Nutrisystem.

Nutrisystem was what I had needed years ago but never had the money to spend on it. It works but it’s quite costly. I did the program faithfully and religiously for almost a year until I was so sick of the food I had to take a break. I had lost 60 pounds, and with high hopes went to see my new doctor, who set me up with a new specialist.

The new specialist was impressed that I had lost 60 pounds in less than a year. However, this was not enough of a loss to consider surgery yet, plus I needed to strengthen my leg muscles.

Fast forward, to last summer. I was so sick of Nutrisystem foods that I stayed off the plan for a bit. We had company off and on and we went out to eat a LOT. Then, Thanksgiving rolled around….and Christmas….and well, I GAINED 25 pounds back!

Uh oh. I need to do something, right? So, in January I purchased an exercise machine called an Air Walker. It’s an elliptical, but not a traditional elliptical. It’s more like a glider instead of a stepper. I purchased this scary contraption because the video showed the woman was NOT having to bend her knees. Perfect for me! I started with 5 minutes a day and worked up to 5 minutes, 3 times a day. Not a lot, I know, but it was more than I was doing before! I worked up to 10 minutes twice a day and now, I’m doing 15 minutes twice a day! Yay! That’s 30 minutes a day and just a little over 1700 ‘steps’ per day. I feel my legs getting stronger. I’m not using the wheelchair as much, but still using my cane.

Also in January, I restarted Nutrisystem. Then I f***ed up. So, I started again…. I restarted the program 4 times since then! The food was just too much for me to hack anymore. Not that it’s bad; most of it is decent and some quite good. It was just the same ol’ same ol’ over and over again. Blah.

That’s when my daughter, SR, texted me and told me that she was doing Weight Watchers. She told me a little about it and the cost wasn’t too bad; less than $20 month for online only. So, I signed up! (Apparently, WW has changed quite a bit since the last time I looked into it.)

I started last Sunday and caught on very quickly. It’s not hard to do at all. No meetings or humiliating weigh-ins. You track the food you eat and stay within your point budget, determined by WW. One week later, I have lost 8.4 pounds.

I lost 8.4 pounds in one week!

(I know some was probably water weight but I’ll take it!)

I’m back on track, finally. I will keep on until I have my weight down (and my BMI) to what the specialist wants and I’ll get my legs stronger so recovery will go smoother. I can’t wait to go back to the specialist and say, “Hey, enough waiting. Let’s get the show on the road! I have an exciting life left to live!”



A New Year, A New Start

I’ve not been writing much as of late. I’ve had much to say but no desire to write it down. Maybe that’s for the better. I sometimes feel like that’s all I do is write about my shitty problems. On the other hand, that’s part of why I started this blog. I wanted an outlet to write about the things I love, the things I despise, and things that make me laugh. Writing, or keeping a journal helps a lot of folks, not just me. It’s been therapeutic. It’s been a positive in my life so I’m not about to quit! I must, however, get back to it!

So, here I sit. So many things that have plagued my life over the last few months now seem less bothersome. Except for one thing: My pain issues. I have over the years tried many things to alleviate the pain, from OTC meds, creams, lotions, and patches to natural herbs and essential oils. I have purchased several items for exercise that I have either not been able to use or they just didn’t help. Last year, I purchased a recumbent bike because I was at the beginning of a weight loss journey that resulted in a 60 lb. loss, but even after the weight loss was still not able to use the bike! I was disillusioned and just plain pissed off! I couldn’t even use the floor peddler I had had for several years. I use to use it every day but when my knees got worse, it became more difficult and the pain would be increased by using it.

In December, I stumbled across a fantastic machine called an Air Walker. I watched a video of it being used and I realized that since I wouldn’t have to bend at the knee to use this machine, I’d have to purchase it and give it a try. I’m so very glad I did! I feel like my leg muscles are getting stronger just since I started using it at the beginning of the month. It has helped me kick-start my diet again and I’m back to losing more weight while making my legs stronger.

With any luck at all, this will be the year I get my knee surgery that I so desperately need to live a productive and quality life. I feel like the last 11 years of my life have just been wasted. Going from doctor to doctor, trying to get help, ANY help has been some of the most wasted time I have ever spent! I know that I need to do the work, that’s a no-brainer. No one can lose the weight for me. No one can exercise for me. It’s on me, I know. It would have been nice, though, to find a doctor who was willing to provide guidance and information, rather than the normal “fat-shaming” that does nothing but tear a person down!

So, I am creating a new me. I finally see a little light at the end of the tunnel. A real light, my own light! Not the fake light I thought I was seeing mid-2017.

Here’s to the new me! Here’s to 2018! Wish me luck!! 


A Faint Light at the End of the Tunnel

I have been teetering on the edge of depression and hopelessness for weeks, if not months. My pain level continually increasing, my mobility continually decreasing. I went from using a cane to get around to needing a walker at various times, to needing the walker even more! By the end of July, I had to buy a wheelchair because I was having some seriously rough days where I could barely walk at all. I wasn’t seeing an end to this blasted pain and depression coming anytime soon.

Today was the day I was to see my orthopedic doctor regarding future knee replacement surgery and possibly other treatments. I was nervous and anxious. I was already having a seriously shitty day. I had such severe pain in my left knee, that I cried when I walked. Sit down, you say? I had things to do that don’t get done unless I do them. I had my routine pet chores to do: feeding and watering, cleaning litter boxes. I had to do them before my appointment and I couldn’t just sit down and wait for the pain to pass. (At least I hoped it would pass!) It did pass, hours later while at the doctor’s office.

For the last 10 years, I had been struggling to find the help I need. I hit roadblocks and doctors with a God Complex continually. My new primary care doctor hooked me up with this orthopedic doctor and I have been slowly gaining hope. I’ve been optimistic but cautious. I don’t want to get my hopes up like I had so many times before. I’ve seen this doc a couple of times before. She gave me information and guidance, which I never got before in the 10 years dealing with Cox doctors. I was still worried that she would tell me the same things she had told me before.

She did, but she didn’t. My primary doc had ordered an MRI when she found out I had been using a walker. She said, “You’re too young to be using a walker!” The ortho doc looked at the written report on the MRI. She told me that while it’s very bad, it’s just not a good idea to do knee replacement surgery in my present condition. This time, it wasn’t so imperative that I lose more weight. I was encouraged to do so, however. “Even if it’s just 20 more pounds,” she said. (I have actually gained 6 lbs. since I last saw her. Oops.) The problem is more that my leg muscles are too weak. And since my insurance won’t pay for physical therapy, I would be in for a long, hard fight to recover from surgery. I understand that completely. I don’t want to have a long, hard recovery either, but I told her that I’m not too worried about that because I’m the kind of person who will fight with all I’ve got IF I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I told her, “Right now, all I see is darkness.”

We discussed another round of injections, this time with the second choice since the first choice didn’t help in April. I can get the injections in October. I hope they will help. Maybe by then I will have lost more weight and gained more strength in my legs. Her in-office PT guy gave me more exercises to try since the last batch caused me so much pain.

I’m going to try. That’s all I can do. I just hope I can lose more weight and strengthen my leg muscles before I am permanently dependent on the wheelchair. (I’m pretty stubborn though, so if I can walk even just a little, I WILL.) 

So there IS a faint light at the end of the tunnel! Small steps. Ok, tiny steps. But I’ll get there. I’m hoping that by mid-2018 I will have that surgery scheduled!light_at_the_end_of_the_tunnel_by_oehr-d66j9gy