My Protective Brain

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this in my blog, but I cannot stand to look at Steven Tyler. In case you don’t know who he is, he is the lead singer of the rock band Aerosmith. My eyes have had an aversion to his face since I was very young.

When I was a teenager, I used to go to the music store and rifle through the records to see if there was anything I wanted to spend my babysitting money on. I think that’s when I first saw Steven Tyler’s face. To this day, I have never owned an Aerosmith recording.

If he comes on tv for some reason, or if there’s a post about the band on Facebook, or various other sources, I avert my eyes. I just can’t do it. You probably think that’s silly. It’s awful but the man gives me the creeps. He looks like his face has been melted and then molded back imperfectly.

My Dad used to ask me, “What about so and so? Don’t you think he’s ugly?” I told him, “I can handle ugly. Ugly doesn’t bother me.” I mean, people can’t help the way they look, right? Steven Tyler can’t help the way he looks either and I know how shallow I sound, but I can’t help it!

My ex told me once that if he shaved his mustache he would look like Steven Tyler. I told him if he ever shaved his mustache off he could find the damn door.

My brain protects me from Steven Tyler. Years ago, I had a dream with Steven Tyler in it. I don’t know why. It just happened. In my dream, I couldn’t look at him either. I woke up relieved. My brain protected me.

I can’t listen to Aerosmith’s music even though I like some of their songs. I always picture him singing and it creeps me out. The soundtrack of the movie Armageddon features several Aerosmith songs, including the song “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing.” I love the song but it’s really hard for me to listen to it. Not only is it rather sad but I can see his face singing it. I try to envision someone else singing it but it doesn’t always work.

Oh, and there was a video back in the day when MTV played music videos. The song was “Pink,” I think. It really gave me the heebie-jeebies. I know you’re laughing at me. I can’t help it. Look up the video and watch it. *Shivers*

Last week, I had a dream that Steven Tyler moved into the house next door. (There isn’t a house next door because I live out in the boonies.) I think I had the dream because Dad and I watched Armageddon on Friday night. Anyway, Steven Tyler kept coming to my door and knocking but I knew who it was and would not open the door. My brain protected me, yet again.

I don’t know the psychology behind this so if someone has any clue, let me know. I just know that I will continue to avert my eyes until I am dead…and hopefully in the afterlife as well.

You can stop laughing now.

Dreams – Driving Me Crazy Night After Night

Doesn’t everyone dream at night? My dad says it’s just “our tapes” running wild and they don’t mean a thing. Some folks put a lot of stock into the meanings of their dreams. I don’t know where I stand on the subject. Mostly because my dreams are absolutely beyond ridiculous! How could something ridiculous mean anything at all?

A few nights ago, I dreamed that an Asian woman went to the police for help because her pet cow went missing. She swears that her neighbor from 2 doors down knows something. The pet cow is about the size of a medium-sized dog. He’s white with golden brown patches and eyes of golden brown too. He has kind eyes and is a very sweet cow. He’s calm and cuddly. The Asian woman is psychic. She knows she can figure out who took her pet cow but is smart enough to know that she may need the police to help her retrieve her pet in the end. The police try by asking the neighbors questions, with no leads. The Asian woman has visions and feelings, revealing more leads and the cops can’t figure it out. How does she know? She says “I just know” and they start feeling like she must have some uncanny ability or that she’s just making shit up, pulling them by a leash. The cops follow and watch her; where she goes and what she does, always astonished at how she finds leads. They start to realize she’s the real deal. She finds a warehouse where her pet cow is being kept and goes inside. She’s ready for any resistance, carrying several stun guns with her. There are 4 men in the warehouse who swear they don’t know what she is talking about. The pet cow hears the Asian woman’s voice and starts making loud noises. The Asian woman knows her cow-baby is there. She follows the sound and the men try to stop her. She zaps them all with the stun gun; 2 of them multiple times before they just stayed down. She sees her pet cow and picks him up like it was just a big dog. The cops are astonished as she walks out of the warehouse with her pet cow.

What the living hell does that mean?

Another dream I had recently was about someone who died and left me with lots of property. Clancy Brown (actor) wants to buy a large lot… I know nothing about the land and so I want to do some research. He calls several times wanting to buy. One of those times he called was to inform me that the sprinkler system is broken and it will cost $900 to fix. I googled the lot and found that there is no grass or trees on that land to water! Then the next time he says it will cost me $92,750 to fix that same sprinkler system. I realized he was just trying to get me to sell it to him cheap. I decide to go check out the land myself. When I get there, somehow I end up in a large body of dark water with a bunch of Grover muppet creatures swimming around me.

What the hell does that mean? Other than I’m stark-raving nuts…

Last night, I fell asleep with the tv on. In my sleeping state, I heard the Colonial Penn Insurance commercial at least 3 times. I was hearing strange messages about the insurance being beneficial to us and our families even if we’re not dead. It was insurance that just wasn’t right. It didn’t make any sense. As my brain started to wake up the spokesperson, Jonathan Lawson, said, “Hi. I’m Jonathan Lawson. The real Jonathan Lawson. Don’t buy that other insurance. It’s fake. This is the real Colonial Penn insurance.” From that point on, I heard the real commercial. I heard the price $9.95 per month regardless of age. The 3 P’s…Price, price, and price. I heard ‘real’ people say, “I’m 60. What’s my price?” or “I’m 72. What’s my price?” I woke up completely and tried to make sense of what I had heard all night long. Did it mean something or was my brain just being stupid?

Granted, it wasn’t a normal dream. I was asleep but hearing something that got scrambled in my brain. I think my brain is going insane. Plain and simple.

Am I the only one who has these weird and ridiculous dreams? I’d like to hear about your dreams if you’d like to share them. You can share in the comments or you can use the contact form here.

Just Call Me Quasi

I slept in my lift chair last night…I mean, this morning. I had a Mudslide and was up until after 3am. I don’t know how long after 3am because…umm…the Mudslide. I decided my chair would be a better place for me because when alcohol enters the picture, I’m more apt to fall on my ass trying to get ready for bed.

I slept well until about 6:30am. Not a lot of sleep but I did sleep better than I do in my bed. I’m walking better as well but I have a kink in my neck and an ache in my upper back. When I looked in the mirror, I noticed my hair was sticking straight up…in the back. I looked like Quasimodo for fuck’s sake.

I have to apologize, my friends, for not posting Friday’s Funnies yesterday. I promised myself that I would try harder but time just got away from me yesterday. When I looked in my file for memes I realized I never saved one meme all stinkin’ week anyway! I just haven’t been on social media much lately. It’s actually been nice. I’m thinking of deleting a couple of my Facebook pages and maybe my Instagram account. I don’t use that one much anyway.

I crashed at about 10am, as I thought I would. I was falling asleep sitting up. I dreamed that I looked out my bedroom door, which was on the opposite wall than it really is, and saw the back door. Under the back door, I saw a huge gap between the bottom of the door and the floor and thought, “No wonder I get so many bugs and critters in my bedroom.” I then Googled (still in my dream) ‘Why do I see a gap under the door?’ and Google’s answer: ‘Perhaps you see something that really isn’t there.’ Lo and behold, I looked again, and there was no gap under the back door. See, Google is always helpful. Even in dreams. Then I woke up and realized only an hour and a half had passed. Maybe I should Google “Why is Debbie losing her mind?”

I crashed again at 2:30pm. Another hour and a half of sleep. Still looking a bit like Quasimodo, I realized sleeping in my lift chair at night instead of my bed probably isn’t the best place for me, Mudslide or not.

Have a great Labor Day weekend, and be safe and not sorry.

AG “Woofie” (Not A Political Post)

I won’t even discuss my opinion of the Attorney General at this point because it would likely piss a lot of people off. I don’t really care but that’s not what this post is about, not really.

Dad watches the news continuously and I get so sick of hearing the same stories over and over again. Sometimes, it’s like the earworm songs that get stuck in your head. Same nauseating voices. Same lies. Same bullshit. You get the picture.

I guess the current events of the past week have been embedded in my brain because in the wee hours of the morning I dreamed that I was watching the AG give a speech on the news. In my dream I remember thinking, I wish this dildo would shut up. About that time, his voice turned into the sound of a basset hound, “woof, woof, woof,” matching the movements of the AG’s mouth perfectly.

As I started to wake up, I realized there was actually a damn dog in our yard barking incessantly. I really wish people would keep their AG’s…uh, I mean, dogs locked up!

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Photo Credit: Pixabay.com