Category Archives: Miscellany

Saying No To Holidays

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Someone asked me yesterday how Dad and I would spend the holidays. I said, “I don’t know,” but the truth is, I don’t care to celebrate at all. Screw the holidays. There’s no one to celebrate with. I refuse to celebrate with people who belittle me, judge me, think the worst of me, or steal my energy. It’s just Dad and me against the world, as always.

I thought things would be different this year. I thought we would be in the new house by now (it now looks like January or February) and that my sister would be here to help us. My sister is not coming back. My son is 15 miles away, but apparently, he doesn’t think enough of us to even check on us, by text, DM, or otherwise. My best friend is no longer my best friend, so we won’t even be having the “friendsgiving” we had talked about having every year.

I loved the holidays when my kids were little. The little things, like gifts they made in school, or watching the excitement on their faces as they opened their own gifts, were among the best things about the holidays. It was fun! One year, I even wrapped every single framed photo in the living room with colorful wrapping paper and bows to decorate the house! Imagine the kids’ surprise when they came home from school to see this! As they got older, the fun was gone.

These days, I despise the holidays. All of them. Every holiday brings back memories and brings on waves of grief and loss. This year for Christmas, the grandkids will get a little something from Dad and me. That is IF we have the money to do even that. Every penny seems to be going toward the new house, and that’s great IF we won’t have to spend another winter in this dilapidated dump we call home.

Being Pissed Off Seems To Be My Current and Long-Standing Mood

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I’m just about ready…no I take that back. I am ready to punch someone in the throat. Ok, so I won’t act on my urge to do that but still…

Early this month, I ordered refills for 2 of my medications. The 2 that I need the most. They are for nerve pain and pain/inflammation. It’s a struggle for me to go out when I need to go pick them up so the pharmacy mails them to me. The pharmacy provides this service at no charge to me and I appreciate that but I also appreciate receiving my meds in the mail when they are shipped out! This month, those 2 meds were lost in the mail. This is not an isolated incident.

This happened a few months back, too. I had to get an emergency script for one of my meds because I am not supposed to stop taking them abruptly. When I did, I experienced sleep disturbances. I did not want to do that again!

This pharmacy was good in the beginning. I had absolutely no problems with them. Then all of a sudden, there was a little issue, then another…and another. When I complained to them (and I did it nicely) they always had some excuse. Blah, blah, blah. There’s one thing I can’t stand (aside from liars and thieves and DJT) and that’s incompetence. Just do your fucking job, will ya? I asked them for a tracking number so the USPS could help me locate the package and I was told that they don’t keep track of the tracking numbers and that they aren’t responsible once packages leave the pharmacy. Ok, I get that. But I never had an ounce of trouble with Walmart when they sent my meds in the mail. Never once in many years did anything get lost in the mail.

I transferred my meds to a different pharmacy. Old pharmacy didn’t send them all over. Figures. Incompetence. Between me and the new pharmacy calling both the clinic and the old pharmacy, we finally got them all transferred. But I still had a problem. Since those 2 meds were already filled this month I couldn’t refill them again unless I paid for them myself. I was trying to avoid that because I’m on a fixed income.

I called the clinic and tried to explain the situation to the nurse on duty but she was fixated on the scripts being transferred to the new pharmacy. I told her to “forget about that for a minute and listen. This is a separate issue!” I tried to explain that I am rationing those 2 meds, which I shouldn’t have to do. (Thankfully, I had some extras that accumulated because I order a few days early each month.) I was nearly out and in a fucking panic because I cannot function without those 2 meds! I wasn’t getting through to her so I told her “neverfuckingmind” and I hung up. So much for getting an emergency script! I called the new pharmacy and they said I could order the refills early but I’d have to pay out of pocket. I was trying to avoid that but ok, if I have to I have to.

I picked my meds up the following day. It cost me over $50! I’m hoping this new pharmacy is competent and that I have no problems with them. So far, they are happy to help and do what they’re supposed to do.

I swear, I am in this constant state of “WTH is going to happen now?” or “Can’t anything be easy?” or “Everyone can just suck the big one.” I anticipate having problems and I’m pleasantly surprised when things go smoothly. However, I stay cautiously satisfied. Does that make sense? It is rare that things go smoothly.

Hearing DJT on what I refer to as Trump TV, is nauseating at best. I can’t stand the sound of his voice. I can’t stand his face. He makes me so angry and it automatically sets my mood into an ugliness that I can’t even stand. If I could just get Dad to watch something besides the news…

Betrayal

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Good Morning, my friends! I hope the weekend has been kind to you all. By now most of you know that I have been through some things in my life that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. Although my experiences aren’t as traumatizing as other people’s experiences, they have had a profound effect on me. 

I was scanning through my Facebook feed quickly yesterday and I saw something that resonated with me. Betrayal is part of the reason my circle is so small. Sometimes, the people closest to you can hurt you the most. The fact that they choose to do so is even more hurtful. I’m sure many of you will relate to these words by Valerie Stanton as much as I did.

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“Betrayal is an act that goes beyond mere disappointment or a breach of trust; it is a deliberate and intentional decision to be disloyal. When someone betrays another, they make a conscious choice to act against the interests or expectations of the person who trusted them. This calculated breach can shatter the victim’s sense of security and belief in the goodness of others.

The pain experienced by the victim of betrayal is profound and multifaceted. It’s not just the loss of trust, but also the emotional devastation that accompanies the realization that someone they believed in has consciously chosen to hurt them. This kind of pain can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of disbelief, anger, and deep sadness. The shock of betrayal often lingers, affecting the victim’s ability to trust others in the future and sometimes even altering their perception of themselves and their worth.

At this crossroads, the victim faces a crucial decision: whether to remain stuck in the pain of betrayal or to move forward. This choice is much like pulling back an arrow on a bow. Holding onto the arrow symbolizes clinging to the pain and resentment, keeping one trapped in a cycle of hurt and mistrust. Releasing the arrow, on the other hand, represents letting go of the past and allowing oneself to heal and move forward. This process of release and moving forward is not easy and requires courage and strength. It involves acknowledging the pain, processing the emotions, and ultimately choosing to not let the betrayal define one’s future. In making this choice, the victim can reclaim their power and take steps towards healing and personal growth, transforming the pain into a catalyst for resilience and renewed hope.”  ~~Valerie Stanton

Thursday… Birthday… Cookbook…

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Thursday, the day before my 62nd birthday. Yay. I feel like I’m 80. It would be nice to spend my birthday with my grandchildren and children. My daughter is in another state so I won’t be seeing her or her children for quite some time. My son? Well, he’s just 15 miles away and I never hear from him. He never even checks on us. His children do not know me and that makes me sad. I’m invisible. I’m expected to go see them. How can I do that when I can’t get up the steps to their house? My son knows this. It’s too hot to sit outside especially now that the a/c in the car bit the big one.

So, my birthday will be spent with Dad. We are going out for lunch but I’m not sure where since my favorite restaurant closed down permanently. I’m really bummed about that. I’ll miss the friendly servers and the manager. I’ll miss the avocado enchiladas and the chicken tortilla soup. Yes, I can probably find recipes to make these at home but 1) cooking is rough for a person who is disabled and 2) it won’t be the same. I would love to duplicate the broth of the soup and the green sauce that comes on the enchildadas. Damn, my mouth is watering.

I have a pinched nerve in my back, again. It sure plays hell on my legs. Sometimes they just burn like a mofo and I can’t do much of anything. Yesterday, I couldn’t even bend over to pick up something I had dropped on the floor. Some days are better than others. Some days I just want to jump off a cliff. But I keep on truckin’ because who’s going to look after Dad if I don’t?

Since my cookbook is finished, I thought I’d get back to writing but I didn’t have a very good start. I wrote once this week, twice counting today. I guess that’s something. I just need to figure out what to write about because I’m sure y’all don’t want to hear about my troubles all the time!

Speaking of my cookbook… Aunt Debbie’s Best. A Collection of Family Favorites. 184 recipes total. Spiral bound. $30.00 includes shipping. I tried to keep the price down but cost for printing was a bit more than I had anticipated. Things are so expensive these days. Personal checks and money orders only. A great gift for Christmas! Recipes include:

Spicy Chicken Bites
Corn and Black Bean Salsa Dip
Granny’s Banana Bread
Buffalo Pull Bread
Great Gramma’s Bierock
Sloppy Joes To Die For
Ham and Cheese Egg Muffins
Make Ahead Hashbrown Casserole
Homemade Ravioli
Stuffed Shells
Honey Garlic Chicken Breasts
Chicken Enchiladas
Stuffed Bell Peppers
Red Beans and Rice with Andouille Sausage
Aunt Debbie’s Loaded Potato Salad
Creamy Bacon Dressing
Aunt Debbie’s Italian Spaghetti Sauce
The Best Turkey Brine in the World!
Salsa Verde Chicken Soup
Chicken Tortilla Soup
Popcorn Cake
Russian Tea Cakes
Papas Fajitas
Spinach and Mushroom Pizza
Granny’s Pierogies
Stuffed Zucchini
Instant Pot Charro Beans
Instant Pot Lima Beans and Ham
Homemade Accent Seasoning
Koolaid Playdough
….and many more!
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Order your copy soon! You can use the contact page if you’re interested or you can email me at castlefreak62 @ yahoo.com and that would be with no spaces! I will then send you my mailing address. I have an issue with PayPal, Venmo and the like so I can only accept checks and money orders at this time. Sorry for the inconvenience.
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Signing off for now. I hope you have a great weekend. Stay cool, and please don’t leave your kids or pets in the car!
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One Thing, Then Another!

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It’s been a while since I posted. I finally got through January and I had just a couple of days to go before February was in the rearview mirror when all of a sudden my lower left molar decided it was going to give me a hard time. I babied it for a week and then Sunday evening the pain was so intense I thought I might cut my own head off!

I was able to get an emergency dental appointment on Tuesday morning. I’m a big baby when it comes to the dentist. I just don’t go unless I have to. I may have gone more often had I known my insurance covers some (but not a lot of) dental services. I was told a long time ago that they didn’t cover dental at all. Ugh. Anyway, I opted to have the tooth pulled because a root canal was not covered and I can’t afford that cost. I have already resigned myself to the fact that I will eventually lose all of my teeth. Seems like when my legs start giving me new troubles, I have problems with my teeth. It’s all connected they say. I believe it.

So, onwards and upwards. The tooth extraction was unlike the other two extractions I have had in the past. This little shit of a molar decided it was going to be stubborn as hell. The dentist had to cut it out and remove it in pieces! The sound of the dental saw (which wasn’t really a saw, just high-powered water) almost caused a panic attack. I breathed through it but it was awful! Two hours later, the tooth was out. I was swollen and so glad to get out of there. I was exhausted and went to sleep as soon as I got home. They gave me Vicoden, which I didn’t really need but I took it twice Tuesday and one before bed the next 2 nights. My gums are still a bit tender but the pain is minimal. I was on a soft food diet for several days and I’m done with that! I feel so deprived!

On to more exciting news! Before the dreaded tooth extraction, I was working diligently on my cookbook! I have nearly all of them typed out and organized. I’m not sure but I think I may not need recipe testers. Most of the recipes in the cookbook have been “tested” by me, friends, and family through the years. That’s enough testing, yes? Anyway, I still may call upon friends to test a couple recipes that I’m not sure about; for example, my Grandmother’s recipe for Light Bread. All of the ingredients and amounts are listed except for the flour! My oven doesn’t work so I can’t make the recipe to figure it out. I guess Granny knew exactly how much flour to use!

Also, I have decided that I won’t be adding too many photos. I don’t think it’s necessary, although photos do make things look appealing! I have some photos, which I will use but honestly, everyone knows what a stuffed bell pepper looks like, or a bowl of salsa, guacamole, biscuits, or potato soup. Right? Besides, I won’t be listing this cookbook with online retailers or libraries. The cookbook will not have an ISBN. I will be selling through word of mouth, to friends, family, and others interested. Nothing fancy and most likely not perfect, just a book of the recipes I’ve collected over the years.

So, friends. Please refresh my memory on who was interested in recipe testing. I may call upon you for your help. Please use this FORM to send me your email so that I may contact you in the next couple of months.

I thank you all for reading this silly blog and being patient with me over the last couple of years while I work on the cookbook! Have a great weekend!

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