Category Archives: Bad Days

A Long Post About Procrastination, Being Sick, and Me Not Knowing Anything Because I’m A Woman! Ugh!

Posted on by
3

Well, I was on an 18-day streak until yesterday. I just didn’t have time to write, but there’s a perfectly good explanation for that.

Many, many months ago I told Dad that we needed to get the brakes on the car looked at because when it’s coming to a stop, you can feel the brakes jerking. I know nothing about it but it was like it would catch and then slip, catch and then slip, until the car finally stopped. Now, I have had the brakes go out on me back in 2008 at an intersection and it was scary as hell! I didn’t especially want that to happen again! Anyway, I kept telling him, week after week, for months that this needed to be taken care of before it got worse. Months and months before that I was reminding him that the car was due for an oil change, according to the sticker they put in the window. If procrastination was a sport, Dad would get a gold medal.

He finally decided to make an appointment. Well, that was last week and they changed the oil and wiper blades as we requested but the brakes were so messed up that we had to bring the car back in…yesterday morning at 8 a.m. Which meant we had to get up at 6 a.m. to be ready to leave by 7 a.m. I am not much of a morning person, especially that early!

So, we sat there in the Ford place and while sitting there I started feeling really crappy. I had been having sinus issues for a week or so but yesterday, it turned into more. More on that later. They finally finished the car around 2 p.m. They replaced the wiper fluid mechanism that was damaged during a hail storm a few months back and there was an issue with the fuel injectors and some other shit I know nothing about. Anyway, the cost of everything that had to be done was $2,273!! The brakes are what did it. I asked Dad if perhaps if they had been looked at months ago, would it not have cost so much? He agreed, and then to my surprise, he admitted that it was his own damn fault.

This whole “cost too much money” episode reminds me of several times in the past when Dad procrastinated to the point that it cost him more in the end to fix the problem. Like the slow leak under the kitchen sink… I told him I thought it was the porcelain sink rusting around the drain. Of course, being a woman I don’t know a Goddam thing and he said that just because there’s rust doesn’t mean it’s leaking. Duh, right?

Ok, fast forward, the leak got worse and it became obvious that the leak was indeed due to the rust around the drain because we could now see the damn hole! It cost him over $400 to replace the sink, the plumbing, and the bottom of the cabinet underneath the sink. He and my son did the work so there were no labor costs involved. That was a long time ago so you can imagine the cost these days! Another time, and this will blow your freaking mind, we had a small hairline crack in the bottom of our fiberglass tub/shower unit. I told Dad we needed to find some kind of glue or epoxy or something before the crack got worse. In Walmart, I happened to find a glue made especially for fiberglass tubs. It was $10 and Dad said, “That’s too much money for glue and it probably won’t work anyway.” Okay….so let’s not do anything at all, right? Well, that’s what we did and that crack turned into a little dime-sized hole. Then it grew into a 3-inch hole!

Dad told us all (my kids were not yet out on their own) to just straddle the hole when we take a shower. Holy crap! What about all the water draining out of that 3-inch hole and going under the tub? I don’t even remember how long we showered like that but it was a long time before Dad decided to replace the tub. He also had to replace the flooring under the tub, for obvious reasons. That whole project cost him around $700 and it was he and my son doing the work. That was back in the 90s, so that’s cheap compared to what it would cost now! But that glue would have been a cheaper solution if used right away! About a year after he replaced the tub/shower unit, it got a tiny crack in the bottom AGAIN! I told him it was probably caused by not being level but of course, what the fuck do I know? Anyway, I went out and got that damn glue that cost a little more than it did when I pointed it out to him before, and I brought it home. I followed the instructions and sealed that crack! It’s been years now and it hasn’t changed. No leaks.

Back to the Ford place now. By the time we left, I was exhausted and felt like “pounded pig shit” as we say in my house. We stopped for some Mexican food because we hadn’t eaten all day but I didn’t enjoy it at all. I just wanted to sleep because I felt so awful. Dad just got over the worst part a couple of days prior from the same thing and now I had it. When we got home, I fed my furbabies, changed my clothes, and hit my lift chair. I tried to sleep but I had the chills. I was so cold! For 2 hours I tried to sleep it off but I never did get warm enough to sleep. I tried to work on my jigsaw puzzle later but I just couldn’t concentrate. My head was throbbing. I ached from head to foot, especially my shoulders from tensing up while I was trying to get warm, I think. I laid back down in my chair and took my temperature. It was 103.4 – no wonder I was feeling so crappy! I finally got my fever down to normal around 10pm but I still had that damn headache! I got to thinking it was probably from caffeine withdrawal because I hadn’t had but a glass of iced tea with lunch. I didn’t dare drink any coffee before we left the house or even on the drive. My bladder isn’t very cooperative these days.

So here I sit with coffee in hand, hoping the caffeine takes the headache away! It has helped but I still feel like crap. Dad says he has a sore throat and that he’s on the mend and I’m glad for that because he’s 86 years old and doesn’t need to end up in the hospital. I don’t want to be in the hospital, either but I’ll be back to normal, whatever that is, in a few days.

What the Literal F*ck Just Happened?

Posted on by
9

It has been a long and grueling week and I’m done with it. Turns out that the family I thought I had for moral support, just took a huge dump on me. I’m a strong person otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now, but even strong people need someone to talk to on occasion. I have been accused of several things but the one thing that hurt me the most was being accused of bullying Dad. I will never forgive them for that. It was uncalled for and came from a place of not knowing what the fuck they were talking about. 

Seems that certain family members have forgotten about all of the help and moral support they received from me over the years. When I need nothing from them except a little understanding and support in return, I get shit on and told that all I do is whine and complain. Let me see them go through what I go through without complaining or even occasionally whining. I always thought that with family, I’d have a safe place to vent; to express my concerns, my anger, my fears, and to complain without being shit on, regardless. Boy, was I wrong.

Apparently, I am refusing help because I won’t move to another state and start all over. Like I’m supposed to do what they say?? Dad doesn’t want to move. I sure as hell am not going to leave him behind! Shitting on me is sure not going to convince me to move – as if they’d be there for me even then. Ha!

More shit hit the fan than I care to share, because God Forbid, I might be whining! Insert eye roll here.  

Misery

Posted on by
7

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my current situation. There’s one word to accurately describe how I feel. Miserable.

I have never been so miserable in all of my life. I’ve been through some rough times: emotionally, mentally, and physically rough. From childhood to adulthood, and beyond, I have had some serious situations arise. I have dealt with some traumatic issues and come through them all. I suppose I’ll come through this, too. But when? I don’t see much improvement until the new house is finished.

The issues at the moment are dealing with an elderly father 24/7 and my own pain and mobility issues. Dad is 86 years old and sometimes reminds me of a toddler. One day he likes something and the next day, he doesn’t. Or the other way around. He has to have his chocolate drink at lunchtime and if I give him prune juice instead (because he’s bitching about being constipated) he gets his briefs in a knot. He sometimes wants something and when I order it, he loses it or never uses it because he doesn’t remember why he would want that. He watches the news all day long so I sit in the kitchen at my laptop. I can’t stand to hear the news all damn day! When he lets me find something else to watch, he bitches and moans at my choice, and rolls his eyes repeatedly. His usual bedtime is 10pm. However, recently he has been staying up until sometimes midnight! That’s about the time I start getting ready for bed so I have no time to destress, unwind and watch tv without hearing him bitch the entire time. I need that time, even though it’s just 2 hours, to clear my head and not be completely focused on what he’s doing and where he’s at (because he tends to fall). At least when he goes to bed, I know where he is and that he’s not going to fall down! So, when he stays up late, I’m agitated. I go to bed agitated and wake up agitated. I sleep in my power chair in the living room (if I can sleep at all) because I can’t sleep in my bed. I am trying to save money to get an adjustable bed so that I can at least be in my room and semi-comfortable.

On top of all of the agitation of dealing with an aging father, and pain and mobility issues that make everything difficult for me to do, the house is literally falling apart. A couple of weeks ago, the ceiling in the bathroom fell in. It just got so wet from all the leaks in there that it couldn’t take the weight.  It was just yesterday that my son was able to come over and cover the roof and hopefully, it will be ok until he can do more work. The house is crumbling. It’s very stressful and need I say uncomfortable?

It’s very easy to slip into depression and never come out of it. I am miserably uncomfortable. I’ve always been a pretty positive person. I used humor to get through the rough shit in my life but it’s hard to find humor in the situation at hand. I get tired of people telling me to be more positive as if that’s going to improve the situation. Sorry, but even if I were the most positive person in the world, it wouldn’t change anything. I am as positive as anyone would be in this situation! In fact, I think I’m more positive than someone else would be if they had to deal with the same issues, so forgive me if I sound like a bitch when I snap…and I will snap sooner or later.

Signing off for now before I have an aneurysm…

aunt-debbie

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

Posted on by
10

Well, let me tell you. PAIN.

Last week, I called in my prescription medications. I was waiting for my NP to approve one script that had no more refills and then I was going to call Walmart and have them ship my meds as I normally do.

Stupid me didn’t realize I was nearly out of my pain medication! That was late Friday. I started to panic because we were expecting snow on Saturday. I couldn’t go out and pick up my meds in person because I didn’t know how much snow we would actually get. I called Walmart yesterday to have them ship; they will go out today.

I had 2 pain pills left, one to be taken every 12 hours. So, I’ve had to ration. I took one Saturday night and my pain level wasn’t too bad. I saved my last one for tonight. I only took Tylenol Arthritis last night and my pain level is UP. With any luck, FedEx will come tomorrow! Usually, they’re pretty quick.

Then, I began to panic again because my daughter mentioned MLK Day and wondered if FedEx would even run today! I googled it and apparently, FedEx and UPS both will run, while the USPS observes the holiday.

The sun is out, trying to melt the snow and the road looks pretty good, but I’d probably get stuck in the yard if I tried to get the car out. (We don’t have a traditional driveway.) It’s 44 degrees at the moment but it seems much colder when there’s snow on the ground.

Wish me luck. I can’t function well with no pain meds to dull the pain.

P.S. Don’t think that I am an addict because I am not. There’s a difference between addiction and dependency. I am dependent on pain meds to be able to function. There is no euphoria involved. I have to make that clarification because “a friend” had accused me of being a drug addict some time ago. That person is no longer in my circle.

What Happened To Aunt Debbie?

Posted on by
20

Well.

Have you noticed my absence? I’ve been gone for a bit.  At first, I was just lacking the motivation to write or do anything else creative. I didn’t stress over it. I just let it be.

Then 2 weeks ago, on Feb. 1, we were low on propane. Our propane heater is our primary source of heat. We use space heaters periodically, to help keep the chill down when it’s colder than usual. Our propane provider says to order when the tank reads 30%. They also say not to let the tank get below 10%, ever. And they have an attitude if you try to order when the tank is over 30%. So, knowing we were at 30%, Dad called in the order. 

Since this particular company took over we hadn’t had a problem. The company prior to, is a different story. I thought I had blogged about the past incident but I couldn’t find it to link to it here. What happened with the prior company was that Dad didn’t order propane in time during the holiday season and were conserving propane until after the new year when they finally showed up to fill the tank. We were cold but we were not hit with a severe snow/ice storm that year. Unlike this year… You’ve most likely heard about the severe winter weather advisories for some of this country. That’s what we’re going through right now in SW Missouri!

Up until now, our current propane provider had been here within 2 or 3 days to fill our tank. I know they get busy during the winter months and with the road conditions right now, I can understand the delay…BUT we ordered on Feb. 1st. The roads were fine then. The weather was cold, but fine then.

Here we sit on Feb. 15th. Still waiting for propane. Our tank is now at 10%. We can’t use anymore. We have been using space heaters for the last week. Two space heaters, in the living room, to be exact. We can’t use more heaters because the idiot who built this house put almost everything on the same circuit as the kitchen so anytime we use something ‘extra’ that draws a lot of power, we blow a circuit. Even the toaster blows a circuit if too many things are going at the same time.

Here’s one heater. Look at the temp:

41 degrees, in the house, and just around the immediate vicinity of the heater. Can you imagine? The rest of the house is cold as ice! Unless, of course, you’re next to the other heater like poor Alice, who is disgusted with the present condition of her safe and warm home! This heater shows a higher temp because the photo was taken on Saturday when the sun was shining bright and the temp was a tiny bit higher outside. 

As you can see, I have placed cat beds all around the heater so my poor babies can stay warm. As for Dad and I, we are bundled in layers of coats and sweaters, gloves and scarves, hoods and caps, blankets and throws. We are using heating pads. I had planned on buying a couple electric blankets, but didn’t get a chance before this winter storm. We aren’t getting deliveries of any kind at the moment because of the road conditions, but I will order the blankets soon. This bitter cold has played hell on my legs, my arthritis. For a couple of days, the pain in my legs hindered my ability to walk. I had to do something so – don’t laugh – I wrapped my legs with small fleece throws and used duct tape to secure them! This has helped my legs stay warmer and I can walk better. I am still not a happy camper!

wp-16133868876181363319683.jpg

Last Tuesday, Dad called the propane company to find out when they might be here to fill the tank. He had to leave a message. They called back on Wednesday and told us the truck would be here to fill our tank that day. They never showed! We kept calling and emailing the company, explaining that we have no propane and that one of us is elderly, the other disabled. They haven’t returned our calls or emails as of yet. Yesterday, I heard that the truck was in our area! It was nearly 5pm though and they hadn’t shown yet. I don’t know if they were actually in the area or not.

I’m really disgusted, and extremely cold…ANGRY even. I think if the propane companies can’t handle the demand during this time of year, then they should hire more drivers and/or get more trucks! I also think that since they know how unpredictable our weather can be here in the Ozarks, they should have trucks that are able to get on these roads during severe winter weather. As my grandmother used to say about businesses that fall short: “Shit or get off the pot!” I agree 100%.

We are looking into changing propane providers; some don’t serve our area and others will but only if a neighbor needs propane at the same time, IF there’s a neighbor with the same provider, that is. We also have to consider rent and other fees for hook up of a new tank, and the policies they have regarding keeping that tank filled. 

I hope this will soon be another shit stain memory that we will never have to repeat. For now, we wait. We sit here, in the cold, waiting… I may not write again before we get propane. It’s just too damn cold.