Tag Archives: pain and mobility issues

Good Days Are Few And Far Between

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Yesterday was rough. I hadn’t slept well the night before, so my legs didn’t benefit from restorative sleep. That’s important because without restorative sleep, my pain level never goes down, and I’m unable to function properly the next day.

Most days, with or without restorative sleep, I don’t even brush my damn hair. I just use my fingers to pull up my hair into a ponytail. I need to take care of myself as well as Dad, but sometimes I just don’t have the energy.

Taking care of Dad is very important to me, and I need to be able to do what needs to be done. He is doing better now that he’s walking a little. He’s using his walker to get around and doesn’t need me to be right there by his side, as I was for the first week or so after he came home from the hospital. Even though he’s doing better, I still need to be able to fix meals, do dishes, laundry, etc. I’m hoping that soon, I will be able to get him in the shower. I’ve not been too confident about that because I can’t do much to prevent him from falling in the shower! God forbid anyone offer to help.

Yesterday, I was exhausted when I got up, and my pain level was sky high. Performing even the simplest tasks was a painful experience. I was in tears at one point, and Dad felt bad that he was putting me through this. I reassured him that none of this was his fault. It must be difficult for him not to be self-reliant like he used to be. It sucks to get old. He will be 89 next month.

When Dad was in bed for the night, I watched a little TV and got ready for bed. I hoped for a good night’s sleep, and that’s what I got! Almost 8 hours of sleep did my legs some good! I feel much better this morning, and I even made breakfast quesadillas. I hope tonight is a good one, too.

Wish me luck. I need all I can get!

10 Things…

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10 Things About Me You Probably Don’t Know

  1. When I was in the 5th grade, my class had a pet guinea pig that had 5 babies. Our class had a drawing to see which 5 kids got to take one home. I was one of those kids. I named my guinea pig Snorky.
  2. I am an introvert. I do well in one-on-one situations, but put me in a room with more than one person, and I am a social misfit.
  3. I never liked coffee until I was 40 years old.
  4. I bitch and complain a lot. If you had chronic pain and mobility issues, you’d bitch and complain, too. It’s a struggle to do anything, so when things aren’t going like they should, I bitch and swear like a sailor, and it actually releases a lot of frustration!
  5. When I was little, I wanted to be a nurse when I grew up. I admired Nurse Nancy at the pediatrician’s office. She was pretty and very nice.
  6. I also wanted to be like “Angelique” from the old TV show Dark Shadows. She was beautiful and wicked.
  7. I used to collect music boxes. My kids moved in and out of the house with their kids so many times, I’ve lost track of where I stashed them.
  8. I despise games that require more than one person. My mom used to throw temper tantrums because she always thought the other players were cheating. So, she basically ruined games for me.
  9. I sometimes wish I were still 16 years old and first discovering backpacking with my Dad.
  10. I started watching soaps when I was a little girl. I would play while my mom watched General Hospital. I still watch it today!

Did you know any of those things about me? Well, now you do. I hope this beautiful Monday is being kind to you.

Until next time,

Being Pissed Off Seems To Be My Current and Long-Standing Mood

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I’m just about ready…no I take that back. I am ready to punch someone in the throat. Ok, so I won’t act on my urge to do that but still…

Early this month, I ordered refills for 2 of my medications. The 2 that I need the most. They are for nerve pain and pain/inflammation. It’s a struggle for me to go out when I need to go pick them up so the pharmacy mails them to me. The pharmacy provides this service at no charge to me and I appreciate that but I also appreciate receiving my meds in the mail when they are shipped out! This month, those 2 meds were lost in the mail. This is not an isolated incident.

This happened a few months back, too. I had to get an emergency script for one of my meds because I am not supposed to stop taking them abruptly. When I did, I experienced sleep disturbances. I did not want to do that again!

This pharmacy was good in the beginning. I had absolutely no problems with them. Then all of a sudden, there was a little issue, then another…and another. When I complained to them (and I did it nicely) they always had some excuse. Blah, blah, blah. There’s one thing I can’t stand (aside from liars and thieves and DJT) and that’s incompetence. Just do your fucking job, will ya? I asked them for a tracking number so the USPS could help me locate the package and I was told that they don’t keep track of the tracking numbers and that they aren’t responsible once packages leave the pharmacy. Ok, I get that. But I never had an ounce of trouble with Walmart when they sent my meds in the mail. Never once in many years did anything get lost in the mail.

I transferred my meds to a different pharmacy. Old pharmacy didn’t send them all over. Figures. Incompetence. Between me and the new pharmacy calling both the clinic and the old pharmacy, we finally got them all transferred. But I still had a problem. Since those 2 meds were already filled this month I couldn’t refill them again unless I paid for them myself. I was trying to avoid that because I’m on a fixed income.

I called the clinic and tried to explain the situation to the nurse on duty but she was fixated on the scripts being transferred to the new pharmacy. I told her to “forget about that for a minute and listen. This is a separate issue!” I tried to explain that I am rationing those 2 meds, which I shouldn’t have to do. (Thankfully, I had some extras that accumulated because I order a few days early each month.) I was nearly out and in a fucking panic because I cannot function without those 2 meds! I wasn’t getting through to her so I told her “neverfuckingmind” and I hung up. So much for getting an emergency script! I called the new pharmacy and they said I could order the refills early but I’d have to pay out of pocket. I was trying to avoid that but ok, if I have to I have to.

I picked my meds up the following day. It cost me over $50! I’m hoping this new pharmacy is competent and that I have no problems with them. So far, they are happy to help and do what they’re supposed to do.

I swear, I am in this constant state of “WTH is going to happen now?” or “Can’t anything be easy?” or “Everyone can just suck the big one.” I anticipate having problems and I’m pleasantly surprised when things go smoothly. However, I stay cautiously satisfied. Does that make sense? It is rare that things go smoothly.

Hearing DJT on what I refer to as Trump TV, is nauseating at best. I can’t stand the sound of his voice. I can’t stand his face. He makes me so angry and it automatically sets my mood into an ugliness that I can’t even stand. If I could just get Dad to watch something besides the news…

I Have To Get Out Of Here!

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I bumped into someone I know when I was out one day before Christmas. I had to stop at the Dollar Tree to get some Christmas gift bags, tissue paper, and a few household essentials. I hadn’t seen her since probably last Christmas, and it was also in the Dollar Tree. We chatted for a few minutes and she told me her husband had passed away just before Thanksgiving. I told her how sorry I was for her loss. Then after a brief conversation, I told her I’d love to visit with her but that maybe we could get together for lunch or coffee. I explained that right now I have to get done and get off my feet.

She knows of my pain and mobility issues, but she exclaimed, “What’s your hurry?” I’m in pain 24/7 and today is no exception. I told her my legs will not let me stand here and visit. I HAVE to get done and get out of here! I told her to have a Merry Christmas and I moved up the aisle with my shopping cart to finish my shopping.

She followed me. Good grief, I thought. She was right behind me, talking to me! I turned and responded to what she said and then trying not to be rude, I told her I had to go and that it was nice seeing her. I wanted to scream at her, but I didn’t especially want to attract attention from every shopper and worker in the store! Good grief!

She continued to follow me, talking the whole time. I responded to her but tried to finish my shopping. Dad came up the aisle and I asked him if he was done. He told me he was and I told my friend, “Goodbye! It was nice seeing you again!” We rushed up to the front of the store to check out. By then, my legs were on fire. I was desperate to get to the car so I could sit down.

I just can’t understand why some people don’t get it. I know they don’t know my pain, but when you tell someone you have to go and why, you’d think they would back the fuck off. I was trying not to be rude.

I guess the trick is…what? To be rude so you get the point across? I’ll remember that for next time.

Misery

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my current situation. There’s one word to accurately describe how I feel. Miserable.

I have never been so miserable in all of my life. I’ve been through some rough times: emotionally, mentally, and physically rough. From childhood to adulthood, and beyond, I have had some serious situations arise. I have dealt with some traumatic issues and come through them all. I suppose I’ll come through this, too. But when? I don’t see much improvement until the new house is finished.

The issues at the moment are dealing with an elderly father 24/7 and my own pain and mobility issues. Dad is 86 years old and sometimes reminds me of a toddler. One day he likes something and the next day, he doesn’t. Or the other way around. He has to have his chocolate drink at lunchtime and if I give him prune juice instead (because he’s bitching about being constipated) he gets his briefs in a knot. He sometimes wants something and when I order it, he loses it or never uses it because he doesn’t remember why he would want that. He watches the news all day long so I sit in the kitchen at my laptop. I can’t stand to hear the news all damn day! When he lets me find something else to watch, he bitches and moans at my choice, and rolls his eyes repeatedly. His usual bedtime is 10pm. However, recently he has been staying up until sometimes midnight! That’s about the time I start getting ready for bed so I have no time to destress, unwind and watch tv without hearing him bitch the entire time. I need that time, even though it’s just 2 hours, to clear my head and not be completely focused on what he’s doing and where he’s at (because he tends to fall). At least when he goes to bed, I know where he is and that he’s not going to fall down! So, when he stays up late, I’m agitated. I go to bed agitated and wake up agitated. I sleep in my power chair in the living room (if I can sleep at all) because I can’t sleep in my bed. I am trying to save money to get an adjustable bed so that I can at least be in my room and semi-comfortable.

On top of all of the agitation of dealing with an aging father, and pain and mobility issues that make everything difficult for me to do, the house is literally falling apart. A couple of weeks ago, the ceiling in the bathroom fell in. It just got so wet from all the leaks in there that it couldn’t take the weight.  It was just yesterday that my son was able to come over and cover the roof and hopefully, it will be ok until he can do more work. The house is crumbling. It’s very stressful and need I say uncomfortable?

It’s very easy to slip into depression and never come out of it. I am miserably uncomfortable. I’ve always been a pretty positive person. I used humor to get through the rough shit in my life but it’s hard to find humor in the situation at hand. I get tired of people telling me to be more positive as if that’s going to improve the situation. Sorry, but even if I were the most positive person in the world, it wouldn’t change anything. I am as positive as anyone would be in this situation! In fact, I think I’m more positive than someone else would be if they had to deal with the same issues, so forgive me if I sound like a bitch when I snap…and I will snap sooner or later.

Signing off for now before I have an aneurysm…

aunt-debbie