Tag Archives: pain and mobility issues

Being Pissed Off Seems To Be My Current and Long-Standing Mood

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I’m just about ready…no I take that back. I am ready to punch someone in the throat. Ok, so I won’t act on my urge to do that but still…

Early this month, I ordered refills for 2 of my medications. The 2 that I need the most. They are for nerve pain and pain/inflammation. It’s a struggle for me to go out when I need to go pick them up so the pharmacy mails them to me. The pharmacy provides this service at no charge to me and I appreciate that but I also appreciate receiving my meds in the mail when they are shipped out! This month, those 2 meds were lost in the mail. This is not an isolated incident.

This happened a few months back, too. I had to get an emergency script for one of my meds because I am not supposed to stop taking them abruptly. When I did, I experienced sleep disturbances. I did not want to do that again!

This pharmacy was good in the beginning. I had absolutely no problems with them. Then all of a sudden, there was a little issue, then another…and another. When I complained to them (and I did it nicely) they always had some excuse. Blah, blah, blah. There’s one thing I can’t stand (aside from liars and thieves and DJT) and that’s incompetence. Just do your fucking job, will ya? I asked them for a tracking number so the USPS could help me locate the package and I was told that they don’t keep track of the tracking numbers and that they aren’t responsible once packages leave the pharmacy. Ok, I get that. But I never had an ounce of trouble with Walmart when they sent my meds in the mail. Never once in many years did anything get lost in the mail.

I transferred my meds to a different pharmacy. Old pharmacy didn’t send them all over. Figures. Incompetence. Between me and the new pharmacy calling both the clinic and the old pharmacy, we finally got them all transferred. But I still had a problem. Since those 2 meds were already filled this month I couldn’t refill them again unless I paid for them myself. I was trying to avoid that because I’m on a fixed income.

I called the clinic and tried to explain the situation to the nurse on duty but she was fixated on the scripts being transferred to the new pharmacy. I told her to “forget about that for a minute and listen. This is a separate issue!” I tried to explain that I am rationing those 2 meds, which I shouldn’t have to do. (Thankfully, I had some extras that accumulated because I order a few days early each month.) I was nearly out and in a fucking panic because I cannot function without those 2 meds! I wasn’t getting through to her so I told her “neverfuckingmind” and I hung up. So much for getting an emergency script! I called the new pharmacy and they said I could order the refills early but I’d have to pay out of pocket. I was trying to avoid that but ok, if I have to I have to.

I picked my meds up the following day. It cost me over $50! I’m hoping this new pharmacy is competent and that I have no problems with them. So far, they are happy to help and do what they’re supposed to do.

I swear, I am in this constant state of “WTH is going to happen now?” or “Can’t anything be easy?” or “Everyone can just suck the big one.” I anticipate having problems and I’m pleasantly surprised when things go smoothly. However, I stay cautiously satisfied. Does that make sense? It is rare that things go smoothly.

Hearing DJT on what I refer to as Trump TV, is nauseating at best. I can’t stand the sound of his voice. I can’t stand his face. He makes me so angry and it automatically sets my mood into an ugliness that I can’t even stand. If I could just get Dad to watch something besides the news…

I Have To Get Out Of Here!

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I bumped into someone I know when I was out one day before Christmas. I had to stop at the Dollar Tree to get some Christmas gift bags, tissue paper, and a few household essentials. I hadn’t seen her since probably last Christmas, and it was also in the Dollar Tree. We chatted for a few minutes and she told me her husband had passed away just before Thanksgiving. I told her how sorry I was for her loss. Then after a brief conversation, I told her I’d love to visit with her but that maybe we could get together for lunch or coffee. I explained that right now I have to get done and get off my feet.

She knows of my pain and mobility issues, but she exclaimed, “What’s your hurry?” I’m in pain 24/7 and today is no exception. I told her my legs will not let me stand here and visit. I HAVE to get done and get out of here! I told her to have a Merry Christmas and I moved up the aisle with my shopping cart to finish my shopping.

She followed me. Good grief, I thought. She was right behind me, talking to me! I turned and responded to what she said and then trying not to be rude, I told her I had to go and that it was nice seeing her. I wanted to scream at her, but I didn’t especially want to attract attention from every shopper and worker in the store! Good grief!

She continued to follow me, talking the whole time. I responded to her but tried to finish my shopping. Dad came up the aisle and I asked him if he was done. He told me he was and I told my friend, “Goodbye! It was nice seeing you again!” We rushed up to the front of the store to check out. By then, my legs were on fire. I was desperate to get to the car so I could sit down.

I just can’t understand why some people don’t get it. I know they don’t know my pain, but when you tell someone you have to go and why, you’d think they would back the fuck off. I was trying not to be rude.

I guess the trick is…what? To be rude so you get the point across? I’ll remember that for next time.

Misery

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my current situation. There’s one word to accurately describe how I feel. Miserable.

I have never been so miserable in all of my life. I’ve been through some rough times: emotionally, mentally, and physically rough. From childhood to adulthood, and beyond, I have had some serious situations arise. I have dealt with some traumatic issues and come through them all. I suppose I’ll come through this, too. But when? I don’t see much improvement until the new house is finished.

The issues at the moment are dealing with an elderly father 24/7 and my own pain and mobility issues. Dad is 86 years old and sometimes reminds me of a toddler. One day he likes something and the next day, he doesn’t. Or the other way around. He has to have his chocolate drink at lunchtime and if I give him prune juice instead (because he’s bitching about being constipated) he gets his briefs in a knot. He sometimes wants something and when I order it, he loses it or never uses it because he doesn’t remember why he would want that. He watches the news all day long so I sit in the kitchen at my laptop. I can’t stand to hear the news all damn day! When he lets me find something else to watch, he bitches and moans at my choice, and rolls his eyes repeatedly. His usual bedtime is 10pm. However, recently he has been staying up until sometimes midnight! That’s about the time I start getting ready for bed so I have no time to destress, unwind and watch tv without hearing him bitch the entire time. I need that time, even though it’s just 2 hours, to clear my head and not be completely focused on what he’s doing and where he’s at (because he tends to fall). At least when he goes to bed, I know where he is and that he’s not going to fall down! So, when he stays up late, I’m agitated. I go to bed agitated and wake up agitated. I sleep in my power chair in the living room (if I can sleep at all) because I can’t sleep in my bed. I am trying to save money to get an adjustable bed so that I can at least be in my room and semi-comfortable.

On top of all of the agitation of dealing with an aging father, and pain and mobility issues that make everything difficult for me to do, the house is literally falling apart. A couple of weeks ago, the ceiling in the bathroom fell in. It just got so wet from all the leaks in there that it couldn’t take the weight.  It was just yesterday that my son was able to come over and cover the roof and hopefully, it will be ok until he can do more work. The house is crumbling. It’s very stressful and need I say uncomfortable?

It’s very easy to slip into depression and never come out of it. I am miserably uncomfortable. I’ve always been a pretty positive person. I used humor to get through the rough shit in my life but it’s hard to find humor in the situation at hand. I get tired of people telling me to be more positive as if that’s going to improve the situation. Sorry, but even if I were the most positive person in the world, it wouldn’t change anything. I am as positive as anyone would be in this situation! In fact, I think I’m more positive than someone else would be if they had to deal with the same issues, so forgive me if I sound like a bitch when I snap…and I will snap sooner or later.

Signing off for now before I have an aneurysm…

aunt-debbie

The Saga of Jack and BobCat

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These little shits are driving me insane.

In October, we took BobCat (above, right) to the vet and had him neutered, vaccinated, dewormed, and had his ears treated for earmites. We just wanted to give BobCat a better life than being outside and exposed to the weather, the road, and wild animals. When we brought BobCat into the house, to my surprise, Jack (above, left) and BobCat didn’t fight as I expected. But, that only lasted about a week. Then, all hell broke loose. Every chance he got, Jack would attack BobCat. It was so stressful. We had to be on the lookout all the time. Jack finally settled a bit, but we still had to watch. At night, we locked BobCat up in the small bedroom we refer to as the cat room. All was peaceful at night with the exception of BobCat playing with his toys or kicking cat litter all over the place. But that changed…

Fast forward about a week ago, BobCat started going berserk at night in the cat room. I mean, literally tearing the room up! It sounded like he was climbing the walls and throwing himself against the door! He made so much racket, I couldn’t sleep. (I sleep in my power chair which is right next to the cat room!) I didn’t sleep for 2 nights because of this so the 3rd night, I threw BobCat outside. It was finally quiet. But that didn’t last either.

After a few hours BobCat was throwing himself against the front door wanting in. I tried to ignore the noise. When he didn’t get any response, he went around to the window, then the next window, and so on. Then he was back at the front door. Holy crap.

The next night, I just let BobCat run loose in the house. I told him, “If Jack kicks your ass, it’s your own damn fault.” Things were peaceful with a few exceptions. As long as BobCat stayed in my chair (on me) or in Dad’s chair, then Jack ignored him. But as soon as BobCat decided to get up and play, eat, or use the litter box, Jack decided to give him a hard time. So, I’m losing sleep every night.

Oh my gosh, I am so exhausted! I can’t function without sleep. Having chronic pain and mobility issues is bad enough! I just can’t take much more. I’m at the point where I’m ready to find BobCat a new home and that makes me sad.

Last night, I guess I was so exhausted I fell asleep fast and slept hard. I didn’t wake up until almost 9am this morning. I feel so much better! With body and mind rested, I can function somewhat…and that’s still not much considering my pain and mobility issues never go away.

I don’t know how many times Jack (above, left) kicked BobCat’s (above, right) ass last night, if at all, but they are both still alive and well. I would ask them, but I’m sure they won’t answer.

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

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There’s so much on my mind lately. My brain gets so bogged down with thoughts and ideas, problems and solutions, and then there’s my pain and mobility issues…I barely get anything constructive done.

I’ve been working on my cookbook. My German Grandmother’s recipes are giving me a headache! Some of them list only the ingredients but not the process. Some are just simply confusing because what she calls one thing, upon research I found are called something else! I haven’t made all of her recipes myself; I will include only the ones I have made before. I’m giving myself until the end of July to get them all typed out. Maybe halfway through I can get my volunteers to start testing recipes. I’m starting some of the testing myself this month. I’m hoping by Christmas I can have it done but no promises because these things take time.

I’m disgusted and full of so much anger towards Putin. He needs to be taken out, if you know what I mean. Surely, they have some Special Ops team that can get that job done. And thanks to the aid of Tucker (the fucker) Carlson, the misinformation about the war on Ukraine has flowed into the US. It makes me sick. Just sick. As if we need more misinformation in this country! What Putin is doing is WRONG. He is a murderous war criminal. The pointless death and destruction…brings tears to my eyes.

I’ve missed blogging – but I just haven’t had the time to sit down and write or when I have the time to write, nothing comes to me. What the hell do you write when you can’t think of anything to write? So, here I sit. Just typing whatever comes to me. Is that stupid?

Thankfully, Winter is about ready to leave us behind. I’m truly tired of having to wash my hands in the bathtub. Hmmm…I bet you’re wondering about that statement, yes? Well, the plumbing in this old house is about as stupid as the electrical wiring. I’ll have to tell you about that in another post! The plumbing…well, during the winter it takes about 40 seconds for the water at the kitchen sink to get warm. It’s about 5 feet from the water heater, which makes no sense at all. The bathroom sink takes about 50-55 seconds to get warm. That sink is about 30 feet from the water heater. I try to remember to turn on the water before I do my business, so I don’t have to stand there waiting for the water to warm up before I can wash my hands but sometimes I forget. Most of the time I forget. So I wash my hands in the bathtub, which is about 6 feet from the sink and about the same distance as the sink from the water heater. Do you want to take a guess at how long it takes the water to warm up in the bathtub? It takes a whole 15 seconds, which is why I end up washing my hands in the bathtub. I have no patience and I’m sure as hell not going to wash my hands in ice cold water! Snort!

I’m looking forward to the Spring but I’m always disappointed. It seems to always rain and then we’re left with about 2 weeks of exceptionally beautiful Spring weather before it gets too damn hot to live! Ugh. Summer comes too fast.

Well, back to work I go. Or a nap. Ha! Take care of yourselves!

Signing off!