Tag Archives: disability

Never Again…

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It’s been a rough week. Physically and mentally. Draining. Not that busy mind you, but for my pain-laden body it’s been a bit too much.

On Tuesday, I had a curbside order to pick up and they must’ve had troubles that day because after I checked in, I had to wait for 20 minutes before they even acknowledged I was there. Then it was another 10 minutes before my groceries came out. No big deal really. I know shit happens. It’s just the waiting. I’ve never been good at waiting. On the way home I must have got behind every slow driver in the county! Good grief. I’m sure most of those people think it’s safer to drive slow – FOR THEM maybe, but not for other drivers. Other drivers, like me, will sometimes get impatient and pass in the wrong places. I have passed where it is not advisable but I only pass if can see far enough ahead that there is no oncoming traffic. I just hate getting behind someone doing 25-30 in a 55!! Anyway, I finally made it home only to have to unload the groceries I just picked up. Now my knees were killing me.

Wednesday began with me trying to figure out how I was going to get Alice to the vet for her yearly check-up and vaccinations without her hiding from me. Last month, she knew something was up because the carrier was out and she saw that I was getting ready to go somewhere. She hid under my bed so I took Jack to the vet instead. No big deal, but she had to go eventually. So, in order to trick her, I wore my sweatpants and I didn’t style my hair. Boy, did I feel like a slob! The carrier has been sitting out since last month so she was used to seeing it. She didn’t have a clue what was going on and she came right to me and I picked her up and put her in the carrier. Of course, she put up a little bit of a fight but I got her in there! She weighs 16 lbs. now and Dr. Missy gave her the dewormer I brought because I could never get pills down her throat. She would always gag them back up. Too expensive to waste them! I was able to deworm Jack and BobCat with no trouble. Anyway, that was the end of that but by the time I got home, I was exhausted.

Thursday was by far, the MOST aggravating day of the week! Dad and I had our appointment at the Health Department for the newest COVID-19 vaccine. That went pretty smoothly but then Dad saw the sign that read “Get Your Shingles Vaccine Today” and we both needed to get the shingles vaccine so I inquired at the window and a nurse took our insurance cards so we could set up an appointment, but my insurance won’t cover it and they are out of the state-provided vaccine (that would be free for me) so I have to go somewhere else. Dad has an appointment next month because his insurance covers the vaccine. After an hour of waiting and being informed of this and that, we were finally done and left. That’s when the fun started. Ha. I decided I wanted to pop into Walmart to pick up ONE thing and get some cash back. I haven’t been to Walmart in a couple of years! And maybe only twice since COVID-19 began. Luckily they had scooters available and I grabbed one with 100% power, if you can believe that! But the POS kept stopping as I was moving along. Do you know how irritating that is? Then as I was headed to the front of the store, some guy walked out in front of me as if I wasn’t even there! He didn’t even acknowledge what he did. I should have just ran into him instead of being the “nice guy” and stopping abruptly. After picking up more things than I really wanted, I was ready to check out and Dad was tired as hell. Check-out went smoothly. Afterward, we headed out the door but the fucking scooter decided to STOP again just as I was going through the doors. I had people behind me wanting out the door but the scooter wouldn’t budge. I was furious! And then to make me nearly come unhinged, a Walmart employee yells at me very loudly, “You have to use the controls!” I just about lost my shit! I yelled back, “I AM using the controls! How the hell do you think I got to this point? You moron!” I know. It was rude of me but geez, do these people think that disabled people are stupid or something? He could have assisted me since he was aware that I was having a problem but no, he just yelled at me. I was so painfully aware of people behind me wanting out the door and I was extremely frustrated. I told Dad to give me a push to see if the damn scooter would move and it still wouldn’t budge. Somehow, I did get out of the door and to the edge of the parking lot. I knew that if I tried to cross the lot to get to the car it was just going to stop again and I didn’t want to be stranded in the middle of the parking lot waiting to be run over! I asked Dad to grab the shopping basket that someone abandoned parked to my right. I got off of the scooter, loaded my stuff into the shopping basket, and Dad pushed the cart while I hobbled on my crutches to the car. I hope to never HAVE to go inside a Walmart again as long as I live!

I am so worn out today and in pain, too. My arm is sore as hell from the COVID-19 vaccine. I can barely walk and I still had to fix lunch. I also have laundry and other chores to do but you know what? It can all just sit and wait until I feel like doing it. On the bright side, I managed to finish my latest grandbaby’s baby blanket so I can send it home with my son today when he’s done working on the new house. I actually finished the blanket last night but I had to wash and dry it before giving it away! I’m adding a couple photos to this post. I don’t know how good they are since the lighting is shit in my house. The colors are Light Sage, Blue Spruce, Gray Mist, and Antique White, and are much brighter than the photos show! The lower left-hand corner looks a bit wonky but I just didn’t have it spread out properly.

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First Thoughts Are Not Pretty

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Daily writing prompt
Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.
View all responses

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I’m grateful for many things in my life. I’m grateful to have a roof over my head, indoor plumbing, electricity, clean clothing, clean water, heat, and a/c, food to eat, a car, and many other things. Having those things doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. 

I struggle daily with depression, pain, and mobility issues. Some people don’t understand the difference between being depressed and being disabled which leads to depression. What I mean is, if you’re depressed you don’t want to do anything. But your body is still ABLE to do things. You can go to work, do the laundry, wash dishes, sweep the floor, run the vacuum, get groceries, etc. You may be depressed and not WANT to do those things but you are still physically able. In my case, my body is unable. I’m lucky if I can stand for 15 minutes at a time. My depression is from not being able to do the things that most people take for granted. Think about it the next time you shower, or step out for the mail. Think about walking to and from the bathroom, tossing a load of clothes in the washing machine, or fixing something to eat. I struggle to do those things. I can’t work, go shopping, or go to the movies. I can’t clean the house like it should be cleaned. I can’t cook, which is something that I always enjoyed. Because of my inability to do those things, I get depressed. I fight it daily because if I let it take over, who will take care of my dad? It’s obvious to me that I can’t depend on anyone for help so I do it all myself. Well, as much as I can do. 

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I Have Something To Say

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Something has been bothering me for quite some time. This is not aimed at any one person, trust me. It’s just that I have something to say.

I’ve been hearing/seeing a lot of blanket statements such as:

“If you can afford beer and cigarettes, then you don’t need food stamps.”

“She just spent welfare money on a brand new tv.”

“She’s using coupons with food stamps? Hello! You’re getting free food!!”

“Must be nice to be able to afford a nice car like that being on welfare and all.”

Or my favorite (NOT):

“Get off your butt and get a job instead of mooching off the rest of us.”

First, I want to say that YES, there are people who soak up everything they can get and abuse the system. There are people like that! They make everyone else who needs a little help look bad!

Second, most of the people I know who are receiving aid of any kind are on it because they need help! These days, people are finding themselves unemployed and unable to find a job. They still have families to support and other obligations. They really need a helping hand, otherwise they might lose everything they have worked so hard for. They apply for whatever aid they can, in hopes that it can keep them above water until something comes along. There are single moms, who are left without a partner to help them care for the children. There are disabled people; some with visible disabilities and some with invisible disabilities. These people are all careful with their purchases. They have to make the small amount of food stamps or cash go as far as they can stretch it. Many have learned to be very frugal. They utilize coupons and/or food banks. They look for bargains and sale items. They too, have families to feed, rent and utilities, and other bills to pay — just like everyone else!! They often run short and have to rob Peter to pay Paul. They often go without. Been there, done that.

Third, where do any of us get off judging others? Yes, we are all guilty of judging people. It’s human nature. We all have pre-conceived notions about this, that, or the other. That’s just the way it is. Don’t deny it. It’s true.

Now let’s just step back and think about something. Do any of us know, I mean truly know, what another person’s life is like? Do we know of their hardships? Do we know what situation they are dealing with? Do we know of their health or capabilities? No, we don’t. We don’t know half of what we think we know, about anything.

The woman purchasing a brand new television with her cash aid, may have saved $10 per month so she could buy the tv for her family, who may not have a tv at all. Should she not buy her family a tv just because it’s welfare money?

The couple driving that nice, shiny car may have borrowed it from someone to go to the doctor or get groceries for their family. Perhaps it IS their car and they both just recently lost their jobs and currently have no income. They can still qualify for food stamps even though they own a car or a house. Did you know that?

So what if the lady ahead of you in the check out line is using coupons with her EBT (Electronic Benefit Transaction) purchase? She is trying to make her allotment of cash or food stamps stretch as far as possible, just like the rest of us!

As for the person buying cigarettes while on food stamps — If you are a smoker, or if you have quit smoking, you know how hard it really is to quit. Perhaps that person is trying or has tried, and just hasn’t been successful. “Go without!!” you say? Easier said than done. And some DO go without.

One last thing. Who says a person who receives aid of some kind, doesn’t deserve a luxury now and again? Some items may not be necessary, an essential to survive, but does that mean the person who gets help can’t be frugal and save, to get those items? Does it mean that person should let their kids go without new shoes this year because they still have last year’s shoes? So what if the single mom with 3 children gets food stamps and cash aid but still has cable tv! So what if they have a microwave! So what if they have a laptop! Don’t they have the right to have things too? Do we, as a society, expect poor people to live in shacks, eat out of garbage cans, wear the same clothes every day, not shower daily, or even brush their teeth? I mean, we can survive without a shower, or without brushing our teeth. We don’t have to have different clothes every day, or live in a house to survive. Do we?? Survival is one thing. Living a quality life is another.

Let me say once again, there are people who abuse the system, but not everyone is abusing the system!! Please just think about how we jump to conclusions about other people, and stop ourselves from being so judgmental. Let’s try being compassionate and understanding of what others might be going through. We are not all born with silver spoons in our mouths. We are not all fortunate enough to have excellent health. We are not all so lucky to never have to worry about our next meal, or when our next nice, hot shower might be.

We all have stuff to deal with, and some of us may need help from time to time. You may be in that position at some point. Then how will you feel?