First Thoughts Are Not Pretty

Daily writing prompt
Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.


I’m grateful for many things in my life. I’m grateful to have a roof over my head, indoor plumbing, electricity, clean clothing, clean water, heat, and a/c, food to eat, a car, and many other things. Having those things doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. 

I struggle daily with depression, pain, and mobility issues. Some people don’t understand the difference between being depressed and being disabled which leads to depression. What I mean is, if you’re depressed you don’t want to do anything. But your body is still ABLE to do things. You can go to work, do the laundry, wash dishes, sweep the floor, run the vacuum, get groceries, etc. You may be depressed and not WANT to do those things but you are still physically able. In my case, my body is unable. I’m lucky if I can stand for 15 minutes at a time. My depression is from not being able to do the things that most people take for granted. Think about it the next time you shower, or step out for the mail. Think about walking to and from the bathroom, tossing a load of clothes in the washing machine, or fixing something to eat. I struggle to do those things. I can’t work, go shopping, or go to the movies. I can’t clean the house like it should be cleaned. I can’t cook, which is something that I always enjoyed. Because of my inability to do those things, I get depressed. I fight it daily because if I let it take over, who will take care of my dad? It’s obvious to me that I can’t depend on anyone for help so I do it all myself. Well, as much as I can do. 


4 thoughts on “First Thoughts Are Not Pretty

  1. A big hug to you, my friend! When I was all but blind with cataracts, I found myself becoming more and more withdrawn, isolated and depressed. I wish you didn’t have to go through any of this, but I’m glad you’re there to help your dad! I’m also glad you’re able to write about your experience and share it with your readers. Please keep fighting the good fight! Mona

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Mona. You did get your cataracts taken care of though, right? I think I remember reading that. I have CRS you know…

      I’ve always been somewhat of a homebody so I don’t mind the isolation so much. What bothers me most is my near inability to care for my dad and myself with no help whatsoever. That’s what pulls me down but I can’t let depression win because then who would take care of Dad? I hate writing the same thing all the time. Who wants to read about that all the time? Anyway, thanks for your support and reading my posts! 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Chronic illness is so hard and often it is “invisible” and that tends to bring out the “just snap out of it” comments. I understand where you are coming from and know you are not alone in your struggles. Tonight I am dealing with higher pain levels (probably influenced by the rainy weather) but a little lost sleep wont kill me… maybe tomorrow will be better and I can nap. Hang in there my friend… sending my best your way!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yep, I have heard so many rude comments from people, not necessarily directed at me, but things from people who will never understand what it’s like to have lost themselves to chronic pain. That’s how I have felt for a long time now; LOST. Take care of yourself. I hope your pain level decreases soon. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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