An Elaboration

Recently, I re-shared an older post from 2008, called “Loser Boyfriend Syndrome.” It occurred to me, that so many awful things happened to turned our lives upside down that I never told the entire story. It was such a difficult time in all of our lives I couldn’t eat, sleep, or write. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I was a mess.

It has taken a lot of courage for me to write about this; not because I’m ashamed or worried that people will know, but because it’s very painful to relive it in my mind in order to put it in ‘writing’. It’s a story that takes place over a 4 year period, and there are many (painful) details I’m leaving out. This is the short version of the story.

Loser Boyfriend, who I have referred to in this blog as “J” will now be referred to as ASSFACE because that’s what he is.

When my daughter, S.R., decided to move out I was thrilled for her. I was still concerned because Assface was still going to be in her life. At that moment though, he was in jail. When he got out of jail, my daughter let him move in with her and my grandbaby. I knew this was going to end badly. I just knew it. It wasn’t long before this piece of shit man got my daughter to “try” meth. I know that she had some say in this matter, but she would have never “tried” it if she hadn’t been with him. She was on the right track until she hooked up with the likes of him.

It wasn’t long until we found out he was cooking meth in the little house she had rented, a house that was supposed to be home for her and her baby boy. He ended up in jail again, she ended up in a rehab place and she could have lost her son. After her stint in rehab (where she was allowed to keep her son with her), she came back home to live with us. She then had to go through drug court and counseling, etc. I thought, as did everyone else, that this would have set her ass straight but it did not. When Assface got out of jail and S.R. finished with her obligations, they moved to another town, about an hour or so away. She was determined to stay with him.

At one point, after a few months, my daughter sent me a few distressing messages. Something about coming to get her….and hurry….and how far are you… I was worried, rightly so. I called the cops as I was driving and asked if they could do a well-being check. They did. Assface was NOT happy about that at all. S.R. and my grandson came home with me because apparently, they had had an argument. After a couple days, Assface came to pick them up and I was told in no uncertain terms that I wouldn’t be hearing from them ever again. I was mortified! And it was 5 months before I heard anything at all.

S.R. changed her phone number, unfriended me on Facebook, and I missed my grandson’s birthday. I sent birthday gifts and never knew if he even got them. I was in a state of panic, as I had no clue if they were dead or alive. No phone calls, no visits, no letters, cards, etc. After 5 months, I got a call from Assface’s step-mom, who told me that he had been arrested.

THANK GOD. But what about S.R.? What about my grandson?

My grandson had been picked up by Social Services and placed in Assface’s father and step-mother’s home. They got temporary custody because they knew people on the inside. I was just happy that he was safe with people that loved him and would take care of him. My daughter was about to spend 2 weeks in jail.

After S.R.’s stint in jail, she STILL didn’t want to let go of Assface! The judge decided that either she would have to give her child up to Assface’s parents to raise or lose any rights to future children. She eventually signed papers, allowing the other grandparents to adopt my grandson. I was happy he was going to be safe but sad at the same time. He’s my grandson, my firstborn grandson.

S.R. moved a couple hours away and went through the drug court, counseling thing again. She lived in a house with others in similar circumstances. She got a good job and started to rebuild her life. This would be the 2nd time she had to start over because of bad choices and….Assface.

So, S.R. was on the right track again, finally. But guess what she did? She got hooked up with another loser boyfriend, who I actually liked and welcomed into our home and our lives. I thought he was a good guy. That’s when my 2nd grandson came into this world. This time, when things went sour….and I mean could have had a disastrous outcome….my daughter had the good sense to leave their home and wait for the cops to come. That was the end of that. She put her child’s safety first. I had never been so proud of her. She ended up starting over yet again….

Now, she’s a single mom, working her butt off and she realizes that she doesn’t need a man to screw things up for her again. I hope someday she meets someone who is as special as she is. She’s my baby girl, my firstborn child.

Not too many people know this bit of history and those who do, unfortunately, know all the horrible details. This was a terrible period in my life. I was down for the count…until I started seeing my therapist. It was my therapist who helped me to realize that none of what happened was my fault. Of course, my head knew it wasn’t my fault…. It was my heart that was feeling the guilt and the shame. It was just broken.

My heart has been healing for the last 6 years now….

Oh, and by the way, Assface is in jail again. Hope they keep his sorry ass this time!



Feeling Nostalgic = Feeling Old

Today is the day I first met someone very special in my life. My first-born child, born on Friday the 13th, March of 1987. She’s 31 years old today!


                   Image Copyright Being Aunt Debbie

S.R. was due on the 6th of March, but leave it to her to be stubborn from the very beginning! When she was a week late, I went into labor. I suffered through 18 hours of hard, back labor. That child was so stubborn she refused to come out! Joking aside, S.R.’s head was too wide for my narrow pelvis. I was relieved (and scared at the same time) when the doctor decided to do a C-section.


          Image Copyright Being Aunt Debbie

I was so happy to meet my baby for the very first time! She had a cone head for a few hours but “ain’t nuttin’ wrong with her head now!” She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen…..I know, all moms say that, right?

Since S.R. was born on Friday the 13th, the nurses tried to pull one over on us and list her birth date on her birth certificate as the 14th, which was not accurate at all. I made them change it. Maybe it wasn’t intentional as I can’t believe people are that superstitious!

My Dad, being the huge comedian he is, pegged S.R. with the nickname Jason, from the Friday the 13th movies. He still calls her that from time to time and it still makes me laugh.

My dear, beautiful daughter has been through some hard times, bad decisions, and heartbreak but she has come out of it stronger than ever. She has grown into a strong, independent, and responsible young woman. She’s a great mom and I’m proud of how far she has come. I just wish she didn’t live so far away! (I’m told it’s just a 5-hour drive and 10 years ago I could have done it, but not now.)


                      Image Copyright Being Aunt Debbie

The problem with S.R. turning 31 today, is that I too am growing older. No one told ever told me how old I would have to get to see my children grown and living their own lives! The years keep adding up and I keep getting older… Soon, but not too soon, S.R. will be my age and wondering where all the years have gone! She will be feeling old and nostalgic just like I am right now.

My beautiful daughter, if you’re reading this please know how much I love and adore you. I am proud of the young woman you have become. I hope you’re having a wonderful birthday celebration today! When you come visit, I’ll make your favorite cake and we’ll pig out like we used to! Happy Birthday!


My daughter, S.R. and my grandson, D.M. have moved out. I wish them the best naturally but I will worry about them, no matter what….and I most definitely will miss them, A LOT!

It’s been strange here without them. I wake up in the morning to absolute quiet, a clean kitchen and no toys on the floor to stumble over. When I brush my teeth I can’t believe the space on my counter. One roll of toilet paper has lasted us 2 days instead of just one. My living room is again, a living room, instead of a play room. Things that I had to put out of D.M.’s reach are now easy to get to. No more searching for my remote controls! There are no more temper tantrums right in the middle of my tv shows! No more loud foot steps of a two year old’s running feet when I’m trying to take a nap. Dinner time is odd without them both sitting at the opposite side of the table. The laundry room isn’t constantly in use. I no longer have little feet on my heels as I go outside. It’s rather sad….

I’m enjoying the calmness; something my house hasn’t seen in a long time, but I miss my grandson something terrible. I miss his great big squishy hugs and the kisses he gives me and then wipes off. I miss his sign language (one of his own creation) and the facial expressions that follow. I miss tickling under his chin, and hearing that uncontrollable giggle. I don’t know why he’s so ticklish there! I will miss the completion of his potty training and his words for pee and poop – ‘ewee’ and ‘woop’. I will definitely miss watching him play when he doesn’t know he’s being watched. He’s quite amusing! I love him so much!

Of course, I’ll miss S.R. too. She’s my baby girl after all. My Friday the 13th baby, who to this day is still called ‘Jason’ by her grampa. She has made some bad choices and learned from them. She will continue to learn from her experiences and choices. She’s my oldest child, my only daughter. She is the most loyal person you could ever meet. She has a good heart and kind soul. I watched her grow into a beautiful young woman and I’m proud to say she’s my daughter.

I love you baby girl! 

March 13th & A Recipe!

Today, is my eldest child’s birthday. 24 years ago I gave birth to an 8 lb. 7 oz. baby girl. She had chubby red cheeks, hair as dark as coal, a “cone head” and regardless of that temporary deformity, I thought she was the most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen. She still is. She was born on the 13th of March, a Friday the 13th. Her Grampa called her Jason for years…and occasionally he still does! Many people are superstitious about Friday the 13th and fear the worst when that day comes around. Not me. Friday the 13th will forever be a day of good luck for me because that’s when I met my baby girl.

I have had the pleasure (and sometimes headache) of watching my grandson grow this past 2 years. It’s been 2 years of ups and downs, fun and laughter, with very little peace and quiet. As I look back, I know I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

In less than a month, S.R. and my grandson will be moving out. I will miss them very, very much and hate to see them go but at the same time I’m happy for them to be able to move on and live their own lives. We’ve had many of S.R.’s “obligations” to tend to over the last year and soon they will be over. The stress of working around those “obligations” has overwhelmed me at times. I hope that S.R. can make it in this world and be happy with her life. I hope she knows (and she should because I’ve told her) that boyfriends sometimes come and go but her family is forever. I’m not happy with her choice in men and it doesn’t really matter what I think. I just hope they are happy and that things work out. We all have great expectations when we’re young; I just hope she’s not disappointed or hurt in the end.

I do hope they will visit often and that D.M. will want to spend the weekend with Gramma sometime. I will miss him dearly.

Tonight we had S.R.’s favorite cake, and I have to admit it’s my fave too. We have it every year for her birthday. If you’ve not tried it you really should! The recipe for HEATH CAKE is below:

Heath Cake

1 box chocolate cake mix
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 jar caramel sauce
1 8 oz. tub whipped cream
3 Heath bars, crushed

Mix cake and bake according to package instructions. While cake is in oven, mix together the sweetened condensed milk and caramel sauce.

When cake comes out of oven, and while still very warm, poke many holes throughout cake. (I use a metal skewer.) Pour the caramel mixture over the cake and let it seep into the holes you’ve poked. Once it has cooled down, smooth whipped cream over top. Sprinkle crushed heath bar pieces all over top. Chill cake before serving. Enjoy!!

Being A Grandmother

I don’t know if I’m ready to be a Grandmother. I’m only 46. Shouldn’t I be older? I think I will be Aunt Debbie instead. I’ve been Aunt Debbie for a very long time. It just seems natural.

I think I’m a good aunt. My nieces and nephews all think I am! In fact, they think I walk on water! Will I be a good Grandmother? I don’t know. I think I will be a better Grandmother when my daughter finally decides to move out!

My daughter and I butt heads too much the way things are right now. Two adult females in the same house just doesn’t work well many times. This is one of those times. I’m afraid that the longer she stays here, the further apart we’ll become. I don’t want that. I want us to always be close.

I think I’ve been a good mother.

I know I’ve been a good aunt.

I want to be a good grandmother.