An Elaboration

Recently, I re-shared an older post from 2008, called “Loser Boyfriend Syndrome.” It occurred to me, that so many awful things happened to turned our lives upside down that I never told the entire story. It was such a difficult time in all of our lives I couldn’t eat, sleep, or write. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I was a mess.

It has taken a lot of courage for me to write about this; not because I’m ashamed or worried that people will know, but because it’s very painful to relive it in my mind in order to put it in ‘writing’. It’s a story that takes place over a 4 year period, and there are many (painful) details I’m leaving out. This is the short version of the story.

Loser Boyfriend, who I have referred to in this blog as “J” will now be referred to as ASSFACE because that’s what he is.

When my daughter, S.R., decided to move out I was thrilled for her. I was still concerned because Assface was still going to be in her life. At that moment though, he was in jail. When he got out of jail, my daughter let him move in with her and my grandbaby. I knew this was going to end badly. I just knew it. It wasn’t long before this piece of shit man got my daughter to “try” meth. I know that she had some say in this matter, but she would have never “tried” it if she hadn’t been with him. She was on the right track until she hooked up with the likes of him.

It wasn’t long until we found out he was cooking meth in the little house she had rented, a house that was supposed to be home for her and her baby boy. He ended up in jail again, she ended up in a rehab place and she could have lost her son. After her stint in rehab (where she was allowed to keep her son with her), she came back home to live with us. She then had to go through drug court and counseling, etc. I thought, as did everyone else, that this would have set her ass straight but it did not. When Assface got out of jail and S.R. finished with her obligations, they moved to another town, about an hour or so away. She was determined to stay with him.

At one point, after a few months, my daughter sent me a few distressing messages. Something about coming to get her….and hurry….and how far are you… I was worried, rightly so. I called the cops as I was driving and asked if they could do a well-being check. They did. Assface was NOT happy about that at all. S.R. and my grandson came home with me because apparently, they had had an argument. After a couple days, Assface came to pick them up and I was told in no uncertain terms that I wouldn’t be hearing from them ever again. I was mortified! And it was 5 months before I heard anything at all.

S.R. changed her phone number, unfriended me on Facebook, and I missed my grandson’s birthday. I sent birthday gifts and never knew if he even got them. I was in a state of panic, as I had no clue if they were dead or alive. No phone calls, no visits, no letters, cards, etc. After 5 months, I got a call from Assface’s step-mom, who told me that he had been arrested.

THANK GOD. But what about S.R.? What about my grandson?

My grandson had been picked up by Social Services and placed in Assface’s father and step-mother’s home. They got temporary custody because they knew people on the inside. I was just happy that he was safe with people that loved him and would take care of him. My daughter was about to spend 2 weeks in jail.

After S.R.’s stint in jail, she STILL didn’t want to let go of Assface! The judge decided that either she would have to give her child up to Assface’s parents to raise or lose any rights to future children. She eventually signed papers, allowing the other grandparents to adopt my grandson. I was happy he was going to be safe but sad at the same time. He’s my grandson, my firstborn grandson.

S.R. moved a couple hours away and went through the drug court, counseling thing again. She lived in a house with others in similar circumstances. She got a good job and started to rebuild her life. This would be the 2nd time she had to start over because of bad choices and….Assface.

So, S.R. was on the right track again, finally. But guess what she did? She got hooked up with another loser boyfriend, who I actually liked and welcomed into our home and our lives. I thought he was a good guy. That’s when my 2nd grandson came into this world. This time, when things went sour….and I mean could have had a disastrous outcome….my daughter had the good sense to leave their home and wait for the cops to come. That was the end of that. She put her child’s safety first. I had never been so proud of her. She ended up starting over yet again….

Now, she’s a single mom, working her butt off and she realizes that she doesn’t need a man to screw things up for her again. I hope someday she meets someone who is as special as she is. She’s my baby girl, my firstborn child.

Not too many people know this bit of history and those who do, unfortunately, know all the horrible details. This was a terrible period in my life. I was down for the count…until I started seeing my therapist. It was my therapist who helped me to realize that none of what happened was my fault. Of course, my head knew it wasn’t my fault…. It was my heart that was feeling the guilt and the shame. It was just broken.

My heart has been healing for the last 6 years now….

Oh, and by the way, Assface is in jail again. Hope they keep his sorry ass this time!

 

 

Author: Deb / Being Aunt Debbie

Single, mother of 2 adult children and grandmother to 3 beautiful grandchildren! I crochet, make jewelry, hand-poured soaps, and what ever else I can get into! I love Medieval History, castles, all things Celtic. I love animals, rock music, Mexican food, writing, learning, and good movies.

6 thoughts on “An Elaboration”

  1. What a sad story !😔
    I understand that it must have been hard for you. But as your therapist said “it wasn’t your fault” some bad choices in life turn very sour.
    I’m glad that everyone is out of this shit.
    😃

    Liked by 1 person

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