A memory from 9 years ago popped up on my Facebook feed today that made me laugh! I always have the oddest and funniest dreams! I don’t even remember this one but that’s what’s great about Facebook Memories!
When we first moved here to SW Missouri, I was on State Aid. When my youngest child started school, I entered the work force. I was on State Aid for about 3 years. After a few months of moving here, I was called in to interview with Child Services regarding the collection of Child Support from my ex. The State of Missouri wanted to recoup what they were sending me each month, rightly so.
A few years later I was sent for another interview in a different town, for the same reason. They hadn’t collected a penny from my ex but not for the reason I thought.
A few years later, I was called in again, in yet a different town for the same damn reason. I asked why, since this was 3rd time I had to go through this process. I was told that there were too many cases and my case had never even been touched. It had been 10 years since we moved out here at that point! This time, the case was handled by a local Family Law attorney. It was handled quite quickly this time but I didn’t know this until one afternoon when the phone rang.
I was outside washing my car when my daughter brought the phone out to me. I asked her who it was and she said, “I don’t know. Some guy.” It was my ex, her father. Imagine a man who supposedly loved his children so much that he couldn’t even say hello to his daughter and ask her how she was, or even tell her who he was! But I digress. He had quite the nerve calling me since I hadn’t heard from him in years. The conversation went something like this:
The first thing out of his mouth was, “You made your point. Can we work something out, please?”
I knew right away who it was and I asked, “What are you talking about?” At this point, I had no idea the state had even caught up to him yet.
“The state of Missouri wants Child Support that I can’t afford. Can we work something out?” He almost begged.
“I didn’t initiate this. The State did. It’s out of my hands. I don’t know what you expect me to do. If you’ve got a court order to pay that amount then making arrangements otherwise isn’t going to negate the order.” I explained.
He emphasized, “I can’t afford to pay this much.” I could almost see his face when he spoke. I had no idea how much the state was asking because I hadn’t even received any paperwork yet.
I told him, “You should have thought about that before…perhaps 10 years ago? If you had been making an effort to support your kids I would have reported that and the amount wouldn’t be so high. Now there are arrears to pay plus regular monthly payments.”
He said, “I’m going to lose my truck and then I won’t be able to get to work.”
“Not my problem,” I snapped.
“It will be when you don’t get your damn Child Support,” he snapped back.
I said, “No, that will still be your problem. Not mine.”
He continued to try to persuade me, “I have two $100,000 Life Insurance policies and the kids are the beneficiaries. I’m going to lose those, too.”
I said, “Still not my problem. You’ve made your own bed here. I can’t do a damn thing about it.” That’s when I hung up.
I know this man well enough to know that he did NOT have any insurance policies of which the kids were the beneficiaries, let alone for $100,000 each. He had accused me so many times about being “all about the money” as he put it. He thought the mention of a high dollar amount would sway me! I have never been one of those women who think only about money! Yes, money was a big problem in our relationship because we didn’t have enough to live! But if I was “all about the money” I would have never even dated him in the first place!
And the fact that he couldn’t afford to pay Child Support was absurd. When I received the paperwork from the state, they had listed his income. He was a truck driver and made good money. When we left him in California, he was making about $900 every 2 weeks and he was making even more at the time of this court order….more than double that amount, in fact. With arrears, the order was for $900some dollars per month. High? Yes, but his own damn fault.
Did he ever pay the Child Support? Well, yes and no.
About 2 or 3 weeks later I received from him, a document that he hired a paralegal to draw up, demanding that I pay for his court costs because he had to go to court in order to get his Child Support reduced to a lesser amount. The legal terms here escape me because it’s been a long time, so forgive the layman speak! I was in total disbelief! How the hell was I supposed to pay his court costs when I wasn’t getting any Child Support? I wasn’t even working at that point because I had started my own home business. I made some calls and was given the mailing address of someone (can’t remember exactly who now) and I sat down and wrote a nice, to the point letter. I explained the situation and said that I had no objections to him receiving a reduced Child Support payment. (I really didn’t want anything from him anyway, so I didn’t care.) I also made sure they knew MY living situation and that I was in no way financially able to pay his court costs.
Not long after that letter went out in the mail, I received a phone call from the person I sent the letter to. She told me, “There’s no judge in his or her right mind who would make you pay for his court costs, so don’t even worry about that.” I was sure glad that was settled!
He had to pay his own court costs and he got his payments reduced to an amount I can’t recall now but he didn’t pay it willingly. His wages were eventually garnished, and I started getting $334 in two payments per month. He lost his job after a while because “his boss didn’t like the paperwork he had to go through to have wages garnished.” That’s the story his mother told me when she called me. Yep. You read that right. She called on his behalf. I’m sure he put her up to it. That’s the story he gave her. I don’t hold it against her though. He is her son, after all.
Way back in 2010, when my daughter was still living at home, we stopped in at a McDonald’s. We were standing in line looking over the menu. My daughter turns to me and asks, “What’s in a Big Mac?” Of course I replied, “Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, on a sesame seed bun!”
Oh, the things I remember from years gone by….and I can’t even remember why the hell I walked into the kitchen!
When we first moved to Missouri, we stayed with my sister and her husband in Illinois for 3 weeks while our house was being readied for move-in. I had never been to this state before, or to Missouri for that matter, so I wasn’t familiar with certain things.
Cicadas were one of those things. I didn’t know anything about cicadas, having been born and raised in good ol’ sunny California. I had seen katydids before but never heard of a cicada. I’ve learned a little since being in “these parts” and now the cicada is just a noisy nuisance.
Annual cicadas are green with bulging black eyes and show up every year but periodical cicadas are orange or brown with red eyes and they show up in swarms. They have very long development cycles and only emerge from the ground when their cycle comes; either 13-years or 17-years. They make a horrendously loud sound and if you want to scare the heck out of a little kid just get close with one of those screaming things!
Cicadas are a great food source for wildlife and they don’t bite. They are not harmful to the environment, unlike locusts. People often confuse the two but locusts are a type of grasshopper while the cicada is the cousin of the cricket.
Now, I have a silly story for you, followed by a couple of videos for informational purposes.
One evening, I was standing at the back door of my sister’s farmhouse. I heard this awful sound and it seemed like it was coming from the power pole just at the edge of the yard. I thought there must be a problem with the power line or something. It was extremely loud and sounded like a vibrating buzz…what electricity might sound like, if that makes sense… I told my brother-in-law, “Mike, I think there’s a problem with your power line.” He put his arm around me and said, “Debbie, those are cicadas.” He grinned from ear to ear! When he told me it was a bug I thought he was screwing with me. I mean, how the hell can a little insect make a noise like that? He was serious and I felt so stupid!
Don’t laugh too hard at my ignorance! If you don’t know something how can you know it, right?! Check out the videos below!
Here in the first video, if you start at around 1:54 you’ll get a good idea of the individual sound. You may think, oh that’s no big deal but these insects are extremely loud, especially when they are in swarms!
This video below shows the cicada from the time they emerge from the ground to the end of their life cycle. Very interesting but rather creepy!
So, while you may have had a good laugh at my expense, maybe you also learned something from the videos! How’d you like those red eyes?
My ex always tried to make ME look dumb. He questioned everything I said, laughed when I voiced my opinion and made fun of things I said.
One time he laughed and made fun of me for saying the word “worsh” instead of “wash.” I have never in my life said “worsh” so he just heard what he wanted to hear. There was no arguing with him; he was right and I was wrong.
Once I had told him about an “obnoxious boy” in the classroom I worked in. He wanted to know what I meant by “obnoxious” and when I proceeded to tell him, he accused me of making up the word! Again, no arguing with him.
It seemed to be one thing after another. I’ll be damned if I can recall everything at the moment. I learned early on to block things out. I wonder if I hadn’t blocked things out if I would’ve stayed with him as long as I did? But I digress.
I do remember some of the words CP used and the way he said them, and GOD FORBID if anyone ever corrected him! He thought he was so smart but yet, I doubt he even knew how to use a dictionary or thesaurus. Actually, I don’t know if he even knew how to alphabetize. I remember telling him about a 5th grade boy I had been working with who was having a hard time mastering alphabetical order. I was trying to find an easy way to help him better understand. CP said, “It isn’t rocket science, so what was is it he doesn’t get?” I went on to explain that the boy understood how but it was groups of words that started with the same letter that had him stymied. (OMG another word I had to explain the meaning of and yet another word I was accused of making up!) “What do you mean, starts with the same letter?” CP asked. I ended up having to explain what I meant and he had some words of wisdom that I can’t recall but it was obvious to me that he had no idea what I was talking about. (Where the hell do we find these mentally and intellectually dysfunctional men, anyway?)
CP often used words that had silent letters which HE pronounced. Case in point: Miscellaneous – which he pronounced with a “k” in place of the letter “c”. I mentioned to him once that the “c” was silent and he insisted it was not and that I should look it up in the dictionary. I would have if we had had a dictionary in the house at that time. He knew we didn’t have one so, there ya go.
I’m not perfect and I’m sure I make spelling and grammar errors, but I make a conscious effort to do it right. I use Grammarly for such things but it doesn’t always catch everything. I certainly don’t use words when speaking unless I know how to pronounce them and what they mean. I try. I admit when I’m wrong. Him? Not a chance.
There were so many words CP pronounced incorrectly or just plain didn’t use properly. Let me give you a list of some of the words I can remember and the way he pronounced them:
Over the years CP and I were together I would learn of many words he didn’t know the meaning of such as oblivion, quintessential, ogle, peevish, finagle, and faux pas, to name but a few.
Boy, Grammarly left all kinds of red marks all over this list! Haha! CP sure as hell shouldn’t have been making fun of me or questioning MY grammar or pronunciation! Do you know someone who pronounces or uses words incorrectly? Wouldn’t you just love to kick them?
Being Aunt Debbie 