I’m A Good Person!!

Have you ever experienced someone treating you as if you were scum of the Earth? Has anyone ever talked down to you or insinuated that you weren’t a good person? I have. I have been treated this way for several years by someone and it has been suggested to me that I cut ties with that person. I can’t see myself doing that because of another person who means the world to me.

I’m not a bad person. I have made mistakes, as everyone has but never mistakes of such magnitude that would make people think I was a bad person. I have regrets, as most people do. I’m definitely not perfect. I have a bit of an attitude when it comes to certain things. I am opinionated. I despise being told what to do. I curse like a sailor. I have little to no patience with drama and bullshit. I sometimes have a short temper. When I was a kid I cut school and got caught stealing. I made prank calls with friends. I got drunk with friends when I was a teenager. I’m definitely flawed; no ands, ifs or buts about it.

But no matter how flawed, I have a big heart. I am very sensitive; empathetic and empathic. I feel other people’s pain and it drains me. I care too deeply about the people in my life. If you cry you will not cry alone because I will cry with you. I am honest and trust-worthy. I am loyal. I would never hurt a child. I have never killed anyone. I don’t do drugs. I’m not an alcoholic. I wear a seatbelt in my car and I always insist others wear one too if they are in my car. I try to show everyone respect until they disrespect me. I love animals. I’m not a bully. I try to help other people if I can. I say please and thank you. I taught my kids to say please and thank you. I’ve been a caregiver most of my life. I try not to judge anyone, but if you’re an asshole, you bet your ass I will judge you on that alone! I’m frugal and I live a simple life. I don’t need expensive things, and I appreciate everything I have.

Regardless of what anyone thinks of me, I am still me. I will walk my own truth and I won’t look back at those people who have judged me unfairly.

I know who I am, and I’m a good person.

 

15 Things About Me You May or May Not Know…. Do You Really Want To Know??

I am reluctant to write this post for fear off coming off as arrogant. It just feels odd to write a personal “about me” post. But, my therapist has told me time and time again to step out of my comfort zone! So here I am and here’s my list of 15 things you may or may not know about me.

  1. I despise people who claim to be Christian but are actually very hypocritical and self-righteous. They present themselves as good and honest but yet they say and do exactly the opposite of what Jesus would do. If you’re going to “talk the talk” then you’d better “walk the walk” is what I say, and very few actually practice what they preach.
  2. I am opinionated, but if I research something or someone helps me to see something I hadn’t seen before, I can and do sometimes change my mind. I tend to form opinions using common sense and logic, rather than political party, religious affiliation or anything else.
  3. I try to be honest and treat people with kindness even when they may not deserve it. I was raised to be respectful of other people, but sometimes when I’m disrespected I let ’em have it!
  4. I swear like a sailor. It relieves frustration. I do have class, though. I don’t just go around blurting out my favorite “F” word in public, on the internet, or if I have guests, although I have slipped a time or two especially when provoked.
  5. I have chronic pain and mobility issues. Many people don’t understand what people with chronic illnesses go through on a daily basis. Everything is a struggle; everything is exhausting. Research “The Spoon Theory” and you will find a very understandable explanation of what it’s like to live with chronic pain.
  6. I have two grown children, male and female, ages 27 and 30 respectively. I have 3 grandchildren, two boys, and one girl.
  7. I use to love to cook and I still would if it weren’t for my pain and mobility issues. I love Mexican food, Italian food and pretty much anything that is spicy!
  8. I live in the Bible Belt of SW Missouri and I don’t fit in. I have more Pagan views than anything else. Most people here are Christians.
  9. I try not to judge people. Everyone has a different journey; everyone has to make different choices in their lives. While I try really hard to NOT be judgmental, I can be at times and not over the things you might think. I don’t care about sexual orientation, religion, or color of skin. (A person’s character is more important to me.) What I will judge someone on is, if they leave a small child in a car (hot or otherwise) for 2 hours. Things like that tell me that a person is a worthless POS and doesn’t deserve children. HOW on EARTH can anyone forget their child is in the car?? I will damn right judge you if you don’t put your children first, all the time!
  10. I listen to hard rock, metal, classic rock, and Celtic music. I almost always have music playing. Music can change my mood from shitty to happy in an instant. Music brings back many memories; some memories I’d like to forget, but past experiences (good and bad) make me who I am. I may not like ME sometimes, but what else can I do but carry on?
  11. My favorite sounds in the world are babies (or small children) laughing, and cats purring!
  12. I am contemplating writing a cookbook, but I have so many recipes it’s rather overwhelming!
  13. I love Medieval History and castles, especially the castles of Scotland!
  14. I love to write although I don’t think I’m particularly good at it.
  15. I have 6 cats and would have more if it weren’t for my disability. It’s difficult the way it is taking care of the 6 I have.

So, I don’t know how any of this sounds to an outsider. I may sound like a complete a**hole. I don’t know. If you want to know more about me, then feel free to ask in the comments and I will do my best to answer!

“Aurora”

Have you ever felt like a total dweeb because of your phone? Or some other electronic device? Perhaps you have an app that drives you nuts or makes you feel stupid?

I had an appointment yesterday and when it was over it was after 1 pm and Dad and I were famished. We were headed to a restaurant we had never eaten at before. I would have Googled it ahead of time, but my therapist had recommended it as my appointment was ending. It was called Texas Roadhouse.

I brought it up on Google maps on my phone and pressed “start” to activate Google’s voice assistance, whom I call “Aurora.” This voice doesn’t have a name at all, unlike Apple’s Siri, Microsoft’s Cortana and Amazon’s Alexa. She’s known only as Assistant. She has no identity. How sad is that? Anyway, I named her “Aurora.” By the end of this search for the restaurant, I was ready to punch “Aurora” in the face!

I proceeded as directed by “Aurora.” Now the exact instructions she gave may be off, but you’ll get the gist.

“Continue on US 160 and take the MO-13 S exit.” 

Done. Easy enough.

“Proceed to left turn lane and turn left onto S. Campbell Ave.”

Done. Ok. This isn’t too difficult. Yay!

“Make a U-turn at El Camino Alto.”

Crap. A U-turn? Why didn’t we just get off the freeway further down, I wondered. Then we wouldn’t have to worry about a U-turn. Ok. U-turn made.

“In 600 feet, turn right onto W. Cardinal.”

Wait. What? What street? Didn’t see any street called Cardinal. Obviously, I missed it.

“Make a U-turn at Republic Road.” What she really meant was, “Now you have to turn around and try again, dummy.”

Ok. Aurora is directing me to turn around. Let’s try this again. Ok, back to the U-turn at El Camino Alto.

“In 600 feet, turn right onto W. Cardinal.” What she really meant was, “Let’s try this again, dumb ass.”

Crap. Where’s the road? There it is but I’m in the wrong lane. Too much traffic. Missed it again.

“Make a U-turn at Republic Road.” What she really meant was, “Are you freaking stupid? You missed it again!”

Here we go again. Got it. Back to that U-turn at El Camino Alto.

“In 600 feet, turn right onto W. Cardinal.” What she really meant was, “Don’t miss it this time you idiot!”

Yeah, yeah. Got it this time. CRAP. Argh!! This road is the freeway! Grrr…… What the heck is going on? Now that I’m back on the freeway, we see the sign for the restaurant. Ok. Now I have an idea where it is, maybe I can find it without “Aurora.” Tried my best to get over there, still kept getting in the wrong place. At this point, “Aurora” is telling to go here or go there, but I am ignoring her. I can hear her screaming at me, “ARE YOU DEAF? You gigantic dweeb!” Of course, she’s not really screaming at me or calling me names, but boy howdy, I bet she was thinking it!

I finally ended up back on the original road and U-turn. Let’s try this again. Before we got to the U-turn, we noticed there IS a road that we missed, but in our defense, it actually looked like a drive way to the Subway located there and the road sign was hard to see.

Ah-ha!!! Made the U-turn, made that right hand turn onto W. Cardinal and we were on our way. Good thing, because we were starving!! There’s the restaurant!! Yay! Pulled up and parked. We wondered why there were no cars in the lot…. Then we read the sign. Dammit! It’s one of those places that open only for dinner: 4 pm to 10 pm. Seriously? It was only 2 pm! Crap. All that work for nothing.

We were just going to go back to the area of town we were familiar with to find a place to eat when we noticed FD’s Grillhouse not too far from the Texas Roadhouse. Sounds like a plan!! It was actually open! Yay!

We both decided on a shrimp platter, mine with batter fried shrimp and Dad’s with grilled shrimp. We both got a baked potato. I had cole slaw and Dad had broccoli. I was so parched I drank 3 glasses of iced tea! Dad had his Merlot. I hate wine. It stinks and tastes awful. I almost had a beer, but I was too thirsty.

When our meal came, it was just in the nick of time! I think my stomach was ready to eat itself. The food was great! The baked potato could have been much hotter but the shrimp was delicious!

I’m glad “Aurora” was no longer ‘with’ us. I don’t think I could stand her judgmental little thoughts (imagined by only me) throughout lunch. Whew! What a day!

 

 

Sticks and Stones and My Scattered Thoughts

I have been called many things over the years. Do I care? No. I really don’t care what people think of me. Ok, that’s not entirely true. I want people to like me. I admit it. We all want to be liked, don’t we? We all want people to accept us for who we are and appreciate what we have to say. So, yeah. I want people to like me. But here’s the catch: If they DON’T like me, I am not going to change to make them happy. If they don’t like me, their problem. I don’t care. They probably aren’t worth the grief they will bring into my life anyway.

I have been accused many times of being immature. Really? Is it because I laugh at myself daily? Is it because I’m unafraid to look like a dork in front of my kids or grand kids? Or is it just the ability to laugh….a lot…..at all the things that happen in life? I try to find humor in everyday things. It just makes life easier.

I think being mature is taking responsibility for your own actions and short-comings. I am a very responsible person. I am not a risk taker. I will not ever jeopardize someone else’s safety. I try to be a good friend, sister, mother, daughter, grandmother, aunt. I try to help others when I can. I will give advice sometimes, sometimes unsolicited advice, but I’m usually trying to help find a solution to a problem. I will admit when I’m wrong but if I believe I’m right, I will stand my ground until someone proves me wrong. If these things make me immature, then so be it.

Some say I’m judgmental. Aren’t we all judgmental to a certain degree? I mean, how do you choose your friends? You make a simple judgment based on what you know about the person. You ask yourself, “Is this someone I want to be friends with?” I don’t know about you, but I have no tolerance for drug addicts and criminals. They ruin other people’s lives and think nothing of it. We all judge others. We all judged Casey Anthony for the murdering monster she is. I have no tolerance for baby killers. When a religious leader preaches against homosexuality and then he, himself, is caught in a homosexual situation, I want to climb the highest mountain and scream! I have no tolerance for hypocrites! What about the habitual liar, who lies so swiftly and competently that he actually believes his own lies? No tolerance. We all have an opinion of certain people, we all have first impressions, we ALL pass judgments. I don’t think I am morally superior to anyone else. It’s just that I, personally, prefer to keep only people in my life that won’t cause me any more drama than need be!

Not too long ago, I was told that a certain person considered me to be ‘stupid.’ Well, let me just say to this certain person, I’m not stupid. I may not have a fancy degree and I really don’t know much about politics or religion. I don’t know anything about cars except how to drive it, fill it with gas, work all the gadgets inside and wash it. I don’t have a legal mind, I’m not a math wiz, a carpenter or a doctor…. but I’m not stupid and I sure as heck know when you’re lying to me! I don’t say anything to your face but I still know you’re lying! I choose not to say anything because I like that you think you’ve pulled the wool over my eyes! 

Last year, I was told that I know nothing about relationships and that’s why I’m alone. Uh. No. First, I’m single by choice. After a failed relationship with the father of my children, I chose to make my children my priority. After all, I was a single parent and I wanted my kids to grow up with a good, strong foundation. Second, I know enough about relationships to know what I want and what I don’t want…and I sure wouldn’t want the likes of some narcissistic jerk in my life…been there, done that.

My daughter use to tell me when she was a teenager that I was overprotective of her and her brother. Protective, yes. Overprotective, NO. I always knew where my kids were, what they were doing and who they were with. If they wanted to go to a friend’s house, I talked to the parents first. If they wanted to invite a friend over, I also talked to the parents. I wanted to make sure we were all on the same page. I wanted to make sure they had adult supervision at all times. I was involved in the kids’ school activities and volunteered in their classrooms when I didn’t have to work. I helped my kids with their homework. We went on picnics, to the zoo, museums and went on nature hikes. We spent a lot of time together. I taught them, fed them, nursed them when they were ill, read to them, played with them. I protected them. Isn’t that what parents are suppose to do??

The one thing I have heard about me that I have to agree with, is that I complain a lot. Yeah. I do. I complain when it’s too cold because it makes my arthritis pain worse. I complain when someone makes a mess in the kitchen and doesn’t clean it up. (What am I? The maid?) I complain about the pipes breaking when it freezes and I can’t take my morning shower. I complain when the phone rings before I even get up in the morning. I complain when something in the house needs to be repaired, which happens quite a lot these days. (Old house.) I complain when one of the cats nearly trips me. I guess I do complain a lot. It’s something I must work on, I admit. I will try and catch myself from complaining so much in the future. Instead I’ll just laugh and make jokes so someone can accuse me of being immature!!