Tag Archives: disabled

Shut In and Shut Out

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When my sister leaves, I’m on my own. That’s not a bad thing necessarily because I’ve always been on my own. I’ve always had to do things on my own. The problem is that I can’t expect Dad to go with me every time I need to go somewhere, and I don’t feel good about leaving him at home, alone.

Now that Walmart is offering “home delivery” in my area (out in the middle of nowhere), I don’t even have to do “curbside” orders anymore. That really helps because it will save money on gas, wear and tear on the car will be minimal, and we don’t have to leave the house.

There are other places I will need to go, such as the Dollar Tree, the local grocery store, clinic for appointments, vet’s office, and perhaps to the hairdresser’s for a much-needed haircut. I have no desire to go anywhere to socialize, so I guess I’m good.

I think we are basically what they refer to as shut-ins. I’m disabled, Dad is elderly, and we rarely leave the house. It’s depressing. I try not to fixate on the issue because it just makes things worse. When we do go out, we’ll have to do one thing at a time. No more doing all errands in one trip to save gas. It’s too much for Dad. On Wednesday, we went out, and it really sucked the life out of him. We went to the Dollar Tree where he insisted he’d walk, then the grocery store for just a handful of items. Again, he insisted he would walk. We then stopped at the pharmacy and the liquor store, both of which had drive-thrus. On to have lunch at one of our favorite places, Vaccaro’s Pizza and Pasta. The next day, Dad was still exhausted. It wasn’t until yesterday that he felt more himself.

So, shut-ins we are. I got to thinking about it, and we are basically shut out, as well. We don’t see relatives who are close enough to visit. We aren’t invited to birthday parties, even though we probably wouldn’t go. An invite would be nice, nonetheless. It would show that they are at least thinking of us. We have both lost touch with friends. Friends who have jobs or take care of their grandkids. Friends who have lives, unlike ours. Ever since I became disabled and Dad became elderly…I don’t even know when that happened…we have drifted away. Anyway, we are shut out of many things.

Things are going to change for us soon. I mean, we may still be shut in and shut out, but we will be moving to the new house. Move-in day is still up in the air, but I can see the end of the tunnel now. My sister will come back to stay, unless she changes her mind. I think I’ve driven her a bit crazy with my bitchiness, but that’s another post.

Until next time,

Little Shits

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I’m starting this month out just great…or ending this year great. Not sure which. This morning at 5:10am I was up to go to the bathroom. After I got settled back in my chair, with ear plugs and eye mask, I was nearly killed by Jack and BobCat, who insisted on fighting. I sleep in my lift chair and the two little shits were bouncing on and off me as they ran through the house. I was getting pissed because Jack is just too aggressive and I was afraid I’d be clawed to death, stuck in the middle of a cat fight. 

So, after they declined to knock it the hell off, I decided to get up and put the fear of God in them. I’m not really sure what happened as I am always very careful. I think I lost my balance trying to put my shoes on. I normally put my shoes on before I stand up. Anyway, I lost my balance and down I went. HARD. On my right thigh/hip. Damn. I cried. 

Dad heard me fall and was horrified! There I was. Sprawled out on the living room floor in tears. I knew nothing was broken but damn, my leg hurt. I thought, how the hell am I going to get off the floor? I have grab bars strategically placed throughout the house for exactly this reason. Little did I know it would still be nearly impossible, for me to get up. I had to scoot about 20 feet to get to the grab bar. Then, because my knees are in such sad shape, I couldn’t bend them to pull myself up. I had Dad bring my shoes, which I call mock crocs, so I could get better traction. Nope. That didn’t work. I had Dad get the gait belt with handles so maybe he could help a little. Nope. Not yet. We have a 3″ step that sits between the kitchen and the laundry room because there’s a 5″ step that’s difficult for me. The 3″ step helps a little. I had Dad bring that over to me and I slid that sucker up under my fat ass. The thought was that maybe if I were up a little higher, that would help. It did help, but poor Dad probably strained himself trying to help from behind, grabbing the handles of the gait belt and pulling me up. Holy crayoli. I was up. It only took 45 minutes. 

Now, I sit here in pain. My right leg is killing me. Nothing broken but holy crap, the spot on my hip where I landed is tender to the touch. By tonight it will be purple, I’m sure. Oh, and my arms will hurt, too. 

Great way to start December or to end the year? Which do you think?

Saturday’s Outing

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Yesterday, Dad and I had a curbside order to pick up and we decided to head over to Vaccaro’s Pizza and Pasta afterward. They always have great food and service and we hadn’t had pizza in ages. We always get other things from the menu, like the stromboli, antipasto salad, or the shrimp basket.

While we were there, I needed to use the restroom. I’m disabled so I desperately need to use the handicap stall – you know, the bigger one with grab bars and a commode that sits a bit higher. Well, this is not the first time but when I went into the restroom, someone was in that stall. OK, so I thought I’d wait a few. I got tired of waiting and I didn’t want Dad to think I had fallen, so I went back to our table. I waited and waited, watching the restroom for that person to leave. Our pizza came, and we started eating. I still needed in the restroom after 25 minutes and it got to the point where I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to use the regular stall. Ugh. I had a hard time, to say the least. I tweaked the pinched nerve in my spine and made it worse. Fml. When I finally made it out of there and went back to our lunch, that’s when the person in the handicap stall came out. I was pissed. Do you want to know why? It was a damn employee who was in that handicap stall! Not a disabled person!! I wonder if she was on her phone while she was doing her business, for crying out loud. You know how that can eat up your time! Good grief!

We ordered 2 pizzas; one to eat there and the other to take home. I separated that pizza and put it in the freezer for later. Plus we still had half a pizza we didn’t eat so I froze that, too! Their pizza is really, really good! So, we had 2 big 16″ pizza boxes to carry out of the restaurant. Mind you, I can’t walk without crutches, which means I can’t carry the pizza. That would fall on Dad. I asked him, “Can you carry those or do you want me to get one of the girls to carry it out for us?” He said, “I can do it but you may have to carry my cane.” Well, I wouldn’t be able to do that easily so he said, “I’m going to go to the restroom and then I’m going to take my cane out to the car.” I told him to be careful because he falls so easily these days. When he came out of the restroom, he came back to our table. I asked, “I thought you were going to take your cane out to the car?” He said, “I did!” I looked down at his cane and back up at him, back down to his cane…He finally looked down and saw he still had his cane. He rolled his eyes and said, “Goddammit! I’m so stupid!” He took it out to the car, and when he came back he was beating himself up for his error. I told him he wasn’t stupid and not to worry about it. Poor old man. I feel so bad for him these days but we usually get a good laugh out of not only his errors, but mine, too. He’s not alone when it comes to doing something screwy! That’s for sure!

Anyway, we headed home to unload our curbside order, which included some Thanksgiving items. Dad and I will stay home and I’ll make us a small dinner of ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, breadmaker bread, and I found these itty-bitty 4″ pies (included in my curbside order) so I got a blueberry, chocolate, pecan, apple, pumpkin, and cherry. They’re a little small but we don’t have to be pigs! Ha!

In case I get real busy or forgetful…

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As we say in my family: Happy Turkey! (Even though Dad and I prefer ham!)

aunt-debbie

Holiday Depression

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I won’t be spending much time online until after the holidays. I may pop in at times to read a blog or two, perhaps even comment. Facebook is my go-to for staying in touch with friends and family but during the holidays it’s just depressing. It’s depressing to see posts and photos of family get-togethers, grandkids having fun, and all that good stuff. Why? I’ll explain.

When I was in my 40s and my kids were nearing the age of adulthood, I always envisioned my 50s and 60s with grandkids all around me during the holidays with good food, laughter, and gift-giving. But that didn’t happen. I’m in my 60s and disabled so I can’t travel to see the grandkids, contrary to what some may think. They don’t travel to see us, so I feel even less important and lonely. I have 4 grandchildren within 20 miles and rarely see them. One I haven’t seen in years. One I saw last year and didn’t even recognize her because it had been that long since I saw her last. I see the other 2 (brothers, one is a baby) mostly during the holidays for a few hours. The baby I have seen only once. I will see them this coming week if everything goes as planned.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m taking things too personally but I feel like everyone else gets to enjoy my grandkids while I sit on the sidelines. And poor Dad. He doesn’t even have a relationship with any of his great-grandkids! I see photos of them on Facebook and I love seeing those photos but damn, it’s so depressing! So that’s why I’m going to stay off Facebook until after the holidays. I hate the holidays. I truly, truly hate the holidays.

I’ve not been doing well physically for the past few weeks. I did some major chores and really messed something up. I have pinched nerves as a result. I can’t sit still any longer than I can walk or stand. My rotator cuff injury has been bothering me off and on as well. I’m a hot mess.

Dad is doing ok, aside from falling twice in less than a week. He didn’t hurt himself except for a bruise on his arm. I’m really worried about him and that’s leading to a lot more stress and sleepless nights.

The 3 furbabies are doing well and believe it or not, Jack and BobCat are actually getting along quite well these days! I think they may have had a scuffle or a powwow one day while we were gone because there are times that Jack cowers down to BobCat. Maybe they have come to an agreement of some kind?! Or maybe Alice told them to knock off the horseshit.

I’m making a ham in the instant pot on Thanksgiving, and I’ll whip up some mashed potatoes (the day before) and gravy. I bought pre-made frozen pies because my oven is dead and well, I can’t stand in the kitchen for long. My son and daughter-in-law are bringing the sweet potatoes, rolls, and green bean casserole, (and the 2 grandkids!). My bestie is bringing appetizers. I hope my pain level will allow me to enjoy the day or at least a few hours.

I won’t be blogging until after the holidays so I will wish you a Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year all at once! Thank you for following my blog!

Peace, Love, and Rock n Roll,

BAD

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

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Well, I’m back after sporadic posts over the past few months – I’ve just not been motivated to do much in the line of writing. I don’t know why. I have a lot to say but when it comes right down to it, I always wonder, “Who really cares what I have to say?” I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling that way.

Anyway, here I sit…the keyboard beckoning me to write and my fingers, which seem to have dyslexia these days, refusing to cooperate! What can I say, to start out 2022?

First, I’ll just say I hope everyone reading this has had a great start to the new year. If you’ve made a New Year’s Resolution, don’t be too hard on yourself. I learned a long time ago to make small changes as I go. If you want to make changes in your life, you don’t have to make huge changes all at once. Take it one day at a time because life just gets in the way sometimes. As they say, shit happens. If things don’t work out one day, then start again the next day.

The holidays are always an emotional time for me. I was able to spend Thanksgiving with my bestie and my son and his family. It was a nice day but it took me 2 1/2 weeks to recover. I tried not to overdo it; almost everything we had that day was pre-made or semi-homemade. Still, it was too much for my legs to handle. Christmas was nice, with my son and his family, lots of laughs, and my grandson is beginning to warm up to us. We made pizza (semi-homemade) and my grandson was happy to help! He made his very own personal pizza!

Another thing on my mind, besides the same ol’ crap with Covid, is the absolute rudeness of some folks. Online, all you seem to see are comments that are not only unnecessary but mean and/or rude as hell. Most people wouldn’t say those things to a person’s face but online, I guess they think it’s just fine. I do not.

Yesterday, I was at my bestie’s place and I had parked in one of the front spots reserved for the handicapped. I have my handicap placard displayed as required for parking there. I was there for maybe an hour, if that, and when I came out there was someone parked behind me, blocking me in. I was pissed. How can anyone think that it was ok to do this? I can see if you had to run something in real quick but that was not the case. My bestie came out to find out who the owner of the car was and it was the apartment manager’s car for Pete’s sake! She pulled out so I could leave and as I left I saw her pull back into the same space. Clearly, she was not just running in real quick nor was she disabled. Who would think it’s was ok to block someone in like that? Apartment manager or not, it’s just plain rude. So sick of rude people.

I’ve been feeding a stray cat, since last year. His name is BobCat because he has a bobbed tail. He’s very sweet and I wish I could bring him in the house but it just won’t work with Jack. Jack is very aggressive and has slipped out the door a few times. Each time, the first thing he does is attack BobCat. Aside from the fighting, BobCat is an intact male and would probably pee all over the house which would lead to Jack peeing all over the house so NO, that’s not going to happen. I’d like to get BobCat neutered but I just don’t have the extra funds for that. Anyway, with the weather getting colder and colder now, poor BobCat is outside with minimal shelter and warmth. He has a small doghouse with a soft bed as padding and lots of straw but I’m sure it still gets cold in there. I just can’t help but feel bad. I wish I could afford to buy a better system for him. I pray he can stay warm enough through the winter.

There are other things on my mind, always, but that’s enough for now. I’m just trying to get back to writing, even if it’s just a little each day.

Now, tell me… What’s Eating You?