Tag Archives: Christmas

Saying No To Holidays

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Someone asked me yesterday how Dad and I would spend the holidays. I said, “I don’t know,” but the truth is, I don’t care to celebrate at all. Screw the holidays. There’s no one to celebrate with. I refuse to celebrate with people who belittle me, judge me, think the worst of me, or steal my energy. It’s just Dad and me against the world, as always.

I thought things would be different this year. I thought we would be in the new house by now (it now looks like January or February) and that my sister would be here to help us. My sister is not coming back. My son is 15 miles away, but apparently, he doesn’t think enough of us to even check on us, by text, DM, or otherwise. My best friend is no longer my best friend, so we won’t even be having the “friendsgiving” we had talked about having every year.

I loved the holidays when my kids were little. The little things, like gifts they made in school, or watching the excitement on their faces as they opened their own gifts, were among the best things about the holidays. It was fun! One year, I even wrapped every single framed photo in the living room with colorful wrapping paper and bows to decorate the house! Imagine the kids’ surprise when they came home from school to see this! As they got older, the fun was gone.

These days, I despise the holidays. All of them. Every holiday brings back memories and brings on waves of grief and loss. This year for Christmas, the grandkids will get a little something from Dad and me. That is IF we have the money to do even that. Every penny seems to be going toward the new house, and that’s great IF we won’t have to spend another winter in this dilapidated dump we call home.

Emotions and Memories at Christmas Time

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I want to share with you something a friend of mine wrote and posted on Facebook. It’s something that really resonated with me. Holidays are a lonely and somewhat sad time for me and for my dad. I don’t expect things to be the same as they used to be but it’s sad that things are not what I had envisioned for us. Anyway, be thoughtful and kind to people during the holidays. 
 
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This time of year can be a whirlwind of emotions. For some, it’s a season of joy—family gathered together, no empty chairs, laughter filling the air, and the ability to give generously. For others, it’s a season marked by change, loss, or longing.
 
Maybe you’ve lost someone you love, and their absence feels heavier during these days. Perhaps a relationship you cherished has ended, or your children are grown and celebrating miles away. Life has a way of throwing us twists and turns, and Christmas often becomes a time when we feel the weight of what *used to be.*
 
It’s funny how we mark our lives with these memories—those magical Christmas mornings with little feet running to the tree or the quiet nights when everything just felt *right*. And while life changes, those memories remain. They remind us of love, of joy, of the beauty in what we’ve had and, hopefully, what is still to come.
 
If this Christmas looks different for you, know this: you are not alone. Whether your heart is full or a little heavy, take a moment to breathe, to reflect, and to hold onto the hope that brighter days are ahead.
 
Sending love to each of you this holiday season. May we all find a moment of peace, no matter where life has taken us. 
 
“Christmas isn’t just a season; it’s a mirror that reflects both the joy we hold and the love we miss, reminding us to cherish the moment we’re in while carrying hope for what’s to come.”
 
 
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Merry Christmas, friends! 

aunt-debbie

This and That, Update

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I haven’t posted in over a week. I’m focusing on the holidays and getting shopping done. Online shopping, that is. I cannot handle crowds.

After my fall last week, I’m doing much better. Read Little Shits if you missed the post. By lunchtime that day, my bruise was about 6″ x 3″ and a very pretty and bright purple, my favorite color! It is still rather sore but a little itchy so it must be healing.

A few days ago, we got a call regarding our storage unit we’ve had for many years. Apparently, someone cut the lock off. I thought we’d probably lost everything inside the unit. My kids’ childhood books and my Christmas decor, including personalized ornaments from my kids’ childhood, were the things I was concerned about the most. There are a bunch of other things in there as well, but those were the most important to me/us. Anyway, to our surprise, nothing had been disturbed. Unless of course the thief removed shit he wanted and put everything back the way it was. Highly unlikely! We had a hard time getting the unit open because of the rusty slide so I think the thief gave up because he couldn’t get it open or got spooked when a car pulled in or something and took off before he could get it open. Whatever the circumstance, I’m grateful things weren’t disturbed.

Months ago, I was told to drink a lot of water and to watch my sodium intake. I had been watching my sodium big time, because it helps with swelling and inflammation. Watching sodium is difficult especially since I can’t stand in the kitchen and prep/cook healthy meals so I rely on premade frozen meals. So to watch my sodium I had limited choices. As for the water, I’ve never been much of a water drinker so I drink coffee, tea and water. Basically, the same as always. They say tea and coffee are not as dehydrating as was reported previously. They are made with water, after all.

Anyway, I had a CBC last month and my results were wonky. My blood sugar was high, probably the result of Thanksgiving goodies, and my sodium was too low. My NP suggested I cut my water intake by 8 oz. and come back in a month for another lab visit. Ok, fine. I stopped watching my sodium and cut back my carbs and sugar. I went back for labs and the results came back perfect! Well, slap me silly. I can’t win. I can tell when I have had too much sodium because it becomes harder to walk, even with my crutches, and my pain level is higher. I can’t seem to get a definitive answer from my NP about how much sodium I really need. I know it needs to be on the lower end of the scale but it’s so hard to do.

We finally have a little hope! My daughter-in-law referred a guy to us to work on the new house. I’m not sure when he will start, considering it’s the holidays. According to Dad, the guy seems to know what he’s talking about construction. He has 2 sons that will help, too. Maybe by next Christmas we’ll be in the new house. I pray for that so hard. I can’t die in this dump of a house we’re in now and you may think it’s not that bad but it is! It’s embarrassing. If you were to drive by, you’d think, “Surely no one lives in that place!” Oh, but they do! Very uncomfortably, I might add! Anyway, please think good thoughts for us and pray with me that things will finally get done!

I bought each of the furbabies a faux-furry blanket. BobCat hasn’t been out of his since he got in it and Jack discovered his in his favorite spot and was happy to try it out. Alice, on the other hand, is being stubborn as hell and wants nothing to do with hers. There always has to be a stubborn one in the bunch.

Well, that’s all for now, friends. Merry Christmas! Eat, drink and be merry. You can diet afterward. Wink, wink.

aunt-debbie

That Time of The Year, Again

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I am not looking forward to the holidays. I haven’t enjoyed them as much as I used to since way back in 2009. Some things happened that were beyond my control but, well, let’s just say that it took a therapist to help me get through them. I have blogged about that time of my life here before so I won’t go into it again.

When I was in my early 40s I looked forward to my 50s and 60s when my family would all gather together for the holidays. I always thought I’d have my children and grandchildren all around me. I envisioned reading Christmas stories to the grandkids and watching them hang their personalized ornaments on the tree. I could see the joy of the holidays in their eyes and the excitement of opening gifts. I loved the idea of sharing great food, movies, and traditions. To me, Christmas has always been about family.

Thanksgiving is all about family, too, in my opinion. I imagined having my family all around a big, crowded table, enjoying good food and good times. We’ve had my son and his family here for those dinners and my bestie (at the time) would come and we all had a good time. My bestie decided she was no longer interested in coming for those dinners, and recently I ended that friendship (for other reasons) so there are even fewer people at my imaginary table.

I don’t look forward to the holidays anymore. My life is filled with pain, mobility issues, and the stress of caring for my Dad. My grandkids are here and there, and the nearest hardly even know me. It’s depressing when I think about it so I try not to. But the holidays force the thoughts.

It’s lonely. There’s no joy in the holidays anymore. Sure, we’ve had ham or turkey dinners and a few gifts but I haven’t put up a tree in years. The last time I did, it was a small 1 footer, but I don’t even bother with that anymore. I don’t bother putting decorations up and I don’t even care to keep up the old traditions, or even the newer ones. Why bother with any of it if the kids and grandkids won’t be around to enjoy it with us?

This year, the grandkids will get a gift or 2 from Dad and me, and my kids will get a copy of my cookbook, (that I dedicated to them in the first place). Other than that, nothing special is planned. No tree, no celebration, no traditions, no big feast, no nothing.

Dad and I will stay home and eat junk food. Just kidding. Most likely, I will make simple meals or we’ll go out and eat. It’s depressing being alone and I know Dad feels it, too. He has great-grandchildren who don’t even know him for Pete’s sake! It’s a shame because Dad loves kids and would love to have his great-grandkids around him.

I won’t complain anymore. We’ll get through it; we always do. 

Merry Christmas, My Friends

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Although today is Christmas Eve, my Christmas is over. Dad and I had ours yesterday with my son and his beautiful family. We had a nice visit and our family’s traditional Christmas Eve with pizza, pizza balls, and popcorn cake. We opened gifts and after a great afternoon, we left.

The only thing missing was our tradition of watching Christmas movies, as we did when my kids were little. The Santa Claus, Trapped In Paradise, Bad Santa, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Home Alone, and the originals Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and The Grinch Who Stole Christmas were among our favorites. Of course, the list changed over the years as movies such like Bad Santa were inappropriate for little ones!

It’s been a rough couple of months and it was nice not to worry about a holiday meal or cleaning for guests. I think my days of hosting family get-togethers are over. Last year, I put out a charcuterie board and even that was hard on me. So, I really appreciate my son and his wife having us over this year. No stress, no mess. I wish I could say no pain, but I’ll always have pain to deal with.

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Have a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, my friends. I hope your celebration is filled with peace, love, and laughter!

BAD