Category Archives: Ramblings

This and That / Updates

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I am happy to say that my Dad is getting stronger by the day! He’s being brave, getting up and walking on his own with his cane, but without my sister or me to help him. He doesn’t venture far, just to the bedside commode or bathroom and back. His burns are healing nicely. Bandaging is at a minimum now. His feet are still swollen. Lack of movement is likely the cause. He needs to be up and down more. He’s restless. He’s bored as heck. He’s still watching the news nearly 24/7 as he did before. I am ready to pull my hair out! By the end of the month, we hope to have him back in a real bed, not a hospital bed. He says, “That thing is uncomfortable as hell.” Needless to say, he’s not getting a lot of sleep…unless of course he’s in his chair!

No drama for the last few weeks, thank goodness. I have enough stress and anxiety to deal with, and Dad sure doesn’t need it.

Our car is still in the shop. I took it in last Thursday for a/c repair. They said the evaporator needed to be replaced, which means the whole dash has to come out. I was told it’s an 8-hour job, but here it is a week later. When I called the other morning, I was told that the guy who was working on it had a family emergency and had been out. They are bringing in another guy to take over. I was hoping to have our car back because I’m used to driving it. This Eco Sport loaner is rather cool to drive, but it’s a bit too high off the ground for me and the driver’s side floor space is lacking…in space. The accelerator and brake pedals are very close together, and there’s not much space for movement. On the bright side, it’s the perfect height for Dad and his long legs!

We had an appointment yesterday with a nephrologist (kidney specialist) and it was the worst experience we’ve ever had with a doctor! The story deserves a post of it’s own so be on the lookout for that!

Last week, I had a guy (we’ll call him Guy #2) come out and look at the new house. We need to get the damn thing finished asap! Guy #1 has excuses, like how sick he’s been, but he’s still working other jobs. What the hell, right? That doesn’t piss me off as much as the non-communication. Months with not as much as a text. He finished painting the interior and then went MIA. I finally had to tell him literally, “It would take less than a minute for you to text me and let me know what is going on.” Then he got pissy with me. Ok, fine. Guy #2 comes out and looks at the house and says he can do it, but he’d have to hire a lot of it out (like the septic system and circuit breaker box), so it would cost us more. Then I found Guy #3, who came and said he could do it. He is going to get me some estimates on the individual things that need to be done. He also said that things would be slowing down for him and could probably start working on it soon. We’ll see. I haven’t received any estimates yet. I don’t put much faith in what people say these days.

My sister is still here, and I don’t know what I will do without her. I mean, Dad is stronger now and tired of us hovering, but he still needs help. Let’s face it, I’m walking with crutches, so my “help” is limited. My sister has done most of the work around here. She will be leaving Dad and me on our own in mid-September. I’m going to miss her, but I know she has a job and furbabies to go back to. On the bright side, though, when the new house is livable, she and her furbabies are coming to stay.

Stay tuned for the next post!

Stronger and Better

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If you’ve been following my blog, you know that my Dad suffered a fall and heat stroke on July 4th. I was worried that he would be leaving this world. I was not sleeping or eating. I was a nervous wreck. A lot of drama happened. It was exhausting.

I was back and forth to the hospital in our car, which was in dire need of repair. I didn’t know how bad it actually was until several weeks later! When my sister and I were finally able to take the car in, we were told that it was too dangerous to drive and that we were lucky to have made it there! We were urged NOT to drive it home (they wouldn’t be able to get it done in the short time left in the day), and we were promptly given a ride home. The bands in the tires were twisted, and one was ready to explode! A rod was bent, and some other crazy shit I was not expecting. I mean, you can’t tell by looking at the car, but Dad and I regularly take it in for check-ups, tune-ups, oil changes, and all that good stuff. I can’t understand why it was so bad. Anyway, the problem has been fixed. The bill was a whopping $1,371.52!!

Next, the a/c has been out of commission for a couple of years, and Dad never wanted to spend the money on it. Ok, I get it. But now, after Dad’s heat stroke, it needs to be fixed! I cannot take him to his appointments in this heat! I took it in a week ago to have them look at it. Instead of it being the condenser (as we were told by another mechanic), it turned out to be the evaporator. I had to bring the car home again, with no a/c because they need all day to get it done. That will cost another $1,300 or more because they have to pull out the dash, and the whole process is a huge job. I am bringing the car in first thing in the morning and getting a loaner because there’s no way I’m sitting there all day long! Then, I have to get a safety inspection on the car. Does this shit never end?!

Dad has weekly visits from a Home Health Nurse, Physical Therapist, and Occupational Therapist. He has really come a long way since he first came home. He stands on his own and walks with a walker. He’s really bored out of his skull because he can’t do anything without me or my sister. He’s not quite ready for that. He has a little ways to go, and then he will be able to sleep in a real bed instead of that stiff and uncomfortable hospital bed. I’d say a few more weeks, and then my son can come get the damn thing.

With my sister’s help, the living room can go back to the way it was, and I can get the bedroom ready for Dad. I’ll wash the bedding and remove some boxes of stuff. I know he’s ready to sleep in a real bed!

I called a couple of guys to come look at the new house. Since the first guy decided that other jobs were more important than finishing ours, I had no choice but to seek out other contractors. One guy came out yesterday. He knows our remaining budget and thinks he can get the house livable for us. The other guy will come by this weekend. Maybe between the two, we will be ready to move into our new home in a couple of months. I guess that will also depend on when they can start.

I can honestly say, while Dad is getting stronger and better, so am I. I refuse to ask certain people for help. I will never ask for help again just to have things thrown in my face later. I don’t need people in my life who pull that petty shit with me.

I will keep you all posted! With any luck, 2025 will end with us getting some good luck instead of bad for a change!

Until next time,

Why Do People Start Blogging?

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I can’t speak for every blogger out there because they all have their own reasons for blogging. Some of those reasons are:

  • to share expertise and knowledge
  • to share recipes
  • to build their brand
  • to generate income
  • to connect with family members
  • to connect with like-minded people

That’s just to name a few. I write a blog to express my feelings. I write to release the stress of everyday life. I write about personal opinions, my own experiences, and feelings. No one has to agree, and my perception of events or ideas might differ from others. Do I get myself in hot water writing such a personal blog? I do.

Having said that, I recently posted about something that happened that pissed some people off, even though no names were mentioned. I pulled the post at the request of someone who means a lot to me. That will not happen again. This is MY blog and I write what I want. I’ll always write what I want. I will also fight for the right of others to write what they want. This is America, after all.

I started blogging back in 2008, when my daughter was in a relationship that I knew would end badly. I was stressed and worried, and writing about everything I was feeling really helped. Writing made me feel calmer, so I continued and haven’t stopped. I have connected with so many people who’ve been able to relate to what I’ve written over the years. I may not have helped anyone with their problems, but just maybe I helped them feel not so alone when shit hits the fan. We are all going through life without a handbook, you know?

When I write about events involving specific people, I never use names. This keeps people anonymous. No one knows who they are. I’m not interested in exposing anyone’s identity. I’m just writing about my experiences, feelings, and my perception. Those things aren’t necessarily going to be the same for everyone involved. People perceive things differently.

Do you have a blog? Please share your link in the comments and tell readers why you decided to start blogging!

Stress, Worry, and Pain

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Where to start?! So much has happened in the last week, it’s just kind of a blur. I’ll start on July 4th, which seems like such a long time ago!

Last Friday, Dad and I headed out for a Walmart curbside order. We picked up our order, stopped for gas, and headed home. When we got home, Dad said he had to pee but that he wasn’t going to make it to the toilet so he stepped to the side of the yard and did his business. We live out in the boonies, so there’s no one around to see anything. While Dad was doing his thing, I was unloading the trunk and putting our groceries in the utility cart so we could lug it into the house. All of a sudden, I heard a yell, and when I looked up, Dad was on his hands and knees trying to get up.

He wasn’t injured, and he was coherent. He had just lost his balance and went down. He’s been doing this off and on for the last year or so but never outside. I rushed over to help but there’s nothing for him to hang onto in order for him to help me help him get up. Does that make sense? I tried and tried to get him up, but it just wasn’t working. I hobbled myself into the house to get the bathlift, which is like the lift they advertise on tv for the elderly when they fall. The only difference is that the bathlift is heavier. I tried to help him get his butt on the seat but he couldn’t sit up enough for it to work. He got so weak trying to get up that he just couldn’t anymore.

I called 9-1-1 at this point because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do this without help. I told the dispatcher I needed help getting him off the ground and to please hurry because he’s in the sun! I was almost in a panic when Dad became unresponsive. There he was lying there IN THE SUN, and I was helpless. I grabbed our wet towels we had in the car (to help us stay cool because the a/c is on the fritz) and I wet them down more, and laid them across Dad’s head and back to help keep him cool. The ambulance was taking its sweet time! I called 9-1-1 again. The dispatcher asked for the address again. I told her AGAIN. I think I called 3 times and each time I told her that Dad was on the ground and IN THE SUN, and that I couldn’t get him up.

By this time, our neighbor, Mike, who is a volunteer firefighter, came to help. Two other helpful men came over, also volunteer firefighters, but honestly I have no clue who showed up first. We got more towels to drape over him and one guy had an umbrella he used to keep the direct sun off of Dad.

Finally, the ambulance came. One of the paramedics told me that the dispatcher gave them the wrong address, plus she never relayed the message that this was a heat related incident. I am so angry at that woman! They took Dad to the hospital. I was so hot and stressed out by then, I went inside and jumped in the shower, A COLD SHOWER, to be exact. I just sat there on the shower chair and cried as I cooled off. It was awful. I prayed that Dad would be ok. Then off to the hospital I went.

I had to talk to so many people, and I was dehydrated, so my mouth and throat became so dry I couldn’t talk unless someone brought me some water. They did, and it helped, but not very much. They took Dad to ICU and then they brought me to the ICU waiting room. At this point, I started texting people to let them know what had happened. It didn’t look great for Dad. He was still unresponsive and his temperature had been at 104 degrees when he came in. They were able to get his temp down to normal and he was on all kinds of IV drips and holy crap, it was awful seeing him like that! He was also on a ventilator. He suffered severe burns on his calves from the fabric of his pants touching his skin. IT WAS THAT HOT.

I don’t remember who came first. It could have been my son, since he lives closest but I can’t be sure. The grandkids (Dad’s great grandkids) started coming. I was so overwhelmed by everything, it’s just so blurry. The next day, my sisters and my brother in law came in from Tennessee. My daughter had just been here a couple of weeks before this happened. She had been worried that something would happen and that she’d not been able to see him. I’m glad she came when she did. Work interfered with her coming at this time because she just started as manager of a new Pizza Hut when she got home from her visit.

As the days have gone by, Dad has slowly showed improvement. He came off the vent with a throat sore he couldn’t talk. As the swelling came down, his speech improved. Still not at 100% so it’s a little hard to understand him. He had been on a diet of puree and thickened liquids until yesterday, when they changed it to a mechanical diet. That means he can eat things like meat but it looks like it’s been chewed up already. LOL. His burns are healing. They took him off the IV drips yesterday. They have had him up walking. It tires him out terribly but he’s doing better.

As I was leaving yesterday, they were getting a regular room ready for him. From here they want him to get some physical therapy to make him stronger so we found a place closer to home that takes his insurance. He will be moving there soon, but it’s only temporary, until he’s stronger and can come home. Please pray that he does well enough to come home.

In case you don’t know, I am disabled and can only walk with crutches. This proved to be very difficult for me to get across the hospital parking lot to the building. Every day. When my sisters were here, my youngest sister got a transport chair and pushed me around, making it easier on me. After they left though, I was on my own. I am not strong enough to get my wheelchair in the car otherwise I would have been able to wheel myself around. They have a guy that drives a cart around the parking lots, giving people rides but I had a difficult time getting on and off of that thing so I just walk. I’m in so much pain I just want to sit on my ass and not move at all. This morning my arms and shoulders are sore from using the crutches, I assume. I was going to go see Dad today, but I don’t think I can do that walk again.

I may have forgotten some details but I think you can understand all that happened. It’s been such a short time but it seems like it’s been weeks. I miss Dad not being home. It’s been difficult, mentally and physically. Tomorrow’s my birthday and Dad won’t be here. We don’t celebrate our birthdays really but it’s many, many years (30+) that he’s not been here on my birthday. It seems so strange.

I now need to figure out how I can get that new house finished so when Dad comes home it’s to a nice house instead of a dump. That’s the focus. My family might be coming back and I think they will help me get things figured out. Fingers crossed that all goes well. I will keep you all posted as best I can. Please pray for us!

Until next time,

PS I apologize for spelling and grammar errors. I’m lucky I can even see straight at this point.

Ashamed

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I used to feel ashamed that I was (and still am) on Medicaid. I never dreamed I’d end up disabled and dependent on anyone, let alone State Aid. It’s not my fault. I busted my ass at several jobs along the way and my last was self-employment. I had my own home business and busted my ass trying to make a living. In the end, over a decade later, I had to close my business because I just couldn’t do the work. I had to jump through hoops just to get on SSI, but I qualified for Medicaid after they verified my medical need.

So, here I sit. I am on SSI and receive a small retirement income, but the combination of the two still isn’t enough to live on if I were to live alone. I get SNAP (Food Stamps), but that’s not enough for an entire month. Seriously.

As I was saying, I used to feel ashamed that I receive any kind of aid because of the judgemental bullshit people spew. Some seem to think that “people can get a job instead of relying on taxpayers” blah, blah, blah. You’ve probably heard it all. No, what I’m ashamed of now is not that I’m on State Aid but the fact that our fucking worthless piece of shit asshole so-called president has made sure to strong-arm his party into compliance to pass that Big Beautiful Bill, that isn’t beautiful at all! So many cuts will be underway, and millions of people are going to lose whatever help they get because of it. I may lose what I get, and then what do I do? I know many people are worse off than I am, but I can’t afford to pay out of pocket for doctor visits, or the medications I need to be able to function. With soaring prices, it will be harder than ever on my measly income.

Does the Republican Party care? Hell no. They’re more worried about DJT calling them names or removing them from committees or whatever the hell they think he can do to them. Why don’t they just grow a pair and stand up to him? I think they actually like the fact that they (Republicans) have control and not the Democrats. They will do anything to keep that control. But you know what? They’re going to be voted out and replaced with Democrats come the primaries. Good. I’m sick of their bull shit. I could go on and on about what they’re doing, but that’s another post.

This post is about how ashamed I am of Republican politicians, DJT, Republican voters, and yes, even the Democrats, for allowing such a deplorable man to run for POTUS. I’m ashamed of this country for allowing that man to take such a hold on people. I’m ashamed of people for letting him brainwash them. I’m ashamed that they’re so stupid they can’t think for themselves and SEE what he is doing.

If you voted for that piece of shit, then I’m ashamed of you, too.