Category Archives: Health

My Ordeal – Part Two

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If you haven’t read Part One, you can find it here: https://beingauntdebbie.com/2015/07/11/my-ordeal/

Last month, I realized my appointment for the second EGD/Colonoscopy was coming up! Immediately, I started to worry. My anxiety level went up. I started obsessing over what was going to happen. I was having some digestive issues for months and I started to wonder if there really was something wrong with me. Could my doctor have been right all along?

I Googled my symptoms – bad idea – and thought I might have Crohn’s or Celiac. Maybe it was Ulcerative Colitis or Diverticulitis. The information I found was telling me that many people don’t have symptoms or maybe just one. I kept going around and around with my thoughts. I was arguing with myself. I was no longer having low iron issues. I hadn’t been retested BUT I was no longer experiencing extreme fatigue or insomnia. My diet had improved since my hernia repair surgery and I had stopped taking the iron supplements. If I had blood loss inside, as my doc said was a possibility, wouldn’t I still be extremely fatigued on a daily basis, especially since I stopped the iron supplement? Then I thought of the dreaded “C” word. I prayed every night for weeks, “Please God, don’t let it be cancer. Let it be anything else, but not cancer.” All the research I did, all the talking to myself, all the worrisome thoughts I had, did me no good at all. I had myself worked up into a frenzy by the time the procedure date came!

When the hospital contacted me for registration/admit information, I was instructed not to take my pain medication. Here we go again! I told the woman I had already spoken with the doctor and he said I could take it. She argued with me. “Oh no, ma’am. You can’t take that medication. It’s an NSAID.” I told her, “I know what it is and I already talked to the doctor about it. He told me I could take it. In fact, I had just a few days prior to this called him and verified that as fact.” This went on for a good ten minutes. I told her to call him and ask him herself! She said, “We aren’t allowed to do that ma’am. You will need to contact him personally and verify.” I was getting a little – ok a LOT aggravated – and I said firmly and probably a little too loudly, “I already have!” She dropped it and we went on with the registration/admit process. Thanks for adding to my anxiety, you argumentative twit.

Procedure day came. Stressed and ready to run, we headed on to my appointment. I knew they were going to put me completely under. I had had my surgery just a few months ago and didn’t have a problem with anesthesia. I shouldn’t be worried about this! The nurses were nice and tried to make me comfortable. They assured me it was going to be fine. That’s what they said the last time and look what happened!

Another nurse came in and proceeded to tell me about the “twilight” drug. I screamed inside my head. I told her right away that I was going to be put completely under with anesthesia. She argued with me. I told her I wanted to talk to the doctor. I also told her, “If they are planning on using the “twilight” drug then I am leaving!” She told me the doctor probably won’t see me before the procedure but I can talk to the anesthesiologist. Better than nothing, I suppose. I don’t have to do this, I kept telling myself.

After they took me to the holding area, the doctor DID come in to talk with me! Boy! Was I relieved! He said he remembered my case well and he told me that I was going to be completely asleep. I told him that I needed some assurance that if I wasn’t completely asleep, if I woke up, or if I cried out then he would stop immediately! He said he would definitely stop but he didn’t think we would have any issues. I explained how traumatic it was for me the last time. He understood. Whew!

The anesthesiologist came in next, and I verified again that he was going to put me completely under. I wasn’t going to chance that they were both on the same page!! Thankfully, they were on the same page, and then they rolled me to the procedure room. I’m still screaming inside! I’m scratching from the inside out, trying to find a way out of this! I couldn’t believe I was willingly going to let them do this to me again!! 

It wasn’t long before my lights went out. Thank goodness! I’m not really sure how long it took. I lost track of all time. I woke up coughing, coughing, coughing. I didn’t think I would ever stop. It took awhile to get that ‘stuff’ out of my lungs! Oh, and the gas! The wonderfully loud flatulence you get afterward! (They have to pump air into your colon so they can see better!) I really didn’t care how loud I was. They did this to me, they can suffer the consequences!! 

They took me back to my room after I was completely awake and aware. I was relieved that this was finally OVER! I wondered how I got a bit upper lip though. Curious. It was puffy and hurt like hell. If that was the only damage, then I was ok with that! But, I hadn’t asked about the results. I was afraid to ask. Should I ask? Dad was there and I knew the doctor had talked to him afterward. I had to ask him what they found, as scared as I was to know. Just as long as it’s not cancer!! I finally got the courage to ask. Dad told me the doctor said he didn’t find anything whatsoever! Not even one single polyp! Most people my age usually have a couple polyps. Not me! No biopsy had to be done. No cancer, no colitis, no diverticulitis, no Crohn’s, no Celiac. No inflammation. No bacteria. You know that part of me that was scratching from the inside out trying to find a way out of this? I was now jumping for joy as if I was on a trampoline!! Now, where’s my clothes? I’m going home and you can’t stop me!

I slept like a happy, fed, and dry baby that night! Never woke up once. The problem was, when I woke up the next morning, every muscle in my body hurt! It hurt to laugh, to cough, to sneeze. It hurt to move! I wondered if I was really under full anesthesia and maybe I just didn’t remember anything. Did those rat bastards use a “twilight” drug on me after all? Why would I be so sore? If I was completely asleep, my body must have still known what was “up” because it seems as though my muscles tensed up in reaction to the procedure! Why else would I be this sore? I can understand my ribs and abdominal muscles being sore from the coughing. But my calves, thighs, shoulders, neck, and arm muscles too? The procedure was July 7. Today is the first day I feel normal again!

I go back to my regular doctor this week for a follow up. She will be checking my iron level. I will be telling her, “I told you it was my diet!” I will admit however, two things: One, maybe the para-esophageal hiatal hernia was preventing me from absorbing the little bit of iron in my diet, and Two, if it weren’t for the first horrifying EGD/Colonoscopy experience I would have never known about my stomach and had it repaired. I still think, and I will tell my doctor, that she should have at least asked me about my diet, and perhaps rechecked my iron after a couple of weeks…instead of scaring me half to death with worst case scenarios!!! Seems that doctors these days think they know us better than we know ourselves! Ha!

I’m thankful to be as healthy as I am. I have chronic pain from severe arthritis but I can deal with this most days. I’m thankful I don’t have cancer, or any of those other digestive diseases. Maybe I’ll live, after all.

My Ordeal

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It all started in January. I went to my regular doctor for my annual check up. Ladies, you know what I mean. Blood was drawn at this visit and the next day Doc calls me and tells me that my blood work results showed I was anemic. That explained the 2.5 hour naps I was taking every single day because I couldn’t keep my eyes open!

Doc went on to explain that since I no longer have a monthly period, there’s no reason for my iron level to be that low. She said there must be blood loss somewhere inside. She strongly suggested an EGD and a colonoscopy. I had been refusing a colonoscopy since I turned 50. Was this her way of making sure I did it, whether I wanted to or not? Perhaps.

I told her I thought it was probably my diet. She said, “No, not unless you’ve gone completely vegetarian.” She wouldn’t even entertain the thought that it was my diet. Was she assuming that because I’m overweight I must get enough to eat? She’s a doctor. Doesn’t she realize that many overweight people are actually undernourished? How can she say with all certainty that it’s not my diet? She doesn’t know what I eat or don’t eat!

She went on to tell me that I could have colon cancer, lymphoma, Crohn’s, or Celiac Disease. Way to go, Doc! Scare the crap out of me. Again — her way of making sure I have a colonoscopy? I was beginning to think so. Reluctantly, I agreed and an appointment was made. In the meantime, she told me to take an iron supplement.

Within a few days of taking the iron supplement, I started to notice a change. I wasn’t totally exhausted by 11:00 am every day. I started sleeping better. Apparently, lack of iron changes something in your brain and that causes insomnia…and I hadn’t slept well in months! Due to these changes, I knew the blood test was accurate.

I was still convinced that it was probably my diet. I didn’t eat breakfast, lunch was my biggest meal and consisted of a vegetable, meat (usually chicken) and sometimes a potato or pasta. Maybe I’d just have a salad made up of romaine lettuce, carrots, celery, and zucchini. I wasn’t eating beef, not much grains — not bread, not even cereal. I wasn’t eating beans. I wasn’t eating much spinach or other dark leafy greens. At dinner time, if I was hungry, I had crackers and cheese or I’d open a can of soup. Maybe for a snack later I’d have a handful of pretzels or a few Hershey’s mini candy bars. Not a very iron-rich diet you say? Riiiight! I also wasn’t taking in any vitamin C, which helps you to absorb the iron in your diet. Ever since my gallbladder surgery, if I ate certain things (beef, grains, some veggies, beans etc.) I would feel bloated and had major discomfort in my stomach. So, I stopped eating those things! I figured I didn’t need the carbs or calories anyway! I thought this was just the way it is after gallbladder surgery.

In a couple of weeks it was time for the dreaded colonoscopy. I was instructed to stop taking all supplements, and my pain medications one week prior to the EGD and colonoscopy. I knew this was going to be miserable because I NEED that pain medication! By day 4 I was in tears and in major pain. I couldn’t sit still, couldn’t walk much, couldn’t sleep. I was a basket case!!

Day of procedures came and I was not only in tremendous pain but my anxiety level was through the roof! I wanted this day to be over. I wanted to go home and take my pain meds and sleep for a week! The nurses and doctor performing the procedures were very nice and explained everything that was going to be done. They tried to make me comfortable because they knew I was in pain. My comfort was short lived.

I was given what they called a “Twilight” drug. It was suppose to put me in la-la land. I wasn’t going to know anything that was happening or remember anything afterward. The EGD would be performed first. A mouth guard was placed in my mouth so that I wouldn’t clamp down on the tube. The tube went down my throat —- I gagged and choked and thought I was going to choke to death! I didn’t think they would ever finish. I was horrified. The nurses did their best to talk me through it all but it wasn’t working. (I couldn’t help think, “why am I aware of this?”) When the tube came out I was relieved. Little did I know that it would go from bad to worse when they started the colonoscopy.

Bear with me now. I hate to remember the details. It was just too traumatic and it has taken me all these months to be able to sit down and actually write about my experience! I won’t go into great detail about the colonoscopy because I think you will get the picture.

The drugs were not working on me, which is why the EGD didn’t go very smoothly for me. The doctor gave me as much of the drug as he possibly could. The colonoscopy could not be finished. I was yelling for them to stop. I was being held down by 2 nurses and told, “Stop yelling” and “It’ll be over soon” and my favorite, “Relax!” — all while being violated!!! I swear if I had seen those 2 bitches afterward I would have kicked them in the face. Thank goodness the doctor stopped the procedure, none too soon if you ask me!

Afterward, the doctor was very apologetic and explained to me that it’s rare but sometimes that happens. My pain level coupled with my high anxiety just over-rode the drugs. I should not have remembered anything but I did! He also told me that I could have taken my pain medication and that he had been trying to tell the ladies in scheduling and registration that that particular drug was OK to take! As for the EGD, he told me that he had a hard time getting into my stomach because it seemed to be in the wrong place, up too high and also that it was shaped funny. Oh great. Now what kind of tests and procedures do I have to look forward to? He suggested an Upper GI. Nothing too scary, thank goodness. He also suggested that we re-do these procedures but that he would put me completely asleep next time. You’re damn right you will, IF — and that’s a really big IF — I decide to do it again at all!

So, I had nightmares for 2 weeks after this happened. It’s hard for me to even recall the details vividly – not that I can’t recall them, but because it’s just too traumatic! Imagine this happening to you! My brain KNOWS it wasn’t rape BUT my emotions tell me differently! I don’t blame the doctor. It wasn’t his fault. Anyway, it was done now and I had to worry about what was wrong with my stomach.

An Upper GI was scheduled and it wasn’t a big deal really. I drank some nasty chalky stuff and was able to see the x-ray of my own stomach as I swallowed. It was kind of cool! The doctor doing this test explained that what I had was an Para-esophageal Hiatal Hernia. Basically, my stomach was in my chest cavity! That explains why I felt such discomfort and bloating, and nearly pain at times, when I ate certain things!! I was told that the danger was that my stomach could twist and cut off it’s own blood supply — resulting in a EMERGENCY situation for me! Yikes!

An appointment was made for a consultation with a surgeon. He was very nice, had a good sense of humor and I felt comfortable with him. He explained what needed to be done and showed me photos as well. He also told me that I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want to do. THAT was the very first time a doctor has ever said those words to me! I agreed that surgery was the best option and it was scheduled. I wasn’t too stressed. I had some anxiety but it was more about my insurance covering the surgery than the surgery itself! And the surgeon said I could continue taking my pain meds, and if I could stop taking them a couple days before the surgery that would be great, but if I can’t that’s ok too.

Surgery went well. I spent 2 days in the hospital and 3 weeks on special diets. The first week was a clear liquid diet. Second week, a full liquid diet. Third week, soft foods. After that it took a couple weeks to be able to eat without getting sick. I’m doing great now….. I’m eating my favorite foods again but I’m definitely trying to get all the necessary nutrients in my diet. Being more health conscious is easier said than done!

Stay tuned for the next installment: My Ordeal – The EGD/Colonoscopy ROUND 2

Bummed

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For most of my adult life I have been a caregiver. Even before I graduated from high school, I worked at an elementary school, working with special ed children. Then when I had my own children I worked a Day Care in my own home. I did that for years. I worked as a CNA/CMT (Certified Nurse’s Aide and Certified Medication Technician) for several years in a Nursing Home – again, caring for other people.  I was always ready and eager to help someone, family or not. I always tried to be there for my sisters, grandmother, dad, my friends, and my children. As my kids grew older, they needed me less. They are now grown and living elsewhere. The problem with them growing older is that so am I! I am in my 50’s now and my health isn’t what it once was. I can’t do what I use to do.

I’m currently taking care of my dad, who is nearly 80 years old. He still takes care of himself for the most part but I make sure he takes his meds, gets to his appointments, eats right, has clean clothes etc. It’s getting harder for me to take care of things as I did before. I can’t clean the house the way it should be cleaned due to my chronic pain issues. Dad helps with things I can’t reach – he’s tall and I’m very short. He helps keep the kitchen clean. When I cook, he washes the dishes. He helps me keep the bathroom clean and does a multitude of tasks around the house so that I don’t have to. He even folds clothes! I appreciate what he does to help me, and he appreciates what I do to help him. It’s nice to be appreciated….

I feel that Dad really is my best friend and probably the ONLY person I can count on in this world for moral support when I need it. The problem is that most of my friends and my sisters live in other states. Extended family all live in other states. My kids have their own lives to lead, their own problems, etc. I virtually have no one to hold my hand and lend me an ear….except Dad. He doesn’t understand many things women go through, or things I personally have been through. It doesn’t always help to have him to lean on. In fact, sometimes it makes things worse. He’s a man. (I’d like to see men go through some of the shit women go through on a daily basis and see how well they cope!)

I guess I’m just feeling bummed these days. I sit here alone most of the time with my Facebook friends and family….and Dad. This is probably where I will still be in 5 years.

Ugh…..

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Here I sit, sick with a dreadful head cold. I haven’t been sick since December. Ugh. I know that no one likes to be sick. I despise being sick. I am of no use to anyone when I’m sick. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there until the sickness passes…..or I die from boredom, whichever comes first.

Instead of laying in bed all day, I decided to transfer my Blogger Blog to WordPress. So far, so good. It’s here. I figured an update would be in order since it’s been so long since I blogged. (That is, if the fog in my brain will let me complete sentences and actually make sense.)

What has happened over the last 6 months?

*My 3rd grand baby was born in February! Oh my! He is so precious. He has hair like his mother when she was a baby. S.R. had the wildest hair, but I could put clips and ribbons in her hair to keep it ‘tamed’. The first comment people make when they see photos of K.A. is, “Look at that hair!” Dad and I have been trying to go see “the little hairy one” at least once a month. I can’t wait to go see him again.

*My daughter and her boyfriend (A NEW AND IMPROVED BOYFRIEND, since I last posted on the subject!!) have a nice little apartment in Branson, both are working, and they have a competent babysitter for “the little hairy one”. I am very pleased that S.R. is back on track and equally pleased with Z.G., who has proved to be a great daddy and a really good guy. I am very happy to welcome him into our crazy family!

*My pain level continues to rise. If it’s not the ice cold winter, it’s the humidity making my pain worse. Some days I can barely walk. My cane gets lots of use these days. I’m looking into finding a new doctor.

*My son and his girlfriend have found a place of their own and I have an extra room now for my supplies. It’s still a bit on the unorganized side, but I’m working on what works best for me. Time to get the business back on track!

*I have been taking my therapist’s advice and taking care of me. I have spent nearly my entire adulthood taking care of others’ needs and putting my own needs on the back burner. I don’t mind helping others. I actually like helping people. However, I have never set boundaries or limitations. I have had to cut ties with a couple friends because they just didn’t understand. I guess they figured I should be there for them at any given moment.

*I won’t give any details here about this, but let me just say that I am DONE trying to jump through hoops that I just can’t jump through! When one party refuses to take into consideration my physical pain and limitations and STILL expects me to jump….well let’s just say the truth will come out eventually and they will be seen for the hypocritical, judgmental, self-righteous people they truly are. Karma’s a real bitch, baby!

*We finally upgraded to faster internet!! I am finally able to do a lot of things more easily, that I put off all the time before because it was just too much trouble. So, I wonder what I might be getting into next! More blogging for one…..

*Dad is doing great, aside from his forgetfulness. Of course, brain fog makes me forget too, so who am I to talk, huh? What he forgets, I remember. What I forget, he remembers. We help each other out, see?!

So, that’s about it…. Of course, the fog in my head prevents me from remembering a lot of what has been going on lately. I’ll remember more when I’m feeling better and when I come back to read this, I’ll feel like a complete imbecile!

Back to bed….

Tea, Rest, & Rock Music!

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Here I sit tonight, nursing a sore throat with a cup of tea with lemon and raw honey. I’m hoping it won’t last and I’ll feel better come Christmas. Shopping is done, thank goodness! We don’t have any major plans this year; just Dad and I, my son and his girlfriend, Lindsey. My daughter and her boyfriend, Zack won’t be able to make it down since they have to work Christmas Eve. But all’s well; they came last week and we spent a good day together. We’ll have a simple ham dinner and open a few gifts. We’ll spend the day watching funny Christmas movies, like “Trapped In Paradise” or “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” Oh, I can’t forget Dad’s favorite, “Bad Santa.” It’s raunchy, but hilarious.

Right now, I’m resting. I’m snuggled in a nice, warm throw with my cup of tea. I’m listening to music that always makes me feel better, no matter the circumstances. On my playlist tonight:

Blind Melon’s “No Rain”
Incubus’ “Drive”
Bon Jovi’s “Bed of Roses”
All-American Rejects’ “The Wind Blows”
Apocalyptica’s “Nothing Else Matters” (a cover of Metallica’s hit)
Creed’s “Higher”
Collective Soul’s “The River Flows”

And the entire new album by Avenged Sevenfold. I was never a big fan of theirs. Just couldn’t get past the singer’s voice (too gravely for my taste), or the drums, which were always more annoying than anything else. The lyrics have always been good and the guitars are awesome. I tried for years to like them….knowing they were talented musicians and all, but I just couldn’t do it. This time they nailed it. From the theme of the entire album (end of the world) to even the drums. It’s sad they lost their drummer to prescription drugs a few years ago but this new drummer is easier for me to listen to. There’s a beat now instead of that continuous rat-ta-tat-tat that annoys me to no end. The singer seems to have smoothed his voice some…for lack of a better description. The guitars solos are awesome, as always but it’s more than that. There seems to be even more guitar. Anyway, they nailed it this time. I’m lovin’ it. It’s Rock Music, what can I say? I’m a sucker for power ballads and guitars.

So, tomorrow is Monday…. I hope the relaxation (and tea) help me kick this sore throat because I can’t even sing along to my favorite songs!!