Category Archives: Family/Friends

Why Do People Start Blogging?

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I can’t speak for every blogger out there because they all have their own reasons for blogging. Some of those reasons are:

  • to share expertise and knowledge
  • to share recipes
  • to build their brand
  • to generate income
  • to connect with family members
  • to connect with like-minded people

That’s just to name a few. I write a blog to express my feelings. I write to release the stress of everyday life. I write about personal opinions, my own experiences, and feelings. No one has to agree, and my perception of events or ideas might differ from others. Do I get myself in hot water writing such a personal blog? I do.

Having said that, I recently posted about something that happened that pissed some people off, even though no names were mentioned. I pulled the post at the request of someone who means a lot to me. That will not happen again. This is MY blog and I write what I want. I’ll always write what I want. I will also fight for the right of others to write what they want. This is America, after all.

I started blogging back in 2008, when my daughter was in a relationship that I knew would end badly. I was stressed and worried, and writing about everything I was feeling really helped. Writing made me feel calmer, so I continued and haven’t stopped. I have connected with so many people who’ve been able to relate to what I’ve written over the years. I may not have helped anyone with their problems, but just maybe I helped them feel not so alone when shit hits the fan. We are all going through life without a handbook, you know?

When I write about events involving specific people, I never use names. This keeps people anonymous. No one knows who they are. I’m not interested in exposing anyone’s identity. I’m just writing about my experiences, feelings, and my perception. Those things aren’t necessarily going to be the same for everyone involved. People perceive things differently.

Do you have a blog? Please share your link in the comments and tell readers why you decided to start blogging!

They/Them Pronouns

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By now, many of us have a non-binary loved one or at least know someone who is non-binary. It still seems weird to me, as it probably does to most people. I mean, we are born male or female, right? A non-binary person is one who does not exclusively identify as male or female. It’s hard for me to imagine or understand this, however, who the hell am I to disagree with how anyone identifies? No one has the right to disagree with how someone feels about themselves or how they identify. Even if we don’t understand it. Even if we don’t like it. Even if we think it’s not how God intended things to be. We all need to learn to just back off and let people be who they want to be; let people be who they are. It’s none of our damn business.

My biggest complaint about the non-binary person is that we are expected to use the pronouns they or them instead of he/him or she/her. I think most will agree that it’s difficult to do this because we were taught how to use pronouns as we were growing up. Sometimes it just doesn’t sound right when you’re used to saying, “Does he want a cupcake?” to now say without stumbling over the words, “Do they want a cupcake?” Or is it “Does they want a cupcake?” See, it’s confusing. One way sounds better but at the same time, they is usually used when speaking of more than one person. It could be confusing and we might say it incorrectly.

Anyway, back to my complaint. If the non-binary person expects us to use their preferred pronouns, then I expect in return that they be patient with those of us who find it hard to get used to. Just give us a little slack as we try to relearn what we were taught growing up.

Simple respect and understanding goes both ways.

The Night Dad Scared The H*ll out of Me

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It’s getting to be too much for both of us. Getting groceries, that is. I always place a curbside order once a week. I try to limit items to no more than 20. It never fails I end up with more than 20 because one of us forgot we needed toilet paper or paper towels or something else.

Dad and I pick up the order, which is the easy part. (Good grief, I hope Walmart never discontinues this service!) When we get home, I load bags of groceries into a utility cart. Heavier items go on the bottom, of course. Dad pulls the cart up the ramp and into the house. The problem is, we still have some heavy items like water and kitty litter. I use our lunch cart for those items; I bring the cart to the door and Dad carries those items to the door and puts them on the cart. It’s not far because I pull right up to the ramp. When all is unloaded, I tell Dad to go change his clothes so he can sit and rest. I unload the groceries from the utility cart and put things away.

Dad changed his clothes and sat down in his chair to rest. He was exhausted and went to sleep. He fell asleep off and on for the rest of the day. Later, he watched a movie or something on the Firestick. I was in the kitchen doing a puzzle, listening to an audiobook.

When it crept closer to 10pm, which is his bedtime, I knew he had fallen asleep because he was so quiet. Normally, I hear him cough, laugh, talk to one of the cats, or more often than not, drop something like the remote. He falls asleep in his chair all the time so I didn’t think twice about it…until it was 10:15 and he was still not even getting ready for bed. Usually, he gets ready for bed around 9:45.

I went to check on him and there he was fast asleep. I saw his chest rising and falling but he was out like a light! I called out to him to tell him what time it was. He didn’t wake up. I called out louder and still, he didn’t wake up. I sat down in my chair to give the furbabies their Temptations snacks, as per our normal routine. Trust me, they were all sitting by my chair waiting. They knew it was past time! 

I kept trying to wake Dad, getting louder and still, nothing. Finally, I touched his hand and tried again to wake him. He just would not wake up! I shook his arm; still nothing. I shook harder and finally, thank God, he woke up! He scared me to death. I thought I had lost him. I just cried in a huge wave of relief. He had no idea what was going on. 

I dread the day I have to say goodbye to this man who has truly been there for me my entire life. He is closer to a best friend than I’ve ever had in my life. (Even closer than the best friend I actually had, who come to find out, was judging me all along.) He has helped me raise my kids when their father couldn’t be bothered to write to them. We have shared many things, including finances and health issues.

Losing Dad will be the biggest loss I will ever face. 

Honey Buckets, Quonset Huts, and Desegregation – A Few Memories of A Korean War Veteran

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Dad is a Veteran of the Korean War, 1950-1953. He and his buddy joined the military together, thinking they would be stationed in the same branch but it didn’t work out that way. Dad wanted to get in on the G.I. Bill so he could continue his education after his duty ended. He always wanted to be a pilot but they wouldn’t let him in the Air Force because of some reason or another. It may have been the fact that he is missing a couple of toes on his right foot that could affect his balance. His buddy was declared too short to be a pilot. I can vouch for that fact, as I knew him as I was growing up. He was just a little over 5′ feet tall. Anyway, Dad ended up in the Army and his buddy some other branch. 

 

This was Dad’s High School Graduation photo, right before he joined the US Army and was shipped off to Korea.

Dad shared with me a few memories of his days in Korea. I’ll try to write them here as best I can. His memories are a little blurred in some cases. 

 

Dad never saw combat. I’m thankful for that. He may have a completely different personality and/or outlook today if he had experienced combat. They put him in the engineering department. One of the duties he might see was building or repairing a bridge. The sergeant in charge learned very quickly to NOT let my Dad do any of the sawing! To this day he can’t saw a straight line, even with a guide of some kind! Dad laughs at this memory every time! He said the sergeant was heard yelling, “Don’t give Davenport a saw!” 

The weather in Korea was extreme, from freezing cold snowy winters and miserably hot and humid summers. Many veterans suffered extremity injuries due to the extreme cold. 

When Dad wasn’t in the field, he sometimes worked in the kitchen peeling potatoes, washing dishes, wiping tables, cooking, etc. He said he’d rather pull KP than other duties because even though it was hard work, it was nothing compared to being out building bridges in the heat or being on guard duty during the night when it was below freezing. There were also a few perks that came with KP like extra food if there were leftovers.

His mother, my grandmother, once sent him a cake (from California to Korea) and by the time he got it, it was hard as a rock. What was she thinking? 

Dad bought his mom a set of China as a gift and it actually shipped all the way from Korea to California without being broken. Dad acquired the set when his mother passed away years ago. A few pieces are missing but it’s still a beautiful set.

Dad’s unit bunked in a Quonset hut. The men took turns standing guard and Dad remembers being so tired that he would fall asleep standing up. In the winter, he couldn’t even feel his feet. The men had to make sure they kept their feet dry.

In the camp, they used what they called honey buckets for human waste. He said camp smelled just awful. When it came time to empty the “honey buckets” some guys would have to go down in the hole (knee-high) and scoop the waste out with buckets and then the buckets would be hauled up to be dumped elsewhere. Dad said the Koreans used it to fertilize their crops. 

Dad said he and a few of his buddies from his unit used to pay a nice Korean man to take their laundry. The man’s wife would do the laundry including ironing and the man would return with the laundry. I always think about that poor Korean woman who got stuck doing all that laundry for a few measly bucks and if her husband actually shared it with her. 

Dad smoked back then, as did so many. The men used to trade cigarettes for chocolate and vice-versa. If they needed something and they had cigarettes or chocolate, they could easily trade. 

The Korean War was the first to enlist whites and blacks together. No segregation! Dad said that didn’t stop the racism, which was evident everywhere. When Dad went on leave to Sol, he went with some buddies, a few of whom were black. They all wore their uniforms because bars and other establishments were happy to let our soldiers in. But if you were black, forget it. Even with a military uniform, blacks were not allowed into white establishments. Dad said many times he and his buddies told owners, “If all of us can’t come in then NONE of us are coming in.” Those establishments lost a lot of business. Dad and his buddies went to black bars instead. They were all welcomed there. 

Some Korean War Veterans have memories of death and killing. Thankfully, my Veteran Dad does not. 

The Memory of A Bridge Too Far

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Back in 1977, I was a mere 15 years old. I took my Dad to the movie theater to see a war movie called A Bridge Too Far. I never liked war movies, and I still don’t care that much for them. Dad and I watched this movie on DVD last Friday night. It was still a good movie, all 3 hours of it. With an all-star cast and great production, it kept my attention. Not just Friday night, but all those years ago when I was just 15 years old! This really isn’t about the movie, though. It’s about the memory of seeing it with my Dad.

For all these years, I thought we saw the movie with the original Jaws, but after Googling Jaws, I learned that there were 2 years between the movies. I asked Dad about it and he said he remembered us going to the movies twice; first to see Jaws and then a second time to see A Bridge Too Far. Now, his short-term memory sucks but he does have good long-term memory so I have to trust his memory vs. mine. 

I think I had more fun in the theater with my Dad than I ever did with my mom. I took Mom to see Jaws, too. Of course, she drove because in 1975 I was only 13. She laughed during the movie (sadistically, I might add) and seemed like she couldn’t wait to get home. I never went with her again! 

Dad was a different story. He has always loved a good war movie. As a kid, he and his friends used to go to the movies. It cost just a few measly cents to get into the theater back then. Oh, the stories he used to tell about those days! He was happy to see a good war movie, even with his daughter. We had popcorn and soda, everything my treat. I spent my hard-earned babysitting money! It was a good memory. Just me and Dad. 

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A Bridge Too Far / 1977 / Starring Sean Connery, Michael Caine, Anthony Hopkins, Robert Redford, James Caan, Ryan O’Neal, Gene Hackman, Lawrence Olivier, Elliott Gould, Maximilian Schell, Ben Cross, and more.