Tag Archives: Health

What The #&$*!!

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You won’t read this until later, but it’s 6am as I type. I’m shocked I can even see straight. I haven’t slept a wink ALL freaking night long. Not even half a wink. It’s the pharmacy’s fault.

One could argue that it’s my fault for not ordering my gabapentin refill (prescribed to me for nerve pain), but the pharmacy refills ALL of my other meds automatically each month. So, when my gabapentin refill came due, I forgot to order it. I blew through all of my extras after ordering the refill on the 3rd. The mail didn’t run due to snow last week plus the National Day of Mourning for Jimmy Carter so my refill was delayed. I took my last capsule yesterday morning. I normally take 1 in the morning, 1 at lunch, and 2 at bedtime. 

Beginning withdrawals from this pain-in-the-ass drug start within 12-48 hours. Symptoms include anxiety, insomnia, nausea, and sweating. (That’s just the first phase of withdrawal!) So, when I went to bed at midnight, I could not fall asleep to save my own life. I was sweating so bad that I threw my blanket off. It was not hot in the house by a long shot since we turn the heat off at night. It was probably around 40 degrees. My skin was cold but I was hot as hell. When it dawned on me what the problem was, I thought Hey, I think I might have a few extras in my purse! I sure did, so I took 2. That was at 4am and it helped with the sweating but I still couldn’t sleep and I had a pounding headache so I just got up.

And here I sit. I have extras to get me through tonight and one for Tuesday morning. That’s it. The roads look pretty good so the mail should run today. Hell, if the pharmacy wasn’t 30 miles away, I could pick up my refills. Who has the money for gas to go 30 miles one-way several times a month for refills in a town that I don’t frequent? 

Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

Spit It Out, Will You??

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Last month, Dad and I went to the Health Department to get our updated Covid-19 vaccinations. Things went well. There was no delay in being called back. The ladies in the office and the nurses giving the vaccines were on top of things. We were ready to leave when Dad spies a sign that read, “Get Your Shingles Vaccine Today.” He and I both need to get it done so I inquired at the window. Another nurse was called up to the window to answer my inquiry. Her name was Becky and I assumed she would be competent. I assumed wrong!

First, she asked for our insurance cards to check if Shingrix was covered. It took her 40 minutes to come back and tell us that Dad’s would be covered but my insurance wouldn’t cover it. The way she spoke annoyed the crap out of me. It was like she needed a smack on the back of the head to spit it out. She was really trying my patience. (And I really don’t think it was a speech impediment because I heard her talking to one of the other nurses without trouble.)

Finally, after having to concentrate on what she was trying to say, I understood that the state-provided vaccine would be free for me. Okay, that’s great because I can’t afford $200 a pop…and there are 2 flippin’ vaccines 6 months apart! So, off Becky went to see about available appointments. Well, guess what? They didn’t have any state-provided Shingrix vaccines. Did she check to see when they would be getting more in? No. She had to go back and check. She came back and said she didn’t know when they would be getting more in but that I should check back periodically. She then said she would go back to see when they had available appointments for Dad. She should have done that already when she said was checking the first time! Then she came back and asked me to come to her office to see when a good time would be. Holy crap. Her desk was a disaster area! I don’t know how anyone could do their job with a desk in that condition!

Anyway, I made the appointment for Dad to get his first Shingrix vaccine. Becky told us again that the state-provided vaccine would be free but she didn’t know when they would get more in. She said she would try to find out and call me. After an hour and 20 minutes, we finally got out of that place! (The first 10 minutes were smooth sailing!)

Becky tried to call us several times in the following week. Dad answered the first time but she couldn’t speak up and spit it out so he hung up on her. (I assumed it was her, perhaps it wasn’t.) The next time she called I answered and after every 3 or 4 words she would stop and say, “Can you hear me?” I was getting so damn annoyed that I finally yelled, “Yes. I can hear you! What do you want?!” Then dial tone. She hung up on me. I hoped she wouldn’t call back. I told Dad if the phone rings again, don’t answer. Just let her leave a voicemail.

The following week, she called and we weren’t home so she had no choice but to leave a voicemail. She stuttered and stammered through the entire message and told me absolutely nothing that I didn’t already know! Her phone call was a waste of time. If I had been home to answer the phone, I would have told her that!

Things like that really get under my skin! I expected a nurse to tell me that we were or were not covered by our insurance, and then make appointments to get the vaccine. I expected to be told what I needed to know in a timely manner. Being disabled and in constant pain, I do not have the patience or energy for such bullshit.

I used to be a very patient person. Over the years, as my chronic pain and mobility issues advanced, my patience went out the window. I don’t like phone calls or incompetence. I loathe having to deal with people. I despise red tape and bureaucratic bullshit. We all have those things to contend with but I just can’t handle it anymore.

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

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So many things, so little time. Actually, I have time but I don’t have the motivation.

Dad’s been having issues. Constipation, for one. I tell him to drink more water, eat fruit, eat some veggies, take a laxative of some kind every night, take a stool softener….ugh. It takes a specialist in gastroenterology to tell him the same things before he gets it. I feel like it’s my fault that he’s having digestive issues because I just can’t stand in the kitchen and cook like I used to. I have to rely on frozen meals and quick Instant Pot or Crock Pot recipes; things that go together quickly. I don’t buy much fresh produce because I can’t eat it all myself. He won’t touch it. If I’m making myself a salad, he doesn’t want one. If he’s not very hungry at dinner time, I offer him an apple. He declines. He has cookies instead. You get the idea.

I picked up a curbside order on Friday and was beat afterward. I just can’t believe how exhausted I am from doing something so simple. I’m sorry I didn’t post Friday’s Funnies but I was just too tired. I am determined to make sure Dad gets the fiber he needs, whether he likes it or not, so I made sure to get lots of fresh fruit and veggies. I also bought some chops and cheap steaks, chicken breasts, potatoes, and some canned and dried fruit. I spent the entire day Saturday washing produce, vacuum sealing meats and corn on the cob. I blanched the corn first, vacuum-sealed it, and tossed it in the freezer. Very simple things but I was exhausted. I took lots of breaks. My knees were killing me! Since we went out for pizza after picking up our curbside order, I only had enough energy to pop the leftovers in the microwave for lunch. I ate mine cold. Yummo.

Saturday night was hell. I was in so much pain, all I could do was lay in my reclining lift chair. My back hurt so bad I couldn’t even think straight. Sunday, wasn’t as bad but I had aches and pains in places that I forgot I had. I’m still in a bit of pain this morning but my pain is almost down to the level it usually is.

Anyway, about Dad’s issues. His memory is failing. He stumbles quite often, thankfully though he hasn’t hit the floor in quite some time. He’s not helping as much around the house like he used to. For example, every night he would get the coffee maker ready for morning but lately, he has just completely forgotten about it. I don’t mind doing it but this is happening a lot with other things and I just can’t do it all myself. He used to sweep the floor when he saw it needed to be swept. He used to swish the toilet when he saw it was dirty. He used to get stuff out of the washing machine automatically and put clothes in the dryer. Now I have to ask him to do it. I’m too short and the washing machine drum is too deep. I just can’t reach! It’s getting worse and worse and my own pain and mobility issues are quite enough for me to handle. I just don’t know what I’m going to do when Dad needs more care than I can provide.

My family’s (sisters and daughter) solution is that we move to Tennessee so they can help us. Dad won’t move but even if he wanted to, how in the hell am I supposed to pack shit up and get ready to move when I can’t even wash produce without it killing me? Dad can’t help much. How am I supposed to drive 5 hours in a car that I can barely get in and out of? Too many loose ends to deal with. What would I do with my furbabies? What about my son? If I moved away, then he wouldn’t have any of his family near him. At least my sisters and my daughter all have each other in Tennessee. Where would we live? I’m not living with my daughter or my sisters. They already have their hands full with who knows how many dogs and cats! Too crowded for me. Also, our property and everything on it is paid for. Why the hell would I want to start all over? No, thank you. I guess since I can’t get family to step up, I’ll have to kill myself trying to take care of Dad. Ugh.

I have put my own health on the back burner for the past 6 years or so. I have not pursued knee replacement surgery since the last orthopedic doc told me I had to lose more weight first. Since then, Dad has become more frail and I can’t leave him home alone. How the hell am I supposed to have surgery when I can’t leave him alone? I never thought I’d be in this predicament. There’s no one to help – I’m in this alone. And I’m tired…oh so tired.

I started this blog many years ago. I think it was around 2008 and I started it to have a place to vent, to get things off my chest. I’m really glad I still have it because it helps to vent. I thank you for reading – whether you’ve been following me since the beginning or have just started, I thank you very much.

Peace, my friends.

aunt-debbie

Numbness

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It began the Monday before Christmas. I woke up and my feet and ankles were swollen. I figured my sodium intake had been too high lately, because it has happened before, and decided to cut back on the sodium and drink more water than normal. It helped a little but 2 days later, the swelling hadn’t gone down much more and I started to feel some numbness in my ankles. There was no way I could get in to see my NP before Christmas so I waited.

After another day, the numbness had worked its way up my left leg, and the next day (Christmas Day) I was feeling numbness in my right leg, although not as bad. My legs were weaker than normal and I was sleepy as hell for the last couple of days. I knew what I was facing. There’s no way I was going to go to the ER on a major holiday, so I waited again. I have to tell you, I WAS WORRIED.

On Sunday, I did an online symptom checker. I was a CNA/CMT for several years so I knew what it would say: blood clots/DVT, PAD, among a few other things. That’s exactly what the checker told me, plus “GO TO THE NEAREST EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT.”

I did. It’s not something I was looking forward to: a possible hospital stay with tons of tests, not to mention Covid-19 and a long ass wait with a bunch of dumb ass people who weren’t wearing masks. I was pleasantly surprised. There were no others in the waiting room when we arrived. (Dad insisted he go with me. He absolutely refused to stay home. Everyone was wearing a mask!) I was checked in and called back in less than 10 minutes. The doctor on call came in relatively quickly and ordered 60mg IV Lasix to get the swelling down. A technician came in and did an ultrasound on both of my legs. Blood work followed.

While we waited, I peed 6 times; the effects of the Lasix. I was getting impatient, although we hadn’t really been there for too long. I think we were there for 3 hours, give or take a few minutes. After a while the doctor came in and told me my blood work looked good, and there were no blood clots, signs of DVT, and I had blood flow to my extremities, indicating no PAD (Peripheral Artery Disease) so that was a major relief! Oh, you just don’t know the relief I felt! He gave me a script for 20mg Lasix, orders to check in with my NP for a follow-up, and he sent me on my way.

Now 2 days later, my legs aren’t as weak as they were but I still have a little swelling and numbness which comes and goes. I couldn’t get an appointment with my NP until Monday due to the New Year’s holiday, but I will get in. She will most likely raise my Lasix dosage but we’ll see.

I’m worried because I can’t even tell you how many times my concerns and health issues have been swept under the rug over the years. Not by the NP I am currently seeing but by actual doctors/specialists! I have pretty much given up trying to find a doctor who gives a shit. The ONE doctor who actually tried to help me, got sick of the bureaucratic bullshit she had to endure at that particular clinic, and she left for a better job. Can’t say that I blame her.

Anyway, I’m doing alright. Taking it day by day; doing what I can, resting often, watching my sodium, drinking more water, and taking that little pill that makes me pee my brains out all day long!

My Goals For 2020

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I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. I have never once kept a resolution in my life. I tend to pick things that are unrealistic so I stopped when I was in my 30’s, but I can still set some small goals for myself. I made a list of things that I need or want to do for me. Some are very simple and some will take more effort, but I’m going to do my best! These are in random order, typed as they came to me.

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❣ I’ll write in my blog more, start writing that cookbook I’ve been promising to write, and finish my short story “Spike” because after all, I started it when I was 22 years old.

❣ I will exercise more. I’ve been trying to walk more and using my Air Walker at least 5 times a week. I’ve started out slowly because of my pain level and mobility issues.

❣ It’s about time the spare bedroom is used as a bedroom instead of a storage room. I’ll do a little decluttering every few days, and throw a LOT of stuff away.

❣ I will continue on my weight loss journey and with the support of the gals over at Weigh to be Healthy, I just might get to where I need to be! You can join this private group, too! We are a very supportive bunch and we want to see each other succeed, no matter what health issues we have or what our goals are!

❣ I will keep a gratitude and affirmations journal. I take things for granted, as we all do, but if I write down what I am grateful for each day, I will be more grateful. I will be more aware of what I have and what I can do instead of being focused on what I don’t have or what I can’t do. The affirmations will change my mindset, and allow more positivity into my life.

❣ I will spend less time on Facebook. It’s just exhausting anymore when it used to be fun. People can be so rude and hateful. They are too quick to judge and try to impose their beliefs or their opinions on everyone else.

❣ I will drink more water because I guess 2 quarts of tea per day isn’t the same thing. Haha. I hate water. I’d rather drink tea!

❣ I will cook more and with the help of my new Instant Pot, I think I can achieve this quite easily. I’ve already made several things in it and it’s all been edible, so that’s something! I can put a little more thought into meal planning and making my own “freezer meals.”

❣ I will eat breakfast in the mornings. It really is hard for me to do that because ever since I was a teenager, I have skipped breakfast. I’m just not that much into breakfast foods. I’m never hungry first thing in the morning either.

❣ I will read more. Lordy, I need to finish the 3 books I started a few months back and never finished. I get lazy. My eyes get tired. I can’t sit still. I used to read all the time! I don’t know why I stopped.

❣ I’d like to learn a new skill. I don’t know what yet. Maybe I’ll take another online class or learn how to play guitar. I could try a new language but…been there, done that…don’t seem to grasp it well. Maybe I’ll learn superb hacking skills and get hired by the government to fight cybercrime!

❣ I will give to charity, help a Veteran, and donate pet food to shelters. I will do what I can to help others because it makes me feel good about who I am as a person.

❣ I will save money each month so I can afford to do something big for myself. I don’t know what yet, but I’ll figure something out.

❣ I will meditate more. I don’t do it enough because it’s hard for me to focus. Sometimes I just fall asleep, which isn’t a bad thing.

❣ I will create a Keepsake Box for each of my children and grandchildren. I’ll add keepsakes from the past adding more as time passes. They will each have a box of memories to remember me by when I’m gone.

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So, there you go. All I can do is try, try, and try again to do all of these things. Have you made a list of goals for yourself going into the new year? Please feel free to share in the comments! I’d love to hear about your plans. Thanks for reading mine!