Tag Archives: family

Father’s Day Is Every Day

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My father has been my friend for almost as long as he has been my Dad. Does that sound silly?

When I was a little girl, I looked up to my Dad, as most all little girls do. But as I was growing up, my mother had me to believe that my dad was just awful. (She shouldn’t have ever talked bad about my Dad in front of me or my sisters.) She was very vocal. She had to let me know that my dad was a “know-it-all-son-of-a-bitch” and there were so many times she would tell me something secret or private and would instruct me NOT to tell Dad. (Like when she spent the $800 for rent on a new VCR.) When I first started shaving my legs, at around age 11, she told me NOT to tell Dad because he would get mad. There were many things like that, which were part of a young girl growing up that I was instructed NOT to tell Dad because he would get mad. 

When I hit high school and started thinking for myself, I realized that my Dad was a good guy. He wasn’t the asshole my mother made him out to be. He was kind and he had feelings. The first time I ever saw my Dad cry was at his baby sister’s funeral. It broke my heart. Dad was always good to us girls, and to my mother as well. There were times, he told me when I was grown, that he wanted to smack my mother upside the head, but he never did it. Why? Because he’s a genuinely good man. He would never hit a woman.

Dad made us laugh all the time. I remember when my sisters were little Dad would go outside and ride their tricycles. It was so funny to watch because he had such long legs and it had to have been difficult to ride a tricycle like that!

Dad helped us with our homework, because mom didn’t have more than an 8th grade education and if she tried to help us, she would just get mad at US because we knew “that’s not how you do it.” Anyway, Dad helped me…or rather DID my high school government paper I had to write on the Nuclear Arms Race. I was given a B on that paper and I remember being angry because Dad should have got an A on it!

Fast forward to my own kids being little and my Dad being a better Dad to them than their own father was. When it came time for me to leave, Dad helped me get my kids away from their father to start over. Dad continued to help, by being the best father figure to my kids as he could possibly be. My kids are grown and have lives of their own, away from us but my Dad continues to be here for them and for me. He is now 80 years old and has been my best friend for the past 30+ years!

So, as far as I’m concerned, EVERY STINKIN’ DAY is Father’s Day!

Difficult Feelings

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I really do care about people. I feel their pain when they are in pain. I feel their grief when they are grieving. I laugh when they laugh. I am very empathetic and sympathetic. I lend a good ear and I have a big shoulder for those needing a good cry. I often have advice that sometimes is taken and sometimes, is not. I love with my whole heart and if you are my true friend I will be a loyal friend. My family is my heart and soul. To hurt my family is to hurt me. If you hurt me I am not so quick to forgive. When my heart is bruised, it heals slowly. When it is broken, it may not heal at all. I respect everyone unless they disrespect me or my family.

I have lost trust and respect for someone I cared deeply for and it hurts. I wish I could get that back but I’m afraid that ship has sailed. It can never be the same. I do miss her because she was like a daughter to me.

I have been disrespected by another, in such a manner that I don’t think I could ever respect that person regardless of how hard I try. I must try however, for the sake of someone else who is very close to my heart. How can I even begin to care about someone who is so blatantly disrespectful? Is he really so arrogant (or stupid) that he thinks he deserves my respect now?

It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to ‘care’ about people these days especially when it seems like every time I feel, I get burned. When I was young I learned not to loan my belongings to others because I would get my belongings back damaged (or not at all). It’s the same with my heart, loyalty, respect and compassion. Why give it, if only to have it damaged?

Mother & Family

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Tonight my family took me out for dinner and some shopping. My family being both of my children, both of my grand children, my “other daughter” and my Dad. It was an early Mother’s Day gift as everyone was able to make it and Sunday would have been hectic with the Mother’s Day crowd.

We had a nice dinner at Chili’s and it was a good night for all. We laughed and chatted and the grand babies were especially good. Doodle Bug had a blast and everyone in the restaurant noticed her too. D.M. didn’t get noticed much because he was kind of hid between his mommy and grandpa. Doodle Bug was out in the isle in a high chair. She was laughing and carrying on with her silly faces, howling and sudden outbursts of laughter. She noticed some deflated balloons that were stuck on the ceiling above her. She kept looking up and grinning that big grin of hers. What a kick in the pants! The food and the service was great! We all had a good time.

My family gave me a very nice Mother’s day card with C.F.’s normal “congratulations” remark he writes in all cards, and a Walmart gift card stuffed inside. After we finished at Chili’s, we went shopping at Walmart. I had both grand babies in the cart and they were having a blast making loud grunts and listening to their voices echo down the isles. It was amusing. Doodle Bug left with her mommy and daddy. Toward the end, D.M. was getting tired of shopping and began grabbing things off the racks. That was our cue to get done and go home.

Nights like these make me realize how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family. I mean, I know how great they are and I know they love and appreciate me. It’s just really nice to have a night out with them without the drama; without all the stuff that on most days compels me to rip my hair out by the roots. It was a night for Mother & Family.

Wish You Were Here….

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I really miss you. I wish you were here. I wonder how long it will be before I see you again. It’s lonely here sometimes and I wish I could just talk to you. I wish I could talk to you in person. It would be nice to hear your voice. I can’t just pick up the phone and call you. We communicate but it’s hard being so far, far away from each other. Some day maybe we will be closer, although we will never be closer at heart than we are now. We’ve been through a lot together and will surely be through much more. I’m hoping you know that I’ll always be here for you, as I know you will always be there for me. After all, we are family and will always be. Sisters forever. To the end. In my heart, always. I wish you were here.

The Loves of My Life

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I know I’ve told all the people in my life how much they mean to me. I hope they heard me. I’d hate to leave this world without them understanding the love and laughter they have brought to my life. I’d hate for them to leave this world and not know how truly loved and appreciated they are by me.

My Dad, who is also my best friend, taught me many things in my life. He taught me to never be late, to always have a sense of humor and to just be myself. He is very special to me. He’s always been there for me and helped me raise my children when their father opted to drop off the radar. He’s a good man, a bit on the silly side, but he’s MY Daddy and I love him.

S.R., my daughter and my oldest child, is a very complex person. She has a sensitive side but she hides it and she hides it well. I raised her to be strong and make her own decisions. I raised her to be kind and generous. I also raised her not to take any crap from anyone. And she doesn’t. I love her unconditionally even though we haven’t always seen eye to eye. She has made some bad choices in her life as we all have but that’s how we learn. I’m proud to call her my daughter, and I will always love her with every inch of my being.

My son, C.F., is a kick in the pants! He has a strange sense of humor and can be very warped at times. He is my baby and he doesn’t like it much when I call him that. After all he’s 20 years old. He is very sensitive, like his sister, but rarely shows it. I can see it in him, when others may not. He tries very hard to be a tough guy – he wears his hair long, has tattoos and piercings and people see him as a tough guy. Some of his co-workers are even afraid of him! I know him differently than they do. I raised him to be kind to animals and learn from them. I raised him to treat people with respect, unless of course they don’t respect him. I raised him to be strong and independent. I’m proud to be his mom. I love him with all of my heart and soul.

My grand children will always have a special place in my heart — forever. No question. They light up my days and make me feel young again, although at the end of the day I can really feel my age! They make me laugh, they make me cry and they can really get on my nerves! I love them dearly and wouldn’t trade my time with them for anything else in this world.

My younger sisters, who were royal pains in my ass when we were growing up, have become my dearest friends and I couldn’t have gotten through the last year without their love and support. They helped me to deal with things that no mother would ever want to have to deal with. They were my shoulder to cry on; although far away. They made me laugh when things were gray. They told me things will get better and they reassured me that I am a good mother, a good friend, sister and person. I cherish my sisters and I hope they know how much I love them.

A.B., who is not my child, but I think of her as my own. I’ve been calling her my “other daughter” for many years now. I love her and wish for her the very best things in life. I hope she knows that I am here for her when her family stabs her in the back again. She deserves better than that. No matter what the relationship between A.B. and my son, I will always think of her as my “other daughter,” and I’m proud to be part of her life.

These are the people who are the closest to my heart. Of course there are those who have passed on, like Mom, Granny, Nana and Papa, Aunt Helen, Cousins John M. and John D. and my great-great grandmother…..all of whom I think about often. There are close friends like Becky, Fawn, Terri, Teri, Andrew and more; I hope they realize how important they are to me. There are also the people who were my in-laws at one time. I doubt that I will ever have anything good to say about my ex ever again, but his family was my family. I’ve missed them a lot since we moved away.

So many people, so little time on this earth. I don’t think my job is done here.