Tag Archives: dad

Confrontation

Posted on by
10

This morning, I couldn’t help but be a bit aggravated with Dad. This is becoming more and more frequent; not this specific event but the aggravation. I know he’s 87 years old and isn’t the man he used to be. But…

Last summer, when our propane company came out to refill the tank, they noticed it was unlevel so they scheduled that to be done asap. Well, it must have rained for 2 weeks straight and they had to wait for the ground to dry out before doing the job.

The ground finally dried out and they came to level the tank. It was a quick fix and Dad signed the work order to show the work was done. Dad was told there would be no charge for this job.

Last month, Dad got a phone call from the propane company and was told he had an outstanding bill. Dad asked what the amount was and was told that it was $55.00. Dad asked what the bill was for because no idea what it could be. You see, Dad always pays his bills ontime and there’s no way propane only cost us $55.00! The woman told him it was for (the date) when they came out to fix a gas leak. Dad said he had no gas leak and explained that a guy came out and leveled the tank. I couldn’t hear what the woman was saying but Dad told her to send a bill because he never got one.

Dad and I discussed this afterward and he decided that he was going to have to call and challenge this bill. I mean, why not? He was told there was no charge and it was for leveling the tank not a gas leak. I told him they may find that they made an error and that there was no charge after all. He agreed. When the bill came, we had the same discussion with the same conclusion.

This morning, I remembered about the bill and asked him if he ever called the propane company. He said no and that he just went ahead and paid the bill. I got mad and asked him why he would do that when it may have been a mistake? They just screwed him out of $55.00! He then got mad at me and said he’d rather pay it than have them decline to refill the tank when he orders propane next time. OMG. I told him that they may have found that THEY were in error and deleted the charge from his account. He just walked away. WTH?

Is he so afraid of confrontation that he won’t call and fix errors? He’s getting awful about this type of thing. Not that we get billed for things/services never received, but when a telemarketer calls he sits there on the phone for longer than necessary, telling them over and over that he is not interested. He won’t raise his voice. He won’t tell them to stop calling. He won’t hang up on them! Good grief!

No one likes confrontation but Dad always did what had to be done before. Now he just goes with the flow. Like that parking ticket he got from a state he hadn’t been in for years – he paid it with absolutely no question. I’m afraid this is going to get worse and worse.

I know many people have dealt with elderly parents with problems like dementia or just a decline in their mental health. Is confrontation something that older folks shy away from? Is this normal?

The Road of Aggravation

Posted on by
11

Yesterday was rough. By the end of the day I was ready to pull my hair out. It all started after lunch when Dad said he needed income tax forms printed up soon so he could get his taxes filed. Ok, no problem, right? You’d think it couldn’t be that difficult. I’ll tell you it was. It went something like this:

Dad: “I need tax forms printed up soon. When you get around to it, no rush.”

Me: “No problem. I just need to know which forms.”

Dad: “The federal short form and the state short form.”

Me: “But which ones? There are a lot of forms. If you bring me last year’s forms I’ll have something to go by.” (I don’t remember which forms he had last year and I’d like to know exactly which forms because they’re easier to find!)

Dad: “The 1040, I think. But the short form, not the long form because that damn thing is 50 pages long!” (He gets up to get last year’s forms.)

Thinking this would be an easy peasy task, I go to the kitchen table where the laptop is. I notice he has brought me 2020s forms.

Me: “These aren’t last year’s forms.”

Dad: “Those are the forms I need. Last year I filed the long form. I don’t want the long form.”

I immediately found the federal 1040-SR short form. I bookmarked it so I could go back to it when I had everything needed to print them. I can’t find the short form he needs for the state, which was 1040P. After 30 minutes I’m getting aggravated because I still can’t find the short form, only the long. I thought I found it but it was for the wrong year – and come to find out, that ‘P‘ form had been discontinued. That was why he had to file the long form last year. Now I find the 1040 long form. 50 pages it was not!  I told him that according to what I was reading in the instruction booklet (another half an hour wasted) he needed the Pension Credit form and the Property Tax Credit form.

Dad: “I don’t need those. I never file them.”

Me: “Why not?”

Dad: “I don’t owe them anything so I don’t worry about it.”

Me: “You may not owe them anything but maybe they would owe you.”

Dad: “I’m not going to mess with it.”

Me: I roll my eyes and bookmark the long file.

Now, you’d think printing the files would be easier than trying to find them, right? Nope. I thought I had the printer on my laptop already because months ago, my desktop pc took a dump. I figured I’d need the printer on the laptop eventually, so I hooked it up. The laptop told me printer ready to print or something to that effect. I didn’t have anything to print then but I thought it would be ready when I needed it. I thought wrong. When I went to print the forms, the printer wasn’t communicating with the laptop. Crapola. So, I dug out the disk to install the printer. That should have been easy, too. Nope. I was ready to throw the damn printer out the window and be done with it. It kept telling me that the printer needed to be connected to the laptop via USB and turned on. Grrr…. I unplugged both and plugged them back in. I clicked continue. It just didn’t want to crapperate, as my son used to say when he was a kid. I tried numerous times. I even started the installation process again…and again. My entire afternoon was wasted on this activity that should have taken 30 minutes tops.

Me: “Dad, you’re going to have to go to the library to get your forms.” (I explained the trouble I was having.)

Dad: “I’ll have to have H&R Block do them because the library isn’t open.”

Me: “Well, I know the library isn’t open right now but next time we go to town we can stop by.”

Dad: “The library hasn’t been open since everything was shut down for Covid.”

Me: “Things haven’t been closed down for quite some time, Dad.”

Dad: “The last time we stopped by there, they were closed.”

Me: “I can’t even remember the last time we went by there. It had to have been before Covid or maybe in the beginning of Covid.”

Dad: “I’m telling you it’s still closed.”

Me: Rolling my eyes now. Grrr… I can’t seem to tell him anything so I drop it. I say, “Well, regardless. I still can’t print the forms. You’ll have to get them somewhere else.”

So, after 3 hours of messing with this situation, I decide I need to de-stress because I’m ready to pull out my hair at this point. Anyway, I sit down at the kitchen table and get my diamond painting kit. I turn on my current audiobook and start to work. 5 minutes later:

Dad: “I need a book on a shelf in the cat room but I’m afraid to get up on the chair without someone there to help steady me.”

Me: “Ok.” I turn off my audiobook and get up.

We go into the cat room to get his books. The only reason any books are in there is because Dad’s bedroom had to be vacated due to mold. We moved everything out, including him. So, I get behind him and steady him while he gets up on the chair. I would have done it myself if I didn’t have mobility issues. There’s an old dresser right under the shelf where I keep food and water for BobCat, because he needs safe place to eat where he won’t get beat up by Jack. Anyway, I move the food bowl to the left so Dad wouldn’t spill it. I knew he would need room to put a couple of books so he could get to the ones he wanted. What does he do? He spills the damn bowl of food anyway. All of a sudden cat food went flying into the air and went everywhere.

Me: “Damn it, Dad. I moved that bowl over so you wouldn’t spill it.”

Dad: “I’m sorry. I’ll clean it up.”

Me: “No, don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.” Now Jack and BobCat are eating food off the floor and under our feet. Ugh. I carefully steady Dad as he steps off the chair. “Now go sit down with your books and relax a bit.”

Dad: “Sorry you have a mess to clean up now.”

Me: “It’s ok. Jack and BobCat will help.” I do my best to pick up cat food that scattered everywhere and I leave it until the next cleaning. The least I can do is leave a little food for the mice.

It was getting close to 7pm and I had been on the Road of Aggravation since 2pm! Now I was able to de-stress and have a little bite to eat. Dad made himself a pb&j sandwich and we both sat down to relax, finally.

What’s Eating Aunt Debbie?

Posted on by
5

Good morning!

There’s been a lot on my mind, but damned if my brain will let me remember everything I wanted to say! 

Dad’s blood pressure has been relatively good; some days a little higher but with a medication dosage change, it’s under control. Dad had an appointment scheduled to see a cardiologist regarding his A-fib but unfortunately the appointment had to be rescheduled due to snow. 

We didn’t get much snow really but it sure made the roads dangerous. There were many accidents on the roads we would have been on for that appointment. People just can’t stay home because they have to go to work. I remember those days when I worked at the local nursing home. I hated winter weather because if it snowed after I got to work, then I was stuck there! I had to spend the night in that place too many times! Anyway, Dad’s appointment has been rescheduled for March 10. Shouldn’t be any snow then! 

I don’t know what I did, but I have injured my arm/shoulder. I think it’s a rotator cuff injury – perhaps a tear – and so on top of all of the pain and mobility issues I deal with, now I have to deal with this. As if life wasn’t hard enough. Ugh. I can’t not use my left arm because I need to use both of my arms to get up and down, not to mention to walk with my forearm crutches. I have yet to go to the doctor. I’m a bit ‘gun shy’ after years of not getting help for other issues. If the injury is serious enough they will suggest surgery BUT I can’t have surgery now! Who’s going to look after Dad? I can’t leave him alone. I won’t. If it’s not serious enough for surgery, there’s nothing to be done besides exercises. My insurance won’t cover physical therapy so I’d have to do it on my own. I’m already doing that, but having to use both of my arms means the injury won’t heal or could even get worse. Good grief. 

The silver lining this month is that my daughter gave birth to her 4th child, and her #2 girl earlier this month! Her name is Kaliya Rain and she looks like her older sister, Angelina Rose. 10 days later, though, my daughter ended up in the hospital because she woke up bleeding profusely. All is well now, thank goodness. It was scary and here I am in another state, unable to help her. This is my 6th grandbaby! I just wish I saw them more than I do.

I wish to hell politicians would produce some decent candidates for the 2024 election. I am sick to death of the literal shit that flows out of just about every mouth these days. MTG spews lies and hatered and couldn’t look any less like a turd than she already does. DeSantis spews lies and everybody swallows it up. DJT is still at it. Good grief. I could be here all day… If Joe Biden isn’t going to run again then the Dems better get off their asses and produce a better choice, quickly! I never used to worry about our government. I never worried that our democracy would suffer. I never worried about ‘bad eggs’ infiltrating the country and the government, ready to bring it all down. I didn’t worry because they all seemed to want our country to progress, not go backwards in time! Ugh!

Those who have followed my blog might recall that I have brought a stray cat into our fur-family. I knew we would have problems but I just couldn’t stand for the poor thing to be out in another cold winter! So, in October, BobCat was neutered, vaccinated, treated for fleas, ticks and earmites, and brought inside. He has been more calm than I expected. I think he’s grateful to be inside, getting lovins, and having other cat friends – BUT Jack is not a happy camper! He is one jealous and spiteful little shit. He still has to wear the vest when he misbehaves. Poor BobCat keeps getting beat up! Alice doesn’t care about BobCat being inside. In fact, Alice has warmed to him a little and has been seen giving him a bath! Honey Bear keeps her distance because Jack picks on her occasionally, too. Anyway, Jack is so spiteful that he has made sure to ‘steal’ my chair before BobCat gets to it. That’s the only place BobCat feels safe, other than in the cat room with the door shut! If BobCat has any dried kibble left in his bowl then Jack will eat it all and then puke it up right next to the bowl! Unbelievable! Jack still gets what he always got, before BobCat came along. They all do. BobCat isn’t showing any aggression and he’s not being territorial at all. They have to be watched all the time and it’s a lot of work for this ol’ woman! Ugh!

Well, that’s about all I have on my mind this morning. I’m sure I’m forgetting something. I always do!

What’s on your mind these days? 

 

 

Marbles

Posted on by
8

A couple of weeks ago, I went with my best friend to an appointment. I hate leaving Dad alone these days, but bestie needed moral support and I left Dad with his food to take at lunch and something easy to pop in the microwave. I left instructions on how to feed the cats if I wasn’t home by 4pm. I made sure he had his phone on so I could text him a couple of times. I showed him how to type a text message, assuring him that I wouldn’t send a text that required more than a simple “Ok.”

To my first text, when bestie and I arrived at the medical facility, he responded, “Takecare.” Then just a few minutes later, he called me. There I was, sitting in the middle of a crowded waiting room and he calls me, ugh. He asked me if I had received his text response. I told him, yes and then he informed me that he didn’t know if he did it right because I forgot to show him how to send the text. Oopsie. “My bad,” says I. “You figured it out though!”

Then, he shocked the hell out of me and I’m sure my jaw dropped. He asked me, “Who am I talking to?” My heart skipped a beat. I was too far away from him at that instant to be able to protect him from…himself. I was so worried! I told him, “This is your daughter, Debbie.” He replied, “Ok. You sounded like one of your sisters.” Boy, was I relieved he hadn’t lost his marbles! I told him I was trying to talk softly because I was in the middle of the waiting room. He said, “Oh.” A minute later, we ended the call.

You can see below what a time he has texting!

277586779_10159796760304299_6663951823266081927_n

I’m thankful he can still be left alone on occasion. I’m thankful that he can still take care of himself for the most part. I still worry that he will fall. The last fall he had was last July and it was a pretty bad one. He fell on his face and sprained his arm. His nose was not only bleeding inside but it was split down the center and was bleeding everywhere! He was so worried about the carpet! “Get a rag. Hurry!” he kept saying over and over. I wasn’t worried about the damn carpet! I have a pet stain removal product that works wonders on blood and EVERY stain I’ve encountered so far! Our carpet is the same ol’ mess it was prior to his fall. It really needs replacing…

Anyway, he recovered from that after a couple of days. The next time could be worse, so I worry. Fingers crossed there won’t be a next time.

Dad’s 59th Father’s Day

Posted on by
10

I wasn’t posting regularly in June, so I missed sharing this with you.

My Dad celebrated his 59th Father’s Day this year! I wanted to do something special; something that would represent our relationship and I think I nailed it! My cousin had sent me this old photo months ago. You can see Dad and I are both laughing/smiling and that pretty much sums up my relationship with him. We have been making each other laugh for 59 years! Dad was 25 years old in this photo and obviously, I was just a wee baby.

I have a Facebook friend who is an artist/photographer and I have seen some of her work because she shares on Facebook. She does amazing work! I decided to contact her to see if she could draw the above photo before Father’s Day and she said she could. I was thrilled!

When she finished, seeing it brought tears to my eyes. It was absolutely perfect! Take a look for yourself! She does amazing work and if you’d like to have something special drawn, look her up on Facebook. Her name is Katarzyna Cepek. You can see some of her other work there, too.

I put the drawing in an 8×10 frame and wrapped it with a pretty bow, I could barely wait to give it to him! As soon as Dad was up that morning, I gave it to him. Now, Dad is not one to show emotion so his reaction was less than my teary-eyed red face, but he definitely thought it was nicely done and he hung it up on the wall right away.

I will definitely want more drawings! In fact, Dad and I were talking just last week about getting a set of drawings of older photos that we can display on our ugly walls. And trust me, our walls are ugly!