Category Archives: Ramblings

My Protective Brain

Posted on by
6

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this in my blog, but I cannot stand to look at Steven Tyler. In case you don’t know who he is, he is the lead singer of the rock band Aerosmith. My eyes have had an aversion to his face since I was very young.

When I was a teenager, I used to go to the music store and rifle through the records to see if there was anything I wanted to spend my babysitting money on. I think that’s when I first saw Steven Tyler’s face. To this day, I have never owned an Aerosmith recording.

If he comes on tv for some reason, or if there’s a post about the band on Facebook, or various other sources, I avert my eyes. I just can’t do it. You probably think that’s silly. It’s awful but the man gives me the creeps. He looks like his face has been melted and then molded back imperfectly.

My Dad used to ask me, “What about so and so? Don’t you think he’s ugly?” I told him, “I can handle ugly. Ugly doesn’t bother me.” I mean, people can’t help the way they look, right? Steven Tyler can’t help the way he looks either and I know how shallow I sound, but I can’t help it!

My ex told me once that if he shaved his mustache he would look like Steven Tyler. I told him if he ever shaved his mustache off he could find the damn door.

My brain protects me from Steven Tyler. Years ago, I had a dream with Steven Tyler in it. I don’t know why. It just happened. In my dream, I couldn’t look at him either. I woke up relieved. My brain protected me.

I can’t listen to Aerosmith’s music even though I like some of their songs. I always picture him singing and it creeps me out. The soundtrack of the movie Armageddon features several Aerosmith songs, including the song “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing.” I love the song but it’s really hard for me to listen to it. Not only is it rather sad but I can see his face singing it. I try to envision someone else singing it but it doesn’t always work.

Oh, and there was a video back in the day when MTV played music videos. The song was “Pink,” I think. It really gave me the heebie-jeebies. I know you’re laughing at me. I can’t help it. Look up the video and watch it. *Shivers*

Last week, I had a dream that Steven Tyler moved into the house next door. (There isn’t a house next door because I live out in the boonies.) I think I had the dream because Dad and I watched Armageddon on Friday night. Anyway, Steven Tyler kept coming to my door and knocking but I knew who it was and would not open the door. My brain protected me, yet again.

I don’t know the psychology behind this so if someone has any clue, let me know. I just know that I will continue to avert my eyes until I am dead…and hopefully in the afterlife as well.

You can stop laughing now.

Update On All Things Sh*t

Posted on by
9

Ok, not all things are shit. There have been some good things happening since my last post. Our new house is coming along. The house is wired, and the water lines and sewer pipes are in place and awaiting the next phase. The HVAC is nearly ready for hook-up. The insulation will be delivered on Wednesday. The next step will be the drywall. Such happiness and hope! I don’t think I can bear another cold ass winter in this old house!

Colder than a witch’s tit…

Which leads me to the shit part of this post. The weather has been colder than a witch’s tit. The last 2 nights were down in the single digits and tonight will be the 3rd. We always keep our water running to prevent the pipes from freezing. Running only the cold water always works. We have never run the hot water in the same manner and never had the hot water pipes freeze up. They say there’s a first time for everything and this was a first. The hot water pipes froze up, but hopefully not busted. It’s too cold to crawl under the house to check. Not that I could do it and Dad really doesn’t need to be doing it but he might insist if it were warmer. Anyway, maybe our contractor will check for us tomorrow when he comes. He wasn’t here today for his own reasons. 

Withdrawals suck…

Last week was a bad one for me. If you follow this blog you may remember me posting about my meds not coming when they should have which led to me having withdrawals. Now, don’t give me that “omg, she’s an addict” crap because I am not an addict. There’s a difference between being addicted and being dependent. I am dependent on my meds so that I can function. I had gone 3 days without my gabapentin, which has terrible withdrawal symptoms if you stop taking it abruptly. It was not a good 3 days as I had insomnia, massive sweating (in a 40-degree house, mind you), and heart palpitations. I had headaches off and on, and I was moody as hell. Wouldn’t you be moody on zero hours of sleep in 3 days?  I finally got my script in the mail but not before I got an emergency 10-day supply filled by a different pharmacy. Needless to say, I saved the 10-day supply in my “extras” stash. 

I think they need more training!

I blame the pharmacy for not filling the gabapentin automatically as they do the other meds I take. I had forgotten to order them myself because it was right before Christmas. I also blame the USPS. Even though I expected a delay due to the snow we got that week, I did expect my delivery when Informed Delivery told me it was out for delivery! But instead, it was 4 days later before it was actually delivered. The roads had been perfectly fine. If the mail carriers can’t do the job correctly, then they need to be replaced. Still the fault of the USPS. They have a lot of nerve raising the rates for every damn thing and then reducing the quality of service! 

Not much else going on…just trying to get through this cold spell. I’m wearing my Sherpa blanket hoodie, which I found on Amazon a few years ago. It’s been a lifesaver in this cold ass weather! I hope you’re staying warm…or cool, depending on where you are!

Have a great week, my friends!

 

 

What The #&$*!!

Posted on by
11

You won’t read this until later, but it’s 6am as I type. I’m shocked I can even see straight. I haven’t slept a wink ALL freaking night long. Not even half a wink. It’s the pharmacy’s fault.

One could argue that it’s my fault for not ordering my gabapentin refill (prescribed to me for nerve pain), but the pharmacy refills ALL of my other meds automatically each month. So, when my gabapentin refill came due, I forgot to order it. I blew through all of my extras after ordering the refill on the 3rd. The mail didn’t run due to snow last week plus the National Day of Mourning for Jimmy Carter so my refill was delayed. I took my last capsule yesterday morning. I normally take 1 in the morning, 1 at lunch, and 2 at bedtime. 

Beginning withdrawals from this pain-in-the-ass drug start within 12-48 hours. Symptoms include anxiety, insomnia, nausea, and sweating. (That’s just the first phase of withdrawal!) So, when I went to bed at midnight, I could not fall asleep to save my own life. I was sweating so bad that I threw my blanket off. It was not hot in the house by a long shot since we turn the heat off at night. It was probably around 40 degrees. My skin was cold but I was hot as hell. When it dawned on me what the problem was, I thought Hey, I think I might have a few extras in my purse! I sure did, so I took 2. That was at 4am and it helped with the sweating but I still couldn’t sleep and I had a pounding headache so I just got up.

And here I sit. I have extras to get me through tonight and one for Tuesday morning. That’s it. The roads look pretty good so the mail should run today. Hell, if the pharmacy wasn’t 30 miles away, I could pick up my refills. Who has the money for gas to go 30 miles one-way several times a month for refills in a town that I don’t frequent? 

Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

Brrr….

Posted on by
5

What a cold, miserable weekend! On Friday, Dad and I were nearly killed on our way to town to pick up a curbside order. Some idiot came around a curve on the wrong side of the road, on OUR side of the road, and coming right at us! He finally correct his path and we were all saved from sure death.

It seems that everyone gets in panic mode when a snow/ice storm is coming. I understand that people need what they need so they go to the store to get it. They get into a rush, trying to get done before the roads get bad or before it starts to snow. I get it. But slow down! Your toilet paper, milk, and bread won’t do anyone any good if you get killed in a car crash. I try to keep my cupboards and freezer stocked somewhat so I know that if I get snowed in and can’t get the car out of the driveway, we won’t starve or run out of toilet paper. We have extra toilet paper (cheap stuff) saved in a cabinet for emergencies only. We don’t use a lot of bread or milk but even if we did, we still have other things to eat and drink.

It was so terribly cold last night! The low was 18 degrees. I was on well house duty. We have a heater in the well house on an extension cord that runs into the house. I let the well house warm up and then unplug it for a bit. It helps to keep the water from freezing, along with letting the water run a little in the bathroom and kitchen sinks. Been there, done that. If the water freezes, the pipes bust and then we’re screwed until everything thaws out. So, I didn’t get much sleep last night. It’s rough sleeping for an hour or so and then checking the temp… I’m so tired that it wouldn’t surprise me if this entire post is a disaster!

Anyway, an update on the new house! The house has been wired, although no fixtures or outlets as of yet. Today the roads were a bit icy in my area and worse north of us where our contractor lives. He wasn’t able to come today. Better safe than sorry, right?

Right now it’s still cold as hell. I’m wearing fingerless gloves while typing this. Headed to the kitchen now to fix some lunch. Here’s the current temp:

wp-17361859113221809705330673517703

Now, stay warm, y’all. 

aunt-debbie

A Note To Myself

Posted on by
9

I am here…alive, with breath in my lungs, warmth in my body, and the possibility of one more day. I have made it through another year. I have friends and family whom I love and they love me. Such blessings will not be taken for granted.

My mind isn’t focused on past disappointments. I have no illusions of perfection. I am perfectly imperfect. I am not angry or frustrated. I will move forward by being gentle with myself because unmet goals do not diminish my ability to create, love, and DO big and small things.

I will be ever so careful choosing friends from this day forward. I will not allow others to treat me as an afterthought, nor will they manipulate me, or mistreat me. I will not allow someone else’s judgment of my disabilities or abilities to impede my ability to grow nor will those judgments make me feel unworthy.

Political noise and outside influences over the last several years have pulled me further away from clarity and peace. I will search for stillness of the mind, and reflect on what’s in my mind and heart to gain clarity. My gaze shifts to the promise of the future. 2025 holds much excitement and gleeful anticipation. I look forward to the move into the new house upon completion and the arrival of my sister, who will join Dad and I in our new home adventure.

I want to thank everyone who has followed my journey of mostly scattered thoughts and shredded feelings. My wish is for all of you to have a happy, purposeful, and productive 2025!