Scrambled Eggs For Brains

I despise this time of year for several reasons. The main reason, and most personal, is the lack of grandkids filling my home. I had so hoped for a full house of littles in my 50’s but I guess that’s just not meant to be. I have 4 grandkids now and the most I can hope for is a little time spent with the youngest.

Another reason for my loathing of the holidays is the fact that everything is so commercialized. It’s all about how many millions of dollars brick and mortar stores and online shops can pull in and about damn near every family in America feeling the need to go broke just to provide their families with gifts that they don’t need, don’t want or just don’t freakin’ deserve. I mean, how many teenagers have you known who deserved a brand-spankin’ new car for Christmas? I’m sure there are some out there, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve seen the worst, most spoiled brat teenagers get brand new cars and it makes me want to drop-kick their parents off a cliff.

I try to make my nieces and nephews crocheted items every year…which is getting rather difficult because there’s so damn many of them! My grandkids get crocheted afghans or toys, or whatever their parents think they need or might like. My kids get something useful because at their ages (30 and 33) they can buy their own expensive toys and be happy with a kitchen gadget or something of that nature. I bought Dad a motorized antenna because he insists that he doesn’t need DirecTV in his bedroom. The old-school antenna fell down months and months ago so he’s been without tv in his bedroom. He knew what I was getting him because I needed him to check it out first to make sure it was something he could use or would want. He did and so there ya go. Now he says he doesn’t know what to get me so I should pick something out for myself from him and surprise him. Always a joker. Now I have to decide what I want.

I’m really exhausted…mentally and physically. My brain is just scrambled most of the time. I can’t focus. As I type this, I have to keep checking my spelling because inevitably I turn the letters around or leave letters out. That’s not normal for me. I thought maybe it was just from doing Thanksgiving dinner, which we had the Sunday following Thanksgiving because I needed time to prepare after being sick for 12 days. I tried to make it as easy on myself as possible. I made absolutely nothing homemade. It should have been easy, right? After all, dinner was just four people and everything was boxed, canned, instant, frozen, and/or just needed simple assembly. The turkey breast soaked in a brine for 2 days and on Sunday morning I tossed it in the roaster. I was in so much pain afterward…and I’m still paying for it. I thought I would feel much better by now.

Our traditional fixings for our Christmas Eve (homemade pizza, pizza balls, and popcorn cake) will have to be made by my son or he just won’t get them this year. I just can’t do it anymore. Last year, he came over to help me make them and all was going well until I fell like a dumbass. I had huge bruises on my thigh and didn’t walk right for a week.

I’m not even going to put up my little tree like I did last year. I just don’t have it in me. I have no motivation, no inspiration, no desire. That’s what chronic illness does. It takes away a person’s desire to do the things he/she used to love to do. It’s exhausting

I still have packages to ship, a few gifts to wrap, and Christmas dinner to plan. I think I’m just going to buy a ham and some baked beans and be done with it. Nothing special…but gotta have my ham! If my brain isn’t already scrambled enough, going to Walmart will surely drive me to the brink of insanity!

6 thoughts on “Scrambled Eggs For Brains

  1. Ay my dear, dear friend, I wish I could go help you with some of the things that are harder for you. I mean that in the least condescending way, but I wish I could. I’d put up your little tree, help make all the things you like for your Christmas dinner, and even drive dad around. I wish you didn’t live so far away. I’m not a fan of the holidays, but for different reasons. Much love and hugs to you my friend 🤗🤗🥰🥰
    Hey, are you getting my emails? Let me know.

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  2. I’m so sorry for your lack of grandkids in your home and your chronic pain. I woke up crying this morning, myself. So. Much. Anxiety. My mother in law mentioned to me at least five times that she wasn’t putting up a tree this year because “no one comes to see us anyway”….. We were just over there last year for Christmas, and she’s 8 hours away. I have no time to take from work and no gas money to get there. Yet, I’m torn up and upset about … letting her down, I guess? It’s extremely rare I see my own parents for the holidays – as that’s a six hour flight, but through a fortunate turn of events we were able to see them a month back before Thanksgiving. My father in law doesn’t even stick around for the holidays because he got married on the 26th and apparently we never go there either (he’s a 1/2 hour away) because we choose to spend time with all the aunts/uncles/cousins (which they’re invited to, also, just don’t attend). I’m not pizza. I can’t please everyone. I’ve got the 9-5 for all five of us…. and I’m scrambling to come up with gifts that won’t break us and won’t make me any more grey from choosing the perfect gift, yet also won’t seem like I didn’t put any thought into it. OMG. Sorry. I’m done venting. May your heart be filled with love and good cheer regardless of what the 25th of December happens to bring your way. Much Love -Andie

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  3. Oh hon, I am so sorry I am just catching up with this. I knew the holidays were hard for you, but I never knew the extent of it. I”m not sure how big of a hug I can send through the internet, but I’m sending it to you…twice! Maybe more, cause you know I love you! 🤗💕🤗💕🤗

    Liked by 1 person

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