“I’m Just Ugly”

I told this story on my Facebook page tonight. I can’t believe how little things turn into something so hilarious!

Dad and I went to Chili’s for lunch today. We had only been seated for about 10 minutes before a few ladies came in and sat behind us. The thing is, one of the ladies peered down at me as she passed as if I had my clothes on backward or something. I had to do a quick check!

Anyway, the same lady got up to use the restroom and on her way back she did the same thing! I looked down at my shirt, thinking maybe I had salsa dripped down the front of me or something. Nothing there. Dad noticed too. I thought maybe she thought she knew me….

Shortly after, I got up to use the restroom. When I came back, there she was with that peering look again! I asked Dad, “Geez. Do I have slop all over my face? Are my clothes wonky? Do I stink?” He said, “No, you’re just ugly.” “Thanks, Dad,” I said. Then we just laughed our butts off. I hope the snotty lady was bothered by our laughter.

(The comment Dad made was inspired by the episode of SpongeBob SquarePants when he thought he was ugly.) 

Lol. Filing this under #ShitMyDadSays

Not My Turn….

It never fails.

Last night, I brought dad a Boost nutritional shake to go with his pizza bites. I swear, it’s like he’s a little kid. He doesn’t want vegetables. “I get tired of vegetables all the time,” he says. How can he get sick of veggies if he never eats them? He will rarely eat a salad. He eats garbage. And wonders why he has digestive issues.

Anyway, I shook his shake and loosened the lid, as I always do. He has trouble getting them open sometimes. I always tell him that I opened it for him already. Last night, he forgot. He shook the shit out of it and chocolate shake went all over his lap, and on the carpet. He got up and I couldn’t help but laugh! It was all over him. Good grief.

Today, I reheated the stew from the other night. He said he was fine with that for lunch. I actually got him to eat a small salad, too!! Since I’m still trying to lose weight, I decided to have a salad with my Nutrisystem White Cheddar Mac n Cheese for lunch. I gathered up spoons, forks, napkins, and our food and wheeled it into the living room on my handy lunch trolley. I thought Dad might want seconds, so I put the lid on to keep the stew hot.

After we finished lunch, Dad starts to wheel the dishes back to the kitchen on the trolley. He asked me, “Are you cooking something?” I said, “No,” and before I could say anything else he says, “Did you know you left the burner on the stew?” OMG. What an idiot I am. I got up to see what the damage was. Holy Bon Jovi. I burnt the royal shit out of that stew!!! The veggies and meat were all stuck on the blackened pan bottom…..and absolutely no broth left! How can I be so stupid? Good grief.

I told Dad later, “It’s your turn.” “What?” he asked. I reminded him of his Boost bath last night, and mentioned me burning the stew today. I said, “It’s your turn to screw something up now.” He said with a chuckle, “Yeah, I guess it is my turn!”

It just never fails around here. I think I need to keep notes because every time I turn around one of us has screwed something up. Good grief.

Funny story…..

I went to Walmart today after my appointment and pulled into a parking spot next to another car on my left. I had this song playing, and if you know me then you know I had the volume up pretty loud. My window was down about 4 inches or so. I sat there for a minute, checking my phone and responding to a message. I rolled up the window, turned off the car and got out. That’s when I noticed this kid in the car next to me, plugged into an ipod. He looked like he was around 15 years old. He pulled the earphone out of his ear and asked, “What are you listening to?” I told him, “Swedish Death Metal. What are you listening to?” He says, “Nothin’.” I had to laugh because I imagined he was listening to something sappy like Justin Beiber or some other nit-witted pop idol. I also imagine he has never seen an old lady like me listening to Swedish Death Metal…or any metal at all. LMAO!

It made my day!