Holiday Depression

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I won’t be spending much time online until after the holidays. I may pop in at times to read a blog or two, perhaps even comment. Facebook is my go-to for staying in touch with friends and family but during the holidays it’s just depressing. It’s depressing to see posts and photos of family get-togethers, grandkids having fun, and all that good stuff. Why? I’ll explain.

When I was in my 40s and my kids were nearing the age of adulthood, I always envisioned my 50s and 60s with grandkids all around me during the holidays with good food, laughter, and gift-giving. But that didn’t happen. I’m in my 60s and disabled so I can’t travel to see the grandkids, contrary to what some may think. They don’t travel to see us, so I feel even less important and lonely. I have 4 grandchildren within 20 miles and rarely see them. One I haven’t seen in years. One I saw last year and didn’t even recognize her because it had been that long since I saw her last. I see the other 2 (brothers, one is a baby) mostly during the holidays for a few hours. The baby I have seen only once. I will see them this coming week if everything goes as planned.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m taking things too personally but I feel like everyone else gets to enjoy my grandkids while I sit on the sidelines. And poor Dad. He doesn’t even have a relationship with any of his great-grandkids! I see photos of them on Facebook and I love seeing those photos but damn, it’s so depressing! So that’s why I’m going to stay off Facebook until after the holidays. I hate the holidays. I truly, truly hate the holidays.

I’ve not been doing well physically for the past few weeks. I did some major chores and really messed something up. I have pinched nerves as a result. I can’t sit still any longer than I can walk or stand. My rotator cuff injury has been bothering me off and on as well. I’m a hot mess.

Dad is doing ok, aside from falling twice in less than a week. He didn’t hurt himself except for a bruise on his arm. I’m really worried about him and that’s leading to a lot more stress and sleepless nights.

The 3 furbabies are doing well and believe it or not, Jack and BobCat are actually getting along quite well these days! I think they may have had a scuffle or a powwow one day while we were gone because there are times that Jack cowers down to BobCat. Maybe they have come to an agreement of some kind?! Or maybe Alice told them to knock off the horseshit.

I’m making a ham in the instant pot on Thanksgiving, and I’ll whip up some mashed potatoes (the day before) and gravy. I bought pre-made frozen pies because my oven is dead and well, I can’t stand in the kitchen for long. My son and daughter-in-law are bringing the sweet potatoes, rolls, and green bean casserole, (and the 2 grandkids!). My bestie is bringing appetizers. I hope my pain level will allow me to enjoy the day or at least a few hours.

I won’t be blogging until after the holidays so I will wish you a Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year all at once! Thank you for following my blog!

Peace, Love, and Rock n Roll,

BAD

10 thoughts on “Holiday Depression”

  1. Deb,
    This time of year is hard on a lot of people for so many reasons, many of which you stated! I agree that life is rarely how we envision it will be. I know that’s true at our house. Even so, we do the best we can with what we have — and it seems we have less and less each year.

    I’m so glad your dad has you there for him! I’m also glad you have family who are going to share Thanksgiving with you! If you can, YOU take pictures! Would love to see them whenever you post them! If not, that’s cool, too! I know we play a lot of cards and Yahtzee at our house. Consider asking your family to bring a few games and play if that works for y’all.That might be a start of a new tradition. Or not. You never know.

    I think what’s most difficult is conversation during family gatherings. I plan on keeping things as surface and pleasant as possible this year! If someone says anything I don’t want to discuss, then I’ll thank them for their concern and then change the subject to something less stressful! They already know our situation. Nothing’s gotten any better. What more is there to say? And I plan on nipping a whole lot of shit in the bud! People just need to put their shit-stirring spoons away this year — not interested. If it’s within my hearing range, it’s a shit-free zone! Ha!

    I’m looking for calm, fun and pleasant — all things I don’t normally have.

    Also, you’re great at making people laugh. Hopefully, that will be something your family will be thankful for this year!

    Thanks for sharing what’s happening with you and your dad. I always appreciate how you tell it like it is and you keep it real! Blessings to all of you through the New Year and beyond, my friend!! (But I hope that you continue to visit me at my site over the next several weeks — if you wanna!) Mona

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    • No one ever wants their picture taken in my family. Weird. I don’t know why or how that happened. Probably something involving my mother…

      My mother ruined games for me when I was growing up. We used to try and play Monoploy as a family, sometimes other games, but my mother threw fits…I mean, literal temper tantrums because she was losing, or lost, or when others tried to tell her the rules because she played by her rules. I grew to hate games except games I could play alone.

      Mostly what we do at family get-togethers is talk and laugh, and share memories. It’s fun but exhausting and it doesn’t happen often. I hear ya. Peaceful and calm is what I aim for. I hate drama and shit-stirrers. Lol.

      I will definitely visit blogs (including yours) and comment when I can while I’m taking my break.

      Thank you for your kind words, suggestions, and for reading my blog. I hope your Thanksgiving is everything you want it to be! 😘

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  3. Sending my best your way. I am recovering from Thanksgiving without my daughter and her husband here – they were too busy to spend time here. It hurt because they were at the in-laws house but not mine. Oh well… You enjoy your break – watch some snow fall, laugh with your dad and curl up with a kitty. January brings all kinds of new possibilities!

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